Author's Note: Fun fact: I love listening to music and pairing certain songs with individual characters or chapters so you will see those associated with each chapter I post. Sometimes they go along with what is going on in the scene, what the characters are experiencing, or just a general mood. This story will have a lot of emotional struggle for Richelle Mead's wonderful characters that I cannot get enough of (especially Rose). There will be shifts between different POVs in this FF as well as several flashbacks. I'll be sure to indicate the POV changes at the top of the chapter or throughout, and the flashbacks will be italicized. If there is any part that is confusing please let me know!

This is my first attempt at a FF so feel free to send me suggestions and tips on what you think could be better, or even ideas for songs you might have.

I would like to give a HUGE shoutout to my girl (and this story's unofficial godmother) ohorpheuss for all of her amazing help! Thank you for taking the time to read every chapter and help make this little story the monster it has come to be. Seriously folks, she's awesome!

So, without further ado, let's get started with a little Adrian POV shall we?

Ch. 1

APOV

Songs: Cruel World - Phantogram, Until We Go Down- Ruelle, Habits - Hippie Sabotage Remix

It had been days since she left her room. Belikov tried relentlessly to see her, but was brutally rebuffed. She made it clear he wasn't to come anywhere near her, for reasons unknown. Alberta forbade him from trying again after Rose's last episode, so he was now stationed outside her door, refusing to leave her completely alone. I'm not sure how long he had been there perched against the wall, but by the look of the dark circles under his eyes and the depleted slump of his shoulders, I doubt he had retreated at all.

I approached the hollow shell of a man in an attempt to persuade him to take leave, for a few hours at the very least. "Belikov," I greeted. His elbows were rested on his knees with his hands tangled in his hair, a shell-shocked look on his face. Seeing him in this state, it was hard to believe that many revered him as a God. After a few moments with no response, I decided to try again. "Dimitri. You should really get something to eat."

His eyes slowly shifted upwards towards me and I felt taken aback by their torment. I had been desperately trying to block out the auras around campus lately, the pain and suffering were becoming too much to bear, but with one look from the Russian Guardian, all my barriers broke. It was as if I transported inside his shattered heart, consumed by grief, guilt, and agony. The weight of it all was suffocating, and I had to find some sort of relief as I shakily reached for one of my cloves. He stared at me while I sparked the tip of the cigarette, light crackles filling the silence of the hallway as I took a long, deep drag. I closed my eyes and exhaled as I attempted to gain back control of my emotions and composure, slowly slipping out of Dimitri's tortured aura.

I kept my eyes straight on the opposing doorway and slid down the wall to sit next to him. "Look. When she finally comes around, she's going to need you," the words tasted like ash on my tongue. As much as it pained me to say it, I had seen them together, witnessed their unseen connection and understanding of one another, and knew that if she was ever going to come out of this he would be the one to pull her back.

"She'll need you Dimitri. Not this crestfallen, despondent version you've been reduced to." Something triggered inside him and he sat up a little taller with a stern look on his face. Maybe it was a bit harsh, but it seemed to get a reaction out of him. "I know you and I don't see eye to eye on...well, anything really but we both care about Rose."

At the sound of her name, he snapped his gaze straight ahead, his fists slightly gripping his knees. "Despite what you think, I only want what is best for her, and torturing yourself is only a reminder to her of what's happened. She needs time to heal and move on, some normalcy back in her life, or she's going to slip further and further away." He seemed to be considering what I was saying and let out a dejected sigh.

"I just don't understand why she won't even see me." His face stumbled from insecurity to professionalism and I could tell his statement was an afterthought that he hadn't meant to voice aloud.

I wasn't sure what to say to the guy, it was a mystery to me too. "Well no offense, but even if she did agree to see you she'd probably send you packing after getting one look, or should I say whiff of you." I caught the ghost of a slight smirk forming on his face as he looked down to examine his attire. He took his hands off his knees and rubbed them over his face. "You're right," he replied, finally admitting to his exhaustion. "I should go get cleaned up."

He stood up next to me, flattening his shirt and pants before starting down the hall. I had almost forgotten how huge the guy was after seeing him in that crouched position for so long. He turned back to me before pushing through the exit. "Don't worry," I assured him. "I'll stay here until you get back." He nodded in gratitude and disappeared through the doorway, leaving me alone with my disorderly thoughts.

"Eddie...Eddie snap out of it!" I could hear Christian shouting at Castile down the corridor. The battle against the Strigoi had finally subsided, but the remains were still in utter chaos. Guardians were shooting passed me in a blur of worry and adrenaline. Two of them, a tall middle-aged male Dhampir and a slightly shorter female with a horrified look on her face, were carrying another Guardian. Blood was dripping down his neck as he clung a piece of torn fabric to it and his right leg was twisted unnaturally in multiple sections hanging limply below him. His screams echoed down the hall as they rushed him to the medical bay. A Moroi girl with long copper hair was sitting in a corner hugging her knees to her chest and rocking back and forth repeating the same phrase, "The undead are coming. The undead are coming."

I pushed through a band of novices huddled together speaking in hushed tones to gain entrance to the archway of the courtyard. I immediately spotted Christian and Rose huddled over Eddie, who was sitting on the ground rubbing his temples. "I told you, I can't remember anything! Don't you think I would tell you?!" I could see the worry on all of their faces and in their auras, but something was clouding Castile's. I knelt down beside him to try and direct my focus on only him and drown out all the other's emotions. I could see that he had been compelled and voiced my discovery to the others. Christian and Rose exchanged an anxious look and I could feel something was terribly wrong.

"What's going on? Tell me what happened, now!" I could feel a small amount of compulsion unconsciously slip through me in my desperation to find out what was happening.

"I tried to check in on Lissa through the bond when the fight broke out, but something was blocking me. Eddie was the last one to see her, but he can't remember where she is," Rose shakily replied. I couldn't tell if she was shivering from the adrenaline of the fight, or if it was something else.

"Eddie, look at me." I put my hands on each side of his head and glared directly into his eyes. In our research, Lissa and I had read of some Spirit users rumored to have the skills of not only enhanced compulsion, but also the ability to reverse it. We had just started practicing it but like many of our abilities, we weren't too keen on sharing this information publicly yet. The others stared at me in confusion as I prompted Castile. "What's the last thing you remember? Focus on that moment."

"I was in the Moroi dorms with Vasilisa and the others. She was worried about Christian, but I told her he was probably with Rose and would be fine." A frustrated look grew on his face like he was trying to recall what happened next, but he was hitting a blockade. I reached into his mind, like I would with a Spirit dream, and slowly started to chip away at the wall acting as a barrier to his memories. "Keep going Eddie. Can you see what happened next?"

"It's blurry..but..yes..yes, she was pacing and scared that something might happen to you two," he motioned to Rose and Christian. "She was becoming frantic, saying she needed to be there to heal you. I grabbed her shoulders and tried to calm her and when she looked at me..." I pulled at the wall again, letting the memories trickle back into Eddie's mind. They were coming in portions and difficult to decipher. They were too confusing to put together, so I concentrated harder and summoned as much Spirit as I could access. I felt a jolt of energy shoot through the Dhampir as the wall came tumbling down, this time the memories didn't stop.

"She..she compelled me! Vasilisa told me she needed to get to them. She told me to sneak her out of the dorm and help her find Christian and Rose. We snuck around the Guardians and made our way to the courtyard." Castile started looking around the area he was perched at. "There," he pointed. "There were two of them. They jumped out and caught us by surprise."

"You mean Strigoi?!" Rose shrieked.

"Yes. I pushed Vasilisa behind me and went after the one closest to us. I took her out easily, but before I could turn around to face the other, he knocked me with something on the back of the head."

"What then?!" Christian was taking in short, frantic breaths and looked like he was about to lose it. "Then I woke up here, with you." Tears were filling Castile's eyes as he gripped the grass. "I failed her. I'm so sorry Rose. I promised I would keep her safe and I failed."

Rose was eerily still, staring at her childhood friend. "Adrian, what did the other Strigoi look like," her question was more of a demand as she refused to remove her cold eyes from Eddie's face. "Early twenties when he was turned, maybe younger, shoulder length blonde hair—and he was smiling."

Christian grabbed Rose's arm, "The one from the courtyard." I looked at them confused, but before I could ask what he meant Rose turned and sprinted towards the Guardian headquarters.

"Adrian?"

It was so soft I thought I had imagined it. A tiny voice that was unrecognizable at first pulled me from my memories. I looked around the hall for a moment then realizing where it must have come from, leaned over and pressed my ear firmly on Rose's door.

"Adrian."

This time it was more direct, but still had a pleading undertone to it. I jumped up off the ground and quickly stamped out the remains of my cigarette. I slowly reached for the handle, slightly afraid of what was on the other side of that door, and announced my entrance. "Rose? It's me. I'm coming in okay?"

There was no response, but it was miles better than the tortured screams that Belikov had been subjected to, so I decided to pursue. I cracked the door slightly, so I was able to peer into the dwelling. A beam of light from the hallway was a stark contrast to the hollow blackness of the room, and I had this irrational fear that the small glow would be swallowed whole by the darkness that dominated the small space. I took a deep breath and plunged through the threshold, quickly closing the door behind me.