Author's Note: Oneshot, just saw the season 9 finale. Oh my god the feels...I can't even. Anyway, yeah, if you wind up liking this, feel free to check out my other SPN fics and Sarahhh93's. Thanks, and please enjoy and review!
Dean had heard kids talk about their dreams so many times. What they wanted to be, what they wanted to do. For Dean, it was the exact opposite. He had been having dreams, and those dreams showed exactly what he didn't want to be. But it seemed that those dreams were showing him what he could be. When Sam had gone to Hell for the first time, Dean had been plagued by a single, solitary, nightmare. Sam was on the racks, and Dean was his one and only torturer. And Dean, in the dream, enjoyed it.
The tortured look that was vivid in his nightmare, was haunting him in real life. The pain in Sam's eyes whenever Dean reached for the First Blade, whenever he spoke of it, whenever he used it. At first Dean had thought Sam was jealous or irrationally afraid, but now Dean saw it too. His dream was coming true. He was slowly becoming the demonic torturer he had once seen himself as. The same self he'd loathed.
Dean refused to torment his brother for any longer than necessary, but he had a job to do. He wanted his showdown with Metatron, he wanted to kill Metatron, then somehow...somehow find a way to die before the Mark and the First Blade overtook him. Before he wound up hurting Cas or Sam. All he wanted was for the moment when he could fade to black and know his family was safe.