ALRIGHT GUYS! First upload, yay! This is a Bleach crack couple that popped into my mind, Soifon and Rangiku Matsumoto! If you don't know the anime and its characters, this is a fair warning that they are both women! So noooo wining about "eeewww gross, why didn'y you saaayy" Because I am warning you….right now~ MMmmmmnn...I'll call this lovely piece of crack Ranfon XD
So, disclaimer! I don't own the characters, Bleach, etc. If I did, they would all be crack paired~
With a slight yawn, Soifon awoke as she did every morning at exactly 4:59, one minute before her alarm went off. She turned it off in her usual quick, precise fashion, and went to get dressed for her morning exercises and training practice before having to train her troops at 7:00. Heading towards her personal training grounds, she heard a slight rustle in the bushes. Soifon let out a slight huff as she detected the reiatsu of the source of the noise "Lieutenant Matsumoto, I would appreciate it if you would not use my squad's bushes as a hiding place."
Upon hearing her voice, Rangiku perked up and lifed her head above the leaves, "Oooohhh, captain! You ssaaved meeeee! I was so scarreedd, those stupid plants were gonna eat meeee."
Soifon gave another more defined huff when she realized that the lieutenant seemed so heavily intoxicated, her speech and judgment were completely off "What on earth are you doing so intoxicated this early in the morning, lieutenant?"
"I dun knooow what you're talking aboouutt! I'm not drunkkk, seeeee?" Rangiku said as she proceeded to stumble out of the bushes and make her way over to where Soifon was standing.
"Of course you're not." Soifon said dryly as she grabbed Rangiku by the sleeve, "I'm going to take you back to your squad's barracks now, ok?"
"Nooooooo, I duuun wannaaaa!" Rangiku yowled, "My captain was being meaann to meeeee….. he said 'stop drinking at work, Matsumoto!' and I liiikee ta' driinnkkkkk. So I dun waaannnaaaa!"
Soifon quickly let go of the now thrashing lieutenant, as she didn't want to get caught dragging a struggling lieutenant around the Soul Society, "Alright! I let go, now stop yelling, before you start waking people up, moron!"
"Woooow, captaiinnnn, you're so niiceeeeee, my captaiiinn wasn't this niceeeee." Rangiku slurred as she drunkenly stumbled around the courtyard.
Soifon rubbed her now throbbing temples in an attempt to relive the oncoming headache caused by the tenth squad's current mess of a lieutenant. She lost awareness as she thought of ways to take Rangiku back to her squad without drawing too much attention. Dragging her there was out of the question since she'd start yelling again, too much of a hassle. She could call Toushiro and have him drag her back… no, he's probably sleeping, and she didn't want to disturb him. She could wake up members of the tenth to come get their lieutenant… no again…. They might lose her or something. Soifon practically growled in frustration as the thought of ways to get Rangiku back without waking everyone in the Soul Society, as she liked having her morning hours to herself and other people running around simply wouldn't do.
As Soifon thought of ways to get her back, Rangiku stumbled over out of curiosity as it appeared in her apparently drunken mind that the small person that tried to drag her back to her mean captain was now frozen. In a drunken haze, Rangiku leaned in and poked Soifon sharply in the cheek "Heeeeyyyyy, litttllleeeee persooonn? Are you aliiivvveeee? Pleeaaasseeee duunnn' dieeeeeeeeeee."
Soifon hissed at the offending digit on Rangiku's hand as it dared to pull her from her thoughts "Rangiku! Please refrain from doing that" She ground out angrily.
"Heeeyyy, you called me Rangiikkuuuu! I liikkeee thaaat! You ssshould do it more ofteennn!" Rangiku stated seemingly pleased that she had been called by her first name as she scooted even closer to the captain.
"No. I only said it because you are drunk and formalities are wasted on an intoxicated person." Soifon stated simply as she pulled away once more from the other woman.
"You need to relax more, captain" Rangiku almost purred as she scooted in close enough press her lips firmly against Soifons.
Soifon let out a stifled yelp of surprise at the unexpected lip contact with Rangiku as she quickly pulled back only to find that Rangiku's right hand had found its way to the back of her head to keep her from pulling back and the other was casually draped across her shoulder. Then it hit her. Rangiku hadn't slurred her words in that last sentence. She acknowledged that she knew Soifon was indeed Soifon, and her lips do not seem to have any trace of alcohol. Rangiku is sober. Soifon's mind was running at a mile a minute, she was shocked, she really had thought Rangiku to be intoxicated, to allow herself to be caught so off guard just because she thought the lieutenant was intoxicated! Unacceptable! She was so busy processing she hadn't realized that the other woman had stopped kissing her, but she was still close, and her hands hadn't moved. Rangiku was looking at her expectantly, almost as if waiting for something.
"You... You're not drunk, are you lietentant?" Soifon said as she didn't have anything else she could think to say.
"Nope!~" Rangiku chirped, all too cheery on the surface, though she was expecting the small captain to explode and kill her any second. It couldn't be helped though. It was in her nature to be fairly foreword in relationships, and she hadn't the slightest as to what to do when the person she was interested in was not interested in her so she took initiative and made her move.
"I see." Soifon said with a neutral expression.
Rangiku visibly gulped, this was what she was afraid of. She mentally scolded herself for thinking she may have a chance with the small captain, as she braced herself for the rejection of a lifetime and possibly some broken bones as Soifon was infamous for wounding her particularly brave suitors.
"Well then this wouldn't be considered taking advantage of the intoxicated then, hm?" Soifon smirked as she grabbed the collar of Rangiku's shirt and pulled her down to her height, and placed a light kiss on Rangiku's mouth.
They both melted into the kiss and waited to let go only after both couldn't go without air for one more second. Rangiku pulled back from the kiss panting, "Say, does that mean you liked it?"
"Tch, of course I did, why else would I do it again if I didn't?" Soifon snapped back, turning her head away to stop the blush that was spreading up her face. What came over her to do that? She didn't like Rangiku! The woman got on her last nerves, and under her skin easier than almost everyone, excluding her dumbass lieutenant, and that annoying scientist Urahara, she would never forgive him for setting her favorite lady Yoruichi doll…eh-hem, action figure… errrr…. Model replica in case one was ever needed to properly identify Yoruichi to someone… yes, that's it….. on fire by accident.
"So does that mean you'd go out with meeeeeee?~" Rangiku asked batting her eyelashes dramatically at the short captain.
Soifon pondered for a second on the idea… She really wouldn't mind another kiss and the lieutenant was capable of being serious and intelligent when she applied herself, she also was very loyal to the Soul Society and partners she was seriously interested in. "Sure….I suppose we can." Soifon stated matter-of-factly.
Rangiku almost squealed in happiness, "Yaaayy! Thanks Soifon! It'll be awesome! We can go to bars, and clubs, and drink together, and cuddle, and talk, and eat, and there's this one restaurant that….."
Ok guys! That was my first short on ! Got any comments, critiques, concerns, criticisms….casualties?
UPDATE: I changed a couple words that were misspelled or grammatically incorrect and added a missing word near the end