Attack of the Mary-Sue!
The Harry Potter fandom and many others have been waging war against the venomous beings of all fanfiction: the Mary Sue. When one enters the Harry Potter world and infects the characters with its unrealistic and annoying qualities, it's up to Harry Potter to hop through many universes to stop the spread, before it destroys the very fabric of fanfiction as we know it!
Chapter One: Infection
In a quiet, suburban town, there sits an adolescent girl typing away on her computer. She had experienced a bad day at school and decided to escape from her dreary existence in the best way she knows how: fanfiction. Fanfiction is the only realm she can truly be herself; she enjoys spending her days reading other peoples' work, sometimes being bold enough to leave a comment or two. Most of it is appraise over how well-written the characters are, how the flow seems to make sense, and how the plot is rich and inviting. But there is one thing she secretly wanted to do: write actual fanfiction.
She had so many ideas for good stories; they're crammed into her math notebook to pass the time. But when she gets the time to sit down and type, she falls short and shies away.
But this time, this night, is going to be different.
She had finished reading the last book of Harry Potter. And, needless to say, she was disappointed.
Ginerva Weasley is Harry's wife? How ridiculous! She never particularly liked Ginny; her character is so… ugh.
What if Harry dated someone else?
The gears are turning in her head.
What if he dated someone who is smart, pretty, and a way better alternative to that trollop Ginny?
She'd be funny, have a cool name, awesome fashion sense, great hair and…
She looks at herself in the mirror.
Be a better version of her.
That night she began to write.
Her character formed, the plot written, and the romance sizzling; she read her story over and over and can't contain her happiness. Certainly writing this good can't be enjoyed alone, right?
She logs on to her account on and builds up the courage to submit. She writes her title, enters a summary, and enters the necessary information to make the process go faster. Her mouse hovers over the Enter button.
To send or not to send?
What if someone doesn't like her story?
What if she gets bad reviews and embarrassing comments?
What if no one reads it at all?
"Dinner!"
Her mother calls downstairs. Out of reflex, her finger clicks the button and her story has been submitted.
Mortification and worry etched on her face, she tries to find a way to erase it, but when her mother's voice gets more urgent she resigns to leaving it posted and hopes for the best. She logs off her account and closes down her computer and goes downstairs for dinner.
What's the worst that could happen?
It's just a story, right?
Harry stands at attention at the gates of his world, eyeing for any activity. Lately the infestation has gone down, but there are a few that can slip through the cracks.
"You alright, mate?"
Ron walks towards him, eyes crossed with worry. Hickeys and bruises adorn his neck; seems another writer has featured him and Draco in another smut. Harry waves him off.
"I'm alright, Ron. I'm just tired. I had fought off three of them this week."
"They keep coming; they get stronger and stronger every submission. Seems some of them don't know when to stop making them." Ron sighs.
"If we're not careful, they could destroy our world." Harry responds gravely.
"Look on the bright-side, mate. We can monitor our world for a possible threat. We know the signs, the symptoms. We can attack them before they could do any harm."
Before Harry could respond, he notices something very ominous on the horizon.
"Oh, my Merlin."
Two Hearts
by Ravenxoxo27
A new girl comes to Hogwarts and catches the eye of Harry Potter! Her name is Hitsuko Dahlia Ravencroft. She's smart, beautiful, and stronger than Voldemort! Harry falls in love with her and they must deal with their lives as roommates and lovers! But not before facing Lord Voldemort and the evil Ginny! Will their love prevail? How will they handle Draco Malfoy's affections for her? Read and find out!
"Oh." Said Ron.
"My." Said Harry.
"Fucking." Said Ron.
"Merlin." The two men said in unison.
"Tee-hee!" A high-pitched giggle catches their attention.
They turn their head and see her.
She stands tall, with black hair held in two pigtails that spiral down to her knees. Her skin is the rich color of chocolate, her long elegant legs greet the eye through her ruffled miniskirt. She has two colored eyes: One purple and one blue. She wears a Hogwarts uniform but with modifications; it looks like a Lolita dress with all the lace and cute print. She smiles and Harry notices her fangs. Ron notices her cat ears. They both notice her wand that looks strikingly similar to Voldemort's. She strides towards them, trips on (wait for it) her shoelaces and falls gracefully to her knees. The sun beams down on her delicate frame and her eyes sparkle. She holds her head down in embarrassment as she rises up, trying (and failing) to look meek and innocent.
Ron collapses to the ground, blood gushing out of his nose.
Soon, more girls like her come, some more garish and tacky in characterization. The horror of it all.
The Mary Sue has come stronger than ever.
Harry's world has once again become infected.
AN: Alright, I'm doing something a little different. Alright. I want you guys to write the most cringe-inducing, mind-boggling Mary-Sue you can think of. I'm talking about Mary Sues so bad your eyes bleed while writing them. I'll see if I can jot some down for the Mary-Sue Battalion. More chapters coming up! Thanks for reading!