I had always dreamed of being a vampire, to become a part of something bigger than myself. To be welcomed into Edward's family as an equal. But Edward didn't see it like that. He hated what he was. He hated how his thirst for my blood was overpowering him at every turn. There was one simple solution of course, turn me.
I had spent many nights with Edward, arguing over the same subject until I had learned just to let it go.
I had moved in with the Cullen's and I could tell it was hard for them, to live in the same house as a human. Especially for Jasper, the newest addition to the family.
Esme and Carlisle had been supportive of the situation, they were more than happy to open their home to me.
The prospect of becoming a vampire always lingered in my mind. There was only one way my life would go if I remained human. I'd die and Edward would be alone. At least if I was turned, we would forever be together.
"Good morning!"
Edward wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me onto his lap.
I couldn't help but smile, "How are you this morning?"
He nodded and kissed my forehead, "I feel a lot happier now that you are awake." He whispered.
I flushed crimson and he flashed his crooked smile that I loved so much.
"What are your plans for today?" He asked.
I shrugged, "Not a lot." Now that I had finished high school, there wasn't much I could do. I decided to give University a miss simply because Edward and I always argued about which one to attend and I grew tired of it. I didn't have to worry about a job, the Cullen's had enough money to keep us all afloat. I felt like I was sponging off of them but Edward assured me it was no bother at all.
"I think we're all going hunting." Edward informed me.
My eyes narrowed. He was going to leave me in the house, by myself, again. I got off his lap and went to the fridge, "Okay." I grabbed the carton of orange juice and a glass before I sat opposite him at the table.
"Bella..." He sighed, "Don't be like that."
"Like what? I could be going hunting with you, but instead I'm here. Human."
Edward groaned, "I'm not going to argue about this."
I stood, "Of course not. You never want to talk about it." I could feel the anger boiling in my blood. Same old fucking argument. Same old result.
I didn't get a goodbye before they left to go hunting. I remained in my room, reading Wuthering Heights for the thousandth time. I just reached the part where Edgar's health is deteriorating when they returned.
There was a gentle knock on the door, "Come in." I mumbled.
Alice peeked her head round the door and grinned, "Hello!"
I closed my book and sat up, "Hey. Did you have fun hunting?"
She nodded and sat at the foot of my bed, "Emmett caught a grizzly."
I nodded in appreciation.
"Yeah, Emmett and Edward decided to stay out and race each other." She giggled. She reminded me of an enthusiastic child on Christmas morning.
At the mention of Edward's name, my mood swiftly changed, "Good for him."
Alice frowned, "What's wrong?"
Sighing, I crossed my legs, "He's just being so unreasonable with me wanting to become like you."
"It's understandable, Bella. He doesn't want you trapped in this life."
I frowned, "I wouldn't be trapped...not with Edward."
Alice sighed and moved closer to me, "Look at it from his point of view. Would you want to stop his heart just to live forever with him?"
I rolled my eyes, "Rosalie done it with Emmett."
"That's different. Emmett was on the brink of death, Bella. You're not."
I looked up at her, "Have you seen anything? Will I become like you eventually?"
Alive shifted slightly and stood, "No. I haven't. If I did, I would tell you. Just don't dwell too much on this subject, Bella." And then she left, leaving me alone once again.
Once I finished showering, I went straight to my bedroom to see Edward lying on the bed.
"Hello." I mumbled.
"Hello." His quiet musical voice mesmerised me.
"Did you have fun racing Emmett?" No harm in small talk.
"I'd have had more fun getting wet with you." He smirked and I melted, my cheeks burning with embarrassment.
He patted the space next to him and I made my way over to the bed, sitting myself down next to him. I snuggled into his neck and inhaled his scent. His hand rubbed circles on my back and then began to trail round to my breasts. His nails ran along my flesh and my breathing became laboured and my body tensed, reacting to him.
I pressed myself further into him and we began to slowly kiss. I ran my hands along his back and pulled his top over his head, throwing it to the floor. I stared at his pale flesh in awe, his tones muscles luring me in. I wanted him. I needed him.
"I want you." I whispered breathlessly.
"I want you too, Bella. But we can't...not now."
"But we can." I whined, "Just change me." I begged quietly, "Once I'm a vampire we can have each other.." I kissed his throat softly, "Forever."
He groaned quietly and kissed down my neck before abruptly pulling away, "No Bella!" He gripped his hair and growled at himself, "Fuck!"
I flopped down onto the bed, my heart still racing, my need still aching, and tried to calm my breathing. "Damn it, Edward!" I sat up and grabbed his shoulder, turning him to face me, "I want this to happen! Why can't you see that?"
"Bella, I can see it, I do understand. But...I just can't hurt you." He moved in, closing in on my neck, his teeth grazing my vein, "You don't realise how easy it would be for me to kill you." He whispered, his cold breath made me shiver, "I can feel your pulse racing. Are you scared?"
I shook my head slightly, "No. It's out of desire for the one thing I can't have." I whispered.
I could feel him smirk against my skin, "I won't hurt you." He murmured, and then he disappeared out of the room.
Staring up at the ceiling, I shivered. I could still feel his teeth grazing my neck.
I wished it was simpler. Easier. If it was, I could spend eternity with Edward with no regrets. I knew I sounded like a broken record, but they just didn't understand. I loved Edward, I needed Edward.
I could feel my eyes getting heavier and it wasn't long before I drifted off into unconsciousness.