The memory of that day was something Clint longed to erase.
"Barton, I've been compromised…" The words over the comm were cut off by the sound of a gunshot, then receding footsteps.
Then silence.
Noise had no effect on Clint. It implied that there was life. Life was good.
It was the silence that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end, and his gut clench with terror. To him, silence was synonymous with death.
"I'm coming. I'll be there as soon as I can." No answer. "Tasha, I'm coming for you. Do you copy?" No answer. Clint had never been one for panicking. He'd even outdone Stark on the grace-under-pressure score. But this was his partner, and she was in trouble. He rushed into the room where he'd seen Natasha go, nearly barreling into the man who'd most likely just shot her. He cursed himself for his carelessness, slashing the man across the throat with one flick of his knife. The thug crumpled to the floor, but Clint was already in the next room. What he saw made him sick. Dark red hair lying in a pool of bright red. One pale hand reaching for the doorway. Blank jade eyes staring accusingly at him.
"You didn't get here fast enough, Barton. Now I've paid the price." they seemed to say. Clint pulled her into his lap, cradling her limp form in his arms. Tears sprang unbidden to his eyes when he realized it was too late. She was too far gone.
"T-Tasha? Please, no…Oh, God, please no…" He sat there holding her, God only knows how long, until the rest of the team found them.
6 months later…
Clint sat straight up in bed, breathing heavily. He glanced over at the alarm clock on his bedside table. 2:17 A.M. Great. Just frickin' great. Another sleepless night. He laid back down, staring at the ceiling, a sob nearly choking him. How often had he woken up to nightmares and had Natasha by his side to comfort him? Now she was gone and it was his fault. He hadn't gotten to her soon enough. He sat up again, this time heading out into the living area of his apartment in StarkTower. The glow of the city spread out below him, but the sight did nothing to shake him from his funk. All the people going on with their lives, sleeping like nothing was wrong, and here he was falling apart. He ran a hand over his hair, breathing a sigh, trying to keep control of his breathing. He felt like someone was squeezing the oxygen out of his lungs from the inside, and he was paralyzed. He put his back against the wall, and slid down until he was seated on the floor, his knees nearly touching his chin. His whole body shook. It was so hard…so hard to breathe. Even thinking about breathing caused him pain. A low moan filled the apartment room with only one word recognizable.
"…Tasha…"
Two floors up, Tony and Pepper slept side by side. It was JARVIS who woke Tony up.
"Sir, pardon the hour, but it appears Agent Barton is troubled. Something appears to be impeding his respiratory functions." Tony rolled over and looked at the alarm clock. 2:26. Oh, boy…
"I'm on it, J. Thanks for the heads up."
"You're welcome, sir." Tony sat up, covered Pepper back up a little more, and ran to the elevator. He arrived in Clint's apartment only thirty seconds later. Clint looked as though nothing had happened.
"What's up, Stark?" Tony paused in the doorway.
"I, uh, got an alert from JARVIS telling me you weren't doing to well. Figured I'd check on you." Clint sighed and sat on the couch.
"So you came thinking I might need a friend?" The beginnings of sarcasm were making themselves evident. Tony backed off a little.
"I don't know. Do you? Because I don't want anything bad…I mean worse…to happen to you."
"I don't care what happens to me. I couldn't protect her. I wasn't there when she needed me to be, Tony." He exhaled loudly, and glanced back at the billionaire. "I'm not going to get over this overnight, but I doing the best I can." Tony nodded, a lump rising in his own throat at the memory of the spunky assassin.
"Don't hesitate to talk to me, or any of the team if you need to. We're all here for each other, and that includes you." Tony turned to leave, but then thought better of it. "I can't say that Natasha and I were on the best of terms, but she was an amazing person…" Tony drew in a shaky breath. "…We were damn lucky to have her as a member of our team." Where had that come from? He'd never been one to show emotion like this. Not since the incident with the Mandarin. With nothing more to add, he left. Clint smiled when he heard the door close. Stark was right. They were damn lucky. Luckier than they deserved. That didn't make the pain go away, though.
"Natasha, why did you have to go?" He leaned back and stared at the ceiling. After a moment, he got up and went back to bed. He didn't fall asleep right away. He finally did, after more than a few tears had stained the pillowcase.
0o0o0o0o0
Tony slid back under the covers, hoping not to disturb Pepper. That hope was immediately dashed when she put and arm across his chest.
"What's going on, Tony?" she mumbled sleepily.
"Nothing, just checking on a friend." Pepper woke up a little more, knowing exactly who Tony was talking about.
"Is he okay?"
"Well, he's not going to do anything desperate, if that's what you mean."
"You know what I mean." She sat up, leaning on her elbow.
"Just go back to sleep. Everything's all right. He'll be fine. He didn't want company, so I'm not going to force the issue."
"Wow. That's very…grown-up of you, Tony." Tony rolled his eyes.
"God forbid I do anything remotely mature. Jeez, Pep…" Pepper laid back down.
"Good night, Tony." Tony smiled as she nestled a little closer, her head effectively pinning his left shoulder to the mattress.
"Have I ever told you how lucky I am to have you?" Tony asked. He continued without letting her speak. "If not, I want you to know that you're the best thing that ever happened to me, and that I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I ever let anything happen to you." Pepper turned her head to look up at him.
"You haven't said it before, not in so many words. But I know what you mean."
"I love you, Pepper."
"I love you too. And even though you seem to get a kick out of almost giving me a heart attack every time you go on a mission, I wouldn't trade you for the world." Tony smiled, and kissed her forehead, and pulled her a little closer.
"That's all I need to know."