The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya

Haruhi's POV

I tapped my fingers along the computer desk. Waiting. For what exactly, I cannot say. Even I, Haruhi Suzumiya myself am not certain. I guess I'm just hoping that someday something so wildly amazing and so dazzlingly brilliant will happen that the world will look at me and say: Haruhi Suzumiya is special.

And then there's Kyon. I don't know how, and I don't know why, but for some reason, Kyon has popped my bubble. Kyon has destroyed the door that locks me away from all normal human being perspectives.

I now have these feelings that I just can't describe...something along the lines of pure happiness and total devastation. I get the feeling that I'm bipolar...which is odd because I've never had those feelings before. I'm different around Kyon, that's for sure.

The thing is though, I'm still not satisfied. Not that I ever have been. The only time I have ever felt truly at ease is when Kyon and I first kissed...but that was a long time ago...my stomach flips just thinking about it! It's terrible, but then again wonderful...

It's almost as if when Kyon and I are together, I feel like I am special, like I am unique. But, I don't feel that way any other time. It's not normal for me! I'm not supposed to feel this way!

I sigh. It is quiet in the club-room today, not that it usually isn't. Kyon has probably forgotten all about our kiss and is moving on to look at some more of Mikuru's pictures. Not that I care. I'm not supposed to care. Haruhi Suzumiya is not supposed to care about Kyon or any other boys!

So why am I feeling this way? Why am I feeling so devastated when I'm not with him? It's all so confusing...and I hate it! I wish I could go back to the way life was without Kyon...but then I wouldn't feel so happy and complete when I'm with him...

"Hey guys! I know what we're going to do today!" I yelled out to everyone's dismay. I grinned at the sound of Kyon's moans. Ha, so he would actually have to get off his lazy butt and work today, serves him right.

"Now, Mikuru, I want you to dress up in your little red bunny girl costume today! Don't ask any questions, you will all know in time! It's going to be so much fun!" I beamed. Now this was more like it. When I was up and running I didn't have time to think about silly things like Kyon, and that's how I wanted to keep it.

Mikuru whimpered, and Kyon and Koizumi were already leaving out in the hall.

"Now, Mikuru, are you going to change yourself, or am I going to have to make you again?" I asked.

"I-I think I c-can do it m-myself," Mikuru choked.

"Oh, don't be such a baby, Mikuru. Isn't this so much better than what a normal person does? We're going to have so much fun! You know, your whining is really starting to piss me off." I frowned. Mikuru needed to learn to be brave and to take chances! She was always so shy and scared, I wondered how she lived life.

"Well don't just sit there, Mikuru, hop to it! Kyron and Koizumi are waiting!" Mikuru started unzipping her skirt, and I did the same.

"Wh-what do you have in mind for us to do today, Ms. Suzumiya?" Mikuru asked, her lower lip quivering.

"Today, we're going to look for more aliens, espers, or even time travelers, but also, we're going to the film festival! They're ranking all of the hit movies of the year, and we're just bound to be in the top ten! Also, I'm sure they'll want some autographs or something!" I smiled my genuine smile.

"Is that all?" Mikuru asked, not sounding very excited or surprised.

"Y-yes." I said quietly, my smile fading. That was all. I, Haruhi Suzumiya, had nothing to do. I sighed. Life was still as boring as always, and I could do nothing about it. Maybe this was how it was meant to be. Just me being a normal person, doing normal things. Maybe things were just better off that way...

Maybe I shouldn't have started the SOS Brigade...because sooner or later, life's still boring, and you'll have nothing else to do. As I thought more about this, I realized that I had practically damaged and traumatized the lives of Koizumi, Mikuru, Yuki,...and Kyon. My shoulders fell, and I picked up my skirt.

"Don't worry about it, Mikuru. We're not going. You don't have to put on the stupid costume."

Mikuru was speechless as I walked out of the club-room door. "You guys can go back inside." I told Koizumi and Kyon out in the hallway. "I'm going home." I hung my shoulders and walked silently home.

I, Haruhi Suzumiya, have given up.

so obviously there are going to be more chapters. I don't know whether this will be a very big or good thing or not but I love this anime series and the novels so idk i just thot id do it(: rawrr. have a good nite!:D