"I'm sorry Ms. Gothel, but the tests results indicate infertility due to the PCOS and lack of ovulation. "
"Are there any alternative cures we can try? Money is not an issue." She asked, tucking a lock of raven black hair behind an ear.
"I understand money is not an issue; if it was you wouldn't be here in the first place." He replied. "Sadly in this case there is nothing we can do."
She took a deep breath and forced herself to relax, "there is no way to harvest any eggs?"
"No," he replied gently "as your chart shows you have not produced any eggs in quite some time so there are no eggs to harvest."
"What about being a surrogate?" She asked, consciously unknotting her hands.
The doctor sighed, removed his glasses and gazed into her icy blue eyes. "Because of the scarring from the chronic cysts there is too much damage for you to be a viable surrogate."
She stared at him. "To put it bluntly, I will never have children"
"Ms. Gothel," he said, standing and walking to the sit on the corner of his desk. "I know you were just hired as the new CEO of Geronimo! but, given the circumstances I would recommend taking some time off."
"I will never have children, correct?" She asked firmly.
He frowned. "No, you will never be able to conceive a child."
"Thank you, will I need to continue to take my medication?" She asked, gathering her purse and standing.
"No, the only concern now is watching for early menopause." Doctor Walker stood and followed her to the door. "Mary, I am sorry. I sincerely wish there was something more we could do."
Mary Gothel faced the doctor, her features a mask of perfect indifference. "I appreciate the concern, but please do not worry about me. My job will take up the majority of my time, and a child would only complicate matters."
"Mary, it's ok – "
"If I am to be perfectly honest a child would only hinder me; it's a blessing in disguise really."
The doctor sighed and opened the door to the plush waiting area. "I'll see you for your annual checkup?"
"Of course, "she replied, fishing her Coach sunglasses from her purse. "Good day Doctor Walker."
There wasn't a cloud in the sky yet the night outside her windshield was a blur and caused the passing headlights to swim ethereally .
Mary wiped the sleeve of her Oscar de la Renta jacket across her eyes, not caring about the mascara smudges on the sleeve.
It had been years since she had drove without a purpose, drove and drowned the world out in the hum of the highway and hypnotic thump of wheels on pavement. It's not fair.
She had spent most of her life building her reputation as an intelligent, savvy technophile who could hang with the big boys and be just as innovative as any man. Why should I be punished as a woman?
She had learned early on that it was ok to be feminine at work but it was death to be seen as a woman; emotional, fragile and needy. However, it was acceptable to be a mother; for some reason it was the same as being feminine. If anything it would increase her credibility to take on raising a child as well as run a fortune 500 company.
Once the board of directors had informed her they had chosen her to be the new CEO, she had decided now was the time to pursue motherhood. It was all a joke wasn't it?
There were plenty of exes, but she had never felt the time was right to settle down with them; she hadn't proved herself yet. What do I have to prove now? Who will be proud of me?
Here she was, on top of the boys club and the only thing to she had to show for it was that she was there. There would be no final fuck you, no mommy-and-me classes she could rub into the faces of the men around the table. I'm exactly who they wanted me to be: just one more of the guys.
The tears began again, running tiny rivers over her cheeks and falling silently on the designer skirt she wore. I can't do this. It's not fair - it's not fair.
Mary gripped the steering wheel, her driving gloves creaking softly against the leather. Through her watery vision she spotted a sign for a rest stop and quickly turned onto the off-ramp. Pulling into a parking spot, she turned the car off and sat quietly, forcing herself to breath past the hitches in her chest and flexing her hands.
She stared into the review mirror. "Enough Mary, there is nothing you can do about it. What's done is done, and you're just making a fool of yourself crying like a chi-chil-child."
The hitch finally caught and the tears started again. "GOD DAMNIT!"
She grabbed the steering wheel again and pulled as hard as she could. "FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU YOU MOTHER FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!" It refused to budge, regardless of the beating, screaming or angle she pulled.
Like the passing of a summer storm her rage soon passed, and all she felt was exhaustion.
She didn't have to look in the mirror; she could feel her hair knotted and in disarray, her makeup smeared and face flushed.
Mary looked out at the rest stop and only saw one other car; a mini-van parked a few spots away. "Of course," she muttered.
Opening the door she took a deep breath of the cool night air. She'd freshen up, head home and have a stiff drink before bed. Tomorrow this would just be a memory she could bury in code and meetings.
Standing, she closed the car door and walked briskly inside. "Not cleanest facility, is it?" she mused, glancing at the over-filled trash can, rampant dust-bunnies and discarded packs of smokes.
Spying the restroom she entered and stopped cold.
"Hush little baby don't say a word, Mama's gonna buy you a mocking bird," a soft, gentle voice sang.
"And if that mocking bird don't sing, Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring."
Sitting outside a stall was a well-used green stroller, the kind that a car seat could be snapped into.
"And if that diamond ring turns to brass, Mam's gonna buy you a looking glass."
Mary's blood turned cold, her muscles tensed and everything hit her again. No, why now? This isn't fair. Why her? Why does she get to have one but I can't?
"And if that looking glass gets broke, Mama's gonna buy you a billy goat."
She walked towards the stroller slowly, her hands trembling as sweat broke out on her brow. Look at it; she can't even afford a new stroller. I could buy it everything new, everything it ever wanted. Why does she get it but I don't. It's not fair.
Mary stopped next to the stroller, tucked inside a fuzzy pink blanket slept a small, chubby blond-haired girl. One hand tucked under the cover, the other gently gripping her ear.
"Hello? Is someone out there?"
Mary froze, then glared at the stall door. You don't deserve her, leaving her out here, helpless and alone. You probably can't even afford her. It's not fair.
"Hello?"
Mary gazed down at the baby. I could give you everything she can't. You could have been mine and I would've given you everything.
"Ok Emily, I'm almost done honey. And if that billy goat won't pull, Mam's gonna buy you a cart and bull."
Mary's hand reached down and brushed the baby's cheek, feeling the warmth and soft fuzzy hair that still covered her face. She wasn't even aware she was doing it until she felt the latch pull softly in her hand, the old mechanism not even clicking anymore as it disengaged from its cradle.
I'll give you everything, everything you could ever want.
Mary turned on her heal, careful not to step hard on the tilted floor and alert the women in the stall.
As she pushed the door to the foyer open Mary heard the woman still singing.
"And if that cart and bull fall down, you'll still be the sweetest little baby in town."
July 15, 2000
New York - Mary Gothel, new CEO of Geronimo!, announced today that she will telecommute from home during her first year as CEO. Ms. Gothel stated she needed time to recover from a recent medical trauma but that it would in no way affect her ability to lead the company in new and exciting directions
December 22, 2000
New York (AP) – It has been six months since the kidnapping of Baby Emily from a rest stop outside Catskill, New York, and the authorities still have no leads. An exhaustive search of the surrounding areas, interviews with relatives, friends and possible suspects have left detectives baffled.
The NYDOT has been hammered for their lack of upkeep to their facilities which would have provided video surveillance of the kidnapper had budget cuts not prevented annual maintenance to the system.
The FBI has not officially made the case cold, however significant amounts of resources have been withdrawn and an anonymous source states that unless a break is made the case will be shelved within the month.
Baby Emily's parents have pleaded to keep her in the spotlight but after months of national media attention there doesn't seem to be much hope of her recovery.