Vacation in the Sun!
A Neon Genesis Evangelion fanfiction
An Ayanami (Eh-chan) Production (c) 2004
** AUTHOR'S NOTES ****************************************************
I just want to say a few things and... well, um... yeah. This happens to be my very first Evangelion
fanfic! Yay for me! (As a couple random people begin to clap... ) I'm actually working on a more
serious (although anything is more serious compared to this) Eva fic, but this was just a little fun
something that I thought up on a whim. Now, if you're the kind of person who can't stand
OOC-ness (and really, who can? I honestly hate it), then go away. Wait, no! I mean stay! A few
of the characters (mostly Gendo and Fuyutsuki) will be OOC, but hey! This is a parody fic. I
promise it won't get too out of hand, though. Wow... this turned out to be longer than I thought.
Um, anyway, enjoy! ^-^
Chapter one: Go Away, All of You!
"Ahhhh! Home, sweet home!" Misato Katsuragi said gratefully as she, Shinji Ikari, and Asuka Langley Sohryu halted in front of apartment 402. They'd spent the whole day at NERV testing, and pretty much not doing anything of any real importance. Misato had been trying to avoid Mr. Kaji (who, for reasons unknown, had absolutely nothing better to do than hang around NERV all day), while Asuka was trying to do the opposite. Shinji, when he wasn't doing sync tests, basically just walked around NERV, listening to his SDAT and feeling sorry for himself.
"Ach, mein Gott!" Asuka cried. "I thought those sync tests would never end!" She pushed Misato and Shinji out of the way in an attempt to be first inside, but halted suddenly when she noticed a note taped on the door. "Was ist das?" she queried, pulling the taped note off the door and beginning to read it.
"What's that, Asuka?" Shinji asked as he peered over her shoulder, trying to read the note. The redhead immediately pushed his face away using her free hand, causing Shinji to lose his balance and fall to the ground. Asuka huffed, annoyed, and turned away so she could read the note without disturbance. A few moments went by as Misato and Shinji waited for the verdict. Suddenly, Asuka turned around, her face red with anger. The two blinked in confusion.
"Sheist!" she cried angrily, and threw the note in the older woman's face. "This is written in kanji! I can't read it!" Misato laughed weakly, almost piteously, and read the note for herself. A moment later, she turned to face the two Children, a smile on her face.
"Pack your bags, you two! We're going on vacation!" she proclaimed.
---
"You want us to WHAT?!" Makoto Hyuga, Shigeru Aoba, and Maya Ibuki stood at attention in Cmdr. Ikari's office, mouths agape, eyes wide as they processed the information he had just told them.
"You heard me," the commander said, his voice emotionless. "I want you all to take a temporary leave of absence. A week at the most."
"B-but sir," Maya protested. "We have to be here! What about the Angels...?" Her face a mix of confused emotions.
There was a pause.
"Oh," Ikari said after a moment. "Shit... I forgot about that. Well, we'll have to make do with the personnel we have left. Personally, I've been curious to see what it's like to be inside an Eva."
"But sir! You gotta be kidding!" Aoba said, thoroughly confused at the commander's sudden capriciousness. "You heard me!" Ikari's voice rose suddenly, and he stood up.
"Woah...he's got legs," Maya said quietly.
"You all will leave NERV now, or I'll make sure you don't come back!" Ikari continued. "I'm the boss here, so you all have to do what I say, capeesh?" He sat down, and waited for the lieutenants to answer. Nothing. They stood there, looking at him with confused expressions. "Well?" he demanded.
"Wait, what was that last thing you said?" Hyuga asked.
"Capeesh?"
"Yeah. What's that?"
"Oh, I don't know. It's like, an Italian word or something, I guess. Important people say it."
"Oh... okay."
"Now get out of my office!" The three quickly left, leaving the commander alone in his office. He sat in his trademark position for a few moments, face resting on enfolded hands, eyes staring straight ahead, and waited until he was sure nobody was around. Then he quickly opened one of his desk drawers and extracted a GameBoy Advance. "Finally!" he said. "Now I can finish Final Fantasy Tactics."
---
"I can't believe we're actually being relieved from duty for a whole week!" Asuka cried happily as she stuffed all her summer clothes, the majority of them being rather tight and revealing, into her NERV duffel bag.
"I don't know," Misato called from the kitchen, having overheard Asuka. "Y'know, the more I think about it, the more I realize that this is totally irrational! How could Gendo even think about letting all three Eva pilots, not to mention the most important NERV personnel, go on vacation for a whole week?!" She opened the refrigerator and grabbed a beer. After a long chug, she sat down on the couch. "You know... I'm gonna call him right now and ask him what this is all about." She got up again and grabbed the phone.
"Aww, don't do that, Misato-san!" Asuka whined, still in her room. "What if you make him change his mind?" Nevertheless, Misato dialed the commander's number, and sat back down as it began ringing.
"This is Ikari."
"Commander? It's Major Katsuragi. Um, may I ask as to why we're being relieved from duty like this?"
"Why must everyone question my authority?" Ikari replied, exasperated. This threw off Misato, and she sat there, blinking wildly in confusion, as she listened to the commander ramble on. "I give a few simple orders, and everyone acts like it's freaking Second Impact all over again!"
"I-uh... um, sorry," Misato stammered, at a loss for words.
"Just do what I say, or I'll have you demoted, Major! Capeesh?"
"Y-yes, sir. I- wait. What was that?"
"What was what?"
"That word. That...cah-peesh." Misato fumbled with the foreign word, her mouth twisting in odd ways. There was a long, exhausted sigh on the other end, and a pause.
"Just forget it, Major," Ikari said. "Goodbye." The line went dead after a moment, but Misato didn't hang it up immediately. She sat there, an incredibly perplexed look on her face, mouth wide open, staring at the phone. Shinji emerged from his room, on his way to the kitchen, but stopped when he saw Misato.
"Uh...Misato-san?"
"Shinji-kun," Misato replied slowly, hanging up the phone and placing it on the table. "Get me four beers, would you?"
---
Annnnd... that's the end of chapter one. It would be oh-so nice of you if you could review. ^-^ Get ready for chapter two, chock full of laffs, hilarity, and just overall weirdness!