Hello all! Long time no see it feels. Funnily enough, I had been trying to post the basis of this story all last week but there was just something that stopped me from posting it because I really wasn't happy with it no matter how much I tweaked it. In the end I thought, well, when it comes it'll come and then I can post it then... Apparently I needed to wait for the episode to air. I've changed a whole bunch and it works better. So I'm glad I waited now. Good things come to those who wait hahaha.

Also, I love Taylor Swift. Judge me if you will, but All Too Well from her new album, Red, is flawless.

Seems a thousand years now since we were squeeing over Montana and the perfect episode that was. I'm going to keep my opinion of Lovato quiet until I see how other people feel because I have a sneaky feeling I may be in a minority about her and Flack.

Anyway, enough from me. Huge, huge thank you to those of who reviewed last week (and those who read too, but I can't name you all lovely folks) I really appreciate the feedback. Dantana15, gigglesforcsi, Love, Meepy, Saderia, Loveshipper, love, DL-shipper34, csimesser1, Alex Joleta, MesserFamilyFan100, CTI-Jenn, Izzi Creo, Brendanakai, webdlfan, 18lzytwner. You guys are fabulous. thank you so much.

So here we are again in the middle of the night; we're dancing around the kitchen in the refrigerator light.

- All Too Well – Taylor Swift.

Settling down at the kitchen table, Lindsay placed her glass of juice on the table in front of her. In the dullness of the kitchen, being lit only by the stovetop light, she could see the dim light of the microwave displaying the time. Four forty in the morning usually was something she saw when she was at work… very rarely at home.

The garbage trucks grumbling on the streets below their apartment only reminded her that she was back in New York, but she'd been awake far before they had been grumbling their way around the city. She'd been struggling to get the image of their latest victim from her head. Ever since her Dad had laid it on the table to her, posing the question of how much was too much? she'd been constantly questioning the very same thing. Had she seen enough? The way her stomach had churned after today, she had to wonder if he was right.

But then, as soon as she thought about telling Danny and Mac that she'd had enough, her heart stopped in her chest. She couldn't imagine her life without the puzzles and rush of accomplishment when she figured out what had really happened to someone. The reason she did her job wasn't for the sights she saw, but it was the difference she could make to somebody's life. After all, she'd been there. She'd had the feeling of wholeness and happiness taken away. She could relate and that's what her profession needed.

Sleep had been hard recently. Ever since she had gotten back from Montana she had been infiltrated by memories. For the most part they hadn't been bad memories, she thought thankfully. The memories she was woken by were the good ones; the ones she wanted to remember.

The memories were like flashes of her past, much like the ones she'd had when she was in Montana. While she didn't have the physical reminders, like the dent in the wall from Caroline's head, or the patch of grass she and Lucy had stared up at the stars on, she had plenty of memories that obviously begged to be thought about. So, rather than tossing and turning in bed as she fought sleep, she'd relocated herself to the kitchen. She knew that Danny hadn't slept particularly well the past few weeks in the run up to her going to Montana. He'd been scared and nervous for her and what the execution of Daniel Katums would hold. He'd been there holding her hand when he'd been sentenced. Then, years later when he appealed his conviction, Danny had once again held her hand while she read the bullshit filled pages of insistences that he was innocent. They were of course all lies and no judge with a set of even questionable morals would even considering overturning his conviction… but even so, Danny had been well aware of the battles that she'd needed to face over the years, and sleep had unfortunately taken a back seat as he spent his nights worrying about his wife. And while she loved him for that, she in turn worried about him.

So, with that in mind, she decided that the last thing she wanted to do was to keep him up.

She'd had a lot to process over the past few weeks. When she'd gotten word that an execution date had been set, she had initially felt numb. She had waited for so long for the man that had taken everything from her to finally get his comeuppance; but with the date written on the calendar; staring at Lindsay every time she looked at it, she realised that perhaps it wasn't as easy as she had initially thought it would be. She'd never watched anyone die that way before. She'd been present during people's last moments. Sometimes at work, other times in her personal life and each had successfully scarred her in their own little way. She'd seen more things than she wished to admit; in her thirty six years, she'd experienced a lifetime of devastation… she knew it was too much but it wasn't as if she searched for the upset and heartbreak. It seemingly fell into her lap more times than not.

In and amongst the happy memories though, there was one particularly sad one that she just couldn't shake. On Lucy's eighteenth birthday she could remember her and her father buying a cake from the grocery store and they took it to where they had so often toasted marshmallows in their front yard. It was something she'd insisted on doing for each girl on each of their birthdays since they'd died and every year was just as heartbreaking as the previous year. This year had been eighteen candles on their cakes. Eighteen perfect purple candles with no-one to blow them out. Watching the candles burn down had left Lindsay a sobbing mess as the realisation hit her that all of Lucy's wishes and dreams had been cut short. There were no more wishes to be made on the cake marking each birthday. She wouldn't get her college acceptance letter, she wouldn't ever get her bad boy and most importantly, she'd never leave Montana. All her dreams had been brought to an abrupt end at the hands of one man and one split second decision. It kept playing on her mind and for some reason that horrible feeling she used to have in the pit of her stomach just wouldn't shake itself.

With the battles that Lovato had been dealing with today, she felt sorry for her. She didn't particularly know the ins and the outs. She had walked into a heated conversation between Lovato, Mac and Jo earlier and it didn't sound particularly good. Then, as the case progressed, she'd heard a little more hearsay, mostly from people in Flack's precinct, saying that he and Lovato had been going at it in an interrogation room, looking pretty angry with one another. Then of course the inter-office relationship rumours started, which Lindsay knew oh so well after her blossoming relationship with Danny had been made public news in the lab. Lindsay had more than her fair share of days like today. The past catching up with her, the rumours and hurtful words that others spewed… and the feeling of guilt over something she didn't even need to feel guilty for.

It confused her but in some respects she felt guilty and responsible for Daniel Katums' death and while she was accustomed to feeling guilt, it was a type of guilt she hadn't experienced before. It felt wrong in that she felt guilty. She hated him but somehow she felt sorry for him. There had been times that she'd questioned her better sense. Was she positive it had been him that day? It had been years that had passed and she was upset. Maybe she wanted someone to take the blame and it didn't matter who? However, as quickly as those feelings of sorrow and self doubt surfaced, she cast her mind back to the moments when she had truly suffered as a result of his actions… because they were his actions. It had been him that day and the little spark of courage and bravery that was deep within her reminded her of it. The loud voices of self-doubt were always deafened by the one small voice of her courage for standing up to him even so many years later. She'd done the right thing and she would do it again. While she didn't believe in an eye for an eye, she did believe in justice and no matter how many times he died or had his sentence lengthened and extended, it wouldn't bring back the three girls that had brought so many smiles to her face. There wasn't any justice in the world that would equal the loss that she had felt at the absence of her three friends.

Watching Daniel Katums die had scarred her but it also healed her. She could see things clearer now. The faces of her friends weren't clouded by the blood and their screams; she could hear the laughter and see the smiles. She'd needed him to be gone in order for her to remember her friends as her friends.

She yawned and reached for her glass. Realising it was empty, she decided on filling it and then heading back to bed. Opening up the refrigerator, she grabbed the orange juice and filled her cup before stepping back and motioning to shut the refrigerator door.

"Montana, it's really a little sad you comin' out here in the middle of the night and dreamin' about your missed life dream of becomin' a lumberjack in the dark. They got therapy sessions for that."

Jumping at the sound of Danny's voice, Lindsay laid a hand against her chest, feeling the beats of her heart as she leant against the counter top, his face being illuminated by the soft light from the fridge. "You scared the crap out of me!"

"Sorry," he grinned at her reaction. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she smiled. "I take it Mac told you then?"

"I hear things," he grinned before turning a little more serious. "Seriously though, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," she smiled "I'm sorry that I woke you though."

"You didn't, I needed the bathroom but then I realised that you'd disappeared." He said softly. At her disappointed look that he'd woken up, he shook his head gently. "Don't worry about it, babe."

"I couldn't sleep," she finally admitted. "I was tossing and turning and I didn't want to wake you up."

"What was keeping you up?"

"This and that," she shrugged.

"You promised me you'd wake me up if it got too much." He said; his face and voice both failing to hide his hurt and disappointment.

"I know," she nodded and took a sip of her juice. "And I would have if it had gotten too much. I'm fine though. I've just been thinking."

"About what?" he asked, taking a seat at the kitchen table as she left the refrigerator door open so that she could see his fluffy hair and rosy cheeks a little clearer.

"All sorts," she began. "Lovato and the case today. The last few weeks…"

"I figured as much," he sighed as he took her hand from across the table. "Listen, you promised me when you got back that if you needed to talk about something… anything… you'd talk to me. Even if it was," he paused as he turned to look at the clock on the microwave. "Five am."

"I know," she ran her fingertips of her free hand through her hair. "I just couldn't sleep though," she said softly. "That's all. I don't need to talk about anything."

"I also know that you're lying." He looked at her pointedly. "You get up all the time now, Linds. Ever since Lucy came along I'm not as much of a heavy sleeper, and every time you get up, I know. I can sense that you're not there."

"Danny, I've told you a thousand times, this is something that I don't find easy sharing. I've always just kept it to myself. I'm chiselling away at this wall I have but it takes time, okay? It's not something that will just come crumbling down easily."

"And I understand that, but babe, I'm ready with a hammer and chisel, just waiting for you to give me the okay to give you a hand."

"And I love you for that," she smiled as she cupped his face with her hand and ran her thumb over the swell of his cheek. "But this is something I need to do alone."

Danny closed his eyes and exhaled with a sigh. "And there's nothing I can do to change your mind?"

"Right now?" She began, "No." At his disappointment, she squeezed his hand, "But that doesn't mean that somewhere down the line I'll start to open up and talk about it. It's just something that I can't talk about right now; just like how you can't talk about Louie."

"I know," he sighed. "We all have our things that haunt us… I just wish you would let me help you."

"You do help me," she smiled. "You filled in the missing pieces to my puzzle today… We came home way before we would have if you hadn't have settled down with that poncho and found the leather gloves."

"I don't mean help physically… I mean help emotionally. I want to be your shoulder to cry on and I feel like you're holding back from me. I don't want you to do it by yourself. I'm here, use me, baby."

"I do," she assured him. "I just need you to understand."

"I understand, I don't like it," he added quickly. "But I understand. And I respect it."

"Thank you," she smiled as she leaned across the table and pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose.

"You tired?" he asked.

"Not really," she shook her head. "I might start wrapping presents or something. You go back to bed."

He pursed his lips together before standing and moving over to the iPod dock on the countertop. He switched it on and was instantly blasted by the sounds of Beauty and the Beast thumping on the speakers. He frantically held his finger down on the volume button as Lindsay covered her ears. He then offered her a sheepish and slightly embarrassed smile as he searched through their shared music for a random track. He decided on a jazz track that they'd particularly fallen in love with on one of their nights at Cozys. He held his hand out as the saxophone and bass quietly sounded from the speakers. She took his hand and he tugged her towards him, not even giving her the chance to shut the refrigerator door. With the lulled light from the stovetop and the fridge, Lindsay smiled as she wrapped her arms around Danny's neck as he in turn wrapped his arms around Lindsay's waist. She laid her head against his shoulder as they swayed together in time to the music.

"Do you remember the first time we went to Cozys?" she asked as she pressed a kiss against his bare shoulder.

"Vaguely," Danny whispered into her hair. "I was late."

"You were," Lindsay smiled as she recalled the horrific feeling that Danny had decided against coming to meet her. "I remember the look on your face when I'd told you that I thought it was something you'd be interested in."

"I was a little bummed out," He admitted with a chuckle. "I didn't think I sent off vibes that suggested I was a Jazz music kind of guy."

"I could tell," she giggled. "But here we are dancing to Jazz music in the middle of the night."

"Well," he shrugged as he took her hand and twirled her in front of him before bringing her back to their previous position with her tucked against him tightly. "Some things just grow on you, and for you, I'd listen to anything." He smiled softly.

"I'm sorry I didn't let you come with me to Montana." She said quietly, his pleas for her to let him all the way playing heavy on her heart. "I don't know why I can't just let you in like you want. It would be so much easier if I could just get over it."

"Linds, listen okay… I get it. It was something you lived through and you did it more or less alone. All I care about is that you're okay. I worry about you and I love you… and both together are never a good combination. I get a little protective and just want to make sure I keep you safe from the things that hurt you. I don't like seeing you hurtin' and I wanna do all I can to make sure it doesn't happen again."

"Protective I can handle." She smiled as she laid her head against his chest and listened to the rhythmic beating of his heart. "I love you,"

"I love you too." He whispered as he pressed a kiss into the crown of her head. "Just don't deal with things by yourself if you can share them with me. I promised you for better, for worse, remember? You've gotta let me keep up to my end of the bargain."

"I know," she giggled as she buried her head into the crook of his neck. "And I will, eventually."

"That's all I want," he whispered. "You felt so much better when I walked in at the trial. I could see it on your face. I want to see that relief again… because I know that you're carryin' a lot on your shoulders."

Lindsay closed her eyes as she listened to the music and felt Danny tighten his arms around her body, holding her close.

"I'm trying to be my old self again," she whispered against his skin, "But I'm just struggling to find her."

"Let me help," he whispered as he let go of her for a moment and tilted her head up to face him.

"I will," she nodded as she stood on her tip-toes and pressed a kiss to his nose. "In time, I will."

"Promise?" he asked.

"Promise." She confirmed as she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling herself into him as she did so.

And as the sun rose over the city, unbeknown to Lindsay, they slowly chiselled through her barrier together.

Ta-Da! Another one bites the dust. Thanks for reading. I'd love some feedback if you would be so kind! :)