Sid speaks to Tony while he's in the hospital, on one of the many days he's sitting there with him. Tony/Michelle, Sid/Cassie with mild suggested Tony/Sid
DISCLAIMER: I don't own skins, if I did I wouldn't have ended series two that way, though it was PERFECT
I'm sitting in my normal seat next to his bed. My book is in my hand but I'm not really reading it, I just cant seem to settle today. I'm supposed to be studying for my A Levels but it just seems unimportant. And somehow, without knowing how or why, I start to speak to the silent boy, lying still and almost dead next to me.
I dunno what the fuck I'm doing here, Tony. Why the fuck I'm here. Your a twat, you know that? You really are a complete prick. And yet I'm here. Every fucking day I'm here. I'm waiting for you to wake up, and even though I'd like to be so I could tell you waht a cunt you are and how much you deserve it, that's not why I want you to wake up at all.
The rest of them wont even come here. They refuse, they just wont come. I think Michelle tried once or twice but she always backed out before she saw you. She couldn't do it. And you're her fucking boyfriend and you're supposed to love each other but you're not there for each other, you never have been. I'm the only fucking one who's here. Every fucking day, Tony. And I hate it but thats what best mates do right, we stick together. Even when one of us is a vegetable in hospital and they don't know if you're going to wake up best mates are there fore each other.
I've had enough Tony, and I know you cant hear me but right now I just want to get all my fucking shit out of my head and tell you exactly what I think of you. You're a cunt. A complete and utter tosser. And you deserved to be hit by that bus. But it still broke my heart, still destroyed me. And I hate you for it. I hate you for what you're doing to me, making me come back here every day even though I should be off doing my own thing, living the teenage life. I cant do that because I cant leave you, my stupid best friend who went and got himself ran over by a stupid bus. You always thought you were so special because you got the best girls and the best phones and the best anything but Tony you're not, there's nothing special about you at all. You're just the same as all the rest of us, a worthless piece of shit. Scum who's going to end up going into building or on the social welfare when we leave home because our parents never really cared enough to make sure we got a proper education. Well no, I guess in that sense you're not the same Tone, you're slightly better than us. Cause you're parents pay your bloody education. You're not like Chris who's barely holding on to school, and your not like Jal who's only aloud to go to school so she can do what his dad wants. And what about Cassie? You're nothing like fucking Cassie Tony. And yet you're so special. And we're all waiting for you to wake up. And its fucking destroying us. All of us. Not just me. Not just me. Not just me. Fuck.
It doesn't matter how much I hate you Tony, I want you to wake up. I want you to wake up so I can tell you I love you again. So I can tell you that I'm still here waiting for you. Because fuck it Tony, I do love you no matter what type of a cunt you are. Because you're my best friend. There's always been a Sid and Tony situation and there always will be. Or maybe there wont. Maybe this is the end of Tony and Sid? Fuck, I hope not. Fuck Tony I'm terrified that there wont be. I don't know what I'd do. Who else am I supposed to turn too when I'm stuck? Who else am I supposed to go to when I get too drunk and cant stand? God Tony I don't know what to do. All I can do is come here every day, read to you, talk to you. And sometimes I cant even talk, because I don't know what to say. And sometimes, like now, I can talk for hours and it doesn't really seem to make any difference cause you wont talk back to me.
I want you back, Tony, even if its only for a few minutes. Cause, you're my best mate. The world to me. How could you not be, when we've been through so much together. I love you, mate. Love you to bits. And that something I would never admit to any other time. How could I? Its not exactly the easiest thing to say is it, I love you. Its really hard to say it actually, especially when you mean it so much. Best friends are for always aren't they, and then always ends. Fuck Tony. Fuck I'm scared.
I don't know, I guess I'm rambling. I don't know how to say what I need to say or how to not say it at the same time. I want to tell you everything but then I end up repeating myself. Over and over and over and then I say something different and then go to back to the same old shit again. I guess you being in this state made me realise a lot. It made me realise just how much you mean to me. How much it doesn't matter what rows and shit we have, we'll always be best mates. I'll always love you, no matter how far apart we are.
I'm going to go anyway, I've got things to do. Just because life has stopped for you doesn't mean it has for me. I've got to study. But I'll be back, I promise Tony. I'll always be back.
I get up, and walk slowly away from his bed side, looking back for just a second to see his breathing settle into something calmer than it has been for ages. I don't know what it means, and part of me wants to wish that it was him dying, because then it would be over. Must mostly, the hugest part of me, it wants it to be a sign of him getting better. Because he's my best friend, and I love him.