His Diary, Her Diary, The Rise Of A New Dark Lord

by serpentine17ice

Just when everyone thought they were safe, a new evil came into existence. Grindelwald, previously defeated by Dumbledore in 1945, is back. But Dumbledore is getting old and has not the power anymore. There is no Chosen One this time, or is there? HGDM.

1. Hermione's Diary Warning

Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter, or else I wouldn't be here writing this.

Chapter 1 - Hermione's Warning

Hermione Granger's Warning and List of Punishments - Read This, But Do NOT Go Any Further:

If you – the nosy person looking at my personal belonging – has the sudden strange (not to mention odd) and annoying urge to read my private diary, DO NOT PAY ATTENTION TO IT! If you do, then I regret to say that I will hence-forth be forced to do one of the following things (once I bother to find out who you are of course):

1. Hex you into oblivion (I will track you down to do this!).

2. Kick you from here to Scotland Yard and/or Azkaban (it's a violation of privacy I tell you! A violation!).

3. I will perform the Imperio curse on you (hello Azkaban for me).

4. Have you suffer for the rest of your life by having the word 'Nosy' printed in green pimple across your face (no one, and I mean no one crosses Hermione Granger!).

5. Cut off your head and transfigure it into a quaffle.

6. Set a herd of centaurs on you.

7. Have my cat Crookshanks scratch your eyes out.

8. Burn you alive (a bit violent isn't it? This is why you shouldn't read my diary).

9. Do to you what I did to Malfoy once (and no, it does not involve calling you a ferret).

10. Dump rotten food on you and bewitch rats to follow you.

11. Report you to Dumbledore (doubt that he'd really care, but you never know…)

12. Provoke a flock of hippogriffs to chase you around the school.

13. Make you join S.P.E.W.

14. Give you the evil eye.

15. Mmm… make you apologise? (will think about it – though very unlikely; don't get your hopes up).

16. Feed your bloody carcass to the thestrals.

17. Disembowl you and feed your intestines to the owls.

18. BLACKMAIL!

19. Stalk you and then kill you.

20. All of the above.

P.S. If you still exist from the boredom of having to read my mundane list of imaginary punishment, please have the courtesy to oblige me by being too scared/bored to continue any further.

A/N: Okay, I know the beginning wasn't funny enough, but I hope the list is neurotic and funny enough to make up for it. Read and review! Well, you've already read it, but... just review.