The companion fic to 'embers in the breeze'
Carth and revan have so many issues with each other, its ridiculous.
End text taken from post/134063553539/i-am-made-of-bullets-shrapnel-you-are-solar because I love that quote; it describes them so well.
Title and parts inspired by the song "Afterglow" by Makari.
you wanted the ocean but i am just the salt
Tanna admired Carth's sleeping form. In the early light of the morning, his brunette hair would glisten with gold as the sun's rays filtered in their large bay window, overlooking the ocean. It was a feature she never got tired of, no matter how many times she saw it. It was just another way they differed; they were almost polar opposites. Her hair was jet black, so black that it glinted a blue-black in the light.
Where he was gold, she was black.
Where he was light and goodness, she couldn't escape the darkness that dwelled within her.
No matter how hard she tried to extinguish it, it remained, refusing to snuff out. It was as stubborn as she was.
Where his eyes were melted caramel and gilded, hers were dark and shadowy.
The physical differences and how they reflected their contrasting personalities almost made her laugh, the irony was nearly tangible.
The darkness that woke her from violent nightmares every night. They had happened so often that Carth didn't rouse when she jolted awake, long used to her tremors.
She looked over at his sleeping form, and she ran her hand along his arm, enjoying the feel of skin contact.
His arms were muscular, with fine hairs running along his forearm. As she stroked the flesh near his shoulder, goosebumps appeared on his tanned skin. Carth looked so peaceful as he slept. The man had lived through the unfathomable horror of holding his wife in his arms as she lay dying, but while sleeping he looked so calm, so tranquil.
How did he manage to seem so strong all the time? She could barely fall asleep without seeing nightmares of horrors she didn't remember committing. She could only recall vague flashes of her past, but that didn't assuage the guilt at all.
Was there a time when she could get a night of sleep without her mind filling her dreams with horrors of her past? She couldn't remember anymore.
Carth deserved better. He deserved a partner who wasn't the cause of his wife's death. Carth deserved so much more than Tanna could offer.
She sighed, and settled back down next to Carth, pulling the thick blanket back over her arms.
But as long as Carth was content with her, she was too selfish to let him go.
"I am made of bullets; shrapnel.
You are solar flares
and soft lips -
better creatures could love you, I know.
But now they'll have to
get through
me."