Author's Note: Okay, there's no yaoi in this one but it is funny.... there will be yaoi in the next one.... so review
"Are you really going to mope all day? You are seriously a downer. Is this because of Renji?" asked Rukia who was perched in Ichigo's closet.
"don't you have some mysterious lover to meet?" Ichigo asked more or less talking into his pillow.
"Oh, how could I forget. I sold you to Kenpachi." Rukia joked knowing Ichigo would cringe when someone said Kenpachi.
"Did you know Renji had a thing for Kenpachi?" Ichigo choked trying to hold back the want to strangle Renji.
"Renji will fuck any guy, crippled, retarded, whatever." Rukia laughed as Ichigo chuckled into his pillow.
"You speak from experience?" asked Ichigo as Rukia's face turned bright red.
"No! I'm not a guy but I bet you know all about him." she tried to cover her embarrassment but to no avail.
"Change subject, now." Ichigo pleaded into his pillow. Rukia frowned, she hated seeing him like this. Ichigo was normally so stubborn and would have chased Renji to the ends of the earth. Yet, he was moping. He had locked all his friends out...
"So whats the deal with Aizen and Gin? More than friends?" Rukia asked knowing Ichigo had "sources".
"Aizen's keeping Gin more or less as a pet. Gin would rather fuck Izuru but he admires Aizen so....... yeah." Ichigo mumbled into his soaked pillow.
"Whoa, I knew it! Rangiku owns us drinks." Rukia giggled then she realized that she wanted to know where Ichigo got this information. "Where did you find that out?"
"Gin told me. I was shit-faced and so was he. He is really a lightweight. I drank more than he did." he said as Rukia jaw dropped.
"Well, of course. They're old." Rukia joked.
"Aizen's not bad looking." Ichigo said into the pillow.
"don't let Momo hear that, she'll skin you." Rukia joked knowing Momo was protective of the backstabbing Aizen.
"Did you know that Aizen stalked Renji for a while? After he saved Momo, Izuru and Renji from hollows when they were younger." Ichigo stated as Rukia had a brief flashback.
"Okay, get up and put on slutty clothes. We are going drinking!" Rukia exclaimed.
"No, I really just want to lay here." Ichigo groaned rolling his head to look out the window. He really wished that Renji would climb through the window.
"Okay," she said grabbing her phone off the table.
"Hey, wait....." Ichigo said.
"Yumachika? It's Rukia. Ichigo and I are going drinking and we were wondering if you and Kenpachi-taichou would like to join us." she said grinning wickedly as Ichigo rolled to face her, face stricken in horror.
"I think just you and I should go,"Ichigo stated.
"Yumachika? Wee had a change in plans but you are welcome to join us." she giggled before hanging up.
"Come on, get up SluttyMcMuffin." she said throwing clothes at Ichigo.
"If I'm a SluttyMcMuffin, what are you?" Ichigo sneered.
"A precious wholesome innocent girl." she joked as Ichigo jaw dropped in mock horror.
"Oh, yes because everyone knows your a perfect little angel. I think you are a hooker." he laughed as Rukia struck an odd pose.
":If I'm a hooker what are you?" she asked.
"Your pimp. See my Cadillac?" he said gesturing towards his black bicycle in the corner.
"Impressive." she said blandly.
"At least I don't have to walk everywhere. I take my Cadillac." he said once again gesturing to thee rusted black BMX bike.
"But walking is good for you." Rukia countered. "See, it gives you amazing legs." she said flashing a bit of leg and Ichigo screamed like a little girl.
There was a knock at the door. "Ichigo, did you flash Rukia?" Isshin said from the other side of the door.
"No, she flashed me. I think I'm blind." he joked as Rukia hit him with her sketchpad.
"Oh yeah I forgot..." Isshin said and then he went back downstairs to annoy Yuzu and Karin.
"Come on, pimp daddy. Get up, we're going out." she yelled.
"Jeez, your a bossy hooker." Ichigo grumbled.
"You know what, I'm the pimp and this is my Cadillac." she said aggressively taking the bicycle from the clutches of dirty laundry.
"Can you even drive your Cadillac?" he asked.
"It should be simple enough." she said.
~After Rukia's epic fail~
"I'm freezing. I should have worn more clothes" Ichigo whined sitting next to Rukia who was spinning around on her bar stool.
"Not my fault," Rukia hiccuped swilling her sake.
"Lightweight," he grumbled.
"Hey guys, look. Berry puts out." Rangiku giggled.
'Hello, Ichigo-kun." Izuru and Hanataro chimed in simultaneously.
"Hi, Hanataro what are you doing here?" Ichigo said seeing as how timid little Hanataro was out drinking.
"Well, Izuru as been moping ever since Gin left him so we decided we'd get him out." Hanataro laughed.
"Lookie, Lookie Byakuya-san. Berry puts out." Ichigo spun around to face a drunken red-head and Byakuya.
"Renji...." Ichigo snarled as the red head grinned brilliantly.