Jyrus - Escape

From the title you all already know that this is a Jyrus fanfiction, but what you don't know yet is that this story is a story that Cyrus is telling you, the audience. NOTE: This is not a romance story despite it saying Jyrus, it is actually only half Jyrus. This story is about suicide so if that does not interest you, I strongly advise you to find another story to read. If you have not clicked off yet, I am guessing you are staying, so here is the story.

Cyrus's Story

I am Cyrus Goodman, a gay teen that is writing this as a farewell note.

For all of you reading this, I am already dead.

What could possible lead to a young teen like me taking their own life as a way of escape from this cruel game called life were there are no winners only survivors, which I am not a survivor?

Well I am about to tell you.

It all started when I met the most amazing guy ever, Jonah Beck.

I met him while watching The Space Otter's team play ultimate frisbee.

The only reason I went to watch, was because one of my best friends Andi recently joined the team.

I always felt different from the other boys at school, not as good looking or as strong or into guy stuff like sports.

The reason I felt different was because I am different.

I did not just like this Jonah kid, I loved him.

He turned my world upside down, he made me come to the conclusion that I am gay.

Out of all the words to describe how I felt about being gay I only needed one.

Fear.

Sure there were other words to describe it but fear overpowered all of my emotions.

Fear of the unknown, fear of not fitting in, fear of being alone, fear of getting bullied, fear of not being accepted, fear of not finding love, fear of losing my friends.

You get the idea that there were so many things for me to fear all wrapped around on rope dangling off a cliff.

They would remain safe and secure from the rope.

Until me being gay came along adding a new fear to the rope.

It made the rope very unstable and weak.

Each day it got weaker and weaker as the fear of being gay increased each day getting heavier and bigger.

I could not take it anymore it was either I break down and release my fear of being gay by coming out or the rope breaks destroying my life.

What option did I decide on doing?

If you keep on reading I will tell you.

You might be thinking why are my fears so strong?

And to that I can not give a answer, I would have liked to have known why myself.

I thought that maybe hanging out with Andi and Buffy made me gay.

They both liked guys and maybe I just did the same, because I hung out with them so much.

I tried doing research to find out if I am gay.

I learned just because I had dated a girl does not make me straight.

Also that I am the only one that can determine if I am gay.

This quest of finding out my sexuallity would be difficult.

Since I had already dated a girl, Iris, I thought maybe I should try a guy.

Problem was only one guy interested me.

That one guy is the Jonah Beck.

The most attractive person I have ever seen, he is flawless, perfect to be exact.

I am so much smaller than the rest of the guys at school.

I was definitely a late bloomer for puberty.

Weak, helpless, unpopular, and lame, those are things that I am that Jonah is not.

So why would Jonah ever wanna date me?

The answer is simple, he wouldn't.

But deep inside me I longed to be with Jonah and felt that there is a slight chance of us happening.

The only way for me to find out and that only way is to ask him.

The thing holding me back from asking him out?

Once again my fears.

I used to control my life but now I don't feel like myself anymore, and my fears limit me from doing things ultimately controlling my life.

Asking Jonah or at least talking to him would not be easy.

He is so popular that it is hard to get some alone time with him.

Whenever I do get time with Jonah my body just shuts down and I get nervous like I can't do simple human interactions with him.

It is crazy to think that I could love Jonah, despite all the pain he is causing me simply by just existing.

I had to tell someone that I was gay, I just couldn't hold it back any longer, it had to be someone who would support me.

Buffy, I had told Buffy that I am gay, well really just that I like Jonah, but still it meant that I am gay.

When it was time to tell her, she noticed I was acting like my normal self.

She told me, your scaring me, and I told her, I'm scaring me too.

But that was not entirely the truth, I did not even know who me was at the time.

I just don't know how to explain it to you, yes I was scared but I was not scaring myself.

Anyways my parents are all hard core Jewish and would do bad things to me if they learned that I was gay.

It was not my fault I am gay, I did not choose to be this way.

If I could choose, I would straight making none of these problems happen.

I had always talked with my parents about my feelings but these ones I just couldn't.

School became a problem for me.

I could not focus or do my work.

Lost in my own thoughts and worries, with a occasional fantasy of the Beck boy being gay, and dating me.

After school I spent my time doing my work I was supposed to do at school.

I hated myself so much for many reasons.

Gay being the main one for being the cause of other problems.

Other reasons included being too afraid to be myself, being too weak, not having a strong willpower.

To make matters worse there was no way now that I was going to ask Jonah out since my best friend Andi is dating him.

It is super soul crushing to see your friend, that is suppose to help you, date the one only one you will ever want.

I wouldn't try to steal Jonah from Andi, and besides Jonah would not choose me over her.

Each time I saw how happy Andi is with Jonah I felt more and more like me and him would never ever happen.

Things only got worse from here.

I ended up telling Andi I was gay just to make her feel better about Jonah being complicated after he sorta broke up with her.

I knew it would not be long before Jonah moved onto another girl so I had to tell him now before it was too late.

Telling Jonah was the worst mistake of my life.

At first I told him that I like him and he told me the same thing.

It was clear he did not understand what I meant so I tell him, no I like like you.

In the brief moment waiting for his response, my hopes were soaring up high into the sky.

Until they suddenly crashed into a plane and fell back down, and died and went to hell and burned for eternity.

After what Jonah told me I wanted to join my hopes, in death.

I am such a fucking worthless piece of shit for thinking there was the slightest chance of us being together.

Jonah was not pleased to learn I am gay for him, he thinks I am a freak and I am gross and he doesn't want to hang around me anymore, it makes him feel uncomfortable knowing there a gay kid near him, wanting him.

Why couldn't Jonah have reacted like Andi or Buffy?

I felt like I would never love anything or anyone again.

And I was right about how I felt.

All the kids at school learned I was gay because of Jonah telling some of his friends that ended up telling the whole school.

Kids stared at me like I didn't belong.

Their eyes watching me, made me feel like I was wrong and that I should not exist.

One of the biggest thoughts in my mind came from a student's mouth at school towards me.

The kid told me, God has made very many beautiful things that are great, I am just wondering why on this amazing Earth would he create such FUCKING FILTHY TRASH like you.

He was right I am trash, why did god create me.

I knew it was wrong to be gay and the kids at school helped teach me that.

I started getting bullied.

I hated school so much, I did not want to go anymore.

Some of Amber's friends that were guys around my age pretended to be gay and told me they were gay and like me.

I was easily tricked by them by how badly I wanted some love.

I ended up saying yes to one of them that asked me out.

He dumped me in front of other kids and he said stuff like he is not gay and even if he was, he would never go out with a faggot like me.

Soon after that another kid came out as gay to me while I was in the bathroom crying from the pain that others had caused me.

He was actually gay and interested in me.

But it was too soon after I got tricked and I was dumb and thought it was another trick so I told him no that would never date him.

He ended up going out with another guy I did not know was gay.

This made me feel so much more worse.

I got tricked into thinking I would get love.

I screwed up my only chance at getting a boyfriend.

Seeing them be together made me want that badly, and what made this situation worse is knowing I could of had that if I was not so fucking stupid.

I hated myself for being gay so much I had to punish myself.

I convinced myself I would become straight through self discipline.

For each day I was still not straight I would cut myself on the forearm once.

It was not long until both my arms were covered with cuts.

I was going crazy I had lost so much blood but I could not stop myself.

Buffy suspected something was up when I still wore long sleeves when it was hot out.

She knew I was hiding something.

She quickly found out in have been cutting myself.

She thought she could help me, so she told my parents.

My parents hated me for being gay, but at least they were happy I was getting punished.

I couldn't live like this anymore.

I didn't want to live like this anymore.

I wasn't going to live like this anymore.

One day I decided to write this note you are currently reading, so the whole world knows why I did what I did.

This is it.

I am going to kill myself by laying on the railroad tracks and get ran over by a speeding train.

I had to escape my cruel life.

This was the only escape I could find or think of.

Don't shed a tear for me now.

If you had shed a tear for me before this when I needed love, I would not be in this mess.

Don't feel bad for me, no one else did.

I won't have to live with this excruciating pain much longer.

If only I lived in a place where it was okay to be gay.

In fact I feel sorry for all of you.

I have found my escape, what about you?

End Of Cyrus's Suicide Note

Cyrus Goodman was found dead shortly after his parents read his note.

The only thing that Cyrus left besides this note was guilt.

After Jonah found out about this he felt it was mainly his fault for Cyrus taking his own life.

Did he care that Cyrus was dead?

Not really he was kinda happy to have the world rid of one more gay.

But he could not stop the feeling of guilt.

It hung over all the bullies and Cyrus's parents, just anyone that was a reason why Cyrus committed suicide.

No one could get rid of the feeling of guilt pushing down on them.

Maybe they should of thought about their actions.

So as I, the author, end this story I want all of you to know, watch your actions they can impact people in a huge way.

You are the difference in the world.

You could be someone else's reason why.

Don't be.

I'm not going to say something stupid like, don't joke about suicide, because that is dumb.

Joke about what you want.

Have a great happy life.

I really wish for everyone who read this to have learned something of value.

This was the whole story. There will not be any more chapters to this one. If you were looking for longer read, check out my other fanfiction, Jyrus - Jonah's Problem it is not completed yet but is already ten times longer than this one. I am finding it hard to wait for Andi Mack to continue season two. That is why I am doing fanfictions for it now. If you did not like this story please let me know with a review. Don't just say, I didn't like it, actually tell me what about it you hated and what parts also so I don't feel all that bad maybe include something you liked about this story.