"Saving Sarah" (1/1)
Author: Nessa (nc_JAG_girl@yahoo.com)
Rating: PG, I suppose
Classification: Story, Angst, Harm/Mac, implied Webb/Mac...relatively shipper safe, IMHO.
Spoilers: Everything, including "Tangled Webb", is game! :)
Disclaimer: Believe it or not, these guys are not mine...this is me making no money...
Feedback: Be gentle, this is the first piece of JAG fanfic I have ever posted. Flames will get you drop-kicked off the side of the boat!
Summary: Post "Tangled Webb" plane crash...just my take on events.
Author's Notes: Call me crazy, but I actually liked the season finale and I can't wait to see where it ends up going this season. I fear the Friday timeslot is going kill our chances of getting a tenth season, but I'd just be happy to get through a really good ninth season right now! This is not song-fic, but when I heard "Wonderland" by Angie Aparo for the first time, I thought I might cry. Therefore, I include the lines below.
This is for my beta-readers, Bekah and Norma. Thanks for helping me out. I was so nervous to put this out, and you guys really made me want to do this. You guys ROCK!
~~~~
give her love
give her life
give her mine
- Angie Aparo
~~~~
"Mac!"
"MAC!!!!"
"HARM! I'm okay..."
Painfully, he scrambled over the divider between them. He looked her over carefully. He found blood running down her face from a gash in her forehead. 'Must be from the branches' he thought.
"You're not okay, Mac. You're bleeding...badly, Mac..."
Her eyes flutter closed, he thinks she might have passed out. He begins to shake her.
"Harm, I'm okay...I don't feel any pain...what's bleeding?"
"Your head."
"It doesn't hurt, can't be bad..."
"You'll be alright," his voice unsteady.
"Just help me get out of here..."
He pulled her out of the wreckage of the plane.
"Can you stand?
"Yeah, I'm good...we've gotta find shelter."
"Let's go!"
He held her close to his side, reluctant to let her go. His mind was reeling. So much had happened in the last few weeks. How does he begin?
After hours of walking, they found an alcove carved into the side of a mountain. She was tired and quiet. How does she tell him how this experience has changed her?
He settled her inside the alcove, took off his jacket, and placed it in her lap. "You need to stay warm," he explained at her questioning look.
"Harm?" She felt the need to explain herself.
"Not now," he answered. "Sleep...you can tell me about it in the morning."
She slept soundly. She was tired, injured, and sad. He spent most of the night pacing.
Finally, he curled up in a far corner of the alcove and sleep finally found him.
When he awoke, his head was in her lap. She carefully caressed his face. She moved beside him in the night.
"I needed the warmth," she explained.
"Not me?" he replied.
She turned away. She knew that he saw her kissing Clay. She knew that she probably hurt his feelings, but her heart is quick to remind her of the number of times he's done the same.
She suspected he was holding something back.
He began pacing the floor of the alcove. Suddenly, he stopped moving. He shook his head.
Now, she knew he had something to say.
"I got married while you were gone." He paused.
Her expression grew cold. "Married?"
"It was a favor...to get information...about you..."
She sighed in confusion.
"It's not legal," he explained. "It was a favor to a friend. Her mother was dying."
"Wow, I'm sorry..."
"It's okay, she's improved. Don't know what will happen now that she thinks we're married, though."
His words trail off...leading him to think about Catherine. He's thought about the kiss they shared. He knew that he owed Mac more of an explanation that what he had just told her, but he couldn't think of anything more to say. Suddenly, he felt guilty.
"Harm, it was so hard down here. We were in danger all the time...Clay...he protected me."
"Well, he should have! He got you into this, Mac!" Angry, he turned away from her and moved toward the opening of the alcove.
Carefully, she rose to meet him. "Harm, the Admiral would not have sent me if he didn't think I was a capable officer. Clay needed me. I was crucial to this mission!"
"Webb needed you for his own selfish reasons! He could have chosen anyone for this mission. Why you?" He turned to face her, eyes dark with accusation.
Her eyes turned to ice.
"How can you talk about selfish reasons, Harm? Why are you here?"
"I came to rescue you, Mac..."
"Why?"
"You were in danger..." he told her, as if she didn't know. "I, we, couldn't afford to lose you!"
"I'm a Marine, Harm! I had a job to do and I did it without argument. Whose toes did you step on for this assignment? Who did you have to kill to be here?"
"I resigned my commission, Mac." He can no longer look her in the eye. "I gave it up because the Admiral wasn't going to let me come after you!"
She was surprised, but she tried hard not to let it show. "You didn't answer my question, Harm. Why are you really here?"
His reply came no louder than a whisper.
"I love you..."
She was in shock. Her mind was reeling. How could he be saying this to her? Was jealousy driving his confession?
"No you don't, Harm. You're scared."
He looked at her in disbelief.
"Do you love him, Sarah?"
Whenever he wanted to tear down her walls he would call her by her given name. Sarah. It sounded so different when he said it. When Harm used her name it was like pressing every button at once in an attempt to crumble her resolve. In contrast, when Clay used her name it was like a prayer to make her understand the depth of his words.
"That's not a question you get to ask." The moment she spoke she regretted the words. She was brought back to that night on the Admiral's porch; a different target, the same jealousy. He didn't have the right to ask the question then, he had even less of a right to ask it now.
He frowned and stretched. What did he really expect her to do? Jump into his arms because he gave up everything to be here? Run to him because he finally realized the depth of the emotion he felt for her?
Her words echoed his thoughts.
"Harm, why does one of us have to come so close to dying for you to make up your mind how you feel? It's not fair anymore, Harm. Not to me, not to you...what do you want me to do?"
"I don't know, Mac. I don't know how to make it fair...I have known for so long that I need you as a part of my life. I thought I could be satisfied with your friendship. I have never been so wrong about something in my life." His voice was quiet, defeated.
She was in tears. Her head hurt, her heart was breaking, and she knew that her next words would probably kill him. It all came down to being honest with herself. It was something she had never taken the time to do.
"Harm...I'm tired...I'm hot...I really just want a bath and a bottle of aspirin." She took a deep breath. She measured each word carefully before speaking. The weight of her next thought hung as heavy as the mist hovering just above the ground. "I cannot do this with you. But I will not lie and say there are no feelings there. They have been tempered with time and way too many disappointments. I cannot, will not spend the rest of my life waiting for the other shoe to fall. I'm tired of you only needing me in a crisis." Her
voice trailed off in another rush of tears.
His first instinct was to go to her, to wrap her in his arms. He could feel the pain and hurt in her every tear. He gave in to the instinct and pulled her close. To his surprise, she did not resist.
"Mac, I am so sorry for this." She lifted her face to speak and he silenced her with a look. "When I learned that you might be in danger, my only thought was your safe return. But it was selfish. My reasons were good, my method... left much to be desired."
She smiled. 'How did I get myself into this?' she thought. One word resonated in her mind, 'Webb.' The thought of the way she left him still stings. Her silent mantra began. 'Please let him be safe.'
Harm noticed the sudden hesitation in her shoulders.
"You're thinking about him, aren't you?"
"Harm...thank you for coming here...for saving me...but I need him to be okay." Her
words were soft. He knew the fear in her voice. He recognized it as his own.
"What happened to you, Mac?" The tears have reached his eyes. Call it what you will, but exhaustion had claimed its final victim.
"Harm, he saved me from that madman! Claims to be a follower of the Koran, lover of Allah...but I watched as he murdered two innocent people. I watched him put a bullet in their heads. I saw what they did to Clay, when they tortured him." She pulled from his embrace and wrapped her arms around her body. A visible chill took hold of her as she paced the floor of the alcove.
"I'm sorry..."
She cut him off.
"No, Harm, you don't understand." She was screaming now, crying. Pain and grief and fear had finally caught up with her. "They damn near killed him, Harm. When they brought him back to me, he was bleeding from everywhere and there was nothing I could do to make it stop. And when I finally found a way to make them stop hurting him, all he could think about was my safety. Harm, the look on his face when I was forced out that door broke my heart. It was like I had killed him, like I was the one twisting the knife in deeper. He begged them not to take me."
Her body was wracked with sobs. She collapsed on the floor of the alcove, dizzy from the head wound she sustained in the crash. Harm came to her and collected her into his arms.
When he thought she was finally asleep, he whispered, "Mac, I'm so sorry I couldn't get here sooner. I tried, but I couldn't get here fast enough to you. I'm sorry that you had to watch Webb go through that. But damnit, I am so glad that monster never got the chance to hurt you. I know that's selfish. I just don't think I can ever explain to you what it would have been like for me to lose you."
Mac shifted in his arms. Her eyes were closed and her breathing even. He looked down at her sleeping form and sighed. "Mac, I need you...I won't apologize for that. But I won't push you. I love you..." His voice trailed off as sleep finally gathered his attention.
She opened her eyes and smiled. "I know, I know."
End
~~~~
Started May 20, 2003
Ended August 22, 2003
Author: Nessa (nc_JAG_girl@yahoo.com)
Rating: PG, I suppose
Classification: Story, Angst, Harm/Mac, implied Webb/Mac...relatively shipper safe, IMHO.
Spoilers: Everything, including "Tangled Webb", is game! :)
Disclaimer: Believe it or not, these guys are not mine...this is me making no money...
Feedback: Be gentle, this is the first piece of JAG fanfic I have ever posted. Flames will get you drop-kicked off the side of the boat!
Summary: Post "Tangled Webb" plane crash...just my take on events.
Author's Notes: Call me crazy, but I actually liked the season finale and I can't wait to see where it ends up going this season. I fear the Friday timeslot is going kill our chances of getting a tenth season, but I'd just be happy to get through a really good ninth season right now! This is not song-fic, but when I heard "Wonderland" by Angie Aparo for the first time, I thought I might cry. Therefore, I include the lines below.
This is for my beta-readers, Bekah and Norma. Thanks for helping me out. I was so nervous to put this out, and you guys really made me want to do this. You guys ROCK!
~~~~
give her love
give her life
give her mine
- Angie Aparo
~~~~
"Mac!"
"MAC!!!!"
"HARM! I'm okay..."
Painfully, he scrambled over the divider between them. He looked her over carefully. He found blood running down her face from a gash in her forehead. 'Must be from the branches' he thought.
"You're not okay, Mac. You're bleeding...badly, Mac..."
Her eyes flutter closed, he thinks she might have passed out. He begins to shake her.
"Harm, I'm okay...I don't feel any pain...what's bleeding?"
"Your head."
"It doesn't hurt, can't be bad..."
"You'll be alright," his voice unsteady.
"Just help me get out of here..."
He pulled her out of the wreckage of the plane.
"Can you stand?
"Yeah, I'm good...we've gotta find shelter."
"Let's go!"
He held her close to his side, reluctant to let her go. His mind was reeling. So much had happened in the last few weeks. How does he begin?
After hours of walking, they found an alcove carved into the side of a mountain. She was tired and quiet. How does she tell him how this experience has changed her?
He settled her inside the alcove, took off his jacket, and placed it in her lap. "You need to stay warm," he explained at her questioning look.
"Harm?" She felt the need to explain herself.
"Not now," he answered. "Sleep...you can tell me about it in the morning."
She slept soundly. She was tired, injured, and sad. He spent most of the night pacing.
Finally, he curled up in a far corner of the alcove and sleep finally found him.
When he awoke, his head was in her lap. She carefully caressed his face. She moved beside him in the night.
"I needed the warmth," she explained.
"Not me?" he replied.
She turned away. She knew that he saw her kissing Clay. She knew that she probably hurt his feelings, but her heart is quick to remind her of the number of times he's done the same.
She suspected he was holding something back.
He began pacing the floor of the alcove. Suddenly, he stopped moving. He shook his head.
Now, she knew he had something to say.
"I got married while you were gone." He paused.
Her expression grew cold. "Married?"
"It was a favor...to get information...about you..."
She sighed in confusion.
"It's not legal," he explained. "It was a favor to a friend. Her mother was dying."
"Wow, I'm sorry..."
"It's okay, she's improved. Don't know what will happen now that she thinks we're married, though."
His words trail off...leading him to think about Catherine. He's thought about the kiss they shared. He knew that he owed Mac more of an explanation that what he had just told her, but he couldn't think of anything more to say. Suddenly, he felt guilty.
"Harm, it was so hard down here. We were in danger all the time...Clay...he protected me."
"Well, he should have! He got you into this, Mac!" Angry, he turned away from her and moved toward the opening of the alcove.
Carefully, she rose to meet him. "Harm, the Admiral would not have sent me if he didn't think I was a capable officer. Clay needed me. I was crucial to this mission!"
"Webb needed you for his own selfish reasons! He could have chosen anyone for this mission. Why you?" He turned to face her, eyes dark with accusation.
Her eyes turned to ice.
"How can you talk about selfish reasons, Harm? Why are you here?"
"I came to rescue you, Mac..."
"Why?"
"You were in danger..." he told her, as if she didn't know. "I, we, couldn't afford to lose you!"
"I'm a Marine, Harm! I had a job to do and I did it without argument. Whose toes did you step on for this assignment? Who did you have to kill to be here?"
"I resigned my commission, Mac." He can no longer look her in the eye. "I gave it up because the Admiral wasn't going to let me come after you!"
She was surprised, but she tried hard not to let it show. "You didn't answer my question, Harm. Why are you really here?"
His reply came no louder than a whisper.
"I love you..."
She was in shock. Her mind was reeling. How could he be saying this to her? Was jealousy driving his confession?
"No you don't, Harm. You're scared."
He looked at her in disbelief.
"Do you love him, Sarah?"
Whenever he wanted to tear down her walls he would call her by her given name. Sarah. It sounded so different when he said it. When Harm used her name it was like pressing every button at once in an attempt to crumble her resolve. In contrast, when Clay used her name it was like a prayer to make her understand the depth of his words.
"That's not a question you get to ask." The moment she spoke she regretted the words. She was brought back to that night on the Admiral's porch; a different target, the same jealousy. He didn't have the right to ask the question then, he had even less of a right to ask it now.
He frowned and stretched. What did he really expect her to do? Jump into his arms because he gave up everything to be here? Run to him because he finally realized the depth of the emotion he felt for her?
Her words echoed his thoughts.
"Harm, why does one of us have to come so close to dying for you to make up your mind how you feel? It's not fair anymore, Harm. Not to me, not to you...what do you want me to do?"
"I don't know, Mac. I don't know how to make it fair...I have known for so long that I need you as a part of my life. I thought I could be satisfied with your friendship. I have never been so wrong about something in my life." His voice was quiet, defeated.
She was in tears. Her head hurt, her heart was breaking, and she knew that her next words would probably kill him. It all came down to being honest with herself. It was something she had never taken the time to do.
"Harm...I'm tired...I'm hot...I really just want a bath and a bottle of aspirin." She took a deep breath. She measured each word carefully before speaking. The weight of her next thought hung as heavy as the mist hovering just above the ground. "I cannot do this with you. But I will not lie and say there are no feelings there. They have been tempered with time and way too many disappointments. I cannot, will not spend the rest of my life waiting for the other shoe to fall. I'm tired of you only needing me in a crisis." Her
voice trailed off in another rush of tears.
His first instinct was to go to her, to wrap her in his arms. He could feel the pain and hurt in her every tear. He gave in to the instinct and pulled her close. To his surprise, she did not resist.
"Mac, I am so sorry for this." She lifted her face to speak and he silenced her with a look. "When I learned that you might be in danger, my only thought was your safe return. But it was selfish. My reasons were good, my method... left much to be desired."
She smiled. 'How did I get myself into this?' she thought. One word resonated in her mind, 'Webb.' The thought of the way she left him still stings. Her silent mantra began. 'Please let him be safe.'
Harm noticed the sudden hesitation in her shoulders.
"You're thinking about him, aren't you?"
"Harm...thank you for coming here...for saving me...but I need him to be okay." Her
words were soft. He knew the fear in her voice. He recognized it as his own.
"What happened to you, Mac?" The tears have reached his eyes. Call it what you will, but exhaustion had claimed its final victim.
"Harm, he saved me from that madman! Claims to be a follower of the Koran, lover of Allah...but I watched as he murdered two innocent people. I watched him put a bullet in their heads. I saw what they did to Clay, when they tortured him." She pulled from his embrace and wrapped her arms around her body. A visible chill took hold of her as she paced the floor of the alcove.
"I'm sorry..."
She cut him off.
"No, Harm, you don't understand." She was screaming now, crying. Pain and grief and fear had finally caught up with her. "They damn near killed him, Harm. When they brought him back to me, he was bleeding from everywhere and there was nothing I could do to make it stop. And when I finally found a way to make them stop hurting him, all he could think about was my safety. Harm, the look on his face when I was forced out that door broke my heart. It was like I had killed him, like I was the one twisting the knife in deeper. He begged them not to take me."
Her body was wracked with sobs. She collapsed on the floor of the alcove, dizzy from the head wound she sustained in the crash. Harm came to her and collected her into his arms.
When he thought she was finally asleep, he whispered, "Mac, I'm so sorry I couldn't get here sooner. I tried, but I couldn't get here fast enough to you. I'm sorry that you had to watch Webb go through that. But damnit, I am so glad that monster never got the chance to hurt you. I know that's selfish. I just don't think I can ever explain to you what it would have been like for me to lose you."
Mac shifted in his arms. Her eyes were closed and her breathing even. He looked down at her sleeping form and sighed. "Mac, I need you...I won't apologize for that. But I won't push you. I love you..." His voice trailed off as sleep finally gathered his attention.
She opened her eyes and smiled. "I know, I know."
End
~~~~
Started May 20, 2003
Ended August 22, 2003