Voldemort: Why are we here?
Harry: For an interview, dingbat.
Voldemort: So, who's this interview with?
Rita: That would be me. The one who's hanging by her toes because one of the people she's interviewing won't put her down.
Voldemort: Whatever.
*And he lets her fall to the floor from the ceiling.*
Rita: I'm leaving.
Ron: But you will come back, right?
Rita: Yeah.
*Rita leaves the room.*
*Four hours later.*
Voldemort: What's taking her so long?
Harry: Dunno.
Lucius: Well she better hurry up.
Voldemort: Now now Lucius, what have I told you about criticizing?
Lucius: You do the criticizing.
Voldemort: Very good.
Umbridge: I have a hair appointment at twelve if you could hurry this up.
McGonagall: In that case, she can take her time.
Harry: Truthfully, these interviews are annoying.
Bellatrix: So tell me fellow Death Eaters, when did we plan to kill Ron?
Lucius: Next Tuesday, I believe.
*Ron is so scared, he passes out.*
Voldemort: Guys, come on. Don't reveal our top secret plans.
Bellatrix: You mean like the one where you sneak into a muggle shop to steal a kitten?
Voldemort: Hey. Pet's Ware House is getting twenty, and I heard there's gonna be a white one. I'll call her fluffy.
Dumbledore: Well, I don't know about you, but those plans are helpful. It's also great to know you have idiots like that working for you.
Remus: Anyone know how to make a potion to help with my werewolfness?
Snape: That would be me. I can.
Remus: Thanks.
Snape: Hold it right there. I said I could, not I would.
Sirius: Please, I don't get out of the house anymore, and quite enjoy not having a raging lunatic running about the house.
Tonks: That would be nice every once in a while.
Umbridge: Excuse me, but I think we're on the subject of my hair.
Snape: Drop it, will yu?
Voldemort: I've raised him well.
Harry: Unfortunately.
Voldemort: Hey!
Lucius: I don't care if I die, but I must insist my Lord, stop talking.
Voldemort: Avada Kedavra!
Lucius: Well that was weak. All I think happened was I got a headache. No, that was there before.
Voldemort: What happened?
*Fred and George apparate into the room.*
Fred and George: Swapped it with one of our fake ones of course. Wait a few more moments and it'll turn into a rubber chicken.
McGonagall: Clever.
Wormtail: Now let's get onto the subject of my hair. What do yu think? I think if I use a different conditioner, one that'll give it more body, it'll be softer than cloud.
Snape: And you call me weird.
Umbridge: Just out of interest, why do people call you weird?
Snape: I only have nine fingers.
Fred and George: Wicked.