A/N: creative title i knoooow

Sometimes I worry about Dan.

Of course, it's normal to worry about the person you care for.

But I worry about him a lot. He spends a lot of time locked up in his room, trying to improve his piano playing. He says that it sounds like rubbish compared to other pianists, but I really like his music!

And I'm not just saying that because I fancy him. And yes, I do fancy him. My feelings started being more and more noticeable to me after we got done with season 1 of TheSuperAmazingProject. It started off as just a curiosity to know more about him, then it grew into a crush, and now I've plain fallen for the man.

Once, I remember listening to him answer some questions to fans through a livestream. I only caught a bit of his sentence: "..I hate everything about myself; Just ask somebody who knows me," I was shocked that he would think that about himself, and it made me love him more.

No no no, I did not just use the 'L' word. I just fancy him. It's not love yet.

The keyword here is: Yet.

As I wake up, I stretch out onto my bed. I can see that the sun is just starting to rise, and I can hear something from Dan's room. It's a soft, muffled and faint sound, but it's there:

I can hear Dan crying.

I jump out of my bed, throw on a pair of pants (which happen to be laser kitty patterned) and put my glasses on.

I walk down the short hall that divides Dan and I's rooms. I can hear the faint crying of Dan in his room. It's soft, so it means that he doesn't want to be found out. He's just crying because he can't stop, and it plain breaks my heart. I raise my hand and gently knock on his door. "..Dan?" I ask, sounding as gentle as I can. "G-Go away." He stutters. I can hear the shifting noise of his feet, and I can tell he's walking to the door to lock it.

Before he can, I take my hand on the handle and open the door gently. What I see before me breaks my heart. "Dan..." His face his littered with marks of tears, and some fresh ones are running down his cheeks. His normally straight hair is not curly and hobbit-like. His eyes say that he's scared.

When I look him over, I'm glad to say that he's not been physically harming himself. I realize he's shaking, and I pull him into a hug with little effort. "Oh Dan, what's happened?" I ask gently, wanting to keep my voice down; I felt like if I raised it at all, he would shatter. "N-Nothing, Phil...I'm o-okay." He says.

"Then why are you crying? Did something happen online?" I ask him, rubbing small circles into the small of his back. He makes a slight gasping noise that happens when you cry too much. "...N-Nothing happened online..I'm fine, it's nothing.." I pull away from him. "Dan." I say, slightly in a stern voice. "I'm your best mate, don't lie to me."

He looks down at his feet, and I want to cry too as he starts to cry slightly heavier. "...I-it's just that I-I disappoint my fans when-n I don't t-t-tell them...About what's goin-ng on in my l-life...I j-just feel bad that-that I can't make them happy..." He's so quiet, that I almost don't hear him saying: "..I hate myself so much." under his breath.

My heart shatters and falls down into a pit in my stomach. I pull Dan into a big, long hug and let him cry onto my shoulder. "Shh, Shh...It's okay, Dan.." I start to rub circles into his back again. "I'm sure you don't disappoint them, Dan, I think they just get happier because they know the next thing coming is going to be great.."

I sit onto Dan's bed, still hugging him. He climbs into my lap with his head still resting in the crook of my neck, and my heart skips several beats. He mumbles, "I'm so, so sorry for acting like this, Phil.." I can't help but chuckle. "I don't mind, Dan. The only think you need to be sorry for is not telling me sooner." I say, resting my head onto his shoulder. "...But, Dan, I need you to tell me the whole truth."

It takes him about five minutes until he responds, but I have enough patience. "...I..I just think that...that people hate me...I'm sorry.."

Now I want to cry. "Shh, Shh...N-No one hates you..Don't be sorry, please, because it's all okay.." I hug him tighter and close my eyes. I've only been awake for 30 minutes and I'm already tiered. Pushing my sleepiness aside, I notice that his sobbing has gone down to a drip on my shoulder every now and again. "Are you better?" I ask. "...Yeah..I-I'm okay now- thank you, Phil."

I suppose he realizes that he's sitting in my lap, and he quickly roles off of me. "Come on, I'll make us some breakfast." Before I know what I'm doing, I wipe the left-over tears from his face and smile. He smiles slightly; it was small-small enough so that his dimples don't show. "Okay."

He looks so innocent, so fragile, with dried tears staining his face. His eyes are a lighter shade of brown in the early morning light, the tips of his hair seeming to glow in the same light. He looks so beautiful that I...

Smooch!

Before I know what I'm doing, I feel something warm and soft against my lips.

I did not just kiss Dan Howell.

But the gentle, unsure and moving pressure of Dan's lips tells my mind otherwise.