Embers in the breeze
AN: I'm new to fanfiction, I have no idea what I'm doing here;;;; I recently devoured the first KoTOR game and wow, I've never been so captivated by a game before. And then I saw the sad lack of fanfic, and decided to contribute. Carth Onasi is my husband and he's such a precious cinnamon roll.
So for context, this story would take place after the events of Kotor one, pretending kotor 2 doesn't happen, and carth and my revan, Tanna Tetra, get to live happily-ish-ever-after. Its still in the air if I want this to be a standalone or multichapter fic. This would be Carth's perspective ( im still working on revan's perspective) about the events of kotor and the aftereffects.
The title and some parts are inspired by the song "Wake Up" by Makari.
Crossposted to ao3 under my acct glittergaunt there
leave these broken parts
Carth Onasi doesn't know what to do on those days when Tanna returns from her meditation, from the Jedi temple looking utterly exhausted by the Jedi Order and their black-and-white views that despite her best efforts, she has never quite been able to adhere to. It's that dichotomy of extremes that had drawn her to becoming Revan so long ago, he knew that much. Carth Onasi may not have been Force-sensitive, but even he could tell the world was mostly greys, not black, and not white, as his old friend Jolee had said what felt like a lifetime ago.
Carth is out of his depth here. He never expected to find love again. He never expected to love possibly the strongest Force-wielder in the universe. The way she walked, the way her eyes glazed with intensity at everything she did never ceased to astonish him.
Carth is a man paralyzed by forces outside of his control. He wasn't sure if he believed in destiny, but that didn't stop destiny from showing up every moment in his life, like clockwork, controlling his entire doubtful existence. Tanna would have said that with the Force, coincidences do not exist and destiny did, and maybe he was starting to believe her.
Carth and Tanna left the end of the war and tried to settle into a quiet, peaceful life, although it took more effort than it should have. A life with Tanna would never be completely peaceful. She still jumped at unexpected sounds. She still woke from nightmares constantly, breath heavy and head swiveling around in a fanatical state looking for the sign of danger.
And she still, years later, was dealing with the revelation of her past, and all of her experiences.
Being tortured and turned to the Dark Side, then having your memories wiped and reprogrammed to become a puppet working for the Jedi order's agenda; any lesser woman would have broken.
But Revan was no ordinary woman. It was hard to believe that in his bed, sleeping softly, small and fragile, was once an all-powerful Sith Lord. That past was a past that still haunted her.
He had long forgiven her for her past, mostly, but she couldn't seem to forgive herself. She was a woman drowning in an endless ocean of guilt.
And that fact itself was what most troubled Carth.
Carth was a man out of his depth with the Force and the Jedi, and he despised feeling so helpless. Yet something kept him here, gravitating towards her. He felt it the very first time he saw her, some unknown external force pushing him towards her, two magnets in the galaxy, pushed together by war and loss, two souls, gravitating towards the embrace of the other.
He examined her freckled, tanned shoulder, that was lined with scars. He couldn't fix those, but he had tried, if kissing them all gently had counted for that. The feeling that she was just a conduit for an external force so large that he couldn't comprehend often left him feeling almost nauseous.
The feeling was hot bile in his throat, sickening him from the inside-out. The feeling was ice cold deep in his heart, paralyzing him into a frozen, immovable state.
She was just one woman, and somehow she had nearly destroyed the galaxy, and then been tasked with putting it back in order, after losing all recollection of her former self, being forced to become a new person on that path.
The woman that slept before him was intense fire, burning brighter than he could comprehend. She was blinding flame, and he had been helpless in her wake to ignore how drawn he was towards her. She was wildfire, dangerous and strong-willed.
The only thing he could offer her was a calm to douse the flames when her destiny and the galaxy seemed a huge wildfire, burning everything in its path, Tanna included. The only thing Carth had to offer was his embrace and his quiet, steady voice when she was having a particularly bad nightmare. And somehow, that was always was enough for her.