Popcorn
It was eleven p.m. on Kaori's birthday, and Tetsuo wasn't there.
It wasn't like he'd promised or anything. Kaori kept telling herself this as she squinted through her reflection in the window, wishing to see his bike skidding to a halt in the yard below.
He was so proud of that bike. He'd only got it a few months ago, and he was still a little shaky on it, but he said Kaneda was teaching him and soon he'd be as good as Kaneda was – no, better!
Kaneda. Of course. Kaori bit her lip hard and felt the tears painful in her eyes. Why would he want to come and see her when he had cool people to hang around with?
She gazed one more time at the window, then wrenched the blind down.
Everyone else had forgotten. But Tetsuo had remembered! She knew he had! He'd been funny and all a few days before, said he had to go to the shops and wouldn't tell her why.
She'd assumed he was buying her a present.
Guess she'd assumed wrong.
Thirteen years old today and maybe things would be different now. Maybe it was silly to imagine you could keep up the old childish friendships. He was changing, she could see it, he was growing taller and bigger, and his voice was heavier than hers now.
She felt like she hadn't changed at all. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe he thought she was a baby. But who else would he talk to? He told her everything, he always had.
But then, he'd been doing less of that too.
Suddenly she heard a crash from downstairs, and froze. It sounded like the fire exit had been wrenched open. She didn't dare hope; stumbling out of her room and down the landing, she was halfway down the stairs before she realised it might not be him, it might be just another one of the kids coming in drunk, it might be someone really bad…and she froze on the stairs, the sticky lino cold on her bare feet, little breezes poking at her legs, and the darkness filling her nose and mouth and eyes…
But it was worse standing still, so she forced her way on, heart crunching in her chest, and she saw a light in the common room, harsh on her eyes, and ran towards it.
Tetsuo was sitting in one of the battered, itchy armchairs, and he smiled at her, nervously, and held out a cardboard container. "Want some popcorn?"
Waiting
Tetsuo knew he wasn't meant to be scared. He knew he was meant to able to act as cool and don't-give-a-shit as the rest of the gang were doing. He knew this wasn't even a big deal, they weren't going to be taken out and shot or anything.
But the fact remained that as they stood in a grumpy row outside the principal's office, he was scared, and all he could do was stay still, hands curled into fists. His hands always shook when he was frightened. He'd been trying to break the habit for years, but he hadn't managed it yet.
He would manage it this time. Now Kaneda had let him stay in this new gang he'd started, now they were actually going out riding at night, now they weren't little kids any more…he'd be a new Tetsuo, someone no one would mess with, someone who'd be admired as much as Kaneda already was.
If only his hands would stop shaking.
They'd only been at this stupid school for one term and already everyone was getting on their case. It wasn't like it had been much damage, the broken window had been an accident…kinda…and if Yamagata hadn't got mad at the teacher who discovered them they probably would have got away with it…
Stupid school. They'd laughed at him on his last day in the last school when they'd found out where he was going. Only losers go there, the richer kids had sneered, looking at his grubby T-shirt and the peeling soles of his shoes. Only morons go there, the smart ones had whispered, watching as he struggled to copy down what was on the blackboard. Only the failures go there, the teacher had said as Tetsuo cleared out his locker. You hear me? You're on a fast track to nowhere now, and it's all your own fault.
But Kaneda had grinned, and when the teacher had gone, he'd said, they're all pathetic. You know what they're not saying?
What?
Only the cool kids go there. Who wants to hang around a dump like this? Who gives a damn about college and working your butt off for the rest of your life? At least we'll be with people who won't be afraid to have a little fun.
Tetsuo must have still looked worried, because Kaneda grinned and said Besides, what are you so stressed about? I'll be there, won't I? I can save your butt any time you need it.
And Tetsuo had grinned, and suddenly felt better, even if his hands had been shaking so much he'd not been able to close his locker properly.
Kaneda had been right, though. Now they had proper friends, cool friends, people like them who didn't take crap from anybody.
Okay, they'd laughed at Tetsuo, calling him Kaneda's pet at first because he'd stuck so close to the guy, and they still rolled their eyes when he fell off his bike or whatever (wasn't his fault he was still learning, was it? He was trying) but even so, they were his friends and they were a proper gang now and that was cool, and, and everything was gonna be okay – he clenched his fists tighter and shoved them into his pockets.
Tetsuo wasn't so frightened about the pain…it had happened before, hadn't it? He was just frightened he'd cry, or throw up, or wet himself, or something that would make him look stupid and make all the others laugh at him. He'd try not to, obviously he would, but he'd always tried not to cry and half the time it hadn't worked…
He swallowed. His hands were tingling in his pockets, and he felt sick.
The others didn't look too happy, sure. Kai was kicking the wall, Yamagata was nervously cracking his knuckles, and two of the others had been punching each other in the arm for the past two minutes.
And Kaneda was telling awful jokes every so often, and Tetsuo suddenly remembered he hadn't had this happen to him either. But he wouldn't be scared. He would be fine. He was always fine.
Lucky bastard.
And now they were being told to go in, and Kaneda glanced round at him, and Tetsuo was irritated as he noticed the familiar look cross his friend's face: Tetsuo's scared again …
"Someone stop my hands from shaking," he muttered to himself. They were actually hurting now.
"Line up straight, if you scum know how," the Jaw said as they filed in. "And take your hands out of your pockets, kid."
Tetsuo tried not to gulp. Slowly he eased his hands back into the open. His knuckles were aching and he knew he'd have nail marks burnt into his palms for days afterwards, but he wasn't going to stand here and have everyone see Tetsuo trembling…
He didn't hear much of what was said. It was only what had always been said to him – useless, a let-down, unacceptable, last chance, penalty points, permanent record, disappointed. Yeah, yeah.
"Is there anything you have to say for yourselves?" the principal finished. "You two –" addressing himself to Tetsuo and Kaneda – "have only just arrived here, and I had hoped you would not have fallen in with such…unsuitable friends."
Everyone waited for Kaneda to speak.
He shrugged, and said, "Yeah, but this place sucks, so I figure, you know, I'll be friends with who the hell I want."
Tetsuo felt the same sensations Kaneda was always provoking these days – admiration, crossed with jealousy that he'd never be able to sound that cool. This time the jealousy was stronger. Kaneda got to make the teachers mad, while he, Tetsuo, had to stand here pretending he wasn't shivering with fear…
I'll show them. Slowly he unclenched his fists, and gritted his teeth to stop the trembling of his palms.
And as the Jaw came towards him – for one blissful moment his palms were still.
Even as blood filled his mouth, he was suddenly happy.