Weak, a third watch fanfic

Weak

Lost in time I cant count the words
I said when I thought they went unheard
All of those harsh thoughts so unkind
cos I wanted you

My feet pound the pavement with force and I feel the pain shoot through my bones every time. I am trying to outrun the wickedness my life has become but after three miles I still feel the same. It shouldn't be a surprise to me, the fact I can't outrun something I am not even sure I want to outrun, but I keep trying to no avail. He had come over again last night. The second and last time he allotted himself to come this week. It's been like this for the last four months. He comes twice a week, does what he does to me, and then leaves. I know where he is going, I'm not dumb, but I don't like to think about it. He is going to her, the one bitch I can't stand but I have to tolerate in order to be able to see him.

And now I sit here I'm all alone
So here sits a bloody mess, tears fly home
A circle of angels, deep in war
cos I wanted you

Our partnership and friendship had become strained once he joined the anti-crime unit and lied to me about the dying declaration. He took up with Sergeant Cruz, the bitch I can't stand, and he began to change. At first it was gradual and then all of a sudden he became a shell of the person I used to know. I now know the rapid finishing touch on his change occurred after he screwed her after her sister's death. I guess he was entangled with her like I was with him. His descent into sin lasted a couple of months longer until I ended up shot by his one and only love. After the incident, I figured he would give her up and come running to me but it wasn't like that. I was told through Monroe that Bosco was still seeing Cruz and Swersky had allowed them to regroup the anti-crime unit. I suffered, paralyzed in a wheelchair for months, my marriage ending in a bitter divorce and Fred running with the kids, and my best friend choosing another over me. I had nothing left to live or die for and that must have been when he knew I was weak.

Weak as I am, no tears for you
Weak as I am, no tears for you
Deep as I am, I'm no ones fool
Weak as I am

It had started innocently enough. One day I returned home to find him sitting outside my apartment door in the hallway leafing through a magazine like we hadn't spent the last six months as strangers. He looked up at me and declared we needed to talk. Our talk had ended in a bundle of linen at the foot of the bed and limbs intertwined on my queen size bed. I was the happiest I had been in a long time. I finally had something worth living for. He seemed genuine, with the way he caressed and kissed me, even when he told me loved me in the throes of passion. I guess it wasn't true though. With one definitive statement he delivered the blow, cutting me off at the knees, "I'll keep fucking you if you agree to do something for me." It must have been the post orgasmic bliss talking but I agreed, anything to keep this going. I had never felt so much for someone in my entire life and the sex was the best I had ever had even though my only comparison to him was Fred. I guess it was the charming smirk, the cocky swagger, every attribute that made Maurice Boscorelli, Bosco, and left women falling at his knees. I was the next victim in the string of women and that was how I became Bosco and Cruz's personal puppet.

So what am I now I'm love last home
I'm all of the soft words I once owned
If I opened my he heart, there'd be no space for air
cos I wanted you

For the last four months I have lost my soul. I have put innocent people in jail, ran drugs to Cruz's clients, more things than I ever thought I was capable of doing. All for him. I get nothing in return for my lost soul but great sex that obviously means nothing to him. It sickens me to know that she knows he is fucking me in order for me to keep my mouth shut and continue being their gopher but not enough to make me detach myself from the strings they keep pulling.

Weak as I am, no tears for you
Weak as I am, no tears for you
Deep as I am, Im no ones fool
Weak as I am

Maybe one of these days I can regain the conscience I lost but I don't know. Maybe one day, Bosco will wake up and regain his conscience becoming the partner I once knew. Maybe he will decide he really does love me and our sex isn't just a form of manipulation.

In this tainted soul
In this weak young heart
Am I too much for you

My feet continue to pound the pavement and the exertion of my sprint is causing my lungs to hurt. But I keep running, five miles hasn't worked but maybe six will. Until then I guess I will keep trying to outrun the wickedness.

In this tainted soul
In this weak young heart
Am I too much for you

Weak as I am
Weak as I am
Weak as I am
Weak as I am, am, am

Weak as I am
Am I to much for you
Weak as I am
Am I to much for you
Weak as I am
Am I to much for you
Weak as I am
Am I to much for you
Weak as I am

Weak by Skunk Anansie