A/N: PLEASE READ. Oohh another story, at long last! I've been writing bits and pieces of this one since May, and I refused to post it until it was perfect. InuYasha and Kagome deserve nothing less than perfection...oh, I do spoil those two. But how can you not? They're so cute! (And, it's still not perfect. Doubt it ever will be. But I finally gave up...so here it is!)
Anyway, I am a very lazy writer and I'm currently disinclined to read through my work and search for mistakes (I'll get around to it in a day or so) since I literally just finished writing this story about ten minutes ago and am mentally exhausted. There are only so many alternatives for the words answered and sighed, you know? In any case, dictionary(.)com's thesaurus is my best friend most days :3 And HOLY AWKWARD SITTING ARRANGEMENTS BLAARRGGHHH. That was painful to write. And it's painful to read. Just ignore all the awkard descriptions of how Kagome switches positions basically every five sentences. It was necessary, but it's just so...awkward and mechanical, those parts. Yeah. I would try to fix them, but I've already tried too many times.
But yes, I must say I am quite fond of this tale. It's basically another missing moments, at least in my eyes, because we all know something like this had to have happened at some point (but don't blame me if I'm wrong - I'm still reading the manga haha! Unfortunately though, due to my insatiable curiosity, I basically know everything that is to come in the story, both manga and anime.) I'd say it's set about...four months into the story? I honestly don't even know the passage of time in this thing; I basically just count the number of times the new moon comes around and that's how I keep track of the months haha. But yeah, at least several months after Sango joins the group (if you read my other story "Between Best Friends", I'd place this about a month after that). Please, read and enjoy the cuteness! And please don't forget to comment! I love comments! All writers do; it makes us feel like our effort is worthwhile :)
STORY DESCRIPTION: When one very early morning finds Kagome unable to sleep, InuYasha brings her up into the trees where they explore the nature of their relationship, and discover that they were meant to be. They discuss their groups' bond and what it means to be a family, and how his past relationship with Kikyo will forever leave him scarred and doubtful. How Naraku changed their lives and will continue to change their futures, and how love is the strongest medicine to any ailment. And most importantly, what the meaning of innocence truly is. (As stated, it leads to their first kiss, and closes with a sweet and romantic scene between Sango and Miroku).
Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha. Rumiko Takahashi does. I am very sad about this. But that can't stop me from living in the InuYasha world every day to my heart's content! :3
Innocence
It was still dark when Kagome's eyes flitted open. So dark, in fact, that she could barely see anything at all. Only the brilliant white moon and the glistening smudges of the stars illuminated the pitch sky. With a heavy yawn, Kagome rolled onto her side and reached into the night for her backpack, her sleeping bag crinkling as she stretched.
3:30am, she thought to herself when she'd finally found her watch. How can I be awake this early…or this late, depending on which way you look at it?
"Kagome, are you awake?"
She looked up just in time to see the dimly illuminated figure of InuYasha jump from a high branch of the tree she'd been sleeping under, landing next to her as silent as a ghost.
Several months ago, she would have screamed in frightened shock, but she was so used to his rapid movements now that they seemed as normal as anything.
"You should be sleeping."
She couldn't clearly see his face, but she could hear the clear disapproval in his voice.
"I could say the same thing to you," she whispered back, not wanting to wake the others. "And until a few minutes ago, I was asleep."
"Well then why did you wake up?"
She rolled her eyes, knowing with his heightened senses he could see her perfectly. "That's a stupid question. How am I supposed to know?"
"Well you don't have to get so defensive. I was only asking," he grumbled.
"Well I'm awake now so that's all that matters." Kagome pushed herself into a sitting position and sighed. Sango hadn't moved from her spot beside her, and though she couldn't see him across the small clearing, she knew Miroku was still sound asleep as well.
"What are you doing now?" InuYasha asked her as she began quietly rummaging through her backpack.
"Looking for my notebook," she answered. "And a flashlight."
"Why the hell do you need those now?"
She rolled her eyes again. "Well, I'm not tired at the moment, so I may as well do something productive. Anyway, I have a math test in a few days so I need all the studying I can get."
"You're crazy."
"Why thank you. You're certainly one to talk."
Quick as a flash, InuYasha snatched the flashlight Kagome had just pulled out and threw it over his shoulder.
"Have you completely lost your mind?" she snapped, trying not to raise her voice. She jumped to her feet, instantly bringing herself just a few short inches away from his face. "What the hell are you doing?"
"You can't study if you can't see," he answered matter-of-factly. "Besides, you'll definitely wake everyone up if you shine that light everywhere."
"Idiot." She tried to punch him in the stomach but she slipped on the long hem of her pajama pants, falling against him instead. Her head collided with his chest and she nearly knocked them both over.
Automatically, InuYasha's hand wrapped around her waist, stabilizing her before she could do something equally clumsy.
"Smooth," he said, looking down at her through sarcastic eyes.
Kagome pushed herself away from his chest with an angry huff, but he instantly drew her back, and she slammed against him with a greater force this time.
"What are you doing now?" she hissed.
"Shh."
He wasn't looking at her, but at the ground, when he answered. She followed his gaze and saw Sango shifting under her blanket, Kirara and Shippo curled up against her legs. If she woke up, she'd wake all three of them up.
"Nice going. If they wake up, it's your fault."
"Excuse me, but everything was fine until you jumped down from your stupid tree and started making a racket," Kagome exclaimed, trying to wrestle free from his grasp. A small part of her wanted to stay though, as his arms always felt so good around her. She always felt safe when he held her, but he would never find that out, and there was no current crisis that put her security at risk. And there was her pride to think about; she did hope to leave this conversation with some sense of dignity remaining. Although it was really InuYasha that was behaving like an immature child.
InuYasha was silent for a moment, glancing back down at Sango once more before releasing a sigh. "I think you should get some more sleep, Kagome."
"I'm not tired," she retorted smartly.
"Oh really?"
"Yes, really."
He pondered for a second, before grinning smugly. "Okay then, let's go."
She stopped struggling and looked up at him. "What? Where?"
"To my stupid tree."
She stared at him in disbelief. "Are you serious?"
"Why not? We can continue arguing up there, where you can be as loud and angry as you want," he smirked. "Besides, it's not like you were going to do something important like studying."
"Ha ha, very funny," Kagome deadpanned.
"It's your own damn fault for bringing your futuristic nonsense here," InuYasha sniped. "Now get on and hold on tight."
"You're just jealous because I'm smarter than you," she snapped, but with a small smile despite herself, she complied.
It was always such a thrilling feeling, being on InuYasha's back as he leapt through the air. It was the closest thing to flying she could ever hope to reach, besides being in an airplane of course. But InuYasha didn't understand or appreciate planes, and she couldn't feel the air whipping her skin and hair from inside the metal giants. And she felt so, so secure when they traveled like this, because she knew he would never put her in danger. But when she glanced around and saw how small the ground was becoming, a twinge of panic crept its way into her heart.
"How high are we going?" she asked him as he continued to scale branches at lightning speed.
"Why does it matter?" he replied mockingly. "You're not afraid, are you?"
"No," she snapped, but she answered too quickly, and her nails digging into his shoulders gave her straight away.
InuYasha instantly bit back the snarky reply he'd prepared as he felt her true fear. "We're almost there," he said, feeling her heart pounding in her chest as she pressed closer against him. "Just close your eyes."
"O-okay."
A moment later, he landed on the second-highest branch in the tree and stopped. "Open your eyes now, Kagome. I don't want you slipping again."
"That's comforting," she responded shakily, too frightened to be angry any longer. She took a swift glance down and tightened her grip on InuYasha. He'd brought her up high in the trees before, but never this high. Away from the ground, everything was much brighter in the moonlight, and she could see the distance to her small sleeping bag far below.
"Here, let go of my shoulders and take my hand," he instructed her, surprisingly gentle for his normally coarse manner. "Do you trust me?"
She looked at his face, so serious all of a sudden, and nodded. "Yes."
"Then do what I said."
Slowly and cautiously, they worked together until they were sitting side by side on the thick branch. Kagome sat closest to the trunk, keeping one hand against it for balance and security, but she was still shaking. InuYasha watched her with an expressionless face, and she felt humiliated for showing such weakness in front of him. The mood had changed so dramatically in the past few minutes, it was almost enough to make her head spin.
"You never told me you were afraid of heights," InuYasha said suddenly. "I wouldn't have brought you up here if I'd known."
"That's because I always try to hide it," she answered. "It's a stupid, irrational fear and I can usually overcome it enough for it not to bother me. It's very easy to distract yourself from your fears when you're in battle."
"That's true, because I've never noticed you having a problem with it before." He paused. "Why now, then?"
"I'm not used to being quite this high," she shrugged lightly, never moving her hand from the trunk. "It's different on Kirara, I guess. I don't feel as vulnerable, then."
"You feel vulnerable now."
She took a thoughtful pause and nodded slowly. "Yes, though I'm not happy to admit it."
He stared at her for another second, and then wrapped one of his arms around her waist and drew her closer. Her heart beat sporadically with fear as he moved her, but she tried not to let it show.
"Don't worry," InuYasha said firmly. "I'll protect you."
Shakily, Kagome let go of the tree's trunk and leaned into him, content to let his arms encircle her and hold her tight. Like she'd thought earlier, it was impossible not to feel safe in his grasp, and now was no exception. "I know you will."
For the first time, she looked out at the breathtaking sight surrounding them. The moon illuminated the tops of all the trees, stretching on for miles and miles until they disappeared into the distant mountains, which by daylight could be seen to be capped with snow.
"Oh wow," Kagome murmured. "It's so beautiful. I can see why you like to spend your nights in tree tops."
"And, because I like heights," InuYasha smirked. "But yes, it is quite a sight."
"How can you sleep here though and not be afraid?"
"I don't sleep much, as you know."
"Yeah, unless it's in my bed," she huffed.
"That was only twice," he snapped back. "And the beds in your era are very comfortable."
"Sure." She had to laugh a little, and he smiled tentatively.
"You wouldn't understand, seeing as you've been sleeping in them your entire life," he added. "Many of us are beginning to develop back problems prematurely here."
"Perhaps. But your crippling old age probably has something to do with it, too." She laughed again, looking out at the sky again. "The moon is just so spectacular tonight! I can't stop staring at it. It was harder to see from the ground."
He grinned with satisfaction. "Then you're not afraid anymore?"
She blinked, abruptly realizing that her fear was slowly beginning to ebb away. "Oh."
"Oh is not a suitable answer to my question."
"Hmm." She leaned in even closer to him, hoping he would hold her even closer. He did, as if by instinct. "Maybe."
"You enjoy being stubborn, don't you."
They sat like that for a while, enjoying the silence and the stunning landscape. Kagome knew that the longer she stayed up here, the more tired and irritable she would be the rest of the day. Though she wasn't particularly tired, sleep would come easily to her if she allowed herself to try for it, and she knew she was several hours behind her normal amount. But she was so content being embraced by InuYasha like this; it was a rare treat for the two of them to be granted any privacy, what with Miroku's insatiable nosiness and positively horrible influence on Sango and Shippo. But even in the rare moments of seclusion such as this, it was even rarer for InuYasha to do anything about it. That he'd actually taken the initiative and taken her into his arms was astounding, and she wasn't about to let the moment pass unnoted.
She wasn't quite sure what she was to InuYasha, but she knew that she loved him. Though the words still frightened her, she knew they were true. Ever since that day that she'd cried under the old God-tree by her house, thinking about the pain that it caused her to see InuYasha with Kikyo, and the idea of never seeing his face again…that had been the definitive test. It had made her realize that she loved him, but even more than that, it had made her realize that she wanted to be by his side always, no matter how he felt about her in return. But she hoped with all of her heart that he wanted her to stay beside him, too.
"I really think you should get some more sleep," InuYasha said suddenly, startling her. "We have another long day of traveling ahead of us."
"I'm fine," Kagome protested. "I told you I wasn't tired. And even if I do become exhausted by midday, I know you'll just carry me on your back."
"I will?" He raised his eyebrows at her, frowning slightly.
"Well, won't you?"
"That's not the point."
"That's exactly the point."
He sighed. "There's still about an hour and a half until sunrise. I'm sure Miroku and Sango will be knocked out for at least the next three hours. You should join them."
"Are you that desperate to get rid of me?" Kagome huffed, returning his frown. "It was your idea to come up here, you know."
"Don't be stupid. I'm not trying to chase you away," InuYasha remarked, rolling his eyes in exasperation. "I'm just giving you an option that would be beneficial to your health, as well as mine."
"What does me sleeping have to do with your health?" she demanded. Here we go again…more pointless arguing, she thought with a mental sigh.
"If you're well-rested then I don't have to listen to your annoying complaining all day!" he retorted deprecatingly.
"Well excuse me for being human," she snapped, pushing his arms off of her. She instantly reached for the strong tree trunk to support her, but she was too heated to be as terrified as before. "I can't believe you would say that to me!"
"Sango and Miroku are both human, and I don't hear either of them complaining," InuYasha responded smartly, crossing his now freed arms.
"Well they're both from here, all right?" Kagome finally caved, knowing whatever came out of her mouth would be an excuse. "I'm still not used to the terrain here, so I'm sorry for not being completely up to speed."
"Well you don't got to be so damn defensive about it," he barked.
"Why are we even fighting?" she demanded. "Is it even possible for us to have a single conversation with no hostility involved?"
"You started it," he grumbled quietly.
"InuYasha!"
He released a heavy sigh and flipped his long silver hair back. "Yeah, yeah, alright. I just want you to be safe. When you're tired, your senses are weaker and you're not as alert. With the luck we've been having recently, we're more than likely to find trouble crossing our path."
Kagome let out an irritated groan. "You're hopeless. You could have just said that in the first place."
He shrugged. "I thought we were finished arguing."
"We are."
"Then come back over here so I know you won't fall out of the tree."
"Ha ha, thanks for the comforting words."
He rolled his eyes. "Seriously. I thought you were scared."
She instantly felt a nasty shock run down her spine as she remembered where she was. Her fingers automatically tightened on the trunk. "Great, thanks!"
"What did I do now?"
"I wasn't afraid until you reminded me!"
InuYasha gave another exasperated sigh and reached out to her. "Okay, come on. You're starting to make me nervous."
Hesitantly, Kagome loosened one of her hands and slowly extended it in front of her, and she was startled to see how profusely it was shaking. "InuYasha…hurry. P-please."
"Calm down. I won't let anything hurt you," he murmured, and with that he abruptly reached past her hand and to her waist, picking her up and plopping her down onto his lap.
She let out an ear-shattering scream as he moved her without warning, but as soon as it had escaped her lips, he clamped his hand tightly over her mouth.
"Shh," he demanded of her softly. "We may be up high, but we're still relatively close to the ground. You don't want to wake the others, do you? I think you'd terrify Miroku half to death if he woke to the sound of your screaming."
Kagome's eyes widened in realization, and she tilted her head back to stare up into InuYasha's face. Her heart was still beating like a cheetah's sprint, but she was beginning to calm down as the initial shock wore off.
When he saw that she had understood, InuYasha released his hand and let it wrap under her knees, supporting her legs as they dangled out away from the tree. His other hand was firm around her back and waist, keeping her safer than their original position sitting side by side. He'd moved so that his back now rested against the trunk, allowing him to lean back comfortably and stretch his legs on the branch.
"There," he said with satisfaction. "Isn't that better?"
She nodded slowly. "You didn't have to scare me like that, though."
He shrugged her bitter remark off. "I knew you would make things more difficult if I tried to move you little by little. It's like getting stabbed by something; the quicker you pull the weapon out, the less it hurts."
"Yeah, unless you die from the injury."
"Feh. It'd take much more than a mere flesh wound to kill me."
"That's what I'm afraid of."
InuYasha glared at her as she began to laugh.
"Ha ha. Very funny," he grumbled, mimicking her earlier response to his mockery.
She laughed again, recognizing the words, and therefore knowing that he wasn't too upset with her. But the mental image of him badly beaten, as he often appeared after fights, also forced its way into her mind, instantly distracting her from her amusement. His joke had been meant as an empty remark, but it reminded her of the far too many times she'd sat helplessly from the sidelines and watched him throw and take hits, wondering if he was going to survive or if his luck would finally run out. And the worst instances; when she wasn't even there to be by his side and care for his wounds because she'd been trapped in her own time. Her thoughts drifted to that one day several months ago when Hojo had taken her out on a date, and the only thing she'd been able to focus on was if InuYasha was okay...if he was even alive...
There was no way she was going to let that happen again. No way in hell. He was going to be safe; safe always. But there was one person that was standing in the way of that, if he was even to be called a person.
"InuYasha?"
"What?" he answered, still slightly annoyed by Kagome's earlier taunting.
"What happens when we defeat Naraku?"
"What?" he repeated, caught completely off guard by the question. "What do you mean?"
"I don't know, really," she admitted, another thought occurring to her. "I was thinking about it the other day, and I didn't really have an answer. I mean, what will happen with us once Naraku is gone?"
"Us?" A stripe of nervousness crept its way into his voice, and he would be lying if he denied the slight warmth that also spread across his face. "What are you talking about?"
"I just don't want us to ever get broken up," she sighed, darkening InuYasha's flush.
"You're talking like an idiot," he said quickly, throwing on his usual biting tone. "Feh. As if anything is strong enough to break us up."
"Do you really think so?" She looked up at him with desperate hope in her eyes, and his heart skipped a beat. "I can't imagine living without any of you. You're my family now, all of you."
"All of us?" he repeated, realizing what she's actually meant. "Oh."
"Oh, what?" She cast him a confused look. "What are you talking about?"
"Nothing," he snapped, hoping to quickly divert her attention by flaring her temper. Unfortunately, she was brighter than he sometimes gave her credit for.
He could just see Kagome's face turn a lovely shade of pink before she turned her head away. "Oh."
They sat in silence for a long moment; a very awkward silence due greatly to the fact that they were still huddled together on the branch. Neither dared to move though, in part because of Kagome's crippling fear, but also because neither particularly wanted to move. The silence was uncomfortable, but only because neither knew what to say. Kagome's heart was pounding harder than ever, but it was no longer because of the height.
"The moon really is beautiful tonight," she finally murmured, staring out once more at the great white sphere.
"Huh?" InuYasha barely made a sound, but he was confused by the sudden statement. He sat unmoving, continuing to hold her tightly in his arms, wondering if the moment had passed, and wondering if the sudden swell in his heart was of relief or disappointment.
He was thinking about what to say in return when Kagome spoke a second time. Only now, her voice was stronger.
"It's impossible."
His heart dropped unexpectedly, throwing him further off guard. He was suddenly nervous to brave the answer to his next question. "What is?"
She paused, wondering how best to phrase it. "What you said earlier, about breaking us up. It's true. It's an impossible task."
His eyes instantly searched her face, and he was surprised to see that in addition to her warm blush, she was now smiling.
"I guess when the time comes, we'll know what to do. And after all, we still have quite a ways to go before we can defeat Naraku." Kagome gave a short, self-agreeing nod. "It's useless to worry about a time so far into the future. I don't know why I even brought it up."
InuYasha continued to stare at her, unsure of what to say or do. He was unsure of what his expression revealed, but he could feel the small tug of his lips to know that he was smiling faintly back at her.
This must have given her further confidence, because Kagome reached up with one hand to run her fingers through his long silky hair. Her other hand remained tightly clasped to his shirt, and beneath her curved palm she could feel the steady beat of his heart. His body was so warm; he felt like her own personal furnace, so much warmer and more comfortable than her sleeping bag, or even her bed back home.
"InuYasha?" she asked him, mindlessly twirling a strand of his hair around her index finger.
"What is it?"
"Are you happy?"
He blinked, surprised. She asked the most unexpected questions. "What do you mean?"
She smiled. "I mean, are you happy? It's not that difficult a question."
"Well excuse me for-"
"Wait, never mind," she said quickly. "Don't get angry again. I'm tired of fighting."
InuYasha froze for a minute, but then he exhaled a deep breath and shook his head, the small smile returning to his lips. "I wasn't going to get angry."
"But you-"
"I will if you keep pushing it, though," he warned.
Kagome frowned up at him, and he gave her a mocking grin in return.
"Fine," she conceded. "You still didn't answer my question, though."
"You do enjoy being stubborn," he surmised. "And anyway, happy isn't exactly the word I would use to describe a demon's life."
"Then what is?"
He pondered for a moment. "Content."
"Then are you content?" she questioned.
"I don't know," he answered truthfully. "Everything's still too much of a mess right now."
"Right now? At this very second, you're not…content?"
"Huh?" He glanced down and noticed that Kagome's blush had darkened. She hastily averted her eyes when his widened slightly and a light flush crossed his own face. "Oh. Well…"
"It's so peaceful here," she said when he didn't finish his thought. "The feudal era really is beautiful."
"Even with all the demons flying around everywhere?" he asked skeptically.
"Usually they're not that hard to deal with. And the adventure makes it so much more exciting."
"Feh. You've almost been killed more times than I can count." His voice sounded extremely bitter as he said it.
"Almost." She paused. "But you always protect me. And as I believed from the start…not all demons are bad."
He remained quiet for a long time. When he finally spoke, his voice was subdued.
"I'm sorry for always putting you in such danger."
"Eh?" She instantly looked up, meeting his distant gaze. His eyes showed that his thoughts had taken him far away. "InuYasha, it's nothing to apologize about. I'm the stubborn one that puts myself in dangerous situations."
"No, it's me." He was silent again. "I…I don't enjoy having to share this, but I need to. I always need to, but I can't say it in front of Miroku or Sango."
She kept her eyes on his face, her skin beginning to grow increasingly warm and her heart thrumming wildly. "What is it?"
"Just…your safety is the most importantly thing to me. Always." His voice grew more confident as he continued. "I've told you before, I hate having you stay here because trouble always finds us, and I can't fight with a clear head when I know you're behind me. I can't focus, because I go mad with worrying about your safety. But at the same time, I almost feel I can fight my best when you are here, because then I know that I have to win the battle or your life will be at risk."
Kagome stared at him, speechless, as he released a deep sigh and frowned, gazing out at the moon. "InuYasha…"
"I am so scared when you're here, in this era. Every minute that you are here I want you to go back home and stay there forever, but at the same time, I'm selfish. I want you to go back, but I want to go with you. Kagome, you…you are my home. You gave me a place to belong, for the first time in my life. You…and Miroku. Sango. Shippo. I'm so scared to lose that."
She could see the intense battle raging inside his mind, and she found his hand with her own, laying her fingers on his warm skin. "You will never lose me. I'm not going anywhere."
"You can't promise that," he said softly, and she knew he was thinking of Kikyo.
"You're thinking of her, aren't you?" Kagome asked him, unable to feel bitter about it.
Again, he took his time responding. "I…wasn't able to protect her. I couldn't save her. And I will live with that guilt for as long as I live."
"But it wasn't your fault," she reasoned. "Naraku deceived you both."
"But she trusted me. Although she was too proud to ever admit it, I knew she had entrusted her life to me, that I might protect her as we lived our lives together. That's why Naraku's deception was so devastating to her."
"And it wasn't to you?"
"How can you even say that?" he snapped, the sudden rage in his voice startling her. "It was the most traumatic event of my life! Still such a fresh, bleeding, wound that I doubt will ever heal into even a scar."
Now it was Kagome's turn to grow quiet, as the gravity of his words set in. "You really love her, don't you? Even now." The words felt like poison as they left her tongue.
InuYasha was silent. "She was the only person I had ever cared about. Even for my own mother I did not feel a bond nearly so strong…a love so all-consuming." His expression darkened further. "But there is nothing I can do for Kikyo now. Our time ran out fifty years ago…even though that time was supposed to be only just beginning."
"But…there is something you can do for her," Kagome murmured, not quite sure why the thought had occurred to her. But then she remembered what she'd first thought when Kikyo's grave was desecrated…that everyone deserves to rest, enemy and lover alike.
"Oh yeah? And what's that?" InuYasha questioned bitterly.
"You can help her find rest. I…I know that her reason for being here is to avenge her murder, but even if she were to defeat Naraku…" she trailed off, her expression growing melancholy.
"I'm the only one that can put her soul to rest." He heaved a deep sigh. "But like Kaede believes, the only way for me to do that is to die with her. She no longer seeks my death in anger, but in desperate hope. Because dying together would give us the time we were never allowed in this life." His eyes narrowed slightly. "It would give us eternity."
Kagome gazed at his grim face, feeling both overwhelming jealously and pain in her heart. And hurt, but not for herself, but for him. As much as she loved him and ached for his affection, she felt such sadness at hearing InuYasha's story and couldn't help but wish it had never come to be. It was enough to shatter the heart of anyone not carved from stone, but to even imagine going through such tragedy oneself…and surviving it all alone…
"Heh. I suppose the age of innocence truly has passed," he said softly, his tone as sharp as broken glass.
Several tears slipped from Kagome's eyes, streaming down her face and gently falling to her clothes. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut and bit down on her quivering lower lip to keep her sobs locked inside. But of course, InuYasha missed nothing.
"Hey, why are you crying?"
She only shook her head and shut her eyes even tighter, unable to meet his gaze. But when she felt tender, feather-like fingers wiping her tears away, she released a single sob and blinked, instantly looking up into his broken face. His expression was so lost, and so hopeless, and it just broke her heart that there was nothing she could do for him.
"Hey," he repeated, gently cupping her cheek with his hand and raising it to keep her gaze. "Don't cry, okay? I hate it when you cry."
With his dagger-clawed thumb, he so carefully stroked her damp skin, brushing a few more tears away. His other hand remained firm around her back, and her resolve collapsed under his affectionate care.
Another strangled sob escaped her lips, and she quickly turned her body so that she could dive straight against his chest, burying her face deep into his shirt as her sadness was released all at once. Her shaking hands fisted around the red material, pulling him impossibly closer to her.
InuYasha was jolted out of his depressive haze by her unexpected movements, and he suddenly found himself with her turned completely in his direction, her slight body facing his as if they were standing chest to chest. Her knees dug into his lower abdomen as she pressed herself closer to him, every ounce of her shaking from the intensity of her sobs. He was fairly surprised that they hadn't both fallen out of the tree.
"Kagome, what's wrong?" he asked her quietly, but she only continued to cry. With a gentle sigh, he wrapped both his arms around her, holding her tightly in an iron embrace. He let his head dip slightly, and her soft raven hair brushed his face. She was so warm, and she smelled so good…
He held her for a long time, until the last of her tears had fallen and her sobs had been stifled. When her hands began to unfist themselves from his shirt, he squeezed her a little tighter, hoping that she would smile or that the adorable blush would return to her cheeks. But what she did surprised him. In the next second, he felt her warm hands wrap around him in the same embrace, resting on his back as his hands rested on hers.
They remained like that for an even longer time, the silence comforting to them both. When they at last broke away from the hug, InuYasha saw that Kagome was indeed smiling again, even if the smile was faint.
"I'm sorry," she said quietly, running one of her hands through the ends of her hair. She'd rearranged herself once more, so that she was still facing him but with her legs in a more comfortable crisscross on top of his outstretched ones. It was a much less painful position for them both than her sitting on her knees, and InuYasha also felt she was slightly safer with her legs in a more secure pose.
He shrugged now, crossing his arms behind his head. "What are you apologizing for? Don't worry about it."
"But InuYasha…"
"It was probably my fault that you started crying, so I should be the one apologizing."
She blinked, and a small smile spread across her lips. "I'm so glad you talked to me, though. You so rarely open up…and then I went and ruined the moment." She heaved a sigh. "I can be such an idiot."
A slight blush spread across his face, and he averted his gaze before she could comment on it. "Yeah, well…it needed to be said. But like I said at the beginning, there's nothing I can do for Kikyo now. I promised her I would die someday, and then we could be together, but I can't die for her. Not now."
"Mmm." Kagome smiled again. "Well, she's certainly lucky that you care about her so much."
"Only as much as I care about you."
"Well, then I feel very lucky, too."
The faintest ghost of a smile tugged at the corner of his lips.
"Look, the sky's getting lighter!" Kagome suddenly exclaimed, and he glanced out in the direction she was pointing, noticing that the blackness of the night was indeed fading slowly.
"The sun won't come out for a while, though," he said, and the first birds began to wake up and sing their morning mantras. Another minute passed in peaceful silence.
"InuYasha?"
"What?"
A blush spread across her own cheeks. "What you said, about wanting to stay with me…did you really mean it?"
He was caught slightly off-guard, but tried not to let it show. This moment was serious, he realized, and he doubted that another blessed hour of such openness and honesty would be easily attained in the near future. "Yes, I did. Every word I spoke to you was the truth."
Kagome smiled the most beautiful smile, and then she shifted and curved forward to rest her head against his shoulder, sighing contently. Together they stared out at the brightening sky, watching as each distant star began to dim.
"Today is going to be a perfect day," she murmured.
"Yes, but I told you we have a lot of ground to cover before evening."
"And I said you would carry me if I became too weak."
He rolled his eyes, but then wrapped his arm around her shoulders after a beat. "Yes. I would."
"I'm glad."
Kagome was so happy in that instant; so overwhelmingly happy at everything that had happened, and at the new ground they'd covered. She was so thankful that for whatever reason, she'd been able to wake up at the right time so that this morning could happen. Perhaps it had been a gift of the fates, if she believed in such things.
"I wonder what Miroku and Sango are going to want for breakfast," she wondered aloud, the thought suddenly occurring to her.
"Huh?" InuYasha blinked, and turned his head to look at her. "Where did that come from?"
She gave a short laugh. "Well, you know me. I always plan ahead, so I guess my brain's already on breakfast, what with the dawn approaching."
"As long as you have some ramen for me," he stated.
"You know, there are more types of food in the world than just instant ramen."
"You just want to keep it all to yourself," he accused, making her sigh deeply.
"Don't worry," she assured him. "I've got plenty with me, and they all have your name on them."
"They'd better! If Miroku tries to steal one again, he won't get away as easily this time."
Kagome laughed, but the mention of Miroku's name, her thoughts quickly changed course. She thought first of the powerful conversation she'd just had with InuYasha, mixed now with this new thought regarding her best friend and the lecherous monk, and her laugher abruptly stopped.
"Hey," he nudged her slightly. "Why are you blushing now?"
"Oh, am I?" she asked, embarrassed that he'd noticed. Her face grew impossibly hot. "It's nothing, just some thought I had."
"Yeah? What thought?"
She tried to wave it off. "It's not important."
"Kagome, tell me," he demanded.
Her blush deepened. She hated keeping things from him, but she also hated when he got so pushy. He could be such a child at times.
"Well," she started uncertainly, before blurting out, "Sango told me that Miroku kissed her yesterday."
InuYasha's eyes widened momentarily in surprise. "Yeah, seriously? He must've paid for that one pretty severely. I swear, that idiot's just digging his own grave."
"I don't know," Kagome said tentatively. "She said she was really angry about it and that she slapped him pretty hard…but I don't think she was as upset as she said. You know how defensive Sango can get when it comes to her pride."
"Well hot damn," he stated simply. "But what's that got you turning red for?"
She averted her gaze, suddenly wishing to be very far away. Or safely hiding beneath a rock. She wasn't sure if InuYasha's naivety was a good thing, or if it made the situation twice as humiliating. But if it was the former, her short luck had run out.
She could almost hear the click as a little light bulb went off in his head, and he at least had the good grace to turn as fiery red as her. His arm around her shoulders suddenly felt very heavy, as if they each acutely realized how very close they were to each other. Kagome's head still leaned against InuYasha's strong, broad, shoulder, as was her body still nestled against his as she sat in his lap. It was like before – when they'd been sitting side by side and had an awkward moment of realization – only much, much more awkward.
Another long, electric pause passed, and neither dared move or speak a word. Finally InuYasha cleared his throat, and Kagome released an uneasy laugh in response. The tension in the air was so thick; it felt like four walls closing in around them, pushing them even further closer.
"Oh," InuYasha said pointedly, answering his own question.
His eyes were very wide, staring out at the nothingness of the sky, and Kagome thought she could hear his heartbeat, it was so hysterical.
"Yeah," she responded shortly, gingerly raising her head from his shoulder in an attempt to put some distance between them. "Hey, maybe I should get back down there and start on breakfast…"
As she tried to move slowly away from her suddenly embarrassing position, cuddled up on InuYasha, he took a strong, swift hand and pushed her back. She stared at him, stunned, as she fell back to her original position facing him and sitting on his lap. Only now, her legs were spread apart, straddling him almost at his hips. She abruptly felt very self-conscious, knowing this to be an even more mortifying position. He didn't say anything as he returned her gaze, but she knew he was shouting at her to stay put, at least for a little while longer.
"InuYasha?"
What surprised her most though was that his crimson color had faded, and his expression now looked very serious…and determined.
"So, Sango and Miroku kissed, eh?" he voiced aloud, a slight smug grin lifting one corner of his lips. "Feh. I think we all knew it was only a matter of time before one of them snapped. They've been lusting after each other for months."
"I think they could say the same thing about us," Kagome murmured before she could stop herself. In fact, Sango had said something along those lines to her the other day.
The smile was instantly wiped from InuYasha's face, and his expression shifted back into that of embarrassed shock. But he didn't break eye contact.
"Whatever," Kagome said quickly. "It's probably just me being paranoid. I mean, Sango said that-"
She was abruptly cut off as he clamped one hand over her mouth, the rest of her words dying in a stifled muffle.
"I don't care about what Sango says," he said resolutely, staring directly into her eyes. "I want to know what you have to say."
He slowly let his hand trail away from her lips, down to her chin where he cupped her jaw firmly, softly rubbing her skin with his thumb but making sure she couldn't look away. This moment was crucial.
"Wha-what do you want me to say?" Her heart was dancing wildly in her chest, and she was almost certain he could hear it. Its beating was deafening in her ears, making her feel slightly dizzy.
"Anything. Everything. Anything you feel like saying."
She hated jumping to conclusions, but Kagome had a strong feeling she knew where this conversation was heading, and it made her all the more nervous. It was a moment she'd been longing for since the day she'd watched Kikyo and InuYasha reconcile in the woods, hidden to the latter by the former's mystic enchantment. The second their lips had touched, a strange flood of emotion had washed over her, and she'd only been able to single out two of the very strongest emotions; sorrow and desire. It had confused her, but all she knew was that she'd have given anything to switch places with the girl in InuYasha's arms.
"That day…with Kikyo," she began quietly, her voice drowned out to her by the increased pounding of her heart. "Had you ever kissed anyone before that?"
He didn't look surprised by her question, but maybe only by the fact that she'd actually had the nerve to ask it. His expression darkened slightly as he stared into her desperate, wondering face, the charged moment swiftly fading into the night.
"Yes."
Kagome tried carefully to hide her sadness, but she knew he could see straight through to it. "Oh. Really?"
"It was only Kikyo," he explained, feeling the unnecessary need to. "Back when things were still…right. Before Naraku came and destroyed us. I spent every day with her…every moment that I could." He sighed, letting his hand fall from her face. "We kissed many times. But that is a time long passed, and it will never return."
"I understand," she responded, not quite sure how to feel. The disappointment was there, but it wasn't nearly as crushing as she'd imagined it would be. Perhaps because he'd seemingly moved on, or at the very least he wasn't letting his past stop him from moving forward. That thought was slightly gratifying.
"What about you?"
"Huh?" She'd allowed her gaze to drop, but at his voice it returned instantly to his face.
"You're a kind and beautiful young woman," he continued, startling her with his unusual choice of vocabulary. "Haven't you ever been with someone? Other than that bastard Kouga, but he's hardly worth mentioning. "
Kagome's thoughts immediately traveled to Hojo, and she reflected on all the presents he'd given to her, and all the endless attention he showered her with. The many dates he'd asked her out on - several of which she'd actually considered going on. But that surely couldn't count, because she'd never truly given him the time of day or considered him as a boy she had a crush on. He was extremely attractive, and incessantly kind, but she'd never felt that spark. And there was just something missing…his hair was the wrong shade, and he lacked a certain pair of adorable dog ears in that mess of hair…
She sighed. "No, not really."
"Not really? What does that mean?"
"Well…there is this guy at school that's liked me all year, and he's really a very sweet and thoughtful person, but…"
"But what?" InuYasha was trying to conceal the jealousy in his voice, but she knew it was there. That idea gave her strength.
"But I've never really liked him the same way." She shrugged. "Besides, it would be almost impossible for me to maintain any kind of meaningful relationship in my time – I'm so rarely there."
"I'm sorry about that," he admitted slowly, looking pained about giving a second apology in one conversation. "I don't understand this…school thing of yours that you always complain about missing, but I do understand that you have family there. Don't you miss them?"
"Well of course I miss them," she agreed. "But I have a family here, too. And I always miss them when I'm back home."
He had no response to that, but Kagome could feel that her words cheered him slightly. She was glad. "And friends?"
"It's always nice to see my friends, but I'm not that lonely when we're apart," she answered thoughtfully. "Sango has really become the best friend I could have ever asked for. I don't know, there's just something about her that my other girl friends could never compare to. Still, I do miss our after school adventures sometimes."
"What do you mean by adventures?"
She smiled. "Well, they're really just fun things that we did around town. There's movies, and restaurants, and bowling…karaoke…festivals…" Speaking about it out loud made her realize that she truly did miss those days spent with her friends.
InuYasha just blinked at her, very obviously having no understanding of what she was talking about.
Kagome smiled wider, an irresistible idea suddenly occurring to her. "You know what? The next time we have a few days' break to relax, I'll show you."
He rolled his eyes, but couldn't resist giving her a small grin in return. "Feh. You and your breaks. You really are such a pathetic human."
She chose to disregard his taunting this one time, because she knew that he didn't mean it. She'd gathered since meeting him that he had a difficult time expressing his true feelings in most situations, which was maddening, but at the same time extremely endearing. "Well I can't really change that fact, so you'll just have to learn to put up with it."
"I have," he said seriously. "And I wouldn't have it any other way."
"You just like playing hero and having a helpless damsel to rescue," she laughed, turning the tables and poking fun at him. One of her hands reached up and wound its way back into his hair, unable to keep away from it.
He watched her hand move, tracing down the lines of her body with his eyes. He hadn't realized until that moment how tightly she was straddling his hips. "Perhaps I do…"
Silence passed over them once again, its recurrent pattern beginning to feel almost clockwork. The slightest trace of sunlight broke over the tops of the distant mountains, shedding a faint ray of light on their faces. The gold of InuYasha's eyes glimmered.
"InuYasha, I…" Kagome trailed off, not even knowing what she'd wanted to say. Her head was quickly becoming clouded again, the brief minute of playfulness passed.
InuYasha's hand found her face again, gently molding around the outline of her jaw. Her eyes fluttered closed at his tender, warm, touch, and she released a deep and shaky breath. Her heart had recommenced its desperate hammering, and she sat perfectly still, frozen with anxious anticipation.
InuYasha stared at the beautiful girl before him, a similar emotion overpowering his senses. His head, too, was heavy with the true awareness of this instant, and it made his own heart assume an equally frantic beat.
Slowly, cautiously, he tilted her face slightly upward and took a steadying breath. His other hand met the back of her neck, which sent a slight, electric chill down Kagome's spine. A long, single moment passed, and then his lips pressed gingerly against hers.
Kagome was immediately overcome with a feeling of warmth; soothing, but at the same time like her entire body was on fire. His lips were much softer than she'd expected, and she found herself growing dizzy again at the realization that he was actually kissing her.
It was short and sweet, and when he pulled back after a few seconds they let out identical little breaths of surprise. Kagome's face was flushed and her body trembled with each following breath she released, but InuYasha's expression was very calm. She found herself having to look away from the intensity of his gaze as he gently stroked her cheek with his thumb.
"Kagome…"
A moment of silence passed, and he hesitantly ran his finger across her slightly swollen lips.
"Have you ever kissed anyone before?" he asked her quietly.
She slowly shook her head and looked back timidly into his eyes, smiling a bit. "Well, not until now."
He gave a short laugh and grinned at her, his expression thoughtful. "I was wrong, about earlier. Innocence has not really passed after all, eh?"
"What do you mean?"
He pondered for a moment, thinking how to phrase it most clearly, and after he'd answered he brought her face back to his to kiss her again. This time the fire was stronger, raging through their bodies as their lips violently clashed. InuYasha's nails dug into her neck and cheek as they kissed, and Kagome's hands pulled on his clothing as she tried to pull him impossibly closer. She released a ragged gasp as his warm chest pressed against hers, and his steamy breath flooded her mouth, momentarily stunning her. The faint flavor of ramen hung on his breath, and she laughed against his lips as she recognized the taste, gently nipping his bottom lip with her teeth.
It was interesting, she thought, how the night had led to this. A small part of her wondered if she would wake up in an hour and realize that this was all some strange but wonderful dream. But she knew it couldn't be. Not even her imagination was quite this elaborate; from the arguing to the stargazing to the deep conversation and multiple seating modifications, and now to this intense experimental kissing.
Because that's what it was. Essentially, and exclusively, in her mind. This was her first real taste of love. Kagome had always secretly imagined InuYasha to be a passionate lover, because he was such a bold and passionate person with everything that he did, but of course she had never been sure. He was so quiet and awkward on the subject of anything relating to romance, whether past or present, and she had once believed it to be because of inexperience. She felt the same way whenever approached with romance, but now she had come to realize that InuYasha was simply a very private person, regardless of whether he trusted her or not. She had no idea how experienced he was, and she understood now that it was amazing for him to even tell her anything about his past relationship with Kikyo. He'd allowed her inside, slowly and cautiously, but steadily…and he'd turned everyone else away. And she loved him. So, so much.
But she couldn't focus on that right now. She couldn't focus on anything. The only thought her head could process was that she was having her first kiss. And it was a very, very intense one. And a very welcomed one. Any fears she'd considered, any doubts, were instantly shattered. She could feel the sharpness of his fangs, but he was careful with her. She remembered to breathe, even if the breaths were jagged, but she was relieved to feel that his breaths were just as rough and uneven as hers. And his heart was beating just as wildly.
This moment, that she'd been literally aching for for months, had finally arrived. She knew, on both ends, that the tension leading up to it had been building for those same months to the point where it was almost intolerable. And now, it had been well worth the wait. The satisfaction she felt as he sank his fingers into her skin and pulled them through her hair, and the sensation of calmness that went with it, was immensely gratifying.
Not nearly as gratifying as the words he'd spoken to her before kissing her that second time, though, she reflected. Those words made her smile again, and she let them replay through her mind as she was swept away once more by his warm kiss.
"You're innocence, Kagome. You're my innocence."
Sango woke with a start when she felt something warm on her hand. She blinked groggily as the faint light of dawn flooded her eyes, and as her vision slowly adjusted, she noticed a figure at her side. Miroku was knelt beside her, his hand gingerly supporting her wrist as he pressed his lips to the back of her palm.
When he noticed that she was awake, he laced his fingers through hers and pulled back with a smile. "Good morning, Sango."
"Miroku?" she asked, her voice still heavily muddled by sleep. "What are you-?"
"I couldn't wait any longer for you to wake," he said smoothly. "I apologize for disturbing your dreams, though."
She stared at him for another minute, and then she broke out of her daze as her face flushed fire red and she shot up into a sitting position, yanking her hand free. "Miroku! What the hell? InuYasha and Kagome are right-"
"No they're not," he said calmly, cutting her off.
"What?"
"They're not here. See for yourself."
Her glare collapsed into a look of surprise. "Huh? Then where are…?"
He silently pointed up into the gigantic tree to their left. Sango tilted her head back to stare up into it, but it was still dark out and only the bottom branches were visible.
"How do you know?" she questioned doubtfully.
"I was awake when they were talking. Well, arguing." He grinned to himself. "They both thought I was asleep. They disappeared up into that tree nearly two hours ago."
She gaped at him in astonishment. "Eh? Doing what?"
Miroku shrugged noncommittally. "Who knows? They're probably just talking. Probably." He couldn't stop the slight snigger that escaped his lips. He knew all too well of the extreme sexual tension that had building between InuYasha and Kagome as the months had passed, but he wasn't going to be the first to say anything. Not when he had more important things to worry about.
"I doubt they'll be down anytime soon," he continued to a still bewildered Sango, "so there's no need to worry about them disturbing us…"
She raised her hand to slap him across the face, but he caught her wrist and laced his fingers through hers again.
"C'mon Sango, don't be like that," he pouted. "And if you make too much noise those two will be down here in an instant."
"With good reason," she yelled, dodging his other hand as he tried to clamp it over her mouth. "You're a danger to be left alone with."
"Ah, and yet you often insist on us traveling on exorcisms alone," he reminded her evenly.
"Well that's different," she defended herself, but she could feel her face turning hot.
"And you're the one that insists on changing and tending to my wounds after every battle."
"Because Kagome is always busy with InuYasha's wounds. I'm not so heartless that I would leave you to die."
He smiled in satisfaction. "Then you must care about me to some extent."
"Miroku, you're not being fair."
"Au contraire, my dear Sango. All is fair in love and war."
He gave her hand a gentle squeeze and smiled in a way that unwillingly made her heart flutter. He was quick enough to catch the blush that crossed her face before she turned her head away.
"But what if InuYasha and Kagome-"
"What if they what? Who cares what they do or think?" Miroku reached out with his other hand and gently but firmly cupped her chin, forcing her to return her gaze to him. She was so cute, looking at him with those wide chestnut eyes. Her true shyness and uncertainty shone through, unmasked by her usual façade of anger and pride. He knew who she really was though, and he knew that she had him trapped like no other woman ever had.
"Miroku," she struggled, trying to sound cross.
"Don't, Sango," he shushed her. "I know you're not angry with me. Don't try to be."
She released a short, sharp breath as he tilted her face up. Her heart was a wild mess, and she desperately tried to hide her fear from him, but it was becoming too much for her to endure.
"There, that's better," he said when he saw she'd stopped scowling.
"No," she murmured, making a weak attempt to twist her face and hand free. "Miroku…I'm scared."
As expected, he didn't let go. Instead, he held her tighter, not allowing her to run away and hide as she always did, whether it was mental or physical. She was going to overcome this, and he was going to be the one that guided her through it.
"No, you're not," he said gently, running his finger across her perfect lips. "I know you, Sango. You may be confused, and uncertain…but you're not afraid."
She wasn't quite sure how to respond. She hated making herself vulnerable, but it seemed to be the only option in this situation. "Then, why do I always feel so nervous?"
"Always?"
She hesitated again. "No…just around you."
He smiled, his heart lightened by her response. "Because I feel the same way around you."
She wanted to believe his words; she wanted so badly for them to be true, but doubt was always present in her mind. Even so, her heart skipped a beat as his words, and she found herself trusting them more than she would have expected to. "Do you? Really?"
"Yes, I do." Miroku chuckled as a small smile slowly twitched the corners of her mouth. "And you know, they have a word for that feeling."
"What is it?" she questioned.
"Love."
And before Sango could process that simple but immeasurable reply, he'd leaned slightly forward to capture her lips in the sweetest of kisses. And this time, she didn't try to push him away.