Disclaimer: I do not own the O.C. or it's characters.

Hey guys! I've been wanting to write a new one on here for awhile and finally did it, i knocked this one out pretty quickly. It's a short one but I'm pretty happy with it. I hope you like it! Please review!

Ryan didn't think it would affect him like it did; he didn't expect it to hit him the way it did. Ryan was at work on a Wednesday morning when he received the call from Trey, which was unexpected in its self.

Ryan had spoken to Trey a few times over the years but hadn't seen him since Trey left on a bus to Las Vegas. From what Ryan could tell from the phone conversations; it seemed as though Trey was trying to get his life together, he had the same steady job each time Ryan talked to him, at least that is what Trey had told him. The talks over the phone weren't anything long or special, just the usual "how's life" stuff, the same old Atwood small talk. Ryan had invited Trey to his wedding but he hadn't showed up. Ryan was a little disappointed, but after a few glances at Sandy and Kirsten's proud smiles, Seth standing beside him and his beautiful bride standing in front of him, pushed away the disappointment.

That day though, when Trey called, Ryan knew it wasn't a casual call, it was business; Dawn business.

"She's dead, Ry," after those words left Trey's mouth, Ryan froze, Trey was saying other things but Ryan couldn't hear him; he couldn't hear anything.

"How?" Ryan whispered, though he already knew the answer.

"What else? Drugs," Trey replied. Trey then said something about cremation and meeting up to properly mourn.

Ryan hung up and looked at his watch; it was close to lunch time. "Thank god," Ryan thought, he really needed air. He grabbed his stuff, quickly said something to his secretary and then left.

Once outside, he let himself fall onto the nearest bench. Ryan felt like he had been hit by a ton of bricks, he didn't really understand why; sure Dawn was his mother or at least the woman who gave birth to him. Dawn hadn't been his mother in sometime, he hadn't even seen her since his high school graduation and only talked to her a few times in the last eight years. She had been the same as always, some days she was clean and nice, other days she was drunk and mean. She was still the same Old Dawn, still screwed up and never cut out to be a mom.

Ryan knew this day would come, obviously, he just wasn't ready for it; wasn't ready for his reaction. But who was ever.

As Ryan sat, catching his breath and thinking about Dawn, he also found himself thinking about Kirsten. Kirsten was his mom in every way but blood. Ryan wasn't exactly sure when he really started considering her as that. Ryan started to think about how different Dawn and Kirsten were; one weak the other strong, one selfish the other selfless, one a taker the other a giver. They were opposite women; Dawn a drunk and a druggy, Kirsten a wonderful mother and wife.

Though they were opposites, there was a short period of time where they were the same, when Kirsten's strength faltered and she let herself slip to alcohol. But even then, Ryan knew they weren't really the same because Kirsten got help; she wanted to get better and Dawn never did. Kirsten had accepted the help and beat alcohol, promising to always be there for her boys. Dawn didn't care about her boys, at least not more than she cared about herself. Kirsten would put herself on the line for her family; Dawn would put… did put her family on the line for herself.

Ryan loved Dawn, he did, because she was his mother but he loved Kirsten more because she chose to be his mom.

Ryan pulled out his phone.

"Hey sweetie, how are you?" Kirsten answered like always.

"Hey, are you busy?" Ryan perked up a bit, putting his mask on.

"A little, I'm taking your sister to dance class. Is something wrong?" Kirsten asked.

"Uh… no, I was just wondering if you wanted to grab some lunch, but I forgot it was dance day, I'll let you go, give Soph a hug for me."

"Sorry, honey, rain check," Kirsten could tell that something was wrong with Ryan but she shook it off, hoping that he would come to them when he was ready.

"Sure, yeah, talk to ya later," Ryan said and then hung up,

Ryan sighed and looked at his watch again; it'd been fifteen minutes since he hung up with Trey, since he got the news.

Ryan knew if he had told Kirsten that everything was not okay, she would have rushed right over, and that's why he didn't. He didn't want to interrupt her day; Sophie really loved dance and Kirsten loved watching her. He didn't need to ruin their day even though all he wanted was her. He needed his mom after hearing of his mother's death but he still couldn't bring himself to bother her. On normal days, Ryan was to the point that he didn't feel like he was bothering her or he didn't care if he did but on that day, his emotions were all over the place.

Ryan pulled out his phone again but this time called his wife.

Ryan met Emma Charlotte Lincoln, his second year at Berkley, a few months after he split up with Taylor. Ryan hadn't been looking for a relationship but he never really did. They always found him, usually in the form of a damsel in distress. But Emma was no damsel, if anything, Ryan was. He had been running late to class when some kid, equally late, ran into him. Ryan's books went everywhere and he fell back on his behind. Ryan sat fuming for a minute before hauling himself up, once up, he was mumbling about the jerk that plowed him over. When he looked up, Emma was standing, holding his books and smiling. She had a beautiful smile that Ryan fell in love with then and there. Emma herself was beautiful with short brown hair and brown eyes; she was a nursing major from Seattle. It had been a month before they started dating and two years before they married. They've been married four years now and have a two year old son with a baby girl on the way.

"Hey Babe," Emma sounded so happy when she answered, Ryan loved her so much.

"Hey, how are you? How are your parents? Is Ian having fun?" Ryan put his mask up again.

Emma had left Monday with two year old, Ian, to go visit her parents in Seattle for a week, and Ryan missed them both a bunch and even more with Trey's news.

"They're great, we're having fun, I miss you though so does Ian. He's taking a nap right now but I wish he was awake because he would love to talk to you. How are you? How's work?" Emma reminded Ryan of both Seth and Summer, she could talk as much as Seth and was a strong woman that could light up a room like Summer.

"I've been better… I… uh… Trey called me today," Ryan started.

"Yeah? What did he say?" Emma never met Trey or Dawn but she knew well enough that a call from either of them could be good or bad and by the sound of Ryan's voice, it was bad.

"He called to tell me… to tell me that Dawn is dead… she overdosed," Ryan sighed.

"Oh baby, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Emma gasped, "I'm gonna get the first flight out, we're coming."

"No, no stay, have fun… I don't want to ruin your vacation. There's no funeral, Trey's getting her cremated, then we're gonna meet and spread her ashes… stay, really I'm okay," Ryan said hurriedly.

"No way, babe, you don't sound okay and I want to be there for you, I need to be there, no arguments," Emma said right away.

"Please, Em, really," Ryan said again.

"Ryan, I said no arguments, your mom just died, you're my husband, we're your family, we're coming, end of story. Dad is already looking at flights. Have you told your parents? Seth?" Emma declared like Kirsten would.

"No, not yet, they're busy," Ryan replied.

"Not too busy for this, Ryan, call them, you need someone until I can get there. You shouldn't be alone."

"Alright."

"Call them or I will," Emma stated clearly.

"Yeah, okay, I will," Ryan couldn't help but chuckle at how much his wife sounded like Kirsten.

"Okay, I'll call you when I have a flight. I love you," Emma said, satisfied.

"I love you too, Em," Ryan said and hung up.

Ryan looked at his watch again and then his phone, he hesitated a moment before placing it in his pocket and heading back inside, he would call Sandy and Kirsten later. Ryan had lost his appetite so he just went back to his office.

Ryan tried to focus on work the rest of the afternoon, but he was having so much trouble that he decided to leave early. He had a two o'clock meeting that he had to be at but after it, he planned to leave. On days like this, Ryan really liked being his own boss.

Ryan had opened his own architecture firm three years ago with his best friend from college, Noah Walker. Sandy and Kirsten had helped them a little in the beginning to get them on their feet. The firm had been a big success after some persuading; Ryan finally got to pay the Cohens back for something.

Ryan went to his meeting; they signed a new client contract and were happy.

"We sure do make a great team, Ry," Noah said as he clapped Ryan on the back and smiled.

Ryan nodded, "sure do."

"Are you alright? You seem off?" Noah asked, he had picked up on his friend's demeanor before the meeting but decided not to say anything until after.

Noah was his best friend, aside from Seth; they had been roommates all through college and even after until Ryan married Emma. At first, they were just roommates but soon Noah became a great fill-in for Seth when he wasn't able to talk to his brother. Not that Noah was like Seth because that wasn't the case at all, he was quite the opposite. Noah was more like Luke then Seth; he was tall, athletic, blonde hair, blue eyes, tan complexion and built like a football player. Ryan found himself a few times thankful that he never fought Noah like he did Luke; Noah would have kicked his ass easily.

Noah Walker grew up in Texas, playing football and working his dad's ranch; he was as tough as nails. Noah was the second of four children; three boys and a girl, his dad is a fifth generation rancher and his mom is a vet; they had thousands of acres and hundreds of horses and cattle. When Noah told his parents that he wanted to go to college in California and that he wanted to be an architect not a rancher, his dad was a little disappointed but he understood and supported him. Noah always said it helped that his two brothers wanted to work the ranch, his dad just wanted one of his sons to keep the ranch so he would accept the fact that they all didn't want to.

Unlike Seth and like Ryan, Noah was quick to listen, not talk. Noah and Ryan never felt the need to fill the silence with useless jibber jabber. They talked; they just didn't have to talk nonstop. Noah knew when something was wrong with Ryan; he could read Ryan a lot like Sandy could. But Noah usually waited until Ryan was ready to talk, he just silently let Ryan know that he was there when he was ready and if Ryan didn't want to talk, Noah didn't push it. But Ryan was a different kind of quiet that day; he had never seen Ryan like that.

"Just got some bad news today, that's all," Ryan shrugged, as they walked.

"Bad news? Is everything okay? Emma? The baby? The Cohens? What is it?"

"No, no, they're all fine… I just got a call from my brother, Trey not Seth, my mom overdosed and died," Ryan explained.

"Aw man, I'm sorry, buddy," Noah said sadly. It had taken Noah awhile to get Ryan's family straight and sometimes he forgot that Ryan hadn't always been a Cohen. Sandy had filled him in on Ryan's old family one night, early in their friendship when Dawn had Ryan upset and broody. Noah didn't know them but he knew enough to know that he didn't like them, not the way they messed up Ryan. He could always tell when Ryan had talked to Trey or Dawn because his eyes became dark and he seemed to shut down a little bit.

"Anything I can do?" Noah asked.

"Thanks bud, but no, I'm okay. Trey is taking care of everything. Em is flying home; she has a flight first thing in the morning… I'm gonna head home though, I can't focus so I'm not getting any work done anyway," Ryan said with a small smile.

"Alright, but come to dinner tonight, you shouldn't be alone, we'll grill out… Aubrey has to work tonight so it will just be us," Noah encouraged.

"No thanks, I'm just gonna hang out at home tonight, it'll be fine," Ryan waved him off.

Noah knew arguing with Ryan, wouldn't help so he just nodded.

"If you need anything, just call ok?"

Ryan nodded with a grateful smile and headed to his office while Noah went to his.

"Any messages, Lucy?" Ryan asked his secretary.

"Yes… Mr. Cohen, I mean Seth, called and he wants you to call him as soon as possible and Mike Lee from the WPF site called about wrong beams, do you want me to give it to Mr. Walker since you are leaving?" When Lucy first started working for Ryan when they started the firm, she had trouble differentiating between the Cohen men when they called and it became pretty confusing for Ryan.

"No, I'll stop there on my way home but forward all my calls to Noah and Mr. Banks then if there is nothing else, you are free to go," Ryan said looking at Lucy's notes.

"Yes, there is one thing, Kirsten is in your office," Lucy said with a smile, over the last three years Lucy had become a good friend, part of the group.

"Ugh… you should have started with that," Ryan sighed and turned to his office door.

Lucy laughed quietly as she gathered up her things and Ryan entered his office.

"Kirsten? What are you doing here?" Ryan asked even though he knew the answer.

Kirsten was standing at the window, looking out at the city but when she heard Ryan enter, she turned and rushed to him; eloping him in a hug.

Ryan gave up his mask and embraced her back, clinging to her. He still had her; she was still there for him. They stayed that way for a few minutes, Ryan burying his face in Kirsten's shoulder and Kirsten apologizing softly into his hair. Ryan finally pulled away, wiping at his eyes as he took a step back.

"Ryan James, you should have told me, I would have been here in a second. Emma knew you wouldn't call me, so she did, I'm glad she did. I knew there was something up when you called earlier, why didn't you tell me? You should have told me," Kirsten chided.

"I know but you were busy with Sophie, I didn't want to bother you," Ryan said and then realized that his little sister was nowhere to be seen, "Where is Sophie?"

"She's at a friend's house for the night… you wouldn't have bothered me, you never bother me, sweetie. I'm always here, whenever you need me," Kirsten said sweetly.

"I know, just today is so messed up, my emotions are so out of whack, I just forgot for a little bit," Ryan suddenly felt like a sixteen year old kid again.

"I understand, honey," Kirsten said and hugged him again.

"What are you doing now?" Kirsten asked when she pulled away.

"I have to stop at a work site then I'm going home," Ryan replied, moving to is desk to gather his things and log off his work computer.

"Wrong, you're stopping by the site, going home to change and then coming to the house for dinner, I know Emma will be home tomorrow but tonight you're not sitting home alone. End of discussion," The Kirsten had spoken and like Noah; Ryan knew there was no use arguing.

Ryan just nodded and Kirsten smiled.

"Great, see ya at home," Kirsten said triumphantly, she turned to leave but then turned back, hugging Ryan once again, "I love you, Ryan and I'm sorry about Dawn."

"I love you too," Ryan whispered.

"If you're not to the house by six, I'm sending your father after you," Kirsten smiled.

"I'll be there," Ryan laughed.

"You better be," Kirsten said and then left.

Ryan shook his head and laughed as he finished up. Ryan went to the work site but was only there about ten minutes, the crew had the right beams; they were just trying to put them in the wrong place.

After leaving the site, he pulled out his phone to call Seth back, "Hey, what's up?" Ryan said when Seth answered.

"Hey… uh… Emma called me… I'm sorry about your mo… Dawn… how ya doing?" Seth stumbled over his words, never good under pressure.

"Thanks, buddy, I'm fine," Ryan replied, shaking his head at his wife who called his brother who lived 3000 miles away.

"Sure, you are, that's what I told Emma, you would say," Seth sighed.

"It wasn't like she was really around anyway," Ryan shrugged.

"Yeah, true, but at least she was around somewhere, now she isn't around at all."

Ryan nodded like Seth could see him, "yeah, I guess."

"So my flight leaves tomorrow at 10 am, my time, 7am your time, it's a 3 and half hour flight," Seth said, shocking Ryan.

"Wait! What? Why? You don't need to come, I'm fine."

"Who says I'm coming for you, maybe I'm coming to see the parents and the Sophster or my favorite nephew… Jeez, Ryan, way to be selfish, I mean-"

"Seth!" Ryan interrupted.

"Alright, yeah for you, I'm sure you need some good old Seth/Ryan time," Seth caved.

"Seth, I told you, I'm fine."

"Yeah you did, bro, but the problem is… I don't believe you… plus you'll need someone to fend off our hovering mother and your worried wife. The Litigator and The Bear can't do it by themselves, The Ice Queen and The EmCo are too powerful; you need some help from the Ironist," Seth explained in Atomic County talk and Ryan shook his head. Since meeting and getting to know Noah and Emma, Seth added them as The Bear because Noah reminded Seth of a big grizzly, in the comic Seth gives Noah the strength of a bear with the ability to rip anything apart. EmCo has the power to make people think whatever she wants.

"What about Summer and the girls?" Ryan tried one last time.

Summer and Seth had married three years ago when Summer finished traveling with GEORGE. Summer still works for GEORGE just doesn't travel much anymore, she mostly works in their office in New York, setting up the protests and the cities that the bus tour goes. Seth and Summer welcomed twin girls, Grace and Elle, a year ago, Seth was actually handling it better then Ryan ever thought he would.

"Ryan… it's Summer, we both know she will be fine without me… if anything Summer takes care of me, she'll be fine… she's the one that got me the flight," Seth laughed.

"Alright, I gotta go, I'll see ya tomorrow," Ryan sighed.

"See ya, bro."

Ryan went inside his house, sighing heavy but then smiling; he had one hell of a family. A family that he was so incredibly grateful for.

Ryan changed his clothes and then cleaned up a bit, preparing for his wife's arrival the next day. He left the house forty five minutes later.

He arrived at Sandy and Kirsten's at 5:30; he let himself in and headed for the kitchen, where Kirsten was waiting.

"What? I'm not late," Ryan shrugged and smiled.

"I know, I'm just glad you're here," Kirsten smiled and hugged him.

"Wait, I'm pretty sure dinner here was not optional, because you said that if I didn't show, you would send Sandy for me. Where is Sandy?"

Kirsten laughed.

"I'm here, was just changing my clothes… we couldn't leave you to brood at home all alone," Sandy said from behind Ryan, he hadn't been home long, just long enough to change out of his suit and into a sweat shirt and jeans.

Ryan turned to him and Sandy pulled him into a tight embrace. Ryan returned it, laying his head on Sandy's shoulder as Kirsten watched the embrace from behind Ryan.

"I'm sorry, kid," Sandy whispered into Ryan's hair.

Ryan nodded against him and tried to pull away but Sandy held him for a moment longer.

"For the record, I do not brood," Ryan said quietly.

"Honey, I love you, but you brood," Kirsten laughed.

"I do not… anymore anyway," Ryan said seriously but then smiled.

"Whatever you say, kid," Sandy laughed, heading for the fridge and grabbing a beer out for himself and Ryan.

Ryan nodded his thanks.

Ryan and the two elder Cohens ate dinner and talked but not about Dawn, they saved that for after dinner. The three of them cleaned up and then headed out to the back deck.

"So what'd Trey say?" Sandy asked once they were settled.

Ryan explained what Trey had told him.

"When was the last time you talked to her?" Kirsten asked.

Ryan didn't answer right away, he had to think about it, "a year ago, she called on Ian's first birthday, not that she knew that it was; she didn't even know that Ian existed until that day. She'd been clean though."

Sandy nodded, "I remember you telling me about that, she had just moved back to Chino, right?"

Ryan nodded.

"How are you really doing, sweetie?"

Ryan shrugged.

"Ryan?" Sandy prompted, like normal.

"I don't know… I'm a mess, like I said, way out of whack. My emotions are sad, relieved, hate and a whole lot of others. Sad, because she was my mother, sure she was never there for me, never really my mom but I did love her as much as I wished I hadn't. I'm relieved too, because I don't have to worry about her anymore, I won't be wondering where she is or if she is okay. I won't have to worry about her screwing up my life or hurting my family with her words. Hate, because she gave up, she abandoned her children yet again and yet again she was only thinking of herself. Grateful too, because she isn't feeling any pain anymore, she is free from her boyfriends and most of all, herself. Grateful that my children won't ever have to know her and they won't be deprived of anything because they already have two sets of grandparents that love them and awful lot." Ryan sighed, "I Just have a whole lot of emotions going on all at once and it's all a little overwhelming." He hadn't looked at the Cohens at all but just stared out at Sophie's swing set.

"All justified, kid, that's for sure," Sandy said and patted Ryan's leg.

"Like I told Seth, she wasn't really around anyway, the only difference is that I won't get phone calls every few years, can't really say I'll miss them," Ryan shrugged.

"Yes, but even though you didn't see her or talk to her everyday it's still gonna be different, because she isn't in Chino, she's not here at all," Sandy said.

Ryan nodded, "That's what Seth said too… I'm just not sure right now if I miss her or if I will ever miss her. She hasn't been around in a long time, I'm not even sure if I missed her then, it'll take time because right now, I'm just not exactly sure how I feel."

"We're here, kid, you know that, whenever you need us, we're here," Sandy said.

"I know, guys, that's one thing I'm sure about and definitely thankful for. I definitely found a little bit of luck that day in Juvie, never in a million years did I think that my bushy browed lawyer would become the man I consider my father," Ryan laughed when Sandy smacked him softly in the back of the head, "Seriously though, thank you for taking a chance on me and putting up with me all these years, I know I haven't exactly made it easy for you," Ryan replied and then took a drink of his beer.

"Our pleasure, sweetie, we wouldn't change any of it… well, okay, maybe some of it. But we wouldn't change you, honey. We love you! You are our son. Thank you for letting us help," Kirsten said with tears in her eyes.

"You know, you guys are my parents' right, even though I don't call you mom and dad, you've been my parents for a long time now, you'll always be. Today when I got the call, all I could think about was how Dawn wasn't my mom anymore and how different you two are from Dawn and Frank. How thankful I am for that," Ryan was feeling too emotional tonight.

Sandy had tears and Kirsten was full on crying, Ryan smiled shyly.

"Thanks, kid," Sandy said, patting Ryan on the back.

"Thank you, sweetie, we know all that but it's nice to hear," Kirsten said wiping at her eyes.

They talked for awhile more about Dawn or Seth or nothing at all. They sat quietly not speaking at all for a few, each thinking about the events of the day, they stayed quiet until Ryan's phone rang; Emma was calling so Ian could say good night. Ryan talked to Emma and Ian while Kirsten and Sandy watched from the deck. Ryan didn't stay much longer after hanging up with Emma. He promised his parents that he wouldn't brood and that he would see them in the morning.

Ryan went home, turned on "Over the Top" but he had to admit he wasn't really watching it. He couldn't focus on anything. Ryan changed into a wife beater and sweats and then went out to the garage where his punching bag hung. He taped his hands but didn't slide on his gloves; he wanted to feel the punches tonight. He ended up going at the bag for over an hour and then took a nice long hot shower. Ryan knew he wouldn't be sleeping that night.

Review please! Thanks for reading!