Inspired by this week's episode and in part by moogsthewriter's 'The Hollow Men'. Look on my favorite stories list if you are interested, I highly recommend it. She manages to vent what I, and I'm sure many of us, have been feeling this season about that vital thing that makes our boys not just Sam and Dean but SamandDean. This is my attempt to vent a little more, it fails in comparison to moogs' but I do try.
"I don't know when it happened, maybe when I was in Hell, maybe when I was staring right at you. But the Sam I knew, he's gone. And its not the demon blood or the psychic crap, its the little stuff..." - Dean Winchester – Sex and Violence
It had always been a certain, that bond. Something to ground his whole being, to centre him. Something always unsaid, yet it was apparent in volumes, in everything they did, every atom of their joint existences. It was always there whether they were separated by a simple motel nightstand or the distance of many states.
But now it seemed final that that one vital notion; that very core fact, something they'd both, on occasion, taken for granted, was gone. And because of this, even with his brother sitting right there next to him, Dean had never, not once, felt this very alone.
Not when Sammy had gone to Stanford, not when Sammy had died, not when he himself lay on a rack in the depths of Hell itself. All that, it hadn't mattered, not really, not when it came down to it because he'd always had that innate knowledge, that fact that he still had his Sammy. Everything and anything he could survive as long as Sam was Sammy.
Yet now it was abruptly apparent that not-so minor detail had changed. That Sammy just suddenly wasn't anymore. Sammy had changed. Sam had lost Sammy, Dean had lost Sammy. It didn't mean Dean thought him the Boy King, the anti-Christ. No, Sam wasn't a freak. But he had become someone else, certainly not Dean's freak anymore.
Now they drive down another empty non-desrcript highway in the dark of the night, same old, same old but it isn't familiar anymore. The leather bench they sit on is seemingly stretched long and Dean stares straight ahead, not trusting in what he will see when he glances to his right.
He knows what he would see if he had the courage. He'd see Sam Winchester, his brother, the one person on this earth he would always, always fight for.
And he knows if he glances across at that brother of his, his brother would still be there. Didn't matter if Dean caught a small flicker of yellow behind those puppy eyes, didn't matter if that giant nerdy brain of Sam's kept secrets and freaky abilities that Dean would seemingly never be given the honor of knowing.
Angels and Demons, Heaven and Hell, Life and Death, regardless of everything, it didn't matter. Sam Winchester was stuck with Dean Winchester. They would survive, they would endure, they would be. Together.
But that still didn't make Sam Sammy anymore.
Of course, reviews equal love. Or Peanut M&M's. Or pie, any kind you like.....mmmmmh pie.........