Chapter 1: Insecurities

Fifty one…fifty two…fifty three…

Felicity's panting was getting heavier; the muscles in her abdomen and neck were taunt and screaming in agony. It was a rarity for Felicity Smoke to engage in any form of exercise, yet alone completing a two hour workout. A small part of her brain snidely reminded her, that if she had started working out when she joined Team Arrow then things wouldn't be so difficult…maybe things would be different if she was stronger…like Sara… and Oliver would give them (whatever they were) a shot.

Honestly Felicity never really saw the need to gain physical strength. Felicity was confident in her abilities and had convinced herself that people should stick to their strengths. Digg and Oliver worked well together on the field and she provided excellent support and info using her IT skills. Together they were a formidable team. Moreover Digg and Oliver had constantly reminded her that they would never allow anything to happen to her while they were still breathing. Of course after the Count incident and taking a bullet for Sara, her sense of security had been shattered somewhat and she had enlisted Digg's help with self-defence lessons. She had initially thought of asking Oliver for help but Oliver would never agree. She had once casually mentioned sparing to Oliver…

…Flashback…

It was after a relaxing day in the lair, Digg had decided to head home early. Felicity had just finished re-programming her computers. There was nothing left to do but she didn't feel like heading home yet. Oliver had just finished his tenth set on the salmon ladder and was shirtless.

Of course Oliver Queen is shirtless and two meters away from me today was torment Felicity day.

He moved over to the training dummy. Even for Oliver today's workout was excessive. He had started right after Diggle left, which was approximately 3 hours ago and hadn't stopped or slowed since. Felicity's brows furrowed slightly, usually Oliver only went overboard with his work outs if he was really worried or really angry. A soft sigh escaped her lips as understanding dawned upon her. A few days ago the count had kidnapped and threatened to inject her with vertigo. Luckily Olivier had saved her, unfortunately Oliver had been forced to break his vow (to never kill again) in order to do so. On the drive back to the lair Oliver was unusually quiet and tense. Felicity had assumed that Oliver regretted breaking his vow. She recalled how throughout the ride she was plagued by worries resenting her for forcing him to make such a decision. After an internal battle she had apologised and Oliver had brushed her concerns aside assuring her that 'there was no choice to make'. Needless to say the ordeal had thoroughly shaken her. Now she realised that maybe it had affected Oliver a different way. Oliver had always been convinced that he would be able to protect her. She had overheard Oliver confessing to Digg that 'it was too close' when he explained the events that occurred that day. His words had been choked and it sounded like he was in pain. Now she realised that maybe he was shaken by the experience because he had almost lost her. She knew that she was a valuable member of the team; she was ready to admit that Oliver had become a close friend. Felicity cared about Oliver and if the things he said when the mask was off were any indication then he cared about her as well. How had she missed this, it was too easy to forget that there was a man behind the mask. There weren't many things that could faze Oliver, but Felicity knew that the man's weakness was the people that he cared for. This was probably something that Oliver had to come to grips with on his own.

Regardless Felicity found herself desperately trying to lift the mood. When Felicity joined the Arrow she told herself it was because she knew she wanted to serve a purpose higher than herself and make a difference. That was definitely a part of it but there was also the fact that as he lay bleeding in her car she could see in his eyes the burden he carried. The weight of his crusade…his loneliness was etched into the mesmerising blue eyes that met her own. Even then she knew that she would help him…there was no choice to make….

She had to help him now, a new determination seeped through her while she forced herself to smile and maintain a casual tone while saying;

"Oliver why don't you teach me how to fight, there isn't anything left to do and… it could be fun and you wouldn't have to worry about me as much…then maybe one day I could kick your ass. Although that would probably never happen…not that I want to kick your ass...3...2...1"

She trailed off as Oliver froze; he hadn't turned around at her words and Felicity watched his back with growing apprehension. Maybe her great idea wasn't so great after all she had thought that training her would put Oliver's worries at ease. Watching Oliver clench and unclench his fists and the muscles on his back flex her stomach dropped. After an agonising minute his only reply was a curt 'No'…before continuing his routine with a renewed vigour. His tone left no room for argument and Felicity decided not to push it and thankfully for once her mouth listened to her brain.

She dropped the idea and never revisited the thought until recently after meeting Sarah. Digg was of course correct in his deduction that she felt left out. Being Oliver's 'girl' was threatened upon Sarah's arrival and for the first time Felicity felt inadequate for the team. She felt that she had to prove herself. Oliver had tried to convince her that she belonged regardless and yet she couldn't shake the feeling that she was a burden. That is how she enlisted Digg's help albeit a little reluctantly, but after 15 minutes of coaxing and several threats later he had agreed…

…End of flashback…

Beep… Beep…

The sound of the computers interrupted her thoughts. Finally the programme was installed and Felicity Smoke could finally accept the invitation of her cosy bed.

'Yes Felicity, you are going home and you can worry about Oliver Queen and his broody ass tomorrow.'

Suddenly too tired to change out of her gym clothes she grabbed the key off the table and headed for the door.

'I can come to the lair early tomorrow and grab the clothes.'