Okay. I have been inspired to write my first one shot. I was listening to the Adele song Don't you remember, and it made me think of Jason and Elizabeth. This is short and sweet, and I hope you like it. Let me know what you think. All reviews are welcome.
Liz sat down at the docks after Jason had walked away from her in the courthouse. She wandered until she wound up here as she always did after something horrible happened in her life. She looked out over the water and thought about the reasons she and Jason could not work out. She felt that the good had always outweighed the bad. She loved him more than she had loved anyone in her life. She had wanted him more than anything in her life.
She wanted him to want to be with her, but he felt that it was just too dangerous. She knew he was right after what had just happened with Jake. She felt that it was too dangerous, but that was her head. Why couldn't her heart catch up? Her heart ached as she remembered the very first time she had kissed Jason in her studio. That had been what she wanted so badly for so long. She had wanted to know what it was like to lose herself in his lips and touch, but it had been brought on by Lucky and Sarah being in bed together.
They had played cat and mouse for the next few months until finally they admitted how they felt for each other. She could still remember the second kiss they ever shared. It had been so different from the first one. It been so charged and slow building leaving her wanting more. She always wanted more when it came to Jason.
She would always want more. The years in between them that lead to the night they conceived Jake together. The hurt that had lead up that one perfect night that had started out so horrendously. Through all that pain and heart ache they had managed to find each other through the bleakness and ruin of their lives. She remembered it as if it were yesterday. She remembered everything. She would carry this regret for the rest of her life. She would regret the life she would never have with the man that she loved.
She felt the wetness on her face and realized that she was crying again. She didn't know if these tears would ever stop. She had cried so many times for Jason over the years. So many times he had walked away for her safety. It never got easier. It never dulled with the passage of time, and now she was starting all over again. The wound had been reopened after so many promises were broken. She could still hear the happiness in her voice as she finally said yes to marrying him. She had finally agreed to be his wife despite everything that could go wrong, and now none of that mattered.
She looked out as the water turned black with the coming of night. She could see the waves gently rolling along as the tide came in. She wanted to be as free as the water. She wanted be able to roll in and out without worry. She wanted to feel nothing because it had to be so much easier than feeling what she was feeling right now. Anything had to be easier than dealing with the hurt that resonated in her heart and soul.
She wondered if Jason remembered the things that she remembered. Did he feel what she was feeling? Did he hurt as much as she hurt? He had seemed so cold and distant. He was the Jason she didn't know and she barely recognized him. He was calculating how to break this off cleanly even with the tears that betrayed his coldness. She saw the pain in his eyes, and that made her hurt even more. It had made it even harder. She wanted to wrap her arms around him, and tell him it would be okay. That they would figure it out somehow.
There was no way to figure out how to stop this pain. The only thing that would stop it would be for them to be together, and that was not something they could do. Her boys were too important to both of them. How did this happen? How had she fallen for a man she could never have? What was the point in loving someone so deeply and truly if it didn't mean anything in the end?
Jason had brought her back to life again after she had lost Lucky. All the times that she had lost Lucky, Jason had been the one to pick up the pieces. Who was going to pick up the pieces now that she had lost Jason? No one could be there for her because no on agreed with her loving him. No one except Emily, and now Emily was gone.
Fresh sobs broke out as she thought of her one ally was no longer with her. Her best friend had been gone for a year yet it was still so fresh in her mind and heart. More proof that it never got any easier. Nothing in life was ever easy.
"How am I going to do this?" she asked herself out loud.
She wiped her eyes but more tears kept coming. They would never stop. Do you remember, Jason? Do you remember any of it? Is it as hard for you as it is for me? She would never know. She would never ask him. She would hardly ever see him again. There was going to be this huge void in her life that no one would be able to fill. She could only just move through her life a former ghost of herself. She would never be the person she was before Jason. She didn't even know who that person was anymore.
Who was she now? How would she be able to move forward with so much loss? She knew her boys needed her especially Jake. The thought of Jake brought more tears. He would never know his real father. He would never know the amazing person that had helped her create him. He would never know the sacrifices they had all made for him.
So many thoughts were crashing through her head that her head began to ache. Not only was her heart aching now her head was aching. Everything hurt, and she didn't know how she was going to take it. How could it be so easy for him to walk away when all she felt was the devastation? How could fate be so cruel? Does he feel this way too? Did he feel anything at all?
Liz didn't see Jason standing in the shadows watching her. He had been standing there since she had sat down. He didn't have to be inside her head to know what she was feeling because he was feeling it as well. He was feeling the stinging agony of walking away from the woman he had loved more than any other woman that had come into his life. He had wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, but the choices he had made had made that simply impossible for them. It was too dangerous. Just seeing what had happened to Michael had showed both of them how it could all change in an instant.
He could have tried hard to be with her. He could have made her a priority because she was one. She was the most important person in his life next to Jake. He watched her as she stared out at the water. He knew she was trying to make sense of it all. That's how he had ended up here. He couldn't make sense of any of it.
As right as it was for the safety of his son and Cam, it felt so wrong to walk away. He was wrestling with this decision, and at the moment his logic was winning. It had to be for the best. Their lives would go on without each other. But he couldn't remember a time that Elizabeth hadn't been a part of his life in some way, shape, or form. He had loved her for more than half of his life since he had woken up from his accident. She had taught him how to see things through her eyes. She had taught him what true love was when she had given birth to Jake. She had showed him that the simple things in life mattered just as much as the big things.
So many things they had shared, and now he was supposed to just let it go. He had tried to act like he was okay with the decision he was making for the both of them. He cursed himself when the tears had slipped through because he knew that would hurt her even more. He had ached to hold her as the tears slid down her cheeks. He loathed causing her pain.
He knew what she was thinking because he was thinking it himself. How were they supposed to just stop? Where were either of them going to go from here? He had allowed Carly to stay in his life because he knew she would never leave it. She would never just walk away from him. Maybe he wanted Elizabeth to fight that hard. Liz was not Carly. She was not selfish.
She knew in the end her boys were more important. He sighed quietly as he watched her wipe the never-ending tears away. He had tears coming from his eyes too. They hadn't stopped since he had walked away. He knew this was going to be hard. He had prepared himself, but now he knew there was no preparing for this. He knew he could never know that he would experience this much ache. This much agony.
There was a void in his life where Elizabeth used to be, and if he stayed her watching her any longer he would not be able to walk away again. As it was he could not move. He was frozen as he remembered all the time they had spent together. He had been replaying their time together in his head like a movie. Over and over again he played it so he wouldn't forget one moment, but it doing that made it that much harder.
He found himself taking a quiet step closer to her, and saw that she was crying even harder now. That was what he was feeling as well. He wanted to scream. To break something. To kill something because this was just not fair. It was not fair that he could not have the life he wanted because of the choices he had made.
He remembered and he wished he could assure her that he always would. He would remember every touch, every kiss, everything. He would love her until he died, and he would never forget what they had shared. Before he knew it he had walked down the stairs, and she looked at him startled by him just appearing in front of her. He watched her stand up with despair and confusion on her face.
He knew he shouldn't have showed himself, but he could not stop himself. He had no strength to stop. No urge. She continued to look at him and he saw everything he was feeling reflected from her eyes.
"I'm sorry," he started softly afraid to talk.
He knew things couldn't change between them, but his heart felt differently. He was remembering the first time they had made love. The way her skin felt, the way it tasted, all of it. He remembered the way he felt looking at her afterwards. He remembered that he was looking at her through different eyes.
He looked at her now as she looked at him and remained silent. Everything was being said without a single word being spoken. He was screaming at himself to move, to run away, but he couldn't move. He was frozen in time, and nothing else mattered. He watched as she moved, slowly, towards him. He should have stopped her from standing so close to him, but he couldn't.
She was so close that he could smell her perfume as the wind moved slightly around them, he could feel the heat of her body. He couldn't stop himself as he reached out and gently cupped her face in his hand. He couldn't stop her as she stepped even closer that he could feel her body against his. He just didn't have the fight left in him. It would hurt even more when he walked away again, but at this moment he wasn't going anywhere.
When he found himself slowly moving towards her lips to kiss them, he didn't stop himself. The fire he felt when their lips touched ignited instantly, and he pulled her tightly to him. He couldn't let her go as he kissed her harder and she wrapped her arms around his neck. He could taste the salt of her tears that continued to fall as they kissed, and he didn't care.
He couldn't let her go. Everything that he had been playing in his head to make him remember made it impossible to stop. He loved her, and being with her was like having to breathe. His life depended on her being a part of it.
Pulling away, he was breathless as he spoke, "I can't do it."