Taeyong sighed as he stared at his reflection on the mirror. He run his fingers on his brown hair then down to his face. He examined all of the part of his face; his eyes, his nose, his cheeks, his chin, and the most importantly-his lips. They were still looked beautiful, nothing wrong. And then he continued to his neck, his collarbone, and down, down, until he stared at his long hairless legs. They were still looked so inviting. His skin was still milky white, flawless and always smooth like a new born baby's skin. He believed that he's attractive in every single way. But why? Why I still feel so insecure about my appearance?, Taeyong asked inwardly.
He stood in front of the mirror inside his room for almost thirty minutes. Tried to examined all of the part of his body. He stood there right after he finished showering. Had some busy schedules every day of course drained his energy, but he knew that it's the price of being an idol. Besides, being an idol was his dream after all. He stripped out of his clothes just to examine himself in front of the mirror, he felt so confused, upset and insecure. Well, it's because of his boyfriend, his lover for four years, and he's none other than Seo freaking Youngho, or Johnny Seo usually people call him nowadays.
He didn't get why Johnny never go to him anymore. When their manager came to arrange their rooming in the dorm, Johnny asked himself to the manager to put him with Jaehyun as his roommate and not picked Taeyong. He thought it was ridiculous, but Taeyong tried to understand because maybe Johnny wanted Jaehyun as his roommate based on their similar schedule, both of them became the DJ of NCT Night Night. Taeyong understand this, and he never protest as long as Johnny still noticed him as his boyfriend.
The second time Johnny refused to acknowledge Taeyong's feeling was at SMTown Concert in LA. Usually when they went abroad Johnny and Taeyong ended up shared a room in their hotel. But now, Taeyong ended up rooming with Yuta and Johnny with Taeil. Taeyong really wanted to scream at his manager, but Johnny reassured him with a long deep kiss on Taeyong's lips that he didn't want ended up rooming with Taeyong just because he's scared that he unable to control himself around Taeyong, and maybe the result was a very tired Taeyong and Taeyong's limp body as the tomorrow comes. He didn't want to ruin and wrecked their leader as long as their crazy schedules still long way to go. Taeyong just blushed madly at Johnny's reason. So, he didn't have a choice other than said yes and nodded his head. Maybe next time we'll definitely share a room again.
Days turn to weeks and weeks turn to months. As time goes by, Johnny still got no time alone for Taeyong. As if he's forgot that he's actually has a boyfriend. After his debut Johnny got reputation and fame quickly as fast as the thunder stroke the sky. Fans adored Johnny and he got a ton of jobs besides their group jobs. Of course Taeyong knew that his boyfriend had a perfect handsome face, the gorgeous body with magnificent height and incredible talent as a DJ. Oh, and don't forget that Johnny also well known as his good manner, his truly gentleman gesture, and nice guy title. Taeyong suddenly felt so small in front of his Johnny's fame. Even he got a fame himself, but he knew that it's nothing compared to Johnny's. Their fans noticed Taeyong only because he has an anime guy looked, his (crappy) rap skill and the title of being NCT's leader. He still remembered very clearly when he's just debuted, everyone said some very bad things about his past and it always filled his SNS. At that time he just wanted to cry and run away from everything. He couldn't stand the haters' comments and curses about him. He found himself ended up crying every time he overheard someone talked about his very bad past that he's really regretted it.
Fortunately, Taeyong has Johnny when he felt need someone to lean on. He's there when Taeyong cried because of harsh comments from the haters, he's there when Taeyong felt like a crap, he's there to comfort Taeyong when the other was so nervous about their performance. After all this time, Johnny always the one who had Taeyong's back when Taeyong started to felt insecure. Maybe that's why Taeyong got so easily attached to Johnny in the first place and maybe that's why they ended up become lovers. Does he still feel the same towards me now?
They didn't have a lot of skinship, in stage or backstage. They never kissed anymore. They never have time to go on a date like the old times because Johnny chose to spend his free time to work out in the gym with Jaehyun and the other members. They rarely texted to each other because Johnny thought that it's useless when they finally lived under the same roof and met everyday 24/7. For Taeyong, their interactions was dull, like they distanced slowly. He's no longer felt Johnny near him, even though their bodies only an inch apart. The physic maybe still near, but what about their hearts, their minds, and their souls? Am I still in the part of you, Seo Youngho?
All of Taeyong's questions finally answered when he accidentally saw Johnny kissing with their sunbae, Sehun from EXO. He knew that Johnny and the EXO's maknae has been best friend for a long time since they became trainees. He saw them kissing in the dance studio room inside SM's building. At that time, Taeyong was asked by their manager to look for Johnny quickly because they ready to go back to the dorm. But what he saw just made his heart (and head) shattered. Why Johnny kissed Sehun hyung when he's clearly knew that Sehun's dating Kai? Does this mean they cheat? Or maybe they just help each other as a mutual friends? Or because Sehun just need a comfort after Kai's dating scandal with Krystal already confirmed by their company? Maybe they…or maybe…just maybe….
Taeyong run as fast as he could after he saw their hot kiss. That lips should just kiss me and not Sehun hyung's! Taeyong tried so hard not to let stupid tears spilled out from his eyes. He run to the stairs and cried by himself on SM's rooftop. He even texted his manager that he won't be home because he had other things to do in studio. He knew he's lying but he didn't know what to do anymore. He ignored his boyfriend's texts and calls asked his whereabouts and what he's doing in the fucking cold night. Taeyong laughed bitterly when he read some of Johnny's texts.
Taeyong, where are you? What are you doing in this freaking night? Come back to the dorm ASAP!
Ya! Lee Taeyong, answer my call!
Taeyong, you start to make me worried in here, please come home we still have busy schedules tomorrow. You need to rest.
Taeyong, if you don't come back in one hour I swear I will go to the police and report you missing!
Taeyong let more tears run on his cheeks. He dragged himself out of the rooftop to head back the dorm. You even didn't call me with the pet name when you texted me, Johnny.
It's already two in the morning when he opened the dorm's door. He saw Johnny was sleeping on the couch with his smartphone in his hand. He sighed, headed to Johnny just to put the blanked to cover his giant body, removed his smartphone to put it on the coffee table and pecked his forehead. Thanks to Johnny's ability as a heavy sleeper, so he didn't awaken from what Taeyong's doing. Then he quietly walked to his room with Taeil and closed the door. When the morning came, Johnny acted as his usual and ignored Taeyong's presence as if the last night's texts and calls never happened. Taeyong just sighed.
Despite what Johnny and Sehun's doing the days before Taeyong never had courage to ask about it. As Johnny's boyfriend of course he deserved the explanation. But how can he get an explanation when all he could do just stay silent and keep everything for himself? He's too afraid to ask Johnny. He's afraid if his boyfriend would snap at him. Taeyong still smiled to everyone, Taeyong still laughing his ass off when he saw funny things and he still the cool leader in front of everyone. Although his heart already torn inside. He's alone in their dressing room when he suddenly felt so thirsty. He went around the building to find a vending machine. He wanted to drink a very cold coke or maybe lemon tea to calm his nerves. After he got what he wanted, a can of lemon tea, he overheard someone was moaning. No, but maybe two people moaning. Curious, he peeked inside on a door that opened slightly ajar. He gasped when he saw two guys were making out on the table inside the room. The guys were too busy with their activity until they're not realized that someone was peeking at them. Taeyong recognized that the one who was on the table is Kim Doyoung and the other one is none other than his boyfriend, Johnny Seo. They're rutting against each other like horny teenagers with the sound of Doyoung's moans echoed through the room. Taeyong gulped his lemon tea in one go and left the area quietly. Why? Why the fuck did you do this to me, Johnny?
Day by day, Taeyong found out some Johnny's weird activities with the other people. Not just with Sehun and Doyoung, other than that he knew that Jaehyun, Ten, Taeil, and Yuta also confessed to him that Johnny often helped them out of frustration through sex. Taeyong wanted to scream at the moment. He finally knew that Johnny's lips no longer his alone because that lips kissed so many people now, Johnny's hand not just touch his body but also the others, Johnny's muscular arms not just hug him anymore but also hug the others, Johnny's long legs not only tangled with his but also tangled with the others. And the most importantly, Johnny offered himself to the others, does this mean that he gave his love and heart to the others too? Taeyong bolts.
The first thing Taeyong did after he heard the bitter truth was blaming himself. He thought that maybe he's not attractive anymore for his boyfriend so Johnny decided to see the other. Or maybe he's not good enough for Johnny so he decided to please his needs with the other. Or the worst, maybe Johnny didn't love him anymore. He run out love for Taeyong and he felt so fed up of him. Does this four years of being together means nothing to you, Seo Youngho? Taeyong cried.
So, this is why Taeyong found himself standing in front of the mirror. He found himself ugly with his brown hair, he found his eyes no longer sparkling with dark bags under them, he found his aura was gloomy and his skin became so pale because the lack of food and sleep. Yes, he found himself couldn't sleep properly at night and eat properly during the day. He only thought some of the ways to get Johnny's attention back to him. He didn't care if what Johnny's doing was infidel and shouldn't be forgiven, but what can he say when his love for Johnny was too deep? He just wants to get what he deserves.
Johnny never said to Taeyong that they're break up. Simply, because Johnny's currently became so busy with his individual schedules. And Taeyong, well…he didn't want to be the one who ended their relationship because the one who started it was Johnny himself. So, it will be better if Johnny become the one who ended their relationship too. Taeyong just waited until Johnny came to him and finally said that they're separated. Among all of his ruined feeling, Taeyong silently hoped that Johnny wouldn't give up on them. He can't stand if he must see Johnny with someone else. It'll be hurt for him. But if he has to, he just shut everything up and pretends that nothing happened even it's really hard to do.
That night, Taeyong decided to stay in the dance studio after long practices. He danced and danced out his frustration until his limbs can't take it anymore. He's to absorbed in his frustrated mind so he didn't hear that the door was sliding open and someone stepped in the studio.
"Wow, always looking so flawless, Taeyong-ah. Nice moves", someone greeted him from the other side of the studio, clapping his hands.
It was Oh Sehun.
One of the other people who's Johnny seeing. And suddenly Taeyong felt uneasy.
"Hi, Sehun hyung. It's nice to see you here. What are you doing in this late hour?", asked Taeyong awkwardly.
Sehun just waved his hands dismissively.
"Nah, I was just passing by but when I heard song blaring in here, so I came to check. What I didn't expect is that to see Johnny's boyfriend is dancing all alone in the studio ", said Sehun with his cheerful tone.
Johnny's boyfriend. Right. He's still his boyfriend. Maybe soon he'll become his ex boyfriend after the expected break up? Taeyong sighed.
"Hey, what's with the sighed? Are you tired? Or maybe hungry? Come on let's grab something for dinner together. My treat," offered Sehun with a smile.
"No, hyung. I don't feel like eating right now. I just want to sleep", Taeyong politely refused Sehun's offer because he didn't want to stick awkwardly with Sehun.
But Sehun had other idea.
"Oh…come one, Lee Taeyong. It's been a while from the last time we can hang out together. Besides, you have nothing to do after this, right? Come on, let's go", Sehun half dragged Taeyong with his firm hand, clearly that the older male didn't accept no as Taeyong's answer.
Somehow, they ended up in a jjajangmyeon diner just a few blocks away from SM building. Taeyong had to admit that the food was very delicious and good too. Maybe he can ask Sehun's advice for the good place to eat. Sehun really had an amazing taste.
"Usually I come to this place with Jongin. But he's still busy at the moment so I ask you to accompany here to eat. I hope that your boyfriend doesn't mind, Taeyong-ah", said Sehun while slurping his jjajangmyeon.
Taeyong just smiled.
"Thank you for bringing me here, hyung. The food is really good. I'll definitely come again soon. And no, Youngho doesn't mind at all. He's also still very busy with his schedule now", Taeyong said with casual tone.
"Tae, I know what are you thinking about. It's you. I knew it was you who saw us kissing in the studio at that time, right?", asked Sehun.
Taeyong's body stiffened. How could he…?
"Don't be scared, Tae. Take it easy, I won't bite. I'm so sorry for what I did to your boyfriend, I was so upset and angry after the company confirmed that damn scandal. I loved Jongin too much I can't stand to hear their dating scandal even I knew it was just a tricky company's drama. I can't let Jongin hold someone else other than me. I hurt my own boyfriend with my childish behavior, I've been run around to make myself better. I blamed everything to Jongin without knowing the real reason behind of it all. Worst, I kissed Johnny because just out of frustration. He's my best friend and I knew he can't say no to what his best friend say or ask to him. So I let myself kissed him. He's so surprised with that sudden kiss, but in the end he gave in. but, believe me, Tae. After we kissed he looked so guilty, maybe he's guilty towards you. I'm so sorry, Taeyong I didn't meant to make your boyfriend cheat on you", Sehun finally let his long rambling came to an end.
"It's okay, hyung. I knew that you were so upset after their dating scandal and you need a comfort. Youngho is one of your best friend. It's not wrong if you seek some comfort from him', Taeyong tried to control himself not to burst out crying in front of Sehun.
"No, I know that's not okay, Tae. I see you and Johnny started to drift apart after that incident. You guys rarely hang around together. I know that something must be wrong. So every single time I seek the chance to talk to you, and finally today is a bless a for me. I want to fix everything up for you and Johnny', Sehun said full of regret.
"It's okay, we drifted apart is nothing to do with you, hyung. Far before I saw you guys kissing, I found myself being neglected by him. And it's become worse nowadays. Maybe we're expecting for the break up soon", Taeyong chuckled bitterly.
Sehun eyed him in disbelievingly. He's so surprised that the two lovebirds would split up soon. He should really grateful to have Jongin as his boyfriend, even after the dating scandal Jongin still never give up on him, he chose to follow the company's order to keep Sehun safe. Sehun remembered when he asked Jongin to just break them up, but somehow his boyfriend stubbornly refused to let him go. They got into a big fight at the moment but ended up with Sehun screamed Jongin's name endlessly that night on their bed. He felt so stupid for doubting Jongin's love for him. His relationship with Jongin still strong as before but he put his best friend's relationship in danger.
"You're lying, right?", asked Sehun.
"No, hyung. I am not lying. I found out that Youngo seek some pleasure with some other people. I saw him making out with Doyoung. Then the other day I saw him flirting around with Jaehyun, making out with Yuta and Ten and Taeil and some other guys. Maybe he's fed up with me and maybe I am not attractive enough for him. You see", Taeyong said softly to the older male.
"Seo Youngho would never do that to you, Tae. He loves you and you know it", Sehun tried to argue Taeyong's statement.
"Everyone can change, hyung. Four years is a long time for a relationship. He can feel bored too. I tried to understand that. I still waiting for him just to let me go. But I am selfishly hope that he would never give up on me even though I knew that's impossible. I am so afraid that I will lose him, hyung", Taeyong stuttered so hard because he's already burst out in tears.
Sehun immediately hug Taeyong to comfort him. He brushed Taeyong's hair and rubbed Taeyong's back with his arms snaked his body tightly.
"No, Tae. You're not gonna lose him. I assure you", said Sehun with his soft voice.
Taeyong just sobbed in Sehun's chest.
"If the reason just you're not attractive enough for him, then why don't you try to get his attention back? Maybe some changes on your physical appearance could help", Sehun suggested.
"I've been thought some many ways to get him back to me, hyung. I still got no idea. I was too afraid to do that. Instead I found some ideas to make myself ready when the break up is really happening", Taeyong said hopelessly.
"Just try to remember what will please him the most, you guys already together for four years. It's nonsense if you're not knowing about what he's like or what he's dislike. Come on, Tae. Do whatever you have to do and get your man back to your arms", Sehun cheered the younger male.
Taeyong nodded at his hyung suggestions.
After the dinner, Sehun dropped Taeyong off on his dorm building with a cheerful goodnight and a message if he need anything he will just one call away.
Taeyong was so happy finally he cleared everything up with Sehun. He hoped that his relationship will be as strong as Sehun's relationship with Jongin.
Their comeback was nearing. The company told the boys that their third mini album was titled Cherry Bomb. The boys were so ecstatic about their comeback. Of course, the new comeback always came along with different concept. Taeyong got his hair dyed in pastel pink colour. He looked so adorable, sexy and cute. Everyone in the company praised him with his new look. Even the boys in his group couldn't take their eyes off of him. They said that their leader become dangerously hot with his appearance. He just smiled and shyly denied that he's not hot or sexy or cute. He's just him with his usual ugly looks. At least that's what he's thinking about Johnny's idea on his new looks. Taeyong was so busy with his member's teasing he's not realized that in the corner or the room his boyfriend eyed him with a lot of love and adoration sparked in his eyes.
Taeyong did his best to avoid Johnny. He tried so hard in order to make himself never alone with Johnny in every occasion. But curse all the force in the world, that now he and Johnny became roommate. He never expected it would happen. Taeyong still hoped maybe Johnny will ask their manager to change his roommate as usual but now he did nothing. He accepted Taeyong as his roommate willingly without a word. Sehun knew about this and kept cheering Taeyong to make up everything with Johnny and got what he deserves. Taeyong wept.
After a very long schedules of job, Taeyong was left down for a few months, unable to do anything with his lover, Johnny. What he thought was just the others helping Johnny through his busy time, it turned into a regular occurance where Taeyong found his boyfriend spending more time with the other than him. Desperate to have Johnny's attention again, Taeyong pulled out Johnny's white Armani shirt, a special gift to him and Johnny's favourite shirt, in hopes to remind Johnny of who he was really with.
Taeyong sighed as he stared down at the silky material in his hand. The white fabric resting heavily in his hands as he marveled once more at the beautiful pristine white shirt. It had been a gift from his lover on Taeyong's 21st birthday. At first, Taeyong thought that it was the silliest gift from Johnny because how come he just gave his favourite and his most wearing white shirt to his lover. Taeyong knew that this Armani white shirt costs too many zeros on its price. In their line of work, money was never an issue.
"I think you look hundreds times better in my shirt, baby. And I want you to wear it when we're just alone in our own room", that's the reason why Johnny gave his expensive shirt to Taeyong. Though this white shirt was not just a silly whim. It was a special present from his lover, a person that he didn't get to interact with much anymore, and that really saddened him. Between works and their pent up hormones, more times than not did Taeyong find his lover fucked the other senseless. Johnny so easily and readily gave himself up to Jaehyun and Ten whenever they wanted. Taeyong wanted to claw at his best friend's face because they dared to steal Johnny's attention from him. He didn't want sharing his boyfriend to anyone.
What could he possibly do to get Johnny to notice him once more? To stop so easily offering himself to the others. Johnny was supposed to be his top, his dominant. And yet so easily the other slipped through his fingers and became their top. Their dominant. It was both sickening and painful in a way his brain could barely comprehend and his heart could handle. He was feeling...desperate. That's probably why he listened to Sehun. While the other was still young and learning of their ways, he was smart, with great ideas. There had to have been something that would connect the two of them together again and Sehun's suggestion of Johnny meeting Taeyong's needs was the answer. Taeyong's needs were to have Johnny back with him.
The tough, dominant man that had waltzed into his life years ago and professed his loved. He even stuck around after finding out Taeyong's secret, and it was a big secret as it was. He couldn't shake his giant lover even if he wanted to and it was that determination that drew Taeyong to Johnny. The will to stay and dominate, to thoroughly know what Taeyong needed inside and out. That's why he was with Johnny. But that had changed...but now he would get it back. And the white Armani shirt is what would help with that. It took a lot of courage for him to strip his clothes off and adorn the white shirt. It fit perfectly, although it's absolutely oversized on his lithe body, just like the first day he tried to wear it. The silky material stroked the smooth skin of flesh as if it were greeting an old friend. Done the buttons together, Taeyong ran his fingers over the material before stroking his pink hair that rested on top of his head. Without even staring at the mirror, he knew the silky white fabric was illuminating in the light, a reflective material that Johnny claimed was sacred, blessed almost to be able to give Taeyong the comfort and love he desired if Johnny wasn't around for some reason. And while Taeyong so desperately wanted to believe that, he couldn't. Because though he was wearing the white shirt, he felt no love, no comfort. Only emptiness and fear.
A deep sigh left Taeyong and he had to sit back on the bed in fear his legs would give out under him. It was hard for him, to have the courage. This was different than a difficult dance move. On a dance, everything was precise and calculated. He knew the moves, knew the detail. This...this wasn't a dance. This wasn't calculated or precise. This was raw vulnerability; a pleading show to gain back what he lost with fear of it never actually returning. This was his heart that was being displayed so openly. His mind, his body and soul hung on the thin line that could lead to eternal happiness or eternal pain. It was a fine line that Taeyong was so scared to cross, but at the same time, he knew he needed to cross it. Weary brown eyes turned to the clock, watching as the seconds ticked by. It was getting close to the time when Johnny would return. From where, Taeyong was never sure, but he never asked. He didn't pry.
They all had outside lives outside their group family. They did what they wanted, when they wanted, so long as it didn't interfere with their jobs. What Johnny did was up to him, but a part of Taeyong couldn't help but worry and fret that maybe the other lost interest in him because he had found someone else. It was a possible reality that he didn't want to exist. Closing his eyes, he took in a few more steady breaths before he stood once more. He had more strength in his legs which he was grateful for and slowly he began stripping. There was no one he was trying to show off for, just that he was taking his time, keeping himself idol. He was sure that if he didn't have anything to do while he waited, he would chicken out and run and hide, and he honestly hated doing that. The last piece of clothing was tossed to the floor and Taeyong stood in the middle of the room naked. He looked over his body for a moment, taking in his taut, flat stomach and shapely thighs. He wasn't overly muscular, but in his line of work he didn't need to be. He used his slim build in his favor, many people underestimating the strength that lay hidden inside. He was sure he was attractive enough to catch anyone that he wanted, or at least that's what he liked to think. So why? That's really all he wanted to know. Why the sudden change in Johnny? Why?
The sound of feet heading for the room caught his attention and Taeyong quickly wore the white shirt, moved himself quickly onto the bed, kneeling in the center of it, head bowed slightly as he waited patiently. The door to the room opened, followed by two steps before they stopped and slight gasp filled the other side of the room.
"B-Babe?"
"Johnny",Taeyong whispered gently, never once lifting his head.
He did, however, watch Johnny out of the corner of his eye as best he could, though it was hard to really see and focus on the other. Silence filled the room shortly after, both males waiting for what to happen next. One knowing it was his place to wait, the other unsure of how to approach the situation or why it was really happening.
"Taeyong",Johnny whispered gently, taking a few tentative steps forward.
He sounded so surprised, but that was a good thing. Taeyong wanted him to be surprised. He wanted Johnny to see the steps he was taking to work on their relationship, to make it amazing again. To make it simply exist once more. He felt the gentle touch to his exposed shoulder; strong, calloused fingers stroking the skin gently.
"What are you doing?", he asked.
"Waiting for my lover",Taeyong replied instantly, like he had trained himself. Like he knew Johnny liked it.
Yet the sigh that fell from the other's lips told him otherwise. It wasn't a happy sigh or a needy sigh. It was a 'sigh' sigh and Taeyong could feel his chest tightening. What had he done to make Johnny feel this way about him? What was wrong with him? Was he ugly? Was he boring? Was it because he himself was more unattractive? Was that the issue? Was Johnny honestly wanting other people to become his bottom other than him more now than ever before? 'He couldn't'¦ The simple thought of losing Johnny because of this was killing him. He couldn't lose someone he had come to love and held so dear in his heart. Was a simple sexual role going to be the downfall of what he had deemed as true love so long ago? Was this the end?
"Taeyong", whispered Johnny softly.
Those same callous fingers slid under his chin and pressed upwards, and despite Taeyong's struggle, they forced him to lift his head, hazel eyes staring up into beautiful deep brown orbs that were only made to be so breathtaking by the contacts the other was wearing.
"You don't need to do this", he said and Taeyong nearly choked on his breath. This was it. He could feel it. The end.
"I have to!",Taeyong protested, voice wavering.
He could feel the tears pricking at the corner of his eyes, but he couldn't let himself cry. Not yet. Not like this. Johnny was a bit taken aback at the protest, his eyes wide with confusion. He didn't understand it. Why was the other acting like this.
"Why? Why Taeyong?"
"For you!",Taeyong told him, eyes sparkling with his unshed tears.
"I do this for you. You are my lover and I love you",he confessed.
"I can't...I can't lose you. Johnny please",his voice tapered off at the end, voice so soft that the words were barely audible, yet spoke in such volumes.
Taeyong expected the silence that came next. He also expected for Johnny to leave. Or tell him how disgusting he was and how he no longer loved him. What he didn't expect was for those strong arms to wrap around him. He was still, eyes wide as he was engulfed in Johnny's arms, the sweet musk of the other filling his nose as the warmth and sense of security washed over him. It was so familiar and it was love, which made it all the more harder for him to relax.
"Yongie, what makes you think you're going to lose me?", Johnny asked gently.
Taeyong chewed his bottom lip, hands reaching up to grip at the arms wrapped around him.
"Because…",he whispered, eyes closing as he lowered his head.
"You don't...we never...together",he stumbled over his words, fighting back the years that wanted so hard to escape him.
"All you do is sleep with them anymore. You never make love to me anymore, you don't look at me with the same lust like you do the others!', Taeyong practically half yelled.
The words fell from his lips like the water breaking through a dam. He couldn't contain them, nor think of a way to delicate put the situation. He simply spoke of his feelings at the time.
"You're wrong!",Johnny snapped at the accusations.
He didn't like what Taeyong was saying, but there was some truth to of and he knew it. Things were different, but that didn't mean Johnny wanted to end their relationship. He loved Taeyong, so greatly.
"It's not true!"
"It is!",Taeyong whimpered, fingers clutching tighter on Johnny's arms.
"It's true and I'm so scared that you'll leave me. You'll leave me to find someone else who pleases you".
Johnny gripped Taeyong's chin and forced the other to look at him.
"You please me. I want nobody but you",he whispered, staring intently at the other.
"I love you Taeyong. Yes there are times when I want to help the other with their needs but I love you. I will always love you",his confession was hard and sure, raw emotions swimming in Johnny's eyes he spoke, near similar emotions reflected in Taeyong's.
"I love you Johnny",he pulled from the other and slung his arms around Johnny's neck, holding him close.
"I just...I can't take it anymore. I miss you and need you. I need my dominant bear".
The tears finally broke free and he started sobbing. Johnny's arms simply tightened around him, pulling him closer. Soft kisses peppered his head for a moment before Johnny paused.
"I'm still here baby. I'm so sorry if you felt neglected",Johnny whispered.
"Let me make it up to you".
Pulling back from the kiss for a moment, Johnny smiled gently down at Taeyong.
"Can I make it up to you?"
Taeyong nodded, more than willing to have Johnny make it up to him. His heart felt like it was soaring, just from the simple fact that Johnny wanted him, loved him and cherished him
"Please".
The plead struck Johnny hard, his eyes softening a great deal as he cupped Taeyong's cheeks and pulled him in close, kissing him deeply. Taeyong's head tilted up slowly and to the side, letting Johnny take control of the kiss like he's so desperately needed. He needed Johnny to control everything. Johnny's tongue ran across his lips and he parted them with ease, letting it slide into his mouth. He felt so full with it, soft moans leaving as Johnny licked and teased his mouth in any way possible. His own tongue moved slowly, curling and sliding against Johnny's as the kiss grew hotter. Johnny started to unbutton his white shirt. The tension grew stronger between them and Taeyong couldn't help but moan as his senses were completely overtaken by the other. Johnny's hands moved over his sides and up his body, calloused fingers stroking over silky skin.
Tingles of pleasure coursed through his body and it had Taeyong trembling. His body moved easily with Johnny's guidance and he laid back on the bed, legs spreading to accommodate Johnny sitting between them. He trailed his lips down Taeyong's neck, pressing tender kisses over exposed skin before pressing equally tender kisses over the collarbone. He loved the white shirt that Taeyong's wearing, the silky white shirt that adorned so beautifully against his pale skin. When he had seen it in the window, he knew he needed to have it, to give it to the one special person in his life.
"Youngho",Taeyong whispered as he shivered.
Johnny's tongue coming out to lick over his neck. The light touches of the flicking tongue was teasing his nerves, setting them on fire. He leaned down to suck bruises on the expanse of Taeyong's neck and collarbone, each reddening marks he left with a silent note. "Mine, mine, mine", he thinks possessively. Taeyong didn't care if tomorrow he must have a big deal with the coordi noonas because of those embarrassing dark red, blue purple hickeys and they would curse at him with heavy make up to cover them. Johnny pulled back and looked down at the other, smirking.
"You're so gorgeous baby. So perfect",he whispered, watching as a flush spread over Taeyong's cheeks.
"I love you so much baby",he cooed gently and dipped his head back down, capturing Taeyong's lips in another kiss before he could respond and threw away Taeyong's shirt so now Taeyong was left naked since he wore nothing underneath the white shirt.
Laying over him, he pressed down and bucked against him, a sudden gasp leaving him only to be muffled from their connected lips. Johnny's hands once more moved, gliding over the smooth legs of his lover, lifting them up as he shifted forward. He rocked and grinded against the other, his clothed erections scratching against Taeyong's sensitive member, making him whimper and jerk under him.
"Off",Taeyong mumbled as he broke the kiss.
He reached down and grabbed at Johnny's shirt, tugging at it hard to try and get it lifted and taken off. He was so hard, his cock twitching against his stomach. It had been so long since they had actual alone time like this, when both were healthy and there was no crazy schedules that they needed to give to the company. He was excited and he wanted to hurry this along so he could feel the hot length filling and stretching his hole.
"Please. Take them off".
The chuckle that left Johnny had Taeyong pouting, but the other pulled back and took off his shirt nonetheless. The shirt fell to the floor, soon joined by jeans the other had been wearing.
"Better?",Johnny asked as he laid back over Taeyong, bare flesh pressed against bare flesh.
Taeyong groaned out and arched his back, panting softly.
"God yes",he whispered and smiled at him.
"Feels so good".
Taeyong's hands grasped at Johnny's sides, stroking over the other's body and just feeling him. It had been way too long since they had been so close like this and it felt like they were experiencing each other's touches for the first time again. Johnny chuckled softly, lips once more traveling down Taeyong's body, pulling sweet moans and soft sighs with each kiss and swipe of the tongue. Johnny found a dusky nipple, tongue flicking lightly against it, feeling it harden with each passing swipe. Taeyong shivered under him, whimpers of lust leaving him, a soft plea wanting to leave his lips, but it got caught in his throat as the warm lips wrapped around his nipple and sucked on his nipple like a hungry man.
"Oh my God",Taeyong panted and shivered in pleasure, back arching slightly.
"Johnny…"
Fingers tangled in soft locks, tugging to keep the head against his chest. His nipples were always a sensitive part of his body, and he loved when his lover teased them.
"More",he begged softly.
Johnny chuckled around the nipple, teeth nipping at the small pebble. Pulling off, he switched to the other nipple and gave it the same treatment, hands reaching down to still the twitching and moving hips.
"Nngh~".
Johnny enjoyed the teasing he was doing. Taeyong was so responsive to everything that he did and it pleased Johnny so much. Why they had waited so long to reconnect was beyond him. But he was glad they were doing it, before he actually lost the love of his life. Moving away from his nipple, Johnny moved down the other's body, lips leaving a trail of hot kisses down his chest. The hands in his hair tightened as he moved further, growing closer to the hardness resting against Taeyong's abdomen. The head was an angry red, glistening as precum pearled at the tip and slid down. Johnny knew what the other wanted and he wanted to taste the other, but at the same time he wanted to continue to tease the other.
"Please",Taeyong pleaded.
Johnny decided to indulge the other, simply for the fact that it had been so long since it had been the two of them. His lips parted and he took the head into his mouth, a soft moan leaving him as the sweet taste of his love filled him. Taeyong's body shook and arched at the sensation, needy moans leaving his parted lips as fingers found their way into his hair, tangling in the soft locks. He pulled hard and Johnny groaned, taking the hard flesh further into his mouth, sucking on it hungrily.
"Yes, Johnny~",he groaned out, eyes screwed shut as he focused on the pleasure coursing through his body.
The heat curled tightly within his gut and he knew he wouldn't last long. And while the thought of cumming now was so appealing to him, Taeyong wanted to hold back. He wanted to cum only when he had Johnny inside of him and he couldn't wait. He gave Johnny's hair a few more tugs, trying to get the other up and off his cock before he came. Johnny came up reluctantly and with a loud pop. He licked his red lips with a hum, lidded eyes staring down at Taeyong.
"Baby?", Johnny asked worriedly.
"Please. Need you inside of me",Taeyong whispered, his legs parting as wide as he could get them, trying to entice Johnny with a view of his hole.
Johnny chuckled at the almost pleading tone of the other and he sat up. He wasn't about to deny his lover the pleasure he wanted and it had been so long since they had been together. He stripped himself of his clothes, tossing them to the ground as he leaned over and searched for the lube in their bed side table. Things felt foreign him, and he realized just how long it had been. Grabbing the bottle, he opened the bottle and poured some on his hand, pausing for a moment.
"Prep or ?"
"No. Just please",Taeyong whispered, eyes locked with the hand, waiting to watch it smooth that lube on the hard flesh hanging between Johnny's legs.
Johnny chuckled and nodded as he wrapped his hand around his cock, stroking it and coating it with the lube. He groaned at the friction that it brought, the pleasure heightening slightly in his body. Taeyong licked his lips as he watched the hand move, watched the way precum pearled at the tip before being swiped away. Pulling his hand back, Johnny moved to sit between Taeyong's legs and grinned, pressing the tip of his cock against the rosy bud.
"Johnny. Please",he begged and pressed down on the cock.
"You beg so nicely baby",Johnny cooed lightly and slowly pushed his cock into Taeyong.
The breach was slightly painful, but felt so good nonetheless. Taeyong hadn't felt so stretched in such a long time it was like he had regained his virginity back. Johnny moved slowly, sinking his cock in inch by inch, eyes locked on Taeyong's face, watching for any signs of pain or displeasure.
"So good",Taeyong whispered, his body relaxing under Johnny's. There was a slight sting from the penetration, but his body soon adjusted to it and all he could feel was pleasure. Pleasure from having Johnny inside him once more. His hips rolled up and pushed down on Johnny, forcing the other deeper inside of him.
"Oh my God",he panted.
Groaning softly, Johnny gripped Taeyong's hips tightly and pulled out slowly before thrusting back in. There was slight resistance on the first few thrusts, but eventually Taeyong's hole relaxed enough for him to be able to thrust into him easily. Soft moans and needy pants left the younger male as the pleasure coursed through his body. Johnny's hands slid down and gripped Taeyong's thighs, lifting them up as he started a hard and fast pace.
"Fuck. So tight",Johnny growled as he pounded into the hot, tight heat, hissing deeply as he bottomed out each and every time.
Their moans mingled together with the loud smacking of skin against skin. Bodies rocked as they desperately chased after their release, hands clawing and clutching to each other in a haze of pleasure. Johnny's hips angled, the head of his cock pressing into the squishy ball of nerves inside of Taeyong, a smirk playing on his lips at the loud cry that left the other. Taeyong threw his head back as he moaned heavily, neck stretched and arched so eloquently and was accentuated so beautifully by Taeyong's pink hair that it had the heat inside Johnny coiling tighter with arousal.
"You're so fucking beautiful",Johnny grunted and gave harder thrusts.
Balls slapping hard against Taeyong's ass. Nails dug deep into his back, pulling a harsh hiss from him as Taeyong whimpered and shuddered under him.
"Can't...can't hold back",he panted and bucked into him.
"Gonna cum..Johnny",he groaned out and jerked under him, his cock heavy and twitching against his stomach, precum oozing from the tip. Reaching between them, he wrapped his fingers around Taeyong's cock and pumped it quickly, enjoying the cries of pleasure he pulled from the other.
"Johnny! Oh fuck Johnny!",he cried out loudly and clenched around the other.
He couldn't stop the coil from breaking and he gave a hoarse shout as he came, cum coating Johnny's hand as his cock twitched and pulsed. The hole around him clench and Johnny let out a deep grunt as he kept thrusting into Taeyong. The other was trying so hard to milk his cock and it felt so amazing. Johnny wanted to try and hold out, but he couldn't. Taeyong was just so tight and hot. Growling out, Johnny thrusted in once more, pushing deep into the other. Leaning over Taeyong, he bit onto his shoulder to muffle his cry as he came hard inside the other. Taeyong moaned out as he was filled, body twitching in pleasure. Licking his lips, he panted as he looked up at Johnny, smiling softly.
"Fuck",he whispered.
Johnny could only chuckle as Taeyong wrapped his arms around him and pulled him down into a kiss. Their lips moved together slowly, the kiss slow and relax as they both worked to calm their heated bodies. Pulling back from kiss, Taeyong looked into Johnny's eyes and gave a heartfelt smile.
"I love you. So much. You don't understand how much this means to me",he whispered.
Johnny nodded his head and stroked Taeyong's cheek gently. He really didn't know how much it had meant to Taeyong. He didn't know how much this whole deal had hurt the other. But he could see it now and he was so glad he could change the outcome. Because he wasn't sure if he would have been able to live without Taeyong. Taeyong was his world and while loved being with the others, he loved Taeyong more; he was in love with him.
"I love you too baby", Johnny cooed and kissed him once more.
"Don't you ever forget that. No matter what's going on in our lives or who we may favor for a while, you are mine and I love you",he told him with a soft voice.
"I will never doubt again. I swear",Taeyong whispered.
"Good",Johnny hummed as he slowly laid down, rolling them onto their sides.
He didn't pull out right away because he had missed this connection and didn't want them to part so quickly. Blankets wrapped around them and he sighed as he snuggled into the covers, his head resting on the pillow as Taeyong snuggled against his chest. They laid in silence for a while, just listening to each other's breathing and trying to match them in sync. Eventually, Johnny realized that Taeyong was no longer trying to sync their breathing and his had even out considerably. He looked down at the other and chuckled as Taeyong slept peacefully against him. Johnny settled down against him and pressed a kiss against his head. With a soft hum, he closed his own eyes and let himself follow his lover's footsteps and fell asleep, mind filled with happy dreams of him and Taeyong together for many in the future.