A Mary Sue fell in love with a sparkly Marty Stu vampire because he's so goddamned pretty, a sparkly Marty Stu vampire fell in love with a dumb Mary Sue klutz because he wants to eat her, a bunch of boring and unimportant stuff happened, Marty knocked Mary up with his hellspawn, their pedophilic werewolf friend fell in love with said hellspawn, Mary survived the horrible, horrible birth by being turned into a vampire (much to everyone's disappointment), and they all lived happily ever.
Then the US government nuked Mr. and Mrs. Stu and their Mary Sue sparklepire family and there was much rejoicing, except for the insane fan girls who all committed suicide.