She's going to hell and she knows it. And yet, she has no regrets.
She sits in her room, her cheek pressed to the wall that's separating them. She thinks that if she strains her ears, if she blocks out everything else around her, she might be able to hear the sound of his slow, shallow breathing as he sleeps. This is what she does every night to ensure that he is alive, well. But sometimes it isn't enough- to know that he's safe. Because she knows that's she's not.
She makes sure to lock her door every night, and even though she's able to unlock it easily, she feels as though this ensures her from sneaking out, from seeing him. And she hides all forms of weaponry available to her- razors, scissors, every nail file and every nail clipper. Not because she's afraid of hurting him. No. She could never do harm to something so beautiful and innocent. It's because she's afraid of hurting herself.
Her father had given her little to no advice in the fleeting moments they did spend together, but there was one thing he said that stuck with her all these years- "You can't help who you fall in love with."
She had learned to loathe that godforsaken statement. It was because of this unwritten law of love that her father cheated on her mother. It was why she had to divide her possessions between two households and travel back and forth between parents before her mother gained full custody. And then, when the majority of her problems seemed to subside, a new one arrived.
Her mother remarried; her mother was finally happy. And she didn't have a problem with her new stepfather at all. In fact, she actually liked him a lot. No, the particular individual she had a problem with just happened to arrive with her new stepfather. Correction. He was a parasitic leech that her new stepfather lugged with him. And as soon as he showed up, shewas infested.
He doesn't understand what he does to her. After all, a parasite doesn't comprehend the fact that they are killing the host little by little, draining the life from them. It is only doing what's natural and normal. But every time he makes her laugh, every playful touch he gives, every time he teases, her hope wanes a bit more. She realizes it's platonic, and that's all their relationship will ever be, and it eats her up inside. Why? Because the day he invaded her life was the day she began to fall for him... Her stepbrother. You can't help who you fall in love with.
What would people think, if they knew? She would be shunned, teased, rejected. After all, they were practically family. That's why she could never tell him or anyone else. That's why she had bottled all of her emotions inside of her until they had slowly driven her insane.
It's this twisted form of fate that's made her even consider the unfathomable possibility of self-mutilation. Or mutilation to someone else…
The sound of the doorbell ringing brings her back to reality. She hears the shuffling of blankets, the annoyed groan that escapes his lips on the other side of the wall, the shout of "Emily's here!" from downstairs. Her blood boils as she realizes he has woken up from his nap to see his girlfriend.
Emily. Her best friend. Scratch that. Ex best friend. In other worlds, the girl who had used her, abandoned her, and disregarded her completely. The girl who is dating the one person who's supposed to be off limits. The girl who she despises with all of her being.
There is nothing like the sound of Emily greeting her stepbrother in the afternoon to make her skin crawl. She hears them laugh, and her fingers twitch for the object in her top drawer that she has been hiding from not only herself, but from everyone else.
This can't be happening… no. She can't hear their conversation through those permeable walls. She won't open her dresser drawer and pull out the dangerous contents that it holds. She won't open her own door and enter his room, only to discover Emily and him entwined in an embrace.
She swears this all must be a dream- a sick, stomach churning nightmare- as her stepbrother breaks away from his girlfriend and stares at her in shock.
"Oh, hi, Casey." Emily giggles nervously, an air of absolute awkwardness between everyone in the room. "What do you want?"
An innocent question, and yet it makes her utterly furious. After all, this is her house, and she should be able to enter into any room she wants without being questioned.
She doesn't answer the question, but instead she fingers the steel object behind her back before moving closer to them.
"Casey, what's wrong with you?" Emily sounds a bit scared, weak. Good. She needs to be the strong one, the intimidation. It's now that she chooses to reveal her possession, the object that's been hiding in her dresser for months, the object that she stole from her stepfather so long ago.
"Oh my God, Case, what are you-" He finally talks, a horrified look on his face as he stares at the gun in her hand. She only turns her attention on him for a second, her face determined as she looks back at Emily.
"Help." Emily whispers in panic, her hands in the air as the gun is pointed directly at her chest. "Help!" she screams, and then a loud bang resounds throughout the room and Emily falls to the ground.
Her stepbrother throws his cell phone on the bed as she turns toward him.
"Kiss me." She says madly, her hands shaking violently, her weapon pointed threateningly at his head. She knows that there was only one bullet in that gun, and it had already been used on its victim. But he doesn't know that, and he surrenders to her demands.
A few tears slip down his face as his lips find hers and although their kiss only lasts for a few seconds, the feeling of warmth lingers. It is a fleeting moment of happiness in her bleak life.
But then he speaks, and her sullenness returns. "I would have kissed you anyway." He whispers, his voice faltering. He drops to the ground and kneels beside Emily's lifeless body, his own body shaking with sobs.
She backs into the wall, clutching his bed for support as her knees go weak and she collapses onto it. Her stepbrother's opened phone is making noises that sound like voices. She glances over at it and finds the screen flashing 911.
She sits there for a few minutes before hearing sirens outside her house.
You can't help who you fall in love with, she reminds herself. And for that, she has no regrets.
AN: I haven't updated anything in SO long and I miss writing fanfiction SO much. But I just don't have time to write it anymore. The only reason I have this is because it was a creative writing assignment and I just changed a bit of the plot and the character names. I promise that one day, somehow, someday, I will update Halo and Bending the Rules. But for now, I hope this makes up for some of my lack of updates. Please let me know what you think if you have the time. And i'm really sorry about not updating, once again.
-Erin