A/N:Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all!
I have been working on this fic for a year! I started writing in December of 2007, but I never finished it in time for Christmas. Over the year, I wrote more and perfected it. So please enjoy this year-long project, a Naruto-holiday-humor OneShot, Kristmas in Konoha
By the way... I intend on making a sequel, which will continue this story and cover Santa bringing presents and Christmas day. It will come out sometime next Christmas.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any of its characters, I don't own the joke about Sasuke versus the Log, which is from Naruto the Abridged Series, and I don't own The Night Before Christmas.
Kristmas in Konoha
'Twas the day before Christmas and the ninjas throughout
Konoha were minding their business as they walked about.
The beginning of this story does not really rhyme,
But please read this Christmas tale if you have the time.
One day, something landed on the sidewalks of Konoha. A random ninja stopped walking and stared at it. Soon, others gathered around and also stared at the strange thing.
"It must be a genjutsu! Kai!" said one of the ninja.
Nothing happened.
"Kai! Kai! KAI!!" The ninja was frantic. "WHY ISN'T IT WORKING?!
The other ninja began panicking, and yelling things like "IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!" and other such insane things.
The source of the hysteria was a small...
White...
Fluffy...
Snowflake.
Naruto, one of the ninja who had first noticed the snowflake, ran towards the Hokage's office as more snow fell.
Oba-chan will know what to do, right? RIGHT?
As Naruto ran to find Tsunade, he ran into his teammates Sakura and Sasuke, his Sensei Kakashi, and the other genin teams and sensei of Konoha. Among them were Shino, Ino, Hinata, Kiba, Shikamaru, Choji (who was eating a bag of potato chips as usual), Neji, Lee, Tenten, Asuma, Kurenai, and Gai. They were also on their way to see Tsunade.
"OBA-CHAN!" shouted Naruto as he walked into Tsunade's office.
"For goodness sake, WHAT DO YOU WANT?" yelled Tsunade with a super-anime mad face. It was hideous, and even more so because Tsunade had forgotten to use the jutsu that makes her look younger. (She can change her looks, but technically, her mind is that of a forgetful old biddy.)Naruto fainted at the sight. He was quickly revived, and the topic of the snow was immediately brought to the Fifth Hokage's attention.
"Well everyone, I understand that it normally doesn't snow in the Land of Fire and it may seem strange, but I assure you snow is completely harmless."
"Are you sure? That's what someone told me about those shuriken stars," said Kakashi.
MINI FLASHBACK!
"Hey Kakashi, wanna play catch with shuriken?" asked Uchiha Obito.
"But wouldn't that be dangerous?" said Kakashi.
"Nope, shuriken are completely harmless!"
"OK!"
THUNK!
"Ow! MY EYE!"
END OF MINI FLASHBACK!
Heh, heh, but I got my revenge, thought Kakashi, absentmindedly tapping the headband that hid his Sharingan eye.
"But this snow reminds me of an idea I've had for quite some time, so I may as well tell you now: Christmas will be celebrated in Konoha," said Tsunade.
"What's Christmas?" asked Naruto.
"It's the day you get lots of PRESENTS!" exclaimed a voice from the back. Everyone turned to see who it was.
It was Neji.
He blushed and resorted back to his usual emotionless face."Or so I've heard…" he mumbled feebly, then walked out of the room.
Once the laughing had subsided, Ino asked Tsunade, "But who brings the presents?"
"Well, people buy some gifts for each other, but most presents are delivered by Santa Claus."
"Who's he?" asked the genin in unison.
Tsunade began to realize that this conversation was taking too long, and decided to simplify things. "He's a fat white-bearded old man who dresses in red."
"Like old man Third?" asked Naruto.
"No!"
"So Santa Claus comes and gives us gifts?"
Tsunade nodded. "He rides around the world on a sleigh pulled by reindeer, comes down the chimney, takes the milk and cookies that have been left out for him, and puts gifts under your Christmas tree."
"So what you're saying," said Kiba, "Is that some old fat guy breaks into houses all over the world, steals milk and cookies, and gives us free stuff?"
"Basically...yes."
"COOL."
"How are we to prepare for this so-called 'Christmas'?" asked Shino, who had not spoken yet. As a matter of fact, this was the first time anyone remembered him speaking in the last five months about something other than bugs. "Oh yeah, and I like bugs," he added.
"Don't worry, everyone. We have plenty of time. It's only about...a month away," said Tsunade, looking at her calendar.
"Hokage-sama, your calendar is off," said Shizune, pointing to Tsunade's calendar, which was still on the month of November.
"Oh, no problem." She turned the page. "We still have – ONE DAY? Hurry! Decorate for Christmas fast! Go, go, GO!"
"But HOW?"
"Use tacky light-up decorations! Cut down a pine tree, bring it home and decorate it!!"
"But there are no pine trees in Konoha!" Asuma yelled frantically.
"THEN USE GENJUTSU ON A LOG TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE A PINE TREE!" yelled Tsunade.
The log...thought Sasuke, his eyes narrowing.
As everyone ran outside Tsunade added, "Don't forget to write a letter to Santa Claus!!"
Everyone hurried to go decorate. Once they were gone, she quickly made a series of complicated hand signs.
"Fast Decorating no Jutsu!"
Poof!
The office and outside of the building were immediately filled with plastic Santa, fake snow, flashing lights, and numerous other decorations including two live reindeer on the roof.
"Boy, that was tiring. Shizune, go home and decorate. I'm going to take a look around and see how everyone is doing on the decorating."
"Yes, Hokage-sama!" said Shizune, and dashed off to decorate.
Meanwhile, in the rest of Konoha...
The ninja weren't decorating their apartments with care,
They were so confused about Christmas they ripped out their hair.
"Shino, what lovely Christmas lights!" remarked Tsunade, walking by the Aburame residence, which now had what appeared to be flashing lights hanging all along the trim of the house.
"Those are fireflies," replied Shino.
"Okayyyyy..." that creeped out Tsunade a bit. She continued walking.
In another part of the village, Gai was challenging Kakashi to another stupid challenge.
"Kakashi, my eternal rival! I challenge you to...whomever can decorate his house the fastest!"
"Alright then. Fast Decorating no Jutsu!" Kakashi's house was now decorated with inflatable snowmen, a life-sized Santa, and so many lights that it looked like the whole house was made of light bulbs and wire.
"How did you do that?" asked Gai, dumbfounded.
"I used the Sharingan to copy the jutsu Tsunade used when she decorated her office."
"Darn it! Then I challenge you to-"
"Present shopping spree? Already done," said Kakashi, who had over a dozen bags filled with gifts in them.
"Well, how about a-"
"Bake-off? Finished."
Gai cried anime tears all day.
Dear Santa, wrote Naruto,
Dear Santa,
Hi, I'm Uzumaki Naruto! I'm going to become Hokage. I like ramen, but I don't like the time I have to wait for ramen to be ready. I've never asked for anything for Christmas before, but I'd really, really, really like to get a lifetime supply of ramen. Believe it!
Sincerely,
Uzumaki Naruto (future Hokage!)
P.S. Believe it!
Santa Claus, wrote Sasuke...
Santa Claus (if that is your real name...)-
The only thing that I want for Christmas is something that no one could give me, but I'll ask for it anyway.
I want to defeat the log.
Oh … and I want to kill my brother.
- Uchiha Sasuke
P.S. I hate you.
P.P.S. I hate you and I don't believe in you.
At that moment, a log with a genjutsu to make it look like a Christmas tree fell on top of Sasuke.
"CURSE YOU, LOG!"
Dear Mr. Santa Claus,wrote Sakura,
Hello, how are you? I hope you are doing well. As for me, I've been an extra-good kunoichi this year, so I was wondering, if it isn't too much trouble for you, all I want for Christmas is Uchiha Sasuke.
Sincerely,
Haruno Sakura.
Meanwhile, in Sunagakure…
"An urgent message from Konoha!" shouted a Sand-ninja as he held a messenger bird, "They've sent their fastest carrier!"
"Hurry! Get the decoders!"
12 hours of meticulous decoding later…
"Okay, I think I've finally got it. Me…ri…Ku…ri…su…ma…su. Meri Kurisumasu."
" 'Merry Christmas?' "
Meanwhile, in the Akatsuki lair…
"TOBI! Get down from the Christmas tree!" pleaded Pein.
"Tobi isn't coming down until Tobi is accepted into the Akatsuki."
"Here's your present Deidara," said Sasori, handing him a gift.
Deidara ripped off the carefully wrapped paper. Inside was a puppet, hand-crafted by Sasori.
"Wow! This'll make an awesome explosion, un!"
Sasori's eye twitched.
Deidara took out a package. "I got something for you, too!"
Sasori carefully unwrapped the carelessly wrapped package. Inside was a highly detailed clay sculpture. "Wow, this is really nice."
"Yeah! Lemme show you how it works, un!" Deidara put his hands together and preformed a few hand signs.
Sasori's present exploded. Little pieces of clay and dust landed in the puppet master' s red hair, making him look 20 years older. The ex-sand ninja's eye twitched again as he brushed the gift's remnants out of his hair.
"How…thoughtful."
The day was ending. The villagers had managed to finish decorating and buying gifts despite the lack of time. Even the Anbu were getting into the Christmas spirit; every single Black Ops ninja wore a Santa hat along with the usual Anbu mask. Ninja were caroling through the streets and on the rooftops.
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle All the way,
O what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh, hey!
Sasuke couldn't take it anymore.
"That's IT! I'm leaving this cheery Christmas dump and joining Orochimaru!" declared the Uchiha, and ran off in some random direction towards wherever Orochimaru's hideout was.
Meanwhile, in Orochimaru's lair...
"Time for gingerbread cookies!" called Orochimaru, pulling a hot tray of gingerbread cookies out of the oven. The Sound Four and Kabuto gathered into the kitchen.
"Orochimaru-sama," said Kabuto cautiously, "I don't mean to be rude or anything, but how is baking cookies shaped like people going to aid us in our plan to destroy Konoha and get Uchiha Sasuke to join us?"
"One word, my Harry Potter look-a-like friend: Voodoo. With these cookies, I will - JIROBO! STOP EATING THE COOKIES!"
Jirobo was shoveling down trays of cookies. Kidomaru, who wanted some, grabbed as many as his six hands would allow. Sakon, not wanting to miss out on the sweets, had Ukon use his ability to grab the remaining gingerbread men.
"These cookies taste like crap," muttered Tayuya, munching on a cookie.
Orochimaru gave an exasperated sigh, then grabbed the last gingerbread man and bit its head off.
"Wow, I just got this major headache all of a sudden!"
Orochimaru looked at the cookie. It was shaped like Kabuto. The Sanin shrugged and gobbled up the rest of it.
"So, who's up for eggnog?"