McCoy's New Mood
by Carlotta's twin
Summary: McCoy wants to leave the Enterprise. Spock comes up with an ingenious (?) idea to make him stay...
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek.
A/N: This takes place after 'This Side of Paradise'. It has to...Deltans make me laugh.
Chapter One: McCoy's Midlife Crisis
McCoy was sitting in sickbay, as usual. And as usual, he was in a grouchy mood. Ever since he'd left Omicron Ceti III, McCoy had been in a terrible mood. Chapel joked that she wished he was still under the spore's influence.
"Bones, what's wrong?" Kirk asked, walking into sickbay.
"Nothing is wrong, Jim. Everything is just perfect and splendid."
"You're being sarcastic."
"Really?" snapped McCoy.
"Don't talk to me like that." said Kirk. "I am the captain!"
"And I'm the doctor." growled McCoy. "And if I see you aren't mentally fit, then you aren't captain, Jim."
Kirk opened his mouth to retaliate, but sighed. And Spock thinks McCoy can't argue logically. "What's wrong?"
"I'm fine." McCoy snapped. "Now I've got business to attend to." Once Kirk left, McCoy opened a bottle of Romulan Ale and began to drink it.
The CMO sighed. "I'm a miserable, tired, old man." he told himself. Being so happy and carefree on Omicron Ceti III had taught him that. "I should just resign right now and go back to good ol Georgia. I could have a little clinic and forget all about Starfleet and-"
"Are you speaking to yourself, Doctor?" asked Spock. "That is highly illogical, as you are wasting breath when you are able to think out your problems instead of speak them."
"Oh, shut up, you pointy-eared hobgoblin." McCoy said. On the other hand, thought McCoy, if I left the Enterprise I wouldn't be able to insult Spock anymore...
"I am no hobgoblin. I am a Vulcan." Spock responded. "What is the dilemma that you were speaking to yourself about?"
"I was talking," said McCoy, "about leaving the Enterprise."
"Why?" asked Spock.
"What do you care?" snapped McCoy. "Well, you'd probably hate it if your verbal-sparring partner left..."
Spock raised an eyebrow. "Our conversations are not 'spars', Doctor. They are discussions."
"To you, maybe." growled McCoy. "Now get out of sickbay or I'll assign you a physical."
"I am not afraid of your physicals, Doctor."
"Then I'll assign you one for tomorrow."
"That will not be necessary, Doctor." said Spock, leaving sickbay more quickly than normal.
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"Jim?" asked Spock, later on the bridge. "May I speak to you in private?"
"Of course," Kirk answered, walking over to Spock's station. "Did you find out what's wrong with Bones?"
"I walked into sickbay and heard him fantasizing to himself about leaving the Enterprise." Spock answered.
"Leaving. The Enterprise?" Kirk asked. "Why would Bones want to do that?"
"I do not know why, Captain."
McCoy entered the bridge. "Jim?" he asked. "How far are we from Earth?"
"Well, we are passing by on the way to Starbase 24." Kirk answered. "Why?"
"I'm requesting shore leave." McCoy answered. "Haven't used any of it up, so I thought, why not now?"
"Spock overheard you talking to yourself." Kirk admitted. "Why do you want to leave the Enterprise?"
"What have I got here?" McCoy argued. "No girl, no family, no nothing! At least when I'm home I'll be with my folks."
"This is no time for a mid-life crisis, Bones!" Kirk yelled. Uhura chuckled.
"Why not?" McCoy said. "What pressing issues are there? Is there someone in mortal peril we need to save? No. Everything is fine aboard the Enterprise, so I'll just take my shore leave now!" He stormed out of the bridge. "What are you laughing at, Lieutenant?" he growled at Uhura.
"This is bad, Spock." Kirk said. "We need Bones on the Enterprise."
"We do." agreed Spock. "He is a very able doctor."
"Is there anyway we can make him happier here? A party or something?" Kirk asked Spock.
"I do not believe that a party will help Dr. McCoy's foul mood." Spock answered. "I have an idea, Captain. I need to show you a project of mine."
Spock and Kirk went into the Science lab and entered Spock's private laboratory. In there was a new project of his: the 'happiness plant' from Omicron Ceti III. It was contained in a miniature greenhouse so no seeds could effect Spock or the crew again.
"I thought I had destroyed all of those plants." Kirk said.
"Throwing a plant across the bridge is hardly a means of destroying it." Spock answered.
"What's your plan with this?" Kirk asked, though he had a pretty good idea.
"If I could dilute the spores and spray them at Dr. McCoy, then perhaps he would begin to act more happy." Spock said. "The only problem is that I am not sure how to dilute the spores."
"We have to try it, Spock."
"Actually, Captain, we do not have to try anything. Dr. McCoy could just take his shore leave then return aboard the Enterprise."
"Well, I don't like Bones leaving at all. I'll chain him to his seat if this doesn't work." Kirk growled.
"That would be a most illogical approach to keeping Dr. McCoy here."
"It'd be illogical, but it would be effective." Kirk answered.
Spock just raised an eyebrow. "I believe I can dilute the plant's spores into a tea of some sort. But who will give the tea to Dr. McCoy?"
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Scotty was on the bridge. He was fine tuning the overdrive warning features when something happened that drove even engineering out of Scotty's head (which is very hard to do, by the way). It was McCoy, throughly casual in tan khakis and a blue Hawaiian shirt.
"I don't think that's Federation regulated, Doctor." said Chekov, grinning.
"I don't give a damn." replied McCoy.
"You're still wearing blue?" asked Uhura. "Blue's really your color."
"It is." agreed McCoy. "I can't wait for shore leave."
"What are ya gonna do down there?" Scotty asked.
"Go to my folks for a while." McCoy answered. "Haven't seen em in ages. Then I'll probably go down to the Deltan convention in Hawaii. I was invited there, see. I'm an honorary Deltan." Sulu shoved his fist into his mouth to keep from laughing. "Oh, shut up, Mr. Sulu. I helped a noble Deltan mother give birth. She invited me to this convention for life." McCoy smiled. "It was great. Hot Deltan chicks in bikinis with no oath of celibacy."
"Musta been great." Scotty replied, imagining the scene.
"It was, and will be." McCoy said.
"But sir," said Sulu, looking at the computer screen, "The Annual Earth Deltan Convention isn't for another...six weeks."
"I know." said McCoy.
"You'll have shore leave for six weeks?" asked Sulu.
"Six months." McCoy replied. "Six months of freedom."
"But ya canna do that!" Scotty cried. "Who'll give us physicals and heal us?"
McCoy rolled his eyes. "God, Scotty, you're acting like I'll die down there! It's only six months."
"What's only six months?" Kirk asked, walking on the bridge.
"Did you hear about this, sir?" Scotty said. "Why, McCoy's leaving us for six months."
"I'm aware of that." Kirk answered. "Unless he changes his mind." He winked at Scotty.
"I won't change my mind." McCoy said. "I can be as stubborn as a mule if I want to be."
"We are well aware of that fact, Doctor." Spock replied, also entering the bridge.
"You know what the best part of leaving the Enterprise will be?" McCoy told Kirk. "No Spock or any logic. Nothing but pure emotion down at Earth." The CMO grinned, while Spock tried to wrestle down a feeling of horror.
As the bridge members went back to their usual spots, and as McCoy left the bridge, Scotty walked over to Kirk and asked, "What do you have in mind, Captain?"
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McCoy lay on a bed in sickbay, reading about new medical drugs. "By God, I'm beginning to act like Scotty- actually reading about my job!" he shook his head. "Well, soon I'll be back at Earth with my folks and some Deltans. It's the perfect remedy."
"Dr. McCoy?" Scotty asked, walking in with some tea. "I made ya this with a little bourbon in it as well. You need a pick-me-up before ya beam down."
"I probably do." McCoy answered. "Bourbon- another great remedy," he mused to himself, slurping the 'tea.' "Tastes odd..." His confused look instantly turned into a grin. "Hello, Montgomery!"
Scotty sniggered. "Hello, Dr. McCoy." Kirk walked in, chuckling at McCoy's wide smile.
"Hey, Jimmyboy!" McCoy said, his Southern accent growing thicker with every word. "What a great day."
"It sure is." Kirk agreed. "I see you've finished your tea. Want something a little stronger at the Rec Room?"
McCoy shrugged in approval. "But wait Jimmyboy. I've got to go down to Earth!"
"Ah, come on Bones." said Kirk. "Stay up here on the Enterprise. Plenty of beautiful woman, liquor and adventure than anything down on Earth."
"That's true." admitted McCoy. "Well, I'll stay." Spock walked into sickbay. "Hi, Spock! How's my favorite Vulcan?"
"The tea was stronger than I had calculated." Spock said.
"Oh, to hell with calculations, Spocko." McCoy told him. "Let's go down and have some fun in the Rec Room!"
"That is illogical, Dr. McCoy." Spock answered.
"Fun ain't illogical at all, Spock!" McCoy replied, draping one arm around Spock's shoulder. "Let's go right now, y'all!" He wheeled Spock out of sickbay.
"That's going to be an interesting sight to see- Spock having fun. Let's watch."
After you review this, please check out 'How to Fight Vulcan Style' and 'Females are Illogical' both by me.
And...
What are Spock and McCoy going to do? Will the crew notice McCoy's new mood? And is the journey to Starbase 24 going to be as smooth as planned? Find out...in the next chappie!