One month down and it's in sight
oh, I'm guaranteed to lose my mind
It's dangerous to speak and sigh
You might know what I'm trying to hide
- Matt Corby - Resolution

Fidgeting with the piece of paper in her hand Susie fought the temptation of calling him, his new number was written black on white across this old news paper that smudged some of the numbers, making them lap into each other. Maybe this was a sign, if she cant see the numbers, then she cant call him.

He had a girlfriend for crying out loud, at least from what she had gathered from her friend Vanessa, Freddie was dating Jacqueline Summers. This was a horrible idea, she put the red phone down on its original spot then turned around in the kitchen to continue making dinner she had started to make.

The thoughts of last night played in her mind, I mean she was only 18 this could just be some stupid infatuation, a thing for bad guys with guns, also Freddie was just a child, just like her, no more then 20 years old. He surely had better things to do then to come around to hers again and tell her those words, those fucking words that left her speechless last night.

"I´ve always loved you" was what he had muttered in his half drunken state, it was the alcohol, it had to be the alcohol that made him say this. Susie shook her head quickly and continued to cut up the paprika for the salad. People say stupid things when they are drunk!

Still the feeling haunted her, even when her mother came home it clouded her and when her mother went on about her day and what interesting people came to see her at the bank, Susie looked down at her plate at the different patterns and colors of the meat and salad, she wondered what Freddie was eating for dinner today. If he did eat dinners at all anymore.

When they where kids they would eat at his mother´s house, but since her father split that stopped happening and Susie missed it sometimes. She missed sitting on the kitchen table playing cards, eating biscuits and drinking juice.

Watching Freddie´s face light up when he won against her, even if she let him win every time. It was selfless and childish, not like the night they slept together, she was stupid enough to have lost her virginity to him in a drunken state and swore never again, not when she could have other, normal guys that would call her the day after.

Guys like Trey Hannigan, he was normal, nice lad, with short cut blonde hair, he was in the military, now, stationed in the middle east somewhere, she would get letters from him every other week, telling her how much sand there was and how much he missed holding her and those sweet little words that Freddie would never utter.

-"Hey!" he mother snapped her fingers, -"What are you so lost in, Susanna?"
-"Nothing, sorry, mum"

-"How was your day?"
-"Fine, just fine, I finished my painting"
-"That´s good, have you called your father?"
-"No"
-"You should its his birthday tomorrow"
-"I will mum"

Susie´s father, Junior was in prison for man slaughter, he had killed a policeman during a heist arranged by Jimmy´s father who was Freddie´s uncle. Shooting the police officer in the head gave Susie´s father life in the penitentiary. Susie was only 9 when he went away so she didn't remember much other then her mother crying on the phone to her sister about it, but she did remember visiting her father behind bars. That was the last time she saw him, 11 years ago.

She swore after that she would never marry a man like her father, but living in this community and around criminal´s you where bound to get dragged in whether you liked it or not.

Cleaning up the dishes as her mother sat in the living room watching her TV show, Susie thought about him again, Freddie has already been arrested once, for stealing a car, then some money, he only got a year in a youth correctional facility just outside of London. She came to visit him and he cried, she had never seen him cry before, but she appreciated that he felt comfortable enough to cry in front of her, even if she couldnt do anything else other then watch him through the glass.

Grabbing the phone off the hook again she dialed his number, she knew it by heart all double eights and fours, some zeros, the phone buzzed before she could reconsider hanging up, and then she heard a tired voice at the other end.

-"Hello?"

Her heart jumped, she hadn't even thought about what to say to him, how the fuck does one explain this.

-"Susie?"
-"Yes" she answered back in a quiet tone, turning her head to see if her mother had caught onto what she was doing, she was still watching TV and seemed too busy with that.

-"You miss me?" Freddie asked.

Susie´s heart jumped again and a burning sensation spread from her gut down to her cunt making her knees weak, she bit her lip and swallowed, -"Maybe"

-"I miss you too" he answered almost immediatly, she couldn't decide if it was because he was desperate after company or if he was telling the truth.

-"I´m..sorry...I.." before she could apologize for calling and hang up he stopped her:
-"Come over, Susie, come over I want to see you"
-"No, I shouldn't"
-"Because of that wanker your seein?"
-"Freddie"
-"I don't give a fuck about him, Susie, come over"
-"I should go, I´ll see you around"
-"Why did you call?"
-"What?"

Susie swallowed again, this was it, she was about to explain why she even called him in the first place, -"Why did you call?" he repeated.
-"I..."
-"Because I told you I loved you?"
Her eyes grew wide and she felt like her stomach was going to drop out of her ass and her heart would explode, he remembered? How?!

-"Yes, that´s why I called..I.."
-"I meant every word" his voice was low and the phone shuffled in his hand,
-"Look, Susie, come over to mine in an hour, okay?"

Before she could decline the invitation he had hung up, she stood there for a moment, her pulse racing and she looked at the phone, oh god, what have I done, she thought to herself, how was she to going to get out of this one.

Up in her room Susie walked back and forth, trying to think of a way to get out of this, she had to get out of it, she had Trey and Freddie had Jax, how where they going to do anything if.
...He was...
God, he was no better then her father, her cheating father, her murderer of a father.

The panic boiled in her until she saw herself in the mirror, she was going to end it tonight, tell him she never wanted to see him again and then she was going to marry Trey and move out of this town.

That was the plan, she repeated in her head over and over again as she changed her clothes, she was going to be professional about this, make it a clean cut.

Nodding her head as she took a deep breath waiting outside of his house for him to open, looking at her watch she saw that she was a bit early, maybe he wasn't even here, but right as doubt hit her again the front door she had been staring at opened.

And there he stood, bare feet, his hair wet and slicked back, wearing a white wife beater that showed off his tattoos along with sporting a soft smile on his plump lips.

She shivered when he grabbed her hand, tugging her to him, through the door and up the stairs, before she could even say hi or take off her shoes he had her in his bedroom.

He slammed the door, locking it behind him and Susie shivered once more, looking at him confused and shoving her hands into her jacket pockets then slightly backing away from him.

When he turned to face her again, his eyes where darker then the green they used to be, he stepped forward and grabbed at the edge of her jacket, knocking the wind out of her lungs when he kissed her.

He smelled nice was her first though, it seemed like he´d showered and shaved for her. The lingering scent of old spice in the air and his warm hands cupping her face as his tongue entered her mouth. Her eyes closed by instinct and she relished in the feeling of just kissing his soft lips, Freddie nudged at her jacket taking it off her shoulders and letting it fall into a heep behind her.

A small grunt left his chest when he felt up her naked cold thighs, maybe wearing a skirt wasn't a good idea under these circumstances. Still Susie was lost, she was lost in how his hands where moving up under her top, his mouth hot on hers, his strong body pressed up against her, wanting her.

Susie´s hands dug into his wife beater, bunching up the fabric, then pulling away catching his lust filled eyes, -"Freddie, I didn't come here for this" she swallowed, tasting him in her mouth, he tasted clean, like tooth paste, he really had cleaned up for her.

-"I´ll leave Jackie" his voice was low again, his nose grazing hers and his lips wanting more of Susie´s, she shook her head again taking a deep breath, -"I have Trey to worry about now"

-"That´s why you came here, to tell me you want another man? You could have just called me again" a smile formed on his full lips, -"So that´s a lie" his hands slipped from her waistline down under her skirt, she shivered again when he pushed her down on his bed, falling over her.

His weight was crushing her, his hands where exploring her naked skin, moving to the hemline of her panties, his mouth bit into her neck, as his other hand grabbed the back of her hair.

-"You came here because I love you"
She shivered as weak as she was under him and he caught up on it, grabbing a firmer hold of the back of her hair, tugging until she was facing him, -"I love you"
-"Tell me you love me back"

His fingers slipped inside of her cunt without a warning and she gasped, mouth opened like it was struggling to accept air into her body´s lungs.

-"Tell me" his voice grunted and he jerked his hips into hers to help his fingers go further inside of her.

-"I love you" she moaned, looking at him, eyes slightly teary, -"I love you"

He smiled and stroked his fingers over her clit before moving his hand out of her panties then kneeling between her legs to drag his wife beater off.

Susie watched his chest rise, his nipples where always erect and the hair on his chest was slightly showing more distinctly, he was becoming a man, not like when he was younger and they had sex, she knew this would be different, he was more experianced now.

His hands slipped up her thighs, -"Lift" he ordered when he got a hold of her panties.

She arched her hips up and he pulled them over her thighs slowly, the goosebumps showed on her skin and he smiled, -"Like I haven't seen this before" he lifted her tight skirt over her hips revealing her cunt.

He smiled brighter when she looked at him nervously, -"Take this off" he ordered again, tugging at her blouse as he worked on getting his pants open.

Susie prompted up on her elbows then sat up on her butt, unbuttoning the blouse, taking if off completely, letting it slip off the bed.

She hesitating slightly when she saw his belt open and a small revaluation of cloth from his boxers peak out. -"That too" he hinted to her bra, looking down at her, she didn't say a word, just unhooked the bra and let her breasts free from it.

-"Lay back" he freed himself from his boxers, stroking his dick a couple of times while watching her, -"Spread your legs"

Susie looked at him confused, and shook her head, -"We need a condom"

Freddie looked at her and kept grinning, -"You got one?"
-"No"

-"Me neither" he lay down between her legs, spreading them further with his hands on the inside of her thighs, before carefully sliding into her, Susie grabbed a hold of the sheets, clutching them and whimpering.

-"You´ll stay with me" he said sounding more like a statement then a question into her breast before swallowing parts of the skin into her mouth and biting down before he snapped his hips harder against her and she whimpered.

-"You understand?" he looked down at her, his back crowned over her and the fabric of his jeans grazing the backside of her thighs in a painful way as he supported himself up on his hands, thrusting faster.

-"You UNDERSTAND?" he put his hand over her throat squeezing.

Susie´s eyes swelled with new tears and she nodded her head slowly unable to move it any faster,
-"Everything is mine" he thrusted harder, -"This" he grabbed a hold of her breast squeezing so hard that there left red marks when he lifter his hand off.

-"This" he thrusted so hard that the bed moved into the wall with a thud.

-"This" he grabbed her forcefully by the back of her head and forced her up into a kiss that was sloppy on her part but controlled on his.

Freddie grunted when he went faster still not letting go of her head, his arm muscles tensed and her legs lost their grasp on his thighs moving loosly with each deep thrust he made.

-"Dont close your fucking eyes" he commanded giving her head a shake, forcing her to keep her tear stained eyes open, -"Touch yourself" he growled and grabbed her hand that was gripping at the sheets between her legs to her clit.

He guided her index and middle finger onto her clit and forced her to rub, making her moan out, then he moved his hand back to rest at her ribs, fingers digging into her skin, making new marks and bruises she would later have to wear.

-"Faster" he said moving slower inside of her, then picked up his pace as she angled her legs upwards involuntary from the shocks her body was receiving.

The bed shrieked and thudded into the walls, Susie knew that his mother would probably hear them by now, especially when she was moaning as loud as she was.

-"Freddie" she gasped and he grabbed the hand she had on her cunt away pinning it over her head in an awkward angle before letting her head fall back on the bed from his grasp.

He moved faster and harder until a deep surged groan left his mouth and buried itself into her shoulder, he bit down, clenching her skin between his teeth and shaking over her.

-"Dont you dare move" he hissed and kept moving, harder and harder, -"Come!" he ordered and grabbed her hair once more but was unable to make it a steady of a grasp as before.

She clenched her hand that was squeezed into the mattress and lenched her fingers in one of his ass cheeks and arched her head back. Nails digging deep into his skin and filthy words she never would say in front of anyone came pouring out into loud vocals.

-"Fuck me harder" she groaned and stilled when he slammed himself in a uneven pace into her, still gasping and grunting from his own orgasm.

-"Freddie, Freddie, Freddie" Susie whimpered, kicked her head back, pushing at his shoulders to get him out of her as the wave of the orgasm she had pleased for came rushing through her. Moving from her abdomen up to her spine, then down again to her cunt, shaking the core of her very being.

Freddie didn't move, just watched her as she gasped like she had never before like a fish above water, his hands let go of her and moved up to her thighs, prompting himself up on his hands to watch her stilling under him, finding her calm.

Susie´s hair was a mess, her back was damp just as Freddie´s forehead and her cheeks stained a rosy color. She finally got to close her eyes feeling his weight shifting on her, he was settling on top of her, crushing her again.

His forehead pressed into her neck and his hands shifted under her shoulder blades, -"I want you to marry me" he said licking his lips, -"I want you to be my wife"

Susie was too disoriented and tired, too occupied with the heavy force that was on top of her, enjoying having him this close to her, -"I wont take no for an answer" he continued.

She nodded her head and made an approving "hm"

-"Good"

This was the last words Susie heard before she slowly dozing off, feeling Freddie muttering quiet secrets into her ear, -"I´ll give you everything you want, Susie, it will always be just you and me"