Disclaimer: How I wish the boys were mine but alas, they belong to someone else.
Thank you to grnfield for reading and fixing this up for me. Happy reading and reviewing guys.
The thoughts and feelings of a lost and lonely spaceman…part 2!
Sitting here in front of my computer I think back over some questions I was asked once. Why I'm thinking of them now I really don't know. If only I knew the answers to these questions.
I always pretend that I'm okay when I have to make a call to the island with bad news. When one of my brothers is hurt, when we don't know where a missing brother might be, whether that brother's life was hanging by a thread…One of the others would push his bird to its limit to get that brother to the safety of a hospital or home to the island.
People say that I'm a dreamer and that my head's always in the clouds. They don't know that's just the way I cope with things that are out of my control. At times, when I couldn't be heard or seen, I would just give up and let go.
When there's a rescue going on down there, I can only watch and listen as my family work. I'll never know if their voices would be the last thing I heard that day, so I'd hang onto every word.
One of my brothers always catch me out when I'm home although how they know that I'm down in the basement I'll never know. I always leave my watch in my room to keep them from finding me. I know there's something that my family's hiding from me and I want to know the truth. I want to know why my father feels he can't talk to me when I ask him why everyone's so overly protective of me.
I sometime spot Kyrano looking at me, as if he knows something that I don't. Why can't he tell me? To put me out of my misery…
Instead he asks me things like "Are you searching for the truth but find that all you come across is lies? Did someone sabotage your route and leave all the answers in disguise?"
At times I just want to scream at the world because frustration does, unfortunately, get the better of me at times. When I'm not searching for answers I pretend that all's well in my world.
The sea does have a way of calming people down when they allow it to. No wonder Gordon sometimes disappears out in a boat or just sits somewhere, watching the waves. He knows the sea around the island like the back of his hand.
No matter what I do, my father's words always come back to me.
Watching my family go about their business I wonder what I'm actually searching for. Maybe there's a good reason for all of this. Maybe it's for the best that I don't know why my family behave the way they do. Maybe I'm just paranoid and need a break.
Turning away, I jump. Father's standing behind me. Just standing there, watching me. "Whoa! What the hell!"
Father's giving me a questioning look. He knows that I always know when someone's nearby but this time I didn't realize that Father was behind me. Father's looking at me and I mean he's really looking. He must have realized why I had always asked him why everyone acted odd around me.
Reaching out, Father took me by the arm and pulled me to him. Hugging me close he finally gave me the answer I had been looking for, for so long. "You want to know why everyone is so overly protective of you? Look at your brothers and think of how protective you are of them. You don't realize that you're doing the same to them that they do to you. You love them and they love you. They are over protective because they don't want to lose you. I'm over protective because I don't want to lose you either. You're an important part of this family and I want…no, we want you to remember that. Without you to sort everyone out when all seems lost, this family would have fallen apart along time ago. We love you."
Thinking back over what my Father just said, I realized that it's true and that I've been chasing my own tail all this time. My brothers never came down to the basement to keep me from finding out something that they were hiding. They came down there to check that I was okay and to be there for me, thinking that I was looking for something that reminded me of our Mother. My Father's words came back to me again. "We love you."
Now I know why I'm able to hang on when all seems lost. Now I know why those words always came into my head when I least expected it. I realized that I just never listened to them before.
Hugging my Father back I asked, "Father, do you know why I'm always so calm? Why I'm always able to forgive and forget?"
Seeing my Father nod his head I continued. "It's because I believe in all of the things you just said."
I realize now that the words 'I love you' and 'we love you' were not just idle words from my Father. In the years that followed our Mother's death he had always promised me that everything was 'going to be okay', to 'never to give up at any cost' and to 'keep your chin up, no matter what'.
Giving a yelp, I found myself being picked up by my Father. I think I know what's going to happen next…or do I?
Instead of dumping me into the pool, my Father jumped into the pool with me still in his arms, making me feel like a little child again.
As soon as my head made it above the water again I laughed. "Whoa, what's going on here?"
Catching me as I tried to swim away from him, my Father replied, "What did you just say?"
Trying not to burst out laughing, I spluttered, "Nothing Father."
I don't know when but my brothers had ended up in the pool with us. "Hey guys."
My brothers and Father looked at me and I grinned at them. "I guess I believe in all of the things that Father had ever said to me."
Scott smacked me over the head and laughed. "Finally! You finally believe the words we've always said to you."
My Father and brothers closed in on me, blocking me off on all sides and before I could find some means of escape, I found myself grabbed and dunked under the water. Pretending to try and get away from them I smiled to myself. 'This is what happens when you don't pay attention to what was said to you for so many years. Serves me right.'