Title : Insomnia
Author : Crazy soldier AKA Stephanie Welles
Rating : R
Spoilers : I'll make this some season fivish with chipped Spike . Oh , yeah , Spike and Xander are vamps and together . And oh yeah , Xander is NOT Spike's Childe . Explained .
Challenge : Set out by Cynamin, Layla, and Alan
Summary : Vampires Spike and Xander are taking a visit to Angel in LA , and meet with a strange , strange Angel .
Insomnia
" He , Xan , why don't we go and visit the old poof ? " Spike , who was clearly drunk , held out his nearly empty bottle of ' tradition love ' for Xander to take it . On his turn , Xander thoughtfully grabbed the bottle out of Spike's slender and extremely pale fingers and took a big swallow , and then said :
" Deadboy , huh ? To piss the hell out of him ? "
Spike nodded and his eyes lit up as he whispered slowly : " Can you read my mind ? "
" Read your mind ? " Xander spluttered straight into Spike's face , and then suddenly fell quiet . " Hey , maybe I can . You're thinking of blood now ? Nice , roamy , temperature 37 ° , human blood ? "
Spike sighed as he took his bottle out of Xander's shaky hands . " Aaargh , just what I was thinking about . So
sweet .... so good ... "
" Hey , maybe I can fix you up with that . After all , I didn't lose *my* bite . "
" Oh , would you ? A nice blonde girl would be good . " , Spike exclaimed as he dropped the empty bottle on the
ground and overviewed the mess on the ground . " Wow , looks like we're all out of booze . "
Xander followed his gaze , and saw five empty bottles of the same brand lying on the ground . " That's what I think , too . " And then both pointed to each and other , and yelled out : " You read my mind ! Willy's ! "
" But how ... " , Xander spoke as clear as he possibly could . " Are .. weeeee going to get there ? "
" Easy . By car . " Spike tried to get up from the couch , but lost balance and fell back on the soft covers . " The first minute that I can get up , I'll drive us there . "
" Take your time . I still got to get up too . "
After many , many failed tries , they finally had gotten up , and were driving in Spike's black De Soto to Willy's , a place that Spike and Xander particularily enjoyed because it was the only place in town that would still serve two drunken , vamped out vampires . After a chase by a bunch of fatty cops , and frightening two couples making out in grave yards , because Spike had honked to them and yelled ' Get pregnant , you people ! , they were almost there . Spike wasn't looking very sober , so Xander was sure that his hands weren't at all . And maybe that explained the strange turns that the car took sometimes .
" Maybe you should try to keep your wheel straight . " , Xander tried squeal , but almost nothing came out of his
throat . " I seriously doubt that this is smart . "
" Why won't the bloody car keep driving on straight ? " , Spike muttered as he tried to keep the steering wheel
straight .
" Wait , lemme try . " Xander grabbed the steering wheel and pulled to the right . As a result of that , the car crashed into a car . Both of them , 'protected' by their buckles , bumped their heads against the dashboard . When Spike opened his eyes , he joyfully let out : " Xan , we're at Willy's , man ! Am I a good driver or what ! "
" ' Kay , let's dance underneath the disco ball . " ; Xander groaned as he let the buckle spring free and stumbled out of the car and fell upon the hard footpath . " Never thought it that was so hard to get up sometimes . "
" Lemme help you up . " For once , Spike managed to stay on his feet , and pulled Xander right up . Then he pushed Willy's door open and both of them stumbled right in .
" Oh , God , they're back . " , Willy moaned as he put down the glass he'd been washing .
" Can I help you guys ? " , he said to the two vampires who were clutching themselves to the rail , trying to stay on their feet .
" The strongest drink you got . We want it . " , Spike told him as he pointed a finger towards the barkeeper . " And no tequila . The heavy stuff . "
" ' Kay Spike . Why don't you guys take a seat and get comfortable . "
" Hey , are we still going to visit Deadboy ? "
" Sure . After we've drank all this shit . " Willy put a vilegreen bottle on the table ( strangely enough they had managed to stumble to a spare table without falling over ) and now was pouring the liquid into glasses . It was blood red .
" Like that color . Makes me think of blood . " , Spike muttered as he drank it whole . The effect of the booze kicked in immediately and made him feel like he'd been through a rollercoaster , a meat grinder and a match with Muhammed
Ali . " Wow . "
" Yeah . " , Xander exclaimed after he'd drunk from his glass . " Wow . Why is this stuff not in supermarket shelves ? "
" Read my mind there . "
" Again ? Wow , I must be really psychic . "
" I can't believe they didn't have a disco ball . " , Xander said for the fortiest time on a row , drinking some of the red booze that they had managed to sneak out of the bar . " That ain't a bar . "
" Shut up , I'm trying to concentrate . " Spike was trying to stay on the road , but currently was driving in the dry bushes , getting the attention of various other drivers . " We're almost in the City of Angel . "
" In Angel's city . " , Xander repeated , head on the dashboard . " In the city where Angel lives , the only Angel
around . Deadboy ! Man , you should try this . Feels like a herd of elephants trampin' on my head . "
" You need some shots . " , Spike retorted with humor in his voice . " Jello shots . "
" Yummy , Jello . Are we in Deadboy's city yet ? "
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
" Xander ? What are you doing here ? " A surprised Wesley came forward to meet them , and Xander grinned as only one drunk can manage .
" Deadboy . Is he here ? "
" Sure . But he's been acting ... uhm , rather strange lately . "
" No Watcher talk . " , Spike demanded with a vicous look in his eyes . " Peaches is here ? "
" Yes , but ..."
" Anyone seen me barking Christmas dog CD ? " A tiredlooking but pepped up Angel came into , throwing several files on the ground , opening drawers , even looking through Wesley's pockets . Then he looked at Spike and Xander and hugged them . Spike roughly broke free out of his embrace , while Xander clung onto him even more . Spike decided that , as the wooden floor was rotating anyway , and he found it difficult to stand straight , that he'd better cling onto Xander .
" You guys are here . You can help me looking for my CD . "
" Sounds like he's drunk . " Xander now was leaning on Spike in a rather intimate embrace . " Is he ? "
" Insomnia . I've heard that lack of sleep does strange things , but I've never seen as worse as this . " , Wesley answered seriously , not knowing how to think of the threesome , two of them drunk , and one of them acting plain weird .
" Insomnia , huh ... " Spike let go off Xander , so that he dropped on the ground , and walked up to Angel .
" Poof , maybe you should look for your 'How to Eat Fried Worms ' book . "
" What ? I do not own such a book . " A puzzled look came over Angel's face and made Xander burst out in laughter .
" Pffft . He looks like the M & M guy , Crunchy . Just in a different color . "
" Not really . " Spike pulled a chair near him and sat down on it . " Maybe if he's jumping up and down a giant trampoline . "
" Or maybe in a tutu . "
" I ... I ... I think I'll leave you guys alone for a moment . " , Wesley stammered , confused by the strange conservation .
" I have work to do . "
" Yeah ! " , Xander yelled , crawling around the room on his knees , trying to find balance . " Leave this to the
undead . Booze . I want booze . "
" No booze . Booze gone . " , Spike answered drunkily , a pout on his face .
" Booze gone ? Booze gone ? Bad thing . " Xander stopped , and lay on the floor , arms spread out wide . " Want booze . "
" Now ... thingy . Tell me , there's one thing I've always wanted to know . Have you got old love letters in a shoebox ? From Buffy ? "
" I got these old loveletters in a shoebox from Buffy ... She broke my heart with her wooden stake and sent me to
hell , it was way too hot there for me ... Old loveletters in a shoebox ... and it makes my eyes go all fluffy ... every time I read them ... " , Xander sung loudly , tapping his hand against the wooden floor to get a rhythmn . " Old loveletters in a shoebox ... Oh yeah ! "
" No , but I do have Xena-phobia . ", Angel claimed as he sat down on another chair . " She's scary . "
" She reminds me of Faith . Just fatter . And no slayer . And of course the AI-AI-AI-AI-AI ! " , Xander cried out as he crawled towards Spike and rested his head on his lap . " Like a giant duck . Want booze , Spikey . "
" Peaches will get you booze . Right ? "
" Sure . I always have some . Do you want some cheese and ham sandwiches with it ? "
" No ! " , Xander yelled out . " Liver cookies ! "
The same puzzled expression came over Angel's face again , while Spike sticked out his tongue .
" *Not* tasty . Kinder eggs are tasty . But you know those little papers that are with the toys ? Like not swallow the parts , and stuff ? " Spike raised his eyebrows . " Well , they are there for a reason . "
" Wesley ! Get me my booze ! " , Angel yelled to somewhere , while Spike and xander laughed for something they only knew what it was about . " And some Kinder eggs . "
Then Angel focussed to the twosome again and said : " Have you guys ever seen a sunbathing mouse before ? I did ."
" How could *you* ? You're a vampire , you can get all burnt ." , Spike remarked as he stroked Xander's hair .
" I did see a sunbathing worm before . He was all red . Very burnt . "
" Xan , you're sooo drunk . "
" So are you ! He Deadboy , anyone ever told you you look kinda like Patrick Swayze ? "
" I do ? Thought that I looked like Cindy Lauper . "
" It's true ! " , Spike yelled out , almost knocking his Grandsire off his chair . " On very bad hairdays , he looks like Cindy Lauper ! "
" With toenail polish ? " Xander pulled Spike of the chair and ruffled his hair .
" And without the bloody anti-itch footpowder , he can dance like Britney Spears ! "
" Show me ! Show me ! " , Xander yelled as he pressed Spike down the floor . " Because I won wrestling match with Spike . Prize . " Xander crawled over to Angel again , pulling him to the ground . " Phew, you stink ! Take a shower ! "
" Hey , I don't have to take this ! "
" Oh , he's going to explode ! Someone call the ATF bomb squad ! "
" Weren't these guys in 'Chicken run' ? " , Spike asked , picking up one of the fallen files and throwing them back on the desk . " Because I've heard of them before . "
" Yeah , with tuba's . You know , those big horns . " Xander spread his hands apart to show him the size , but then muttered : " My arms are to small . I can't reach . "
Angel left the room , muttering that an undead vampire shouldn't take an offence on his body smell . Ten minutes later , Spike and Xander heard Angel singing under the shower . " I'm a big , big vamp in a big , big world . It's not a big , big thing if Buffy leaves me But I do , do feel that I do , do will kill her bad . Kill her bad . "
" Was that a hit ? Didn't know Angel listened to that kind of music . Poppy . "
" It's as mellow as sword play with an empty soda bottle . ", Spike muttered . " God save the Slayer ! God save the Slayer ! " , he yelled through Angel's mellow singing .
" No , it's Devil kill the slayer . We're vampires , remember ? Slayers ... BAD ! "
" Yeah , sure , mate , since when are you a vampire ? " , Spike asked curiously , grabbing the vampire in his arms . " I don't remember anything 'bout me turning you . My memory doesn't go further back then four weeks . That's when you showed up . "
" Vampire ? I'm NOT a vampire ! My heart is beating and my blood is flowing ! Listen ! " Xander pulled the vampire's head to his chest . " Beating ! "
" Don't hear nothing . " Spike's ear was pressed to Xander's chest , trying to locate any sound . " Nope , nothing . "
" What ! " A panicked Xander pushed Spike away and started to beat on his chest . " Beat . Beat ! Be alive ! Alive !
Oh , I'm dead ! "
" Here's the booze . " A rather shy Wesley put the several bottles of booze and the asked Kinder eggs on the desk , and left the room as quickly as possible .
" Oh great ! " Xander quickly grabbed a bottle and opened it , and drank . A lot . " Oh yeah , I remember ... Some footballer guy turned me , kinda looked like a giant monkey ... And The Blondie staked him . " And then a sad , frightened tone , " Blondie wanted to kill me . Bad ! Ran . Met you . Stayed ."
" Yeah , you stayed . And got drunk every night . "
" Drunk .. good ! Hangover ... bad ! Drink ! " Xander handed Spike the bottle . " Drink . "
" Late . Sunny will come to burn us . "
" Burn ... bad . " Spike helped the younger vampire up and dragged him through the hall into the bathroom . Angel wasn't there , but the water was running . Spike just couldn't be bothered about Angel's waterbill , so he dragged Xander to Angel's bedroom .
" Awww , look at that . He's got a teddy . And he's sleeping . No insomnia . Gone . "
" Gone . Sleep . " , Spike spoke , dragging the boy to a spare bedroom . " Sleep . "
THE END
Author : Crazy soldier AKA Stephanie Welles
Rating : R
Spoilers : I'll make this some season fivish with chipped Spike . Oh , yeah , Spike and Xander are vamps and together . And oh yeah , Xander is NOT Spike's Childe . Explained .
Challenge : Set out by Cynamin, Layla, and Alan
Summary : Vampires Spike and Xander are taking a visit to Angel in LA , and meet with a strange , strange Angel .
Insomnia
" He , Xan , why don't we go and visit the old poof ? " Spike , who was clearly drunk , held out his nearly empty bottle of ' tradition love ' for Xander to take it . On his turn , Xander thoughtfully grabbed the bottle out of Spike's slender and extremely pale fingers and took a big swallow , and then said :
" Deadboy , huh ? To piss the hell out of him ? "
Spike nodded and his eyes lit up as he whispered slowly : " Can you read my mind ? "
" Read your mind ? " Xander spluttered straight into Spike's face , and then suddenly fell quiet . " Hey , maybe I can . You're thinking of blood now ? Nice , roamy , temperature 37 ° , human blood ? "
Spike sighed as he took his bottle out of Xander's shaky hands . " Aaargh , just what I was thinking about . So
sweet .... so good ... "
" Hey , maybe I can fix you up with that . After all , I didn't lose *my* bite . "
" Oh , would you ? A nice blonde girl would be good . " , Spike exclaimed as he dropped the empty bottle on the
ground and overviewed the mess on the ground . " Wow , looks like we're all out of booze . "
Xander followed his gaze , and saw five empty bottles of the same brand lying on the ground . " That's what I think , too . " And then both pointed to each and other , and yelled out : " You read my mind ! Willy's ! "
" But how ... " , Xander spoke as clear as he possibly could . " Are .. weeeee going to get there ? "
" Easy . By car . " Spike tried to get up from the couch , but lost balance and fell back on the soft covers . " The first minute that I can get up , I'll drive us there . "
" Take your time . I still got to get up too . "
After many , many failed tries , they finally had gotten up , and were driving in Spike's black De Soto to Willy's , a place that Spike and Xander particularily enjoyed because it was the only place in town that would still serve two drunken , vamped out vampires . After a chase by a bunch of fatty cops , and frightening two couples making out in grave yards , because Spike had honked to them and yelled ' Get pregnant , you people ! , they were almost there . Spike wasn't looking very sober , so Xander was sure that his hands weren't at all . And maybe that explained the strange turns that the car took sometimes .
" Maybe you should try to keep your wheel straight . " , Xander tried squeal , but almost nothing came out of his
throat . " I seriously doubt that this is smart . "
" Why won't the bloody car keep driving on straight ? " , Spike muttered as he tried to keep the steering wheel
straight .
" Wait , lemme try . " Xander grabbed the steering wheel and pulled to the right . As a result of that , the car crashed into a car . Both of them , 'protected' by their buckles , bumped their heads against the dashboard . When Spike opened his eyes , he joyfully let out : " Xan , we're at Willy's , man ! Am I a good driver or what ! "
" ' Kay , let's dance underneath the disco ball . " ; Xander groaned as he let the buckle spring free and stumbled out of the car and fell upon the hard footpath . " Never thought it that was so hard to get up sometimes . "
" Lemme help you up . " For once , Spike managed to stay on his feet , and pulled Xander right up . Then he pushed Willy's door open and both of them stumbled right in .
" Oh , God , they're back . " , Willy moaned as he put down the glass he'd been washing .
" Can I help you guys ? " , he said to the two vampires who were clutching themselves to the rail , trying to stay on their feet .
" The strongest drink you got . We want it . " , Spike told him as he pointed a finger towards the barkeeper . " And no tequila . The heavy stuff . "
" ' Kay Spike . Why don't you guys take a seat and get comfortable . "
" Hey , are we still going to visit Deadboy ? "
" Sure . After we've drank all this shit . " Willy put a vilegreen bottle on the table ( strangely enough they had managed to stumble to a spare table without falling over ) and now was pouring the liquid into glasses . It was blood red .
" Like that color . Makes me think of blood . " , Spike muttered as he drank it whole . The effect of the booze kicked in immediately and made him feel like he'd been through a rollercoaster , a meat grinder and a match with Muhammed
Ali . " Wow . "
" Yeah . " , Xander exclaimed after he'd drunk from his glass . " Wow . Why is this stuff not in supermarket shelves ? "
" Read my mind there . "
" Again ? Wow , I must be really psychic . "
" I can't believe they didn't have a disco ball . " , Xander said for the fortiest time on a row , drinking some of the red booze that they had managed to sneak out of the bar . " That ain't a bar . "
" Shut up , I'm trying to concentrate . " Spike was trying to stay on the road , but currently was driving in the dry bushes , getting the attention of various other drivers . " We're almost in the City of Angel . "
" In Angel's city . " , Xander repeated , head on the dashboard . " In the city where Angel lives , the only Angel
around . Deadboy ! Man , you should try this . Feels like a herd of elephants trampin' on my head . "
" You need some shots . " , Spike retorted with humor in his voice . " Jello shots . "
" Yummy , Jello . Are we in Deadboy's city yet ? "
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
" Xander ? What are you doing here ? " A surprised Wesley came forward to meet them , and Xander grinned as only one drunk can manage .
" Deadboy . Is he here ? "
" Sure . But he's been acting ... uhm , rather strange lately . "
" No Watcher talk . " , Spike demanded with a vicous look in his eyes . " Peaches is here ? "
" Yes , but ..."
" Anyone seen me barking Christmas dog CD ? " A tiredlooking but pepped up Angel came into , throwing several files on the ground , opening drawers , even looking through Wesley's pockets . Then he looked at Spike and Xander and hugged them . Spike roughly broke free out of his embrace , while Xander clung onto him even more . Spike decided that , as the wooden floor was rotating anyway , and he found it difficult to stand straight , that he'd better cling onto Xander .
" You guys are here . You can help me looking for my CD . "
" Sounds like he's drunk . " Xander now was leaning on Spike in a rather intimate embrace . " Is he ? "
" Insomnia . I've heard that lack of sleep does strange things , but I've never seen as worse as this . " , Wesley answered seriously , not knowing how to think of the threesome , two of them drunk , and one of them acting plain weird .
" Insomnia , huh ... " Spike let go off Xander , so that he dropped on the ground , and walked up to Angel .
" Poof , maybe you should look for your 'How to Eat Fried Worms ' book . "
" What ? I do not own such a book . " A puzzled look came over Angel's face and made Xander burst out in laughter .
" Pffft . He looks like the M & M guy , Crunchy . Just in a different color . "
" Not really . " Spike pulled a chair near him and sat down on it . " Maybe if he's jumping up and down a giant trampoline . "
" Or maybe in a tutu . "
" I ... I ... I think I'll leave you guys alone for a moment . " , Wesley stammered , confused by the strange conservation .
" I have work to do . "
" Yeah ! " , Xander yelled , crawling around the room on his knees , trying to find balance . " Leave this to the
undead . Booze . I want booze . "
" No booze . Booze gone . " , Spike answered drunkily , a pout on his face .
" Booze gone ? Booze gone ? Bad thing . " Xander stopped , and lay on the floor , arms spread out wide . " Want booze . "
" Now ... thingy . Tell me , there's one thing I've always wanted to know . Have you got old love letters in a shoebox ? From Buffy ? "
" I got these old loveletters in a shoebox from Buffy ... She broke my heart with her wooden stake and sent me to
hell , it was way too hot there for me ... Old loveletters in a shoebox ... and it makes my eyes go all fluffy ... every time I read them ... " , Xander sung loudly , tapping his hand against the wooden floor to get a rhythmn . " Old loveletters in a shoebox ... Oh yeah ! "
" No , but I do have Xena-phobia . ", Angel claimed as he sat down on another chair . " She's scary . "
" She reminds me of Faith . Just fatter . And no slayer . And of course the AI-AI-AI-AI-AI ! " , Xander cried out as he crawled towards Spike and rested his head on his lap . " Like a giant duck . Want booze , Spikey . "
" Peaches will get you booze . Right ? "
" Sure . I always have some . Do you want some cheese and ham sandwiches with it ? "
" No ! " , Xander yelled out . " Liver cookies ! "
The same puzzled expression came over Angel's face again , while Spike sticked out his tongue .
" *Not* tasty . Kinder eggs are tasty . But you know those little papers that are with the toys ? Like not swallow the parts , and stuff ? " Spike raised his eyebrows . " Well , they are there for a reason . "
" Wesley ! Get me my booze ! " , Angel yelled to somewhere , while Spike and xander laughed for something they only knew what it was about . " And some Kinder eggs . "
Then Angel focussed to the twosome again and said : " Have you guys ever seen a sunbathing mouse before ? I did ."
" How could *you* ? You're a vampire , you can get all burnt ." , Spike remarked as he stroked Xander's hair .
" I did see a sunbathing worm before . He was all red . Very burnt . "
" Xan , you're sooo drunk . "
" So are you ! He Deadboy , anyone ever told you you look kinda like Patrick Swayze ? "
" I do ? Thought that I looked like Cindy Lauper . "
" It's true ! " , Spike yelled out , almost knocking his Grandsire off his chair . " On very bad hairdays , he looks like Cindy Lauper ! "
" With toenail polish ? " Xander pulled Spike of the chair and ruffled his hair .
" And without the bloody anti-itch footpowder , he can dance like Britney Spears ! "
" Show me ! Show me ! " , Xander yelled as he pressed Spike down the floor . " Because I won wrestling match with Spike . Prize . " Xander crawled over to Angel again , pulling him to the ground . " Phew, you stink ! Take a shower ! "
" Hey , I don't have to take this ! "
" Oh , he's going to explode ! Someone call the ATF bomb squad ! "
" Weren't these guys in 'Chicken run' ? " , Spike asked , picking up one of the fallen files and throwing them back on the desk . " Because I've heard of them before . "
" Yeah , with tuba's . You know , those big horns . " Xander spread his hands apart to show him the size , but then muttered : " My arms are to small . I can't reach . "
Angel left the room , muttering that an undead vampire shouldn't take an offence on his body smell . Ten minutes later , Spike and Xander heard Angel singing under the shower . " I'm a big , big vamp in a big , big world . It's not a big , big thing if Buffy leaves me But I do , do feel that I do , do will kill her bad . Kill her bad . "
" Was that a hit ? Didn't know Angel listened to that kind of music . Poppy . "
" It's as mellow as sword play with an empty soda bottle . ", Spike muttered . " God save the Slayer ! God save the Slayer ! " , he yelled through Angel's mellow singing .
" No , it's Devil kill the slayer . We're vampires , remember ? Slayers ... BAD ! "
" Yeah , sure , mate , since when are you a vampire ? " , Spike asked curiously , grabbing the vampire in his arms . " I don't remember anything 'bout me turning you . My memory doesn't go further back then four weeks . That's when you showed up . "
" Vampire ? I'm NOT a vampire ! My heart is beating and my blood is flowing ! Listen ! " Xander pulled the vampire's head to his chest . " Beating ! "
" Don't hear nothing . " Spike's ear was pressed to Xander's chest , trying to locate any sound . " Nope , nothing . "
" What ! " A panicked Xander pushed Spike away and started to beat on his chest . " Beat . Beat ! Be alive ! Alive !
Oh , I'm dead ! "
" Here's the booze . " A rather shy Wesley put the several bottles of booze and the asked Kinder eggs on the desk , and left the room as quickly as possible .
" Oh great ! " Xander quickly grabbed a bottle and opened it , and drank . A lot . " Oh yeah , I remember ... Some footballer guy turned me , kinda looked like a giant monkey ... And The Blondie staked him . " And then a sad , frightened tone , " Blondie wanted to kill me . Bad ! Ran . Met you . Stayed ."
" Yeah , you stayed . And got drunk every night . "
" Drunk .. good ! Hangover ... bad ! Drink ! " Xander handed Spike the bottle . " Drink . "
" Late . Sunny will come to burn us . "
" Burn ... bad . " Spike helped the younger vampire up and dragged him through the hall into the bathroom . Angel wasn't there , but the water was running . Spike just couldn't be bothered about Angel's waterbill , so he dragged Xander to Angel's bedroom .
" Awww , look at that . He's got a teddy . And he's sleeping . No insomnia . Gone . "
" Gone . Sleep . " , Spike spoke , dragging the boy to a spare bedroom . " Sleep . "
THE END