I hear your footsteps down the hall. You're walking like you own the place. I can hear you getting closer and closer. Why are you here? You don't live here, I'm not yours anymore and last time I checked, I'd changed the lock. I turn around in my bed and pretend to be asleep as I hear the footsteps getting closer. Suddenly, I feel an extra weight on the bed.
You're here, next to me. Just like the old times.
I don't turn to face you. I can't, because I know that if I do, I'll give up and all the time I spent building walls around my emotions would be in vain. But right now, it doesn't matter. I turn around because even though I hated you for leaving me, I need to see your face, to hold you and make you promise me that you'll never leave again and that this time you won't break that promise.
I see you and my heart breaks.
You look tired, dirty and sad.
You mumble a few words but I can't hear them.
I whisper your name and a smile escapes from my lips.
You smile too, but it looks different. It does not reach your eyes like the smiles you always used to give me.
You rest your hand in mine while searching something in your pocket with the other one.
You look at me again and a tear escapes from your eyes and, with my free hand, I wipe it away from your cheek.
-What's wrong Cas? - I say in a whisper and then I kiss your cheek.
-I'm sorry Dean - you say and then I feel something sharp on my chest. I look down and I see blood. A lot of blood. My vision gets blurry as tears start filling my eyes. I cry out in pain and try to take the knife out but you dig it a bit deeper before ripping it off my skin.
Physical –as well as psychological- pain fills my body. Why would he do this? Would I make it out of this one alive?
-Why did you do that Cas?- I say, trying to keep on breathing. I can't. It hurts to breathe, to talk and to move. The pain intensifies with every passing second.
-I'm sorry- you keep repeating. You're still holding my hand. You kiss my knuckles, whispering again and again those two damn words.
-Do you still love me?-I ask with my last breath.
I try to keep my eyes open. Keep your eyes open, I keep repeating to myself. I close them for a few seconds and I feel your arms holding me close to your body. I try to open them again so I can see you, but I can't. I can only hear you say that you're sorry. And those were the last words I heard.
"I'm sorry, Dean".