Author's Note: Don't own #Blindspot. After you read this, you'll probably be glad about that fact.
"Daddy, where's your Christmas tree?" Bethany asked, almost accusingly. She stood in the entryway, scanning the apartment, as if the tree was somehow hidden.
The rest of the apartment was covered in wreaths, snowflakes, lights, and reindeer, but the corner were the tree normally would be was empty, except for a lone box of ornaments, and a few strings of lights. Bethany stared at her dad and Jane, her eyes narrowing accusingly. Surely this must have been an oversight.
"Well," Kurt started, "I thought you would like to help pick it out. We'll all go out together – you, me, Jane, and baby Alex."
Bethany's eyes went wide with excitement. "Really?"
"That's right. It's his first Christmas," Jane rubbed the back of the tiny infant wrapped up on her chest. "We have to make sure we get the perfect tree, right?"
Bethany's smile lit up the room. She reached up, standing on her tippy toes to touch Alex's back. "Don't worry Alex. I'll find you the perfect tree. And I'll tell Santa to bring you lots of presents." Her face twisted in thought. "Jane, what does baby Alex want for Christmas?"
Jane and Kurt laughed. "Right now he mostly likes mommy's – "
"And daddy. And he loves his big sister." Jane cut him off before he could say anything inappropriate. "But before we talk to Santa, we need to make sure we have a tree for him to put all those presents under, right?"
"Right." Bethany agreed, convinced. "It's gonna be so pretty, and sparkly, and special. I promise."
"Why are we up this early?" Kurt grumbled out loud as he strapped Bethany in her car seat.
"To get a tree!" Bethany replied, helpfully. "We're gonna find the perfect tree and it'll be so pretty. "
Jane rolled her eyes at her husband, "Here," she said, passing him a cup.
"This better not be hot chocolate." Kurt glared at her. He knew his wife's addiction to hot chocolate at this time of year, and had been surprised more than once with this unexpected switch.
"Coffee for you. Hot chocolate for me." Jane said, smiling wide. She took a sip from her cup, then gave him a quick kiss. "Although really, I should have gotten two cups this morning. Isn't it a required drink on Christmas tree day?"
"Can I get a hot chocolate, Jane?" Bethany asked.
"Maybe when we get there, okay. And we'll convince Daddy to get one also."
Bethany fell silent as they drove out of the city. The tall buildings and bright lights quickly gave away to suburbs and shady streets lined with decorations. Before they were even halfway there, both kids were sleeping soundly, strapped up tight in their car seats.
"So, tell me why we had to drive two hours outside the city just to get a Christmas tree? There's a Christmas tree lot on every corner. We could have bought it last night, and had it decorated already."
"But it's not a real tree." Jane replied, with a happy glint in her eye. "And we need a real tree. Especially for Alex's first Christmas."
"Those are real trees. And besides, how long are you going to use that excuse for?"
"Well, if you wanted me to like those trees, you should have never let me know that Christmas Tree Farms exist. You expect me to go back to one of those plain, boring trees, when we can cut down the perfect one ourselves? Nope. Not happening." Jane paused. "And I'm going to make sure Alex loves Christmas as much as I do. I can't be outnumbered by Grinches."
By the time they reached the tree farm, both kids had woken up and were getting restless from sitting so long. Bethany nearly burst out of the car as soon as they had parked.
They stood in awe together at the front, and it was hard to tell who was more excited – Jane or Bethany. Bethany quickly listed her requirements for the perfect tree, and they set off to find it.
They walked around together for the first few rows, Bethany rating every tree. She took her job very seriously, and no tree was perfect enough for her – or her baby brother. They soon split up, to cover more ground quickly. Even once they chose the tree, they still had to cut it down, get it back to the city, and into the apartment. Even Kurt could admit this was more festive than going to the corner lot – but there was something to be said for the ease of that process.
"Daddy, I'm gonna go look with Jane, these trees are no good."
Kurt glanced over, seeing Jane nearby, he let Bethany run off. Maybe she was right, he hoped. So far he hadn't seen any trees that impressed him – and they certainly hadn't met Bethany's impossible standards. Who would have thought the quality of trees would be better at a street in downtown Brooklyn, then on an actual tree farm out on the island. He figured he'd finish the row, then go join them. It wasn't very fun to do this alone.
"Hey, Kurt, I think I found one," Jane called out a few minutes later.
Kurt smiled, walking over. "Bethany give it her seal of approval?" He stopped short when he was still a few yards away. "Where's Bethany?" his voice rising. He could see Jane with Alex strapped to her chest, but Bethany was no where to be found. He scanned the rows, looking for her bright purple jacket.
Jane's eyes widened. "She was with you."
"No!" Kurt's voice rose, panicking. "She wanted to see if you were having more luck. BETHANY?!" He called out, now frantic. "I saw her. It was just a minute ago, she walked right over here. BETHANY!"
Kurt tried to replay the moment over in his head. Jane had been a few rows over, her bright green jacket standing out, even amongst all the trees. Bethany had walked right to her. Or had she? He kept trying to replay it, see that final moment. Had Bethany reached Jane? Was anyone else around? He tried to clear his head, to think this through, but all he kept thinking about was Bethany.
"Bethany! BETHANY" He frantically searched the surrounding area, running up and down the rows, pushing branches aside.
Jane took a deep breath, trying to keep the fear from clouding her thoughts. She ran up front, trying to find a worker. She repeated the information in her head, anything to keep the fear away. "Bethany. 5 years old. Light brown hair. Purple jacket. Pink pants. Bethany. 5 years old. 3½ feet tall. Light brown hair. Purple jacket. Pink pants." If only she could stick to the facts, maybe she could fight back the fear that was slowly rising inside her.
Jane felt sick. Kurt said Bethany had gone to her. She tried to replay the last few minutes, those final moments before Kurt came over. She could remember everything. The scent of the trees. Alex's quiet breaths, the Christmas music she'd been singing along to ("Happy Holiday Season" and before that "Silver Bells"). She could even remember the specific trees she'd seen – the first had been too tall for their apartment, the one before had a bald patch. She could remember everything – except seeing Bethany. The last time she'd seen the girl, she'd been happily prancing beside Kurt. Or maybe – had she been closer to Jane? What if that had been when she was walking over, and Jane hadn't even noticed.
Kurt heard the announcement a moment later. "Code Adam. Bethany please come to the front of the lot." He knew. That was his daughter. He'd been in law enforcement enough to recognize the code, the phrase. His daughter was missing. The one thing he vowed could never happen had happened. He hadn't been able to protect her. How could he have taken his eyes off of her? Why didn't he call out – let Jane know that Bethany was joining her. Why didn't he walk with her? They were supposed to be doing this as a family, for gods sake. Why had they even split up? So what if it took all day – they were together.
Kurt tore through the trees, frantically calling for Bethany, looking for anything suspicious. She was wearing her new purple coat. She'd been so proud, showing it off last time he was in Colorado. She loved pink and purple and all things princess. Allie still had trouble believing this was her daughter – as soon as Bethany had started preschool, the love of princesses began, and overnight their daughter who had loved animals and being outside, had started talking about Cinderella and needing glitter for everything. Kurt hadn't minded, though. He'd called her his little princess forever. That girl had melted his heart the moment he saw her. He'd gotten a set of dress up clothes for her for Christmas – different dresses, complete with matching shoes and tiaras.
He had to find her.
Jane stood helplessly by the worker, who was busy listing their protocol for missing children. It washed over her like white noise. She knew the protocol. It was the same no matter where it was. They'd been on the other side of this enough – usually when it was too late. It had only been minutes. Bethany had to still be nearby. They would get her back. They had to.
He'd reached the end of the lot. Beyond it was more trees, some residential houses visible through the bare branches. The lot had seemed so small when they first arrived, bigger when they had to analyze every tree. Now it felt impossibly huge, as if it would take a whole of people to sweep it. He shuddered as he pictured police walking by, checking the ground for any small clue.
It was then that he saw it – some purple, just barely visible through the trees.
"BETHANY" he yelled, willing his feet to go faster. Time seemed to move in slow motion as he reached her. He'd found her. She was safe. Kurt fell to the ground, pulling her into his lap. Tears started to fall as he hugged her tighter and tighter. He pulled out his phone, calling Jane quickly to let her know he found Bethany.
Jane found them a few minutes later, running up to them as fast as she could. She rubbed Bethany's back, pressing kisses into her hair. Kurt wrapped one arm around Jane, pulling her closer. They all needed each other right now.
Some other shoppers had caught on to what happened, bringing them cups of warm cider and cookies from the nearby bakery. Most just stayed away, giving them their peace, or maybe just grateful it hadn't happened to their family.
They stayed there for a while, wrapped up in each other's arms, before Bethany had finally calmed down enough to tell them what happened. She'd found a tree, she said. The perfect tree. When she'd gone to try and tell them, she couldn't see them anywhere. Then she'd heard her name in the speaker, and she wanted to listen, but she didn't know where she was. "I was scared, Daddy."
They stayed there for as long as they could, before Alex started fussing and the cold weather demanded they start moving. Kurt scooped Bethany up in his arms, walking towards the exit.
"But daddy! What about our Christmas tree?"
Kurt let out a low chuckle. "That's right. We still didn't get our tree." The day had already felt impossibly long, but it wasn't even noon. "Okay, which way to the perfect tree?" Bethany squirmed in his arms, and he reluctantly put her down, keeping a tight grasp on her small hand as she led the way.
"This one." Bethany declared with wonder in her voice.
Even Kurt had to admit the tree was perfect. He'd seen hundreds of trees that morning already, but this tree had something special. He couldn't place what made it different, but it was.
The next few hours were a blur as Kurt and Jane worked to cut down the tree, tie it to the roof of the car, and getting the kids settled for the long drive back to the city.
Kurt was unusually silent during the drive, staring out the window as Jane drove.
"It's okay Kurt. We found her." She reached out to take his hand, letting him know she was there.
"She's the same – " he choked out, fighting back the tears.
"I know." Jane replied.
Bethany had turned five just months ago, and Kurt had been on edge ever since. The same age as Taylor had been. They'd worked through it in so many ways, but the loss had defined Kurt more than he could admit. On Bethany's birthday, it was as if a flip had switched. No one else probably would have even noticed, but Jane knew Kurt. She saw how he hugged Bethany a little tighter, a little longer. He lingered on the Skype calls, never wanting to say goodbye. He'd stare at the pictures on his phone at random points during the day, just needing to see her face one more time.
Jane felt his hand squeeze hers, and she rubbed her thumb over his. He was staring back, watching as Bethany slept in her car seat. She could only imagine how he had felt. She had felt sick with fear. Bethany was as much her child as Alex was. But for Kurt, it was different. It would always be different, and she knew that. He'd gone through so much for it not to have an effect.
By the time they got back to the city, Bethany was full of energy again as she rushed to decorate the tree. She narrated the entire process for Alex, from stringing the lights to naming every ornament as it was placed on the tree. She excitedly talked to Allie and Conor, describing how they got to cut down the tree, and how it had to be perfect for Alex, and then Jane pulled her aside as Kurt told them what else had happened that morning.
The rest of the evening progressed without incident, Bethany seemingly fine after her morning scare. They got the kids ready for bed, and as Jane finished feeding Alex, she found Kurt snuggled up next to a sleeping Bethany.
"I just… every time I close my eyes, I feel that fear." His eyes were wide and he shifted to make room for Jane on the small bad.
Jane let out a deep sigh as she sat next to Kurt. "So do I. I kept… that it was my fault. That after everything, it would still be my fault."
Kurt reached out to grab her hand, like she had done in the car earlier that day. "You know that's not true. Right? You did exactly what you should have."
Jane gave a hollow laugh. "This parenting thing is rough. There's a million ways to mess up. Even when you do everything right."
Kurt tugged her hand and pulled her down, so she was lying next to him. "We'll get through it. The same way we always do. Together."