Chapter 1: Awkward
I stared out the window of the big white house my grandparents lived in. Although, I could hardly call them grandparents, since they hardly looked twenty. My Aunt Rosalie sat on the large couch that sat in front of the ridiculously large television screen with Emmet and my dad, Edward Cullen. While Rosalie was 'watching' t.v. (although I knew she was just looking at herself in the reflection,) Emmet was being his normal self. He cracked a joke about my dad and my mom, which luckily I didn't hear it and honestly, didn't want to know what the punch line was. Carlisle walked in with Esme from the fake dinning room, discussing how his day at the hospital went. I smiled at how happy they looked together. It was really sweet. While I was looking over at my grandparents, my mother tapped me on the shoulder "Sweetie? you okay?" I looked back at her. Bella Cullen. She was gorgeous. But every time I saw her, images of her human self popped into my head. I couldn't help but wish she was still human. That sounded so wrong at times...but I just wish I could look into her beautiful brown eyes with out having to look into a mirror. Even though her eyes were golden, they seemed dull compared to her milky brown eyes before. I stopped letting my mind wander to answer back, "Yea Mom...fine." My mother was going to question me more, when suddenly my Aunt Alice came bursting through the doors, Uncle Jasper trailing behind her. Alice danced over to me and took my hands. Her skin was incredibly smooth and even though I'd felt vampire skin before, it still shocked me from time to time. She grinned a huge grin at me, "Nessie!" she said in her sing-song voice "Guess what?" I looked around the room to see that everyone had their attention caught by Alice, except Jasper and Rosalie.
Jasper must of already known, and Rosalie was probably still looking at herself, but even my dad was interested. That was a surprise. He always just barged into people's heads. My mom must be protecting her for some reason with her new vampire powers. That, I thought, was a great power she had. I tried to fool my dad most of the times with my thoughts, but he didn't always buy them. I shrugged "What Alice?" If it was possible, her grin became enlarged "We're going to throw you a birthday party!" I smiled at her. I liked that idea. Everyone else in the room seemed to agree to it... well mostly everyone. My mom looked a little disgruntled. I didn't care though. I was used to my mom being touchy when ever it came to my age. Yes technically I was four years old, but really I looked about 16 and my mind was way past all that nonsense.....I could have passed for a twenty five year old mentally. I hated that about me though. I felt like my soul was trapped in someone else's body. And to make matters worse, Jacob had to go and imprint on me. I wasn't angry that it happened, I was only angry that he imprinted on me when I was so young! And not only that, but he imprinted on the weirdest-aging-girl ever. "WHY?!!?!" I wanted to scream over and over again when I realized how awkward the next few years of my life would be. But the truth was....I was glad. I was kinda glad I had someone for sure that would love me forever. Well at least....I hope he did...after all I was only HALF human....maybe the imprint was only....half as strong.
When I brought that up with him a few weeks ago he got annoyed, and so did I...and we hadn't talked much since then. Suddenly I heard my mom's voice ask a question, and it pulled me out of another one of my constant random thinking states. But what would you expect? My whole power was to share thoughts I had, so I made sure I had plenty of thoughts to share. "Alice...do you think that would be a good idea?" Alice rolled her eyes, "OF COURSE! All she does is lay around here most of the day staring out that window, or hunting, or talking with you or Jacob or Edward! It's been a while since we did something together, this would be perfect! I mean, her birthday is coming up in three days!" My mom shot back "Of course it is, i know when my own daughter's birthday is." I saw my dad walk over to my mom and comfort her...he did that a lot lately. She must be getting all agitated that I'm growing up. Ha. That was so ironic. I thought now my cue to have my say. "Alice, I think that's a great idea. We should get started right away...but let's not make this too big okay? How about our guest list just contains really close friends and family." My aunt eyed me. I knew she was only playing along with this. I knew she already had what I wanted in mind. Simple, but elegant. Even though it was hard for her to see me in her visions, she knew what I liked and didn't. Alice thought about it for a moment then huffed "Ohhhhh oookkkaaayyy. But that means we get to spend more time on decorations!" I laughed, but suddenly stopped when I heard the door open again. I already did a head count. Everyone was here....everyone except Jacob Black. My half wolf half human love..... Part of me was ecstatic to see him, and it almost made me jump up to greet him, but the other part was still kinda miffed that he got mad at me in the woods when we went hunting because he thought I was being unreasonable...which looking back on it I was.....
The day flashed back into my mind, clear as my first memory. We were hunting, had been for about an hour or so. He had made a few lame jokes, as usual, but for some reason he wouldn't look at me..... or talk to me. This happened a lot lately. I felt awkward. Although I was technically four, I looked 16 and was as smart as a twenty five year old, I just felt like I was a freak time machine all wrapped up into one. Only a few more years when I would be "fully matured" as Carlisle would put it, and then I could put all this awkwardness behind me. But It felt like he wasn't talking to me because of other reasons...I had one name in my head....my mother. It always weirded me out. He loved my mom, but then I come along and suddenly he's head over heals for me? But he still looks at my mom all funny at times. It really agitated me. I tried to convince myself I was just being hyper-sensitive, but the silence between us went on for about 30 more minutes. Finally, I stopped in my tracks and he looked at me...for the first time that day. "What is it?" he asked in his husky voice. I tried to explain things right. "I..." I couldn't get the words out, "What is it Ness?" I took a step toward him, knowing that he would expect me to show him my memories. He closed his eyes. I put my hand on his cheek, but I couldn't do it. After a couple of minutes of silence he opened his eyes, "What?" he asked again. I let out a breath, "I don't know how to tell you....much less show you...." he looked completely lost, "Ness you're killing me here....what is it?" I reached out again and this time, I showed him my memories. It was a memory of him staring at my mother. The memory was tainted with jealousy and hurt from me. I suddenly felt his warm hand on mine, and he ripped it away from him. I was shocked. No one had even stopped me when I was showing them memories
"HEY!" I said, angry. He looked at me with somber eyes, "Ness. That's ridiculous. What are you thinking?" I was so embarrassed, that I hid it by trying to act angry. "Nothing! Never mind you just don't get it!" I shouted, storming off. He came after me just as I knew he would. "Nessie, you know I love you. Eternally. You know, that's kinda in the handbook of the whole "imprinting thing"." I felt my face get red, and I saw him smile a bit. I knew what he was thinking. Everyone thought that when they saw me blushed.....They saw my mother. It made me even more angry, "Stop it!" I shouted, and ripped my hand free from his. I began to storm off again, when he came after me a little faster this time. He was stunned, "What did I do?" I put my hand on his face, basically slapping it, to show him my thoughts. I saw him staring at my mother but then I saw him staring at ME, playing with ME laughing with ME. I made sure he knew how happy I was, then I showed a more recent memory of him for two days, straight hardly looking at me. I tainted that memory with my darkest emotion. I made sure he got the point. Then I showed a memory of Carlisle saying "Yes she's half human, half vampire." I emphasized the "half human" part, and showed him a memory of him explaining imprinting. How wolves imprint on humans. I made sure he was fully aware of the fact that I, was only half. When I let go of his face, his mouth had dropped. He looked at me with hurt eyes. "Ness. That could never happen....I could never fall out of love with you." I went to show him more memories, but he grabbed my hand, forcing me to look up at him, "Ness." he said in a harsh tone. I made a mad expression at him. He softened his tone and his grip, "Renesmee."
He had my attention now. He hated using my full name. He looked down at me, "I love you wholly. I swear it. It's just...this whole thing with you getting older.... It's difficult for me. I notice you..." he paused for a moment then said, "I notice you a lot, it's just hard for me because I don't know how to handle the situation..." I softened my expression, then I felt tears stream down my face. I felt silly. He wiped my tears. "I love you Ness. I just... I can't....I..." I looked up at him with my tearful eyes....I realized we were only centimeters away. He breathed hot air that swirled around me. "Ness." he pleaded. I captured him with my eyes again. He tried to make one last plea "Your dad reads minds...your mom kills people..." I looked at him, raising an eyebrow. He shrugged, "Well....so I've heard." He chuckled and I couldn't help but smile a little too. I wanted to kiss him, but then he pushed me away, and he ran off into the woods. After that, we never really talked, and now...of all the moments he could show up....he chooses NOW!