Okay, I have no idea where this came from. It's complete crack. But I haven't actually read the story for years, so I'm just cutting it short.
Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, The Wizard of Oz or any of the names listed below.
Once upon a time, there lived a youngling femme named Bumblebee.
Bumblebee: Wait, why am I a femme?
Just go with it. Anyway, she lived with her pet dog Ironhide.
Ironhide: WHAT THE FRAG!? I ain't nobody's pet dog!
… (tapes masking tape over Ironhide's mouth)
Ironhide: MMMMMPH!!!
Right. One day, a hurricane blew and Bumblebee's house was picked up and tossed to a far away land! And it lands with a muffled "OWWWWW!!!!"
Bumblebee: That wasn't very muffled.
… And it lands with a muffled ear-piercing "OWWWWW!!!!"
Ironhide: (rips off masking tape) That sounded like Prowl.
You. The dog. Shut up. (points giant cannon at Ironhide.)
Ironhide: Hey, that's MINE!
Not anymore. (twirls cannon around)
Ironhide: Grrr...
When Bumblebee emerged from the house, she saw a group of Mini-cons gathered around her.
Bumblebee: How is it that the house is still intact?
Mini-cons: (insert beeping)
Bumblebee and Ironhide: ????
Highwire: You saved us.
Bumblebee: From what?
Highwire: Evil Wicked Witch. Reports.
Prowl: (muffled) HEY!
Highwire: Thank you.
Ironhide: Eh, at least there won't be paperwork.
Dog's don't talk.
Ironhide: …
Bumblebee: So, erm, do you know how to get back to... (glances at script) Kan-sas?
Highwire: No.
Bumblebee: Ah well, according to this poorly-written script, at least I can take Prowl's-
*Ahem *
Bumblebee: -the Wicked Witch's shoes. (puts the 'shoes' on)
Prowl: (muffled) MY FEET!!!
Highwire: Follow. Yellow Brick Road. Find Wizard of Oz.
Ironhide: How can there be bricks on Cybertron? There's no soil on Cybertron!
Shut it. Bumblebee and her obnoxious dog then set off on a journey of epic proportions! To find the Wizard of Oz!
Jazz: Hey, someone get me down from here!
Bumblebee: What was that?
Ironhide: Eh, must be Jazz as the brainless scarecrow.
The duo continues walking.
Jazz: HEY!!!! I'll start singing High School Musical songs!
Bumblebee: ALRIGHT! We'll help you! (gets Jazz off a stick) Primus, you're heavy!
Jazz: Hey, thanks little femme! May I follow you on your journey to whereever you're going?
Bumblebee: Sure!
Ironhide: Just don't sing. Please.
Jazz: Fine. Anyway, where are you 2 going on a not-so-fine day like this? (points at overcast sky with lightning in the distance)
Bumblebee: We're off to see the Wizard of ODEX!
Note: ODEX is the company in Singapore which distributes anime.
Jazz: The Wizard? Everyone knows that he- (is interrupted by the narrator)
The trio then continue their journey.
Jazz: You know what I want from the Wizard? I want a giant screen TV! And a killer surround sound system!
Ironhide: (mumbles) I think you need a brain most.
On their journey, they hear a faint cry coming from deep within a forest.
Ratchet: MY AFT ITCHES! SOMEONE HELP!
The trio goes in to investigate. There, they see the Tin Man AKA the Hatchet.
Ratchet: I'm going to ignore that. Anyway, can you help me scratch my aft? It itches so badly!
Ironhide: Fine. (scratches)
Ratchet: Ahhhhh.... yesss......
Ironhide: Bye.
The trio runs off.
Ratchet: HEY! COME BACK HERE!
A wrench comes flying towards Ironhide, knocking him out.
Bumblebee: What seems to be the problem, sir?
Ratchet: (points at huge mass of bubblegum sticking him to a tree trunk with his tongue) Slaggin' twins.
Jazz: Why are there even trees on Cybertron?
Can it, Scarecrow.
Ironhide: (wakes up) How did you even throw that wrench when you're stuck to the tree?
Ratchet: Don't ask.
Jazz: Yay! Gum! (licks up all the gum and starts chewing)
Bumblebee and Ratchet: EWWWWWW!!!!
Ratchet: Anyway, thanks kid. Allow me to follow you on your journey.
Bumblebee: Sure! We're going to see the Wizard of Ozzy Osborne!
Ratchet: The Wizard? Everyone knows he- (is interrupted by the narrator)
The 3 bots resume their journey to the Kingdom of Oz.
Ironhide: Hey, what do you mean 3? I'm a bot!
Ratchet: (throws another wrench at Ironhide)
Jazz: Where do you get all these wrenches?
Ratchet: Same place Prime's trailer goes.
Jazz: Ohhh...
Ironhide: (rubbing side of head) This guy really needs a spark.
The 3-
Ironhide: 4.
- 4 mismatched bots make their way towards Oz. Then they see a red and blue figure squatting under a tree.
Optimus Prime: Spider... spider... spider...
Bumblebee: Prime? What's wrong?
Optimus Prime: Spider... SPIDER!!! (extends blade and slices a tiny spider cleanly in half)
Ratchet: Oh no! What has the lion done to you, poor spider? (picks up remains of spider)
Jazz: I knew this guy had issues, but MAN!
Optimus Prime: (glare)
Jazz: (shrinks away) Meep!
Ironhide: How can there even be spiders on Cybertron??
… Last warning, DOG.
Ironhide: (sulks)
Optimus Prime: So, little one, where are you going?
Bumblebee: We're going to see the Wizard of Oxymoron!
Optimus Prime: But everyone know the Wizard is... (sigh) I better go with you. Besides, I can't put my spark at ease when you're travelling with these 3.
So the... 5 bots make their way once again to the Kingdom of Oz. There, they are greeted by 2 guards.
Ratchet: You... You two...
Sideswipe: He looks mad, bro.
Sunstreaker: Oh gee, I wonder who's fault that is. (rolls optics)
Bumblebee: Guards, may we pass through? We wish to see the Wizard of Oranges.
Sideswipe: But the Wizard is- (mouth is covered by Sunstreaker)
Sunstreaker: Quiet! Don't spoil the surprise! Anyway, you may enter. But you must calibrate your optics to infra-red.
5 bots: FOR WHAT!?
Sideswipe: It's the rules.
Sunstreaker: Now, you may enter.
Ratchet: (passing the twins) You two. My office after all this.
Twins: (gulp)
As the 5 bots stroll through the city, they marvel at the city's infra-redness.
Jazz: Wow, no wonder they call this the Infra-red City!
Ironhide: He definitely needs a brain.
In the middle of the city stands a giant tower.
Bumblebee: There! That must be where the Wizard of Omakes live!
The bots enter the tower, only to be greeted by a floating bathtub.
Bumblebee: Are you the Wizard of Oxes?
The bathtub turns to look at Bumblebee.
Wizard: Maybe.
Bumblebee: You're green.
Wizard: Side effect.
Bumblebee: … So... can you get me back to Kan-sas?
Wizard: No.
5 bots: WHAT!?
Wizard: You must first do something for me first before I may grant each of your ridiculous wishes.
Jazz: Oh come on, I've suffered enough with Ironhide!
Optimus Prime: …
Ironhide: Bark.
Ratchet: Why you... (throws wrench at holographic bathtub, but it passes through)
Wizard: You must defeat the other Wicked Witch.
Bumblebee: Where?
Wizard: Here.
A security guard shoves Ultra Magnus to the front.
Ultra Magnus: (still holding a stack of datapads containing reports) Huh?
Optimus Prime: PAPERWORK!!! GET HIM!!!!
The 5 bots leap onto Ultra Magnus and disassembles his armour.
Ultra Magnus: AHHH!!!! I'm naked!!!
Optimus Prime: You look like me. You're not naked.
Ultra Magnus: Oh. Do you want a report on this, sir?
Optimus Prime: NOO!!!! PAPERWORK!!!!!!!!!
Ironhide: Eh...
Bumblebee: Okay, Wizard of Oreo. We've defeated the Wicked Witch. Now can you get me back to Kan-sas?
Wizard: No.
5 bots: WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?
The impact of the soundwaves triggered an explosion, causing the bathtub to flicker before a huge explosion blew the whole building to pieces. Among the wreckage was a trembling Wheeljack curled up into a ball.
Wheeljack: Don't hurt Wheeljack... Don't hurt Wheeljack...
Ironhide: Wheeljack. Figures.
Wheeljack: ALRIGHT! I'll help you all!
The stuff the bots get:
Jazz – Spaghetti
Jazz: Yay! Brains! (eats spaghetti)
Ratchet – A spark chamber
Ratchet: Just what I needed. Orns ago. (tosses in the general direction of a recently dug grave)
Optimus Prime – Pesticide spray
Optimus Prime: No more spiders... yess...
Ironhide – A muzzle and a leash
Ironhide: ….............
Bumblebee – A passport
Bumblebee: Thanks Wizard of Oinks! Now I can return to Kan-sas!
Bumblebee then boards a conveniently-placed private jet and takes off for Kansas.
THE END
Ironhide: … Hey! What about me!!!!
Ratchet: (throws Jazz at Ironhide)
As I said, it makes no sense.
Please review if possible! All reviews will go to my non-existant Gunpla fund!