Swing123: Well, here it is. I've finally decided to post a new story for Fanfiction. I haven't completed this story, yet. I'm about four chapters into it, and I hope to keep it going for abou ten instead of the usual twenty.
Also, you might be wondering how on Earth Mom and Dad could possibly leave Calvin at home, accidently. Not to worry, I have a plan for that.
It was a regular summer morning in the Calvin and Hobbes household.
Calvin leaped out of bed, woke everyone within a two mile radius with his loud "Summer rocks" screech, raced downstairs, poured out some Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs into the biggest bowl he could find, poured chocolate milk into it, sprinkled three spoonfuls of sugar onto it, raced into the livingroom with it, spilling some milk on the way, switched on the TV, changed it to Nickelodeon, and began gobbling that heart stopping cereal in front of Spongebob.
In that same amount of time, Hobbes had managed to get out of bed, and reach the third stair going down.
Amazing what one can accomplish in 30 seconds if he uses chocolate milk in his cereal.
By the time Hobbes reached the TV, Calvin was already on his second bowl of cereal.
"Anything good on?" he yawned, sitting down next to Calvin.
Calvin glared at Hobbes.
"Hobbes, You really have to do something to wake yourself up in the morning, or else all the good shows will be over by the time you reach the bottom of the stairs."
"I'll start drinking coffee in a few years." Hobbes said.
Calvin turned back to the TV.
"Bet that wears off a lot faster than Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs."
"Mmm-hmmm." Hobbes muttered. "Could you please stop vibrating like that? You're going to shake me off the chair."
"Oh Sorry." Calvin said, immediately halting his violent jerks from left to right.
"So what's on?" Hobbes asked, leaning against the armrest on the chair.
"Well, Spongebob is on this Nickelodeon, Danny Phantom is on the other Nickelodeon, The Pink Panther is on Boomerang, and some weird Japanese animated cartoon is on Cartoon Network."
"It's called anime, Calvin." Hobbes said.
"Whatever. So what's it gonna be?"
"Pink Panther."
"I knew it. It involves cats, so you have to see it. Sheesh."
Calvin switched it over to Boomerang.
At that very moment, Dad stepped in front of the TV.
Calvin ignored him, and looked around his legs.
"Calvin?"
No answer.
"Calvin? Are you there?"
No answer.
"Calvin!"
Calvin continued to stare at the TV, vacantly.
Dad reached over, and switched the TV off.
Calvin gasped.
"OH NO! THE ELECTRICITY'S OUT, AGAIN! DAD! HURRY! FIX IT!! WE'RE MISSING TV!!!"
It was then that Calvin became aware that... hmmm, well there was a duffel bag in his lap.
Calvin stared at it for a long time, then looked up at Dad.
"Is something significant going on right now?" He asked.
Dad sighed.
"Calvin, how many times do we have to tell you something before it finally sinks in?"
Calvin looked at Dad a little uneasily.
"Is that a trick question?"
"We're going camping." Dad said.
Calvin stared at Dad for a moment.
Then, all at once, he just... well, vanished. Into thin air.
ZOOM!
Basically, if he eats all that cereal in one sitting, he becomes energized enough to pull off Hobbes' infamous vanishing act.
And it is still a mystery on how Hobbes does it.
Dad blinked his eyes, and looked around.
The chair had completely toppled over, and there was a trail of dust leading up the stairs to Calvin's room.
Dad sighed, and walked up to the base of the stairs.
He tossed the duffel bag up, and it flew into Calvin's open door.
Would you believe that even though Calvin had gotten a head start, and was fueled up with enough sugar to fill a sandbox, Hobbes had beaten him to his room?
I mean Hobbes was still half asleep! And there he was sitting on the bed, yawning, and rubbing his eyes!
Calvin gave him a bewildered stare.
"Hobbes, I'm not going to even bother to ask you how you did that!"
Hobbes stared at him.
"Why?" He yawned.
"Because if I do, something distracting will conveniently happen, as it always does, and you'll be excused from answering it!"
"Really?" Hobbes asked. He yawned again. "Well, try it again, and see what happens. What could possible happen that would change the subject in here?"
Calvin thought about that.
"Okay, fine. Hobbes, how on Earth do you manage to vanish like that when something bad happens?"
Now get this, all at once, the duffel bag flew into the room, hit Calvin, and sent him tumbling into the wall.
CRASH!
Hobbes leaped up, and rushed up to Calvin, who was lying in a heap on the floor
"Calvin, are you alright? Speak to me!"
"Shut up, Hobbes!" Calvin growled, murderously.
Later that day, Calvin was still trying to think of a way to get out of going camping.
He was not in a very good humor, either.
Around the time when Mom was supposed to make dinner, Calvin called Hobbes into the kitchen.
Hobbes walked in.
"You called?" He asked.
"Yes I did." Calvin said. "I've been thinking, what if I used the MTM to hypnotize Dad into not going camping this year?"
Hobbes gave Calvin a long stare.
"I wasn't aware your MTM could hypnotize people." He said, finally.
"I just installed it."
Calvin held up the MTM.
"Haven't quite worked all the bugs out, yet. I thought I'd try it out on you."
Hobbes stared at Calvin for a second, then, with the speed of a lightning bolt, made a mad dash for the nearest exit.
However, Calvin managed to grab his tail in time, and hold him back.
"Come on, Hobbes, I'll pay you a quarter!"
"NO!" Hobbes screamed.
"I'll give you a can of tuna!"
"NO!"
"You'll be the very first cat be hypnotized!"
"NO!"
Calvin thought for a moment.
"Think about all the poison ivy and mosquitos the size of footballs." He said.
Hobbes stopped struggling and thought for a moment.
"Hmmm," he said, tapping his chin. "Getting killed by the MTM, or getting killed by giant vampire bugs, hmmmmm..."
He turned to Calvin.
"Mind if I take my chances with the mosquitos?"
"No. Get over here."
Reluctantly, Hobbes walked over to the table.
Calvin stood in front of Hobbes, and opened up the Main Menu on the MTM.
A hologram shot out.
You are getting sleepy. Very sleepy.
Calvin and Hobbes stared at the message for a long time.
Calvin grinned nervously at Hobbes.
"Okay, let me try that, again."
Calvin began pushing buttons on the MTM.
Finally, another hologram popped out.
Welcome to the hypnotizing feature. Please hypnotize someone, so I'll have something to do.
Calvin stared at the message, shrugged, and pointed the MTM at Hobbes.
He pushed the POWER button.
ZAAAAAP!!!
Suddenly a beam of electricity shot out of the MTM, and headed for Hobbes.
"EEP!" Hobbes screamed, leaping out of the way.
The bolt bounced off the window, off the toaster, and headed for... oops.
KRA-ZAPP!!
Calvin and Hobbes stared at the remains of the ingredients for Mom's Veggie-Glop.
Which was now a pile of ashes on the counter.
Calvin held up the MTM.
"Guess I need to work on it some more." He said.
"Uh huh." Hobbes said. "Next time, go do you're little test on Socrates."
Suddenly, Mom came into the kitchen.
"Calvin, what was that noise? I heard a zap."
Mom's eyes went from Calvin, who was holding a red CD player, to the pile of ashes on the counter.
Calvin looked around.
Hobbes had disappeared.
What did you expect?
Anyway, Mom threw a fit when she found what the ashes were, she threw a bigger fit when Calvin told her his CD player did when testing a new hypnotizing feature, and threw Calvin in his room.
So, in the end, Mom and Dad ended up ordering three pizzas.
By the time the pizza guy arrived, Calvin had managed to get out of his room, and roam the house, freely again.
Those pizza guys take a long time, don't they?
Anyway, when he finally arrived, Calvin was conveniently at the door, waiting.
Before he could even ring the doorbell, the door flew open, and Calvin stood there, grinning up at him.
The teenager stared at Calvin, holding three pizza boxes, with steam rising up from them.
"Uh, did you order these?" He asked.
"Sort of." Calvin said. "How much?"
"Sixty two dollars and twenty three cents." The teenager said.
"Are you kidding!" Calvin shouted. "For three pizzas! That's crazy talk!"
"I don't price them, I just deliver." The teenager said.
Calvin thought for a second.
"Well, Dad has a steady paycheck, I'm sure he can afford it." He said. "Just wait here for Dad to pass by and see you."
And with that, Calvin raced up the stairs with his pizzas.
The teenager stood on the doorstep, confused.
Hobbes sat on Calvin's bed, reading comic books, when suddenly, Calvin burst inside, holding three pizzas.
Hobbes looked up and stared at the grinning lunatic in front of him.
"Are your parents aware that you have their dinner up here?" He asked, finally.
"They will be, as soon as I finish eating it." Calvin said. "Now which one do you want? I have cheese, anchovies, and mushrooms."
"No, I think I'll pass on the pizzas, I've suddenly lost my appetite."
Calvin shrugged.
"Suit yourself." He said.
Calvin opened up the cheese pizza, and began chowing down on it.
Meanwhile, downstairs, the pizza guy had finally managed to get Dad's attention, by calling for him from the door.
Dad walked up.
"Oh, hello." he said.
He looked around the pizza kid.
"Where are the pizzas?"
"That kid with the spiky hair took them." The pizza guy said. "That'll be sixty two twenty three."
Dad's brow furrowed, he threw a glance up at Calvin's room, and began writing out a check.
By this time, Calvin had managed to finish half of his cheese pizza.
"Hobbes, you sure are missing out!" He said, between bites.
"Oh, yes, I'm sure I am." Hobbes said, not taking his eyes off of his comic book.
At that very moment, Dad burst into the room.
"Calvin! Give me those pizzas!" He ordered.
Calvin cringed, and reluctantly handed the pizzas to him.
Dad took them back downstairs, and Calvin followed.
"I'll be right back, Dad." Calvin said, once they reached the bottom of the stairs.
"Where are you going?" Dad asked, suspiciously.
"Outside real quick, I left my Time Pauser out there, and I have to get it before an alien nation steals it and uses it to take over the world!"
Dad rolled his eyes, and carried the pizzas into the kitchen.
Calvin rushed outside, and closed the door.
He snickered to himself, and rushed off for the tool shed behind the house.
He burst inside, and looked around.
He rushed over to a pile of sawdust on the work bench, grabbed several handfuls of it, stuffed it into his pocket, then rushed back outside.
He ran into the house, and hurried into the kitchen.
Mom had her back turned to Calvin, and Dad was out of the room, doing something of no particular interest.
Calvin snuck forward, and opened up Mom and Dad's pizza boxes.
Have you guessed what Calvin has planned, yet?
Heh, heh.
Calvin took one handful after handful of sawdust out of his pockets, and sprinkled it all over Mom and Dad's pizzas.
When his pockets were empty, he quickly closed the boxes up, sat down in his chair, and waited patiently for Mom and Dad to sit down.
While he waited, Calvin took an unsharpened pencil out of his pocket.
He held it over his head, and pushed the eraser down.
-boink-
A duplicate of Calvin appeared by Calvin's side.
Calvin leaned over, and whispered, "I'm in deep trouble right now, so I want you to watch my TV show, and tell me how it ends, OK?"
The Calvinclone stared at Calvin.
"What's the show?"
"Jimmy Neutron." Calvin replied.
"OK, I'll watch it."
The duplicate ran out of the kitchen.
And just then, Mom and Dad arrived at the table, and the dinner began.
Heh, heh, heh.
Mom and Dad each took a pizza slice for themselves, and set it on their plates.
Calvin innocently took his slice, and began eating.
He cast glances over at Mom and Dad.
Mom was the first to pick up her piece, and take a huge bite out of it.
Then at the same second, Dad did the same.
There was a moment of silence in which Mom and Dad rolled it around in their mouths, trying to figure out what they had just put into it.
Mom grabbed the garbage bag from the floor, and spit into it.
Then Dad took the garbage bag from her, and spit into it.
They exchanged glances, and looked at their pizza slices.
Then their gazes drifted back up Calvin.
Amazingly, he managed to keep straight face.
"Calvin?" Mom asked, calmly.
"Yes, Mom?" Calvin asked, innocently.
"Did you throw sawdust onto our pizzas?" She asked.
There was a moment of silence.
"I guess that would be a matter of opinion." Calvin said, finally. "Some people call it wood shavings."
Before Mom and Dad could begin yelling and screaming at Calvin, the doorbell rang.
DING DONG!
"Now what!" Dad demanded standing up from his chair.
Dad walked to the door, and opened it.
Would you like to guess who was behind it?
A policeman.
Dad stared at the cop for a long time.
"OK, what did my son do, now?" He asked.
The policeman chuckled, taking it as a joke.
"I just came to give you a warning, sir. I understand you're going camping, soon?"
"Tomorrow, yes." Dad said.
"Well, you should know there are a couple of burglars on the loose, and I wanted to make sure you have some security for the house."
"Sure." Dad said. "Lights go on at a specific time at night, alarm sounds if anyone breaks the door over. Stuff like that."
"Uh huh." the cop said, looking behind Dad's shoulder.
Mom was carrying a screaming Calvin up the stairs, towards his room.
Calvin gave the cop a withering glare.
"I DEMAND YOU SAVE ME!" He shouted at him. "I'M BEING KIDNAPED!"
"Anyway," Dad said, stepping in front of the policeman. "Thank you for the warning."
The policeman stared at Dad.
"Uh.. Yeah. Your welcome, just wanted to make sure you were all set."
And with that, the policeman tipped his hat, and headed back to his car.
Mom carried Calvin up to his room.
"I REFUSE TO SLEEP IN MY ROOM!" Calvin screamed.
"Why?" Mom demanded.
"Because I'm being put there against my will." Calvin replied.
Mom rolled her eyes.
"I DEMAND TO SLEEP IN THE ATTIC!" Calvin screamed.
Mom sighed.
"Fine, if you want to sleep up there with the spiders, then that's fine with me."
Calvin took Hobbes out of his room.
"Ah ha! But you forget the bed that we are so conveniently storing up there! So there!"
And with that, Calvin stormed up towards the attic.
Then, he stopped, and turned back to Mom.
"Oh and by the way, just to thicken the plot, I hereby declare that I wish I didn't have parents!" He said.
Mom stared at him.
"I hope you don't mean that." She said. "What would you do, if you woke up, and we were gone?"
Calvin thought about that.
"Well, I'd begin by pouring out some Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs, then I'd sit in front of the TV, and watch it until my eyes fell out."
"Uh huh." Mom said. "Well, Why don't you say it again? Maybe it will happen."
"I hereby declare that I wish I didn't have parents." Calvin repeated.
And with that, he turned, and stormed up to the attic, with Hobbes.