Dear Jacob,
We were there for each other, in everything. In every single painful memory, you were there. When my parents died in a car crash, you were there to hold me; you were there to make sure I would bounce back up. You were there for everything, as was I for you. When Seth died, when you were convinced that his death was your fault. As an elder brother, you hadn't protected him well enough. I was there to save you from the dark abyss.
And when everything was sunny again, you didn't need me anymore. I didn't need you anymore and we both drifted apart. But that was how our relationship was. We never seemed close in the eyes of the others. But in every memory, I can see you there. When we walked by each other in the hallway, our eyes said everything.
How are you? They asked me, those warm brown eyes smiling at me as we passed.
I'm fine. You? I would reply.
And this went on for the next few years in high school.
You knew me the best. You knew my temper, my feelings, how awkward I felt most of the time. And the same was for you. I understood you as much as I understood myself. I knew what made you tick; I knew how to comfort you.
And there was a time where I loved you, where I pined for you endlessly. Where I hung onto your every smile and whispered words. You were my everything. But somehow I knew it was not to be.
And God, we tried, we tried so hard to make it work. We did all kinds of things to spice up our lives. We would surprise each other. But we weren't meant for forever and always. We understood each other too much; we knew that we could never make it. And we decided to be friends, the best of friends.
"You know I love you." You whispered hoarsely, your eyes were rimmed red. You hair was in disarray from dragging your hands through it.
"I know." I whispered. I wondered if I looked as bad as I felt. My face was probably red and splotchy. Tear streaks down my cheeks and eyes as red as his were.
"We both know. We won't work. We're so comfortable with each other. I feel more like your brother than your lover with you." You whispered. I winced, god that hurt to know. But I couldn't deny the fact. It was true, and we both knew it.
"When it comes down to it, when you're standing at the end of the aisle waiting for your girl, I'll be there. " I promised. I would be there, wish him eternal happiness cause I couldn't give him his.
"Me too." You rasped. You turned and carried the last of your belongings away.
We were done.
And flash-forward five years later, I had met Edward. Edward, he was everything I wanted. He was funny, witty, kind, charming and beautiful. And most of all he loved me. And maybe this was it, the one to be.
And he was.
When he got down on one knee and asked me to be his forever, I said yes. And in my mind, I could see you nodding, saying that I had chosen correct. He laughed, overjoyed and he picked me up and spun me around merrily. I laughed along with him. I had chosen right.
And you were at my wedding, sitting in the pews, smiling at me as I passed. You nodded imperceptibly at me, approving of my choice.
Edward understood our relationship. And he accepted it. He understood that I loved you, maybe even loved you on the same level as him, but in the end, I chose him. I knew he was jealous, worried that I would one day decide you were better.
But we would never do that. We couldn't work.
And then came the day you found Vanessa. I have to admit, standing there as your best woman, watching you smile nervously and anxiously waiting for her, I was jealous. She was everything I could have been, but was not. But seeing you smile as she stood next to you, I was happy for you. You had found your forever.
And Edward was finally assured in the fact that I was his forever.
We both had found our forever, and as promised we both were there for each other. Smiling as the other had tied the knot with there forever, genuinely happy for the other.
But I really can't help but wonder how we would've been? I can't help but wish. Maybe in a parallel universe, you could've been mine. I love you, Jake.
Bella.