Story: Melancholy, Chapter 1 (Prologue) (This Prologue takes place before Trisha's death, when Ed and Al are still children.)
Set in 2003, but where Edward uses self-harm as a way to deal with his emotions, and watch as he slowly opens himself up to people. Possible Big Brother Envy themes later on, even if it will be a hard road to get there. Will include some personal experiences, so try to be nice. there will be more explaination to why ed started in future. This chapter doesn't entirely explain it. Sorry, this is probably crap though
"I wish I had as much talent as you, Brother..." young Alphonse muttered, one day, looking down at a metal sculpture he had attempted to make when he and Ed were practicing their Alchemy. No matter how much he tried, Ed was always several steps ahead of him, and had a better grasp on the structure of matter than him.
"What are you talking about, Al...?" Ed gave a small gentle smile, taken aback and uncertain by the display of doubt from his little Brother, before he tried to reassure him. "Yours looks great...!"
"You think so...?" Al inquired, looking bashful.
"Yeah. Of course you still need some practice, but that's why you have me." He said pointing to himself, with a smile.
Alphonse laughed a little in response at his Brother's confidence, before he looked away again. "Hey, Brother...?"
"Yeah?" Edward looked at his little brother with curiosity and a little worry at the downcast expression.
"Do you think Dad will be proud of us when he comes back?" Alphonse mumbled. This was one of the few moments that he openly showed just how lonely he really was without a father figure in his life. Alphonse was usually more optimistic than Edward, but he still most certainly had his lows.
Edward felt bitter at hearing the mention of his father. He didn't want to hurt Alphonse, but he wasn't the type to let others live in hopeless idealism. He looked down, hair shadowing his eyes. "Dad's not coming back, Al..."
"But mom says-" Alphonse tried to argue.
"We've talked about this before, so quit bringing it up already!" Edward snapped, standing up and startling him. "Mom is trying to hide the truth from us, because she doesn't want us to worry. Haven't you noticed that she looks sad when she thinks nobody is looking...? Dad doesn't care about us or her... He abandoned us...!"
He trailed off into silence, his voice choking up, as tears burned his eyes, threatening to fall. Alphonse understood what he was feeling to a degree, but he had never hated his father, and didn't hold the cynicism and hostility that Edward did towards their father. More than anything, he actually still had some faith in his missing father despite everything.
"I know you may not agree with me on this, Brother...," he said, clutching his knees, nervously. "but I believe that one day, he'll come back. There must be an important reason he left, so I-"
Edward's eyes widened, and Alphonse didn't even get to finish the sentence before he was interrupted, by his older brother.
"There's nothing in this world..." Edward started in a low voice before glaring at Alphonse. "that equates to mom's suffering! She's done nothing wrong and she doesn't deserve this!"
Before he could think about what he was doing, he threw his own sculpture at Al, hitting him in the head. Alphonse shouted in pain when it hit him, clutching his head. Immediately, Edward was filled with guilt, wanted to apologize, but he couldn't and wouldn't bring himself to.
He only turned away, running off and completely ignoring his brother calling out for him.
He didn't quite know where he was going, but he just kept running, feeling his frustration becoming more and more overwhelming by the second, until he ended up tripping due to not watching where he was going. As a result, he skidded across the ground, skinning his right knee and arm in the dirt in the process. Whenever he sat up, he was bleeding, and was hurting like hell. Reaching up, he tried to brush the dirt off of his leg, flinching in pain, because the wound was sensitive to the touch. However, it was at that moment that something snapped in him, and he didn't even think. Instead, he just started scratching into the bleeding area, feeling the tears finally beginning to fall from his eyes.
He dug deeper and deeper into his skin until his fingernails were coated in deep red. He didn't know why he was doing it or what possessed him to, but he couldn't stop, and didn't want to stop.
"Edward?" He thought he heard his mother's voice say, but was too fixated on the blood to be sure. It had sounded like he just imagined it, so he payed it no mind, until he felt sudden warmth seeping into his senses. Somebody was embracing him and trying to pry his hands from his knee. He grew tense, trying to fight against it. "Edward, sweetie, it's okay. You're okay."
At hearing the soothing words, Edward relaxed ever so slightly, but still wanted to reach towards his leg to scratch more.
"Mom... I'm sorry... I..." His voice choked up, as he melted into her embrace, despite feeling conflicting desires at the moment. He apologized again, unable to stop his tears from falling.
"Shhh..." Trisha rubbed his back in an attempt to soothe him, and, slowly, it seemed to be working. Tears had filled up in her own eyes at seeing her son like this. Never would she have ever imagined that he was taking things this hard.
After Edward calmed down and stopped reaching towards his bloody knee. He noticed Alphonse standing a few feet away. Alphonse didn't know what to say, and was avoiding his gaze. He wanted to help him, but after their argument, he didn't know if it was a good idea for him to try to initiate discussion at all yet.
Edward too wanted to apologize, but couldn't bring himself to speak.
"Now, Ed... Will you tell me why you were hurting yourself...?" Trisha asked after a little while, pulling back to face Edward.
Edward looked down to avoid her gaze, more ashamed than ever by what he had done. "I... don't know... It just happened... I want to be stronger, like you, but I screwed up..."
Trisha's face filled with pain at hearing that. And she felt guilt creeping up for not being able to prevent this. Now she had a idea as to why Ed and Al silently bottled things up. Edward and Alphonse were always watching her. They had learned to keep their feelings to themselves, because she herself did that all the time, and they got that from her. It wasn't something she was proud of, either. She had always wanted her children to grow up being able to trust in those around them, and having people they could talk too, but it seemed like they were going down the same path she had, after all.
"Honey, I'm not as strong as you think. It's okay to rely on others. You don't need to keep everything to yourself from now on." Trisha told him, before she reached over and pulled Alphonse in for a hug, smiling. "That goes for you too, little man. Okay?"
Alphonse laughed at little in response, blushing. "Okay."
Edward didn't understand how to rely on family or friends or anybody. Silently shouldering his pain alone was what he had grown used to. The idea of letting others in just didn't feel right to him. But for his mom, he would at least try, if not act.
"Now I want you to apologize to your Brother, Edward. It isn't nice to throw things at people."
Edward felt his face heat up a little, before he did as asked, muttering a meek, "Sorry..."
"It's okay, I forgive you..." Alphonse smiled hugging him. "But promise me you won't hurt yourself anymore, Brother. I don't want to see you do that to yourself again."
Edward looked guilty at hearing that. But did as he asked to satisfy him. "Don't worry. I won't, Al. I promise."
"Good." Trisha rubbed both of their heads. "Now let's go get that leg of yours bandaged up, alright, Ed?"
Edward gave a bashful smile. "Alright..."
That was Edward's first break down that led to him harming himself, but it most certainly would not be the last. He would just learn to hide it from those around him.
- End of Chapter
A/N: Hope I portrayed the characters fine. Also, I am probably going to have some development between Envy, Alphonse and Edward at some point seeing as Envy is their technical brother. Kay, I know he's bad a did a lot of crap. But I blame Dante for the way Envy turned out. Even if he likes to act like he's above her manipulation, I believe he's actually at the center of it. Besides... um... Envy and his abandonment issues has potential to help Edward overcome his own and vice versa. But give me other ideas if you think of them.
Also, if this becomes a fullfledged AU, it will probably have a happier ending than 2003 just for the sake of Edward's recovery. In no way am I discrediting 2003's beautifully tragic tale though, because it truly ressonated with me.