2016
In the quiet of the small, dark motel room that she had the displeasure to call home, Ziva lit the tiny candle that rested on top of the chocolate cupcake.
"Happy birthday." She said to the shadows that surrounded her. As she watched the little orange flame move as if it had a life of its own, Ziva felt the full weight of the notion that, somewhere far away from that motel room, they were thinking about her. Most of them would probably keep the thoughts to themselves, refusing to mention her out loud, but she was sure she was in all of their minds. Given the special nature of that day, she let the tears come out, just this once. She hated crying, it made her feel weak and powerless. Still, even after all the time that had passed, keeping her eyes dry was remained a challenge.
In the next morning, she'd wake up with her eyes red and swollen and she'd regret letting her emotions take over. But, at the moment, as the flames danced every time she drew a breath, all she wanted was to grieve for the family that she had lost. The family that she had left behind. The worst part wasn't even the loneliness, she had learned to carry that around with her. What hurt the most was knowing that, at that exact same second, somewhere in the NCIS headquarters, he was probably in pain too. And she hated herself for that.
. . .
McGee waited quietly in the corner of the break room, hoping she wouldn't see him there. No such luck.
"There you are. " said Abby, slightly annoyed. "You've been avoiding me, haven't you? Both of you?"
"What?" He played innocent. She saw right through him.
"Where's Tony?"
"Geez, I don't know, Abbs, haven't seen him all ..."
"That's bullshit, McLiar." he couldn't help but to smile. She looked so adorable while trying to sound intimidating. It was like watching a puppy doing its best impression of Gibbs. "You two have been hiding from me because we all know what day today is and I'm the only one willing to talk about it!"
Her tone made him realize how upset she was. "Look, Abbs ... Different people have different ways to deal with ... things. I spoke to Tony earlier today and he really just wants to be alone. I know and he knows that you're just trying to help but ..."
"I'm sorry." She rested her head in his chest, drying the tears in his jacket. "It's just that ... I don't know what to do. I want to help, I want to make Tony feel better. Cause, if I feel this bad, imagine how he feels, McGee! Imagine how sad he is!"
"I know. I know." He hugged her. He wanted to give her a good, comforting answer, but he simply didn't have one.
. . .
"I knew I'd find you here." Stated Gibbs while closing the door behind him. Sitting in front of one of the many cabinets in the Filing Room, DiNozzo ran his fingers through a particularly large stack of papers. "I thought we'd agreed that you should stop looking."
"We did. I really should stop looking. But I don't care about what I should or should not be doing. If there was any chance Shannon was still alive, would you stop looking?"
"No. And it would've eaten me up, it would've destroyed me and hurt all the people I care about. Do you want that, DiNozzo?"
"I want her, Boss. I want to find her. I need to find her. "
Gibbs nodded, sitting beside his best agent in the cold floor. "It's been two years, DiNozzo. If she is still alive, I think it's safe to say she doesn't want to be found. "
"Or someone doesn't want her found." Tony didn't say any names, but they were written all over his face.
"We've spoken to Mossad. They swore they don't know her whereabouts. In fact, they've offered to help with the search, remember?"
"Bullshit. As if they'd tell us if they ..."
Gibbs gave him a hard look. They had had that conversation countless times before. Both of them knew there was no point in continuing. They sat there, quietly, until Gibbs decided to break the silence.
"Abbs is upset. Says you've been hiding from her."
"I ... I'm sorry. I just didn't feel like facing hurricane Abigail just yet. " Tony didn't mean to hurt Abby, but she usually dealt with her emotions in a rather explosive matter, and he wasn't in the mood for explosions at that moment. In that same day, the year before, he'd ended up regretting seeing her. She'd only wished to make him feel better, but the hugs and the tears made it all seem so ... final. It felt like they were accepting that Ziva was gone, accepting that she was never coming back. He'd never accept that.
"She also told me she's not the only one you've been avoiding. You haven't seen Dave all day?"
Tony lowered his head, ashamed. "Not since this morning."
The slap in the back of his head was so sudden and strong it took him a few seconds to put himself back together. A lot of time had passed since the last time he got one of those.
"Man up, DiNozzo! Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop hiding behind your search for her. NCIS needs you, your friends need you, and, most of all, your family needs you. It's time to face the music: Ziva is gone, but the rest of your life is not! "
. . .
Inside the NCIS day care center, only two kids still waited to go home. Sitting in one of the many surprisingly comfortable green chairs, Breena Palmer watched her little girl play with her friend. Jimmy was supposed to be there already, but some autopsy ended up taking longer than expected. They only had the one car so, every night, she'd come to pick him up only to find out that he'd be late once again. It annoyed her a bit, but she understood. Jimmy loved his work, and she loved her Jimmy.
The place itself was great. Better than any of those expensive day care centers they had visited. It was a large room, with light green walls, a fluffy cream rug covering the floor, every single piece of furniture completely baby-proofed, at least two nurses always available to make sure the kids were safe and happy. Breena didn't like leaving Alison there all day, but they didn't have many options, neither one of them was willing to stop working.
"Hey, Breena."
"Oh, hi Tony. Working late as always, huh?" She had been so focused on watching Ali she didn't even notice him coming in.
"Sort of. Jimmy stood you up again?"
"I'm used to it. Duty calls, I get it. "
"You're too good for him." He smiled and walked over to the couple of kids playing with huge pieces of Lego, sitting on the rug beside them. "So, what are you two doing?"
"We're building a house!" Alison replied proudly. The three year old girl was the spitting image of her mother. Lucky her.
"House!" Repeated the little boy, pointing at their work, excited. He had recently developed the habit of repeating everything everybody said. To him, every word he learned represented a mystery solved.
"Yes, house! What else can you name, big guy?"
He looked around, thinking, his little hand scratching his chin. He settled for a toy that lay in the ground beside him. "Plane!" he shouted, pointing. "Plane!"
"Anything else?"
The boy smiled, pointing at Tony. "Daddy."
"That's right. And who is this?" Tony laughed, his finger touching the little boy's stomach.
"Dave!"
"Very good, you tiny genius. Now I have a challenge for you. " He pulled his phone out of his pocket and showed the boy his screensaver. "Who is this?"
Dave furrowed his brow, hesitant, trying to remember what his father had taught him. "Mommy."
"Exactly." He grabbed the boy from the floor, pulling him on a hug so he wouldn't see the water in his eyes. "Say goodbye to Ali, Dave."
"Bye, Ali!" The toddler waved. While he liked to play with the other kids, Dave was never sad when he had to leave. To him, leaving meant spending time with his father and his father's team, and that was his favorite part of the day.
Outside the day care center, Abby was waiting for them.
"Hey there, little prince." She said, stealing Dave away from his father's arms. "Tony, I'm sor…"
"No, I am, Abbs. I've been so focused on finding her I have been avoiding the other people I care about, the people that are still here. "
She just nodded and turned to Dave, not knowing what to say in response. "Hey, handsome, do you know what day this is?"
"No." He answered, confused.
"Today is your Mommy's birthday."
"Mommy!" Dave pointed at Tony's phone, smiling.
He tried to wipe the tears away before she saw them, but failed miserably. He felt so pathetic. A grown man, crying over a woman that had left him years before. Still, he couldn't believe that she'd just…leave it all behind, her friends, her work, her boyfriend, her son. He knew Ziva, he knew she wouldn't miss out on David's childhood if it was up to her. She just wouldn't.