I own nothing and I hope you enjoy. Spoiler warning for the end of the series. This is my favorite manga ever. Based off of the Letter Bee amv called "Resonate". I hope you enjoy. Good day and God bless.
It had been many years since he had stood in Yuusari. Even if his visit was brief, he still remembered everything vividly.
Everything; the sight, the sounds, even the smells; brought back memories.
The red brick walls of neighborly houses, the sound of kind folk treating each other at the start of the day, the feel of a light but cold breeze on his face.
It was sensational to remember, to recall pieces of the past and who he was. He took it all in greedily like it was a drug and he still wanted more.
It was childish, but he felt so new to it all. He still strived to be the one thing he hadn't been in so long. Real.
He removed his leather glove and let his fingers run across the walls as he walked through the streets and alleys. He had done that many times before. He knew that now all thanks to that fateful day and that special someone.
It was when a new sun was born into the sky.
It was when his true identity, his true heart had been returned to him.
His heart. A treasured thing.
It was something that was loved and losing it was considered a fate worse than death.
It was odd because, even though he had lost it once, a special someone accepted him as he was.
That special someone is gone now and his own heart restored.
He thought he'd be happy but the conflicting emotions and identities, the memories of who he was and who he became, but more than anything, the memory of his special someone before and after all that happened was tearing him apart.
The people didn't stare even though he didn't wear his cloak. Only his fellow Letter Bees recognized him and even they didn't bother with him.
It was almost as though the new sun had burnt away the crimes.
But his eyes were still in the dark. He still saw all he had done as clear as the day. He had dyed himself black like the nights sky and the nightmare was still far from over.
Sylvette, his dear little sister, was always so responsible and mature. If she hated him, which she had every right to, he would never know.
Surely Aria hated him. If she didn't, she at least lost all the feelings she once held.
Most bees ignored him but those that didn't were that special person's friends. They told him openly that they hated him but he didn't mind because he agreed.
He hated himself just as much, if not more.
Even with his heart returned, he couldn't be real to anyone he knew because he hardly knew himself anymore.
"Gauche…" He spoke under his breath the names of two very different people "Noir…."
The names sounded so foreign and strange on his lips. So bitter and distasteful.
Take away Gauche and he was Noir. Return Gauche and both are destroyed.
He hardly ones who he truly was or who that special person wanted him to be.
Surely there was a place for him under this wonderful sun. Surely he had a home.
Surely there was some in between. The ecstasy of his experiences and the agony of the memory of that person's face.
He knew he should be grateful and he was. He could not even begin to convey how thankful he was.
It was just that with his heart within him, he could feel it breaking day by day.
"I'm so so sorry it had to be this way, Lag Seeings."
"But I wish I could see you even if just one last time…."