Heyy! Look what ive found in my old computer! I thought i lost it! *.*
I wrote it in 2009 when Nick and Selena broke up and well yes this is so old but i wanted to share it with you (:
Hope you like it (:
Broken
Here I am living with my broken heart again. My mistake was believing that this time you would be here with open arms to catch me as I fell. Instead I hit the floor shattering into a thousand million pieces of nothingness. I still remember when you told me you loved me, did you really mean it? no you didn't… you never did.
Where were you when I needed you most? I look back and I see how stupid I was to changed who I was just for you. I thought I needed to be something different. Something that you would like more than her. I'm not going to lie to myself and say it is entirely your fault. Because that wouldn't be true. I changed willingly over time. I thought I had to change who I was. I thought that it would bring you closer to me. I thought that maybe then you would take notice of how much I've grown up and of how better i was than her. I thought that maybe with that you would realise that the one you really loved was me not her. I blinded myself thinking that all you needed was time. And maybe then you would put your arms around me, holding me in that warm embrace. The one that makes me feel safe and you'd tell me you love me. Didn't you ever ask yourself why I hugged you so much? Why the affection? Did you believe that I did it just for attention? Or to be playful? Because I will tell you now that those weren't the reasons behind it.
I did it because I wanted you to hug me back. Because you were one of the very few that I ever felt safe with. You looked in all the wrong places for the answers to why I did it. You over thought it, looking for a deeper meaning that wasnt there. The answer was staring you in the face. You couldn't know how many times I wanted to run to you. To ask you to hold me. There was so many times I wanted to call you, as I sat there crying. Overwhelmed and alone. Needing you there. To have you wrapping your arms around me and telling me that I was wrong that you loved me. I was tired knowing that the only one in your heart was her and that i would never reach for that place to be. I was tired of all those haters I got because of being big popstar Nick Lucas girlfriend the one who stole to the Disneys queen Miley Ray her boyfriend, where they really worth it? I mean, you didn't even loved me why would i had to bear with them? You have no idea of how many times i wanted to end up with everything, When those times descended upon me. I would reach for my car keys, getting up in my car and driving to your house. My feets hesitating to get out of the car and reach for the door bell . But I never could do it. I couldn't find the courage to break up with you. I guess a part of me didn't wanna let you go.
But there I was regreting not doing it before, if i had did it, you would never had broken my heart the way you did.
I still remember all those times when i had little fights with Mitchie, my bestfriend, yes they were stupid fights and 2 hours later Mitchie and I were like if nothing had happened but I remember how you always came to me and i hugged you. How i cried so much. My heart in such pain. I choked on my words. Barely able to say anything. I had to force out the words one at a time. Minutes going by before I could get out the next one. Do you remember that?
I remember the way you brushed my hair with your fingers, as you looked at me with such concern. I remember I cried on your shoulder slightly. I apologized for that. You smiled and made a joke about it. That was your way. Always with a joke. Or a tickling. Doing whatever it took to make me smile through the pain. But you tried so hard with that. More often than not I simply wished for you to put your arms around me. To brush my hair with your fingers. To tell me that it would be okay. I love you for the way you tried. But sometimes the best thing was an embrace. Some small words of comfort. Those carry so much and so far. Those are what I wished for. The little things like that I have wished for all my life. I have spent my entire life time in search of that.
Sometimes I thought to myself. I love you and I hate you at the same time. I loved you for who you are, and for those thing you make me feel. I hated you for breaking my heart and don't bothering yourself for picking the little pieces to try to fix it. Now I lay here broken into so many pieces. Believing that you were going to be there to break my fall. But I was wrong. You weren't there. I fell and now I am afraid that it is to late for you to see that. For now I'm broken.
I hold my cell phone to my heart. One hand covering the other, in a vain attempt to hold on to the hope that you will call. I might be broken. But I wish to have hope. That we can reach out to one another before it is to late. Before my dreams come true. And I find you missing with no signs of your return to my life.
Nick's side of the story? …Maybe (: