A/N: Just so I don't accidentally offend anyone who happens to love John Winchester, I decided I'd better explain a few things. First off, while I do use the term "monsters" several times I am not trying to imply that John was abusive or monstrous or anything. This is simply Sam, as a child, trying to make sense of things he does not yet understand. This story came to me because we never really get to explore the depth of John's grief over losing Mary. This is one outlet his pain may have taken on one of their many anniversaries, and the exploration of how it may have affected his relationship with his sons, and their relationship with each other. Also Weechester cuddles, because I just can't resist. As ever, I own nothing.
Monsters Outside the Closet
The closet is dark and smells funny. Dean says that smell is mothballs, but Sam doesn't know what mothballs are, or why anyone would want to smell them. The closet is small too, so small that Sam and Dean sit close together, connected from ankle to shoulder. Normally Dean is kind of annoyed with having to sit this close—he likes personal space now that he's nine—but today he seems okay with it. That makes today a good day for Sam, even if he doesn't think the smell of mothballs will ever leave his nostrils.
Sam doesn't think today is good for Dean. The narrow crack of light from around the edges of the door runs slanted across Dean's face, and Sam can see the flat set to Dean's mouth and the way that crease between his eyebrows never goes away. It has been there since last night when Daddy came home. Usually Dean is happy when Daddy is home—not that he smiles a lot or anything. Dean is nine now, almost double digits, and he's too cool to grin big and throw himself at Daddy when he comes home from work like Sam does. But Dean still puts his comics down so he can report to Dad, and Sam knows that when the corners of his mouth dip up and down he is fighting a smile.
Last night Dean was not fighting a smile, and when Daddy hugged Sam he smelled sort of like the cough syrup Dean made Sam drink that one time. Kind of sharp, and it hurt Sam's nose. When Daddy put him down, Dean pulled on Sam's arm until they were standing next to each other, with Dean's arm around him. Dean went to the box where they keep the money and took some out and gave it to Daddy, then told him he needed to go for a while. And when Sam started to protest—he just got back—Dean told him to hush up. Dean tells him to hush a lot, but he never really means it. This time his voice was quiet and serious, and Sam knew he meant it. Daddy looked sort of sad, but he took the money. Sam would have moved forward to hug Dad again, but Dean's arm was still hooked around his neck and it wasn't often that Dean wanted to cuddle so Sam stayed.
After Daddy left Dean and Sam had macaroni for supper again, then Dean let Sam watch TV before bed. Even when Dad was gone they both still slept in one of the big beds because Dean said if there were monsters they could fight them together. Sam liked that, the idea that monsters were afraid of the Winchester brothers.
This morning, though, Dean made Sam get up real early, when it wasn't even light outside yet, because the doorknob was being jiggled like when someone can't fit the key in. Sam thinks maybe there are monsters after all. Dean grabbed the moneybox, but Sam knows there is a gun in there, too, because he is not allowed to touch it. Then they both got in the closet, Sam still in his pajamas with the bats on them. Batman is cool, not for babies, and Sam is proud of them because he is almost five. Dean still wore his clothes from last night, and even if Sam isn't a baby anymore, he grabbed a handful of Dean's shirt because Dean doesn't mind.
Now they sit here in the dark and Dean says they have to be quiet. Sam gets that. He heard the door open a little while ago and then some heavy sounds like someone falling down. Sam practices drawing his letters on Dean's knee and pretends that the monsters outside don't scare him one bit. He does this until the thumping sounds stop and the crash of breaking glass starts. The first smash makes Sam jerk in surprise and his hand on Dean's knee trembles. He shouldn't be scared like this. He should be brave, because the monsters won't come in the closet. The brothers Winchester are more than a match for any monsters.
But still Sam shakes, and when the crashing continues, Dean puts his hands under Sam's arms and pulls him around so that Sam is facing him and sitting on his lap. Sam feels slightly ashamed because he is supposed to be too old for this, but he is shaking too hard to protest. So Sam gives in, and Dean guides Sam's head down to rest on his chest, all the while whispering that he's safe, he's safe, and Dean won't let anything hurt him. Sam's hands slide from their position gripping Dean's shirt, moving up the sides of Dean's neck until they cover Dean's ears, because the sounds are still making Sam tremble and Dean shouldn't have to listen to them either. Sam feels Dean exhale hard into his hair. Then Dean's cheek comes to rest on his head and Dean uses one of his hands to cover the ear that Sam doesn't have pressed to his chest. The other arm he keeps around Sam.
Sam lets himself relax and flop against Dean, because the shaking has finally stopped, and the crashing of monsters can't reach him through Dean's hand, and the only thing he can hear is the steady, solid thump of Dean's heart.