Pairing : Will/Sonny
Warning: No beta. No plot. Kind of angsty. Written in about half an hour so not sure if it even makes any sense except for in my head!
Notes: Last week's Will/Sonny episodes drove me crazy with all of this stupid secret keeping. Like seriously wtf? I have no idea why Will didn't tell Sonny about Stefano. I can only assume that Sonny didn't tell Will about his convo with EJ. Sonny's not telling Will about Gabi (and although this has been "explained" I think it's still sitting there dangling in the wind like the loose end it is). And I found the Will/Sonny scenes last week a bit distant for some reason. So anyway this is what resulted from my frustration with the current writing for them! It's all a bit rambly with little resolution but since we're getting so little of Wilson recently and they talk about a lot of stuff offscreen I basically wrote my own little scene for them. Okay enough ranting!
Other notes - I couldn't get the image of this happening as they sat on a deck out of my head so I found them a new house! Other than that it's set a few weeks from now. I also made up a reason for Will not telling Sonny about Stefano.
And lastly title is from a quote from John Churton Collins which reads "If we knew each other's secrets, what comfort we should find."
The room is quiet when Will wakes and he stays still for a moment, feeling the warmth of the blankets around him contrast with the chill air on his face. He already knows before he turns around that Sonny's not there, had missed his slow, even breathing as soon as he awoke. Sure enough, the space beside him is empty and as he stretches out a hand, the lack of warmth on the other side of the bed tells him that Sonny's been gone for a while. Will fumbles his watch from the bedside locker and sleepily checks the time. 7am. At least another hour before they have to be up. He's not sure what woke him and he briefly contemplates trying to go back to sleep again but he wants to check on Sonny, needs to reassure himself that he's okay.
The room is cold when he hops out of the bed and he pulls on the nearest hoody he finds. Belatedly he realises it's Sonny's and he puts up the hood, breathing in the familiar smells of coffee and chocolate that have come to mean home to him. He hops from one foot to the other as he pulls on a pair of socks.
They still have to figure out the heating in the new place, it tends to come on and go off at random times. They've been there almost a month now but Will still feels like he has to pinch himself as he makes his way to the kitchen. It's a modest two bed house but it's his and Sonny's place; their first real place together. They'd both fallen in love with it the minute they'd seen it. Partly because it was the first decent place they'd seen which was within their budget but mostly because of the kick ass deck at the back facing out on a small garden. It would be perfect for Arianna to play in when she arrived and got a little older and as soon as they'd seen it Sonny and Will had just looked at each other and then both turned to tell the agent they'd take it.
The kitchen is a little warmer and the scent of coffee hangs in the air. He spies his boyfriend out on the back deck sitting on the steps leading down to the garden. Will looks at him for a minute through the glass doors. Sonny's staring into space, his knees drawn up and his arms looped around them. A coffee cup sits discarded beside him and Will can see that it's half empty. To the casual observer he looks like a guy relaxing over a morning coffee but Will can see the line of tension in his back and knows that the only time Sonny doesn't finish his morning coffee is when he's upset about something.
Will turns, filling up two mugs from the coffee maker. He grabs the throw blanket from the back of the couch and tucks it under his arm before he opens the glass doors and steps out onto the deck. Pink clouds dot the sky as the sun has started to illuminate the day. It's still early though and so the air is still and quiet around them.
Sonny doesn't turn around but Will can see from the slight twitch of his head that he's heard him. Placing the cups down on the deck he sits beside Sonny, arranging the blanket over both of their legs. Sonny tucks the corner of the blanket underneath him, turning his head and half smiling at Will.
"Hey," Will smiles back, reaching out his hand to ruffle through Sonny's hair.
"Hey," Sonny replies. His voice is morning low and gravelly and he turns his head back to resume staring out at the lawn.
"What's going on?" Will says as he moves his hand to pass one of the mugs to Sonny, who wraps his hands around it and closes his eyes as he blows on the steam floating from the top. Sonny doesn't say anything, just shakes his head and Will takes a small sip from his cup, knowing that if he pushes it Sonny is likely to close down entirely on him.
"You got in late last night," Sonny finally says and Will ducks his head.
"Yeah, I was over with Mom," he says after a minute. "You were asleep when I got home, I didn't want to wake you."
"You're spending a lot of time at the mansion," Sonny notes and Will shrugs at him. Sonny glances quickly at him and Will catches the note of frustration in his eyes.
The weight of all the things they're not telling each other hangs between them for a minute and although Sonny is right beside him Will feels further away from him than he has in a while. This distance between them isn't new; he's noticed it over the past few weeks and he knows that keeping his plan involving Stefano a secret from Sonny isn't helping things. He's caught Sonny looking at him a couple of times recently with this look on his face that Will can't read and that Sonny schools away as soon as he realises Will is looking. And that scares him because he's always been able to read Sonny and no matter what was going on with them Sonny was never afraid to tell him how he felt.
Sonny has that look on his face now as he looks out into the garden and it makes something skip in Will's chest. He wants to say something that will make Sonny smile; make him turn and look at Will with those brown eyes dancing and alive. But he can't think of a single thing to say. He can't tell him about this Stefano thing. It's bad enough that Sonny knows about EJ's shooting and might have to lie to the cops to protect Will if it ever comes to that. He knows that whatever Stefano is planning is more than likely going to be illegal and it's his turn to protect Sonny by keeping him out of it and away from Nick.
He can't think of any words to try to bridge this distance between them and so he shuffles a bit closer to Sonny on the deck and leans his head on Sonny's shoulder.
There's silence for a minute and then Sonny lets out a long breath.
"I had a dream last night," he finally says quietly and Will lifts his head to look at him. He doesn't say anything, knowing Sonny well enough to know that this is something he's been building up to telling him since Will sat down. "I was in the kitchen….making dinner or something….and you were out here playing with a little girl…..with Arianna….." he trails off for a moment and Will swallows, reaching out his hand to wrap around Sonny's knee.
"I went to call you guys for dinner…..but the door was locked and I couldn't open it. So I banged on the glass but you couldn't hear me. No matter how loud I banged or shouted, you just kept on playing. It was like I wasn't even there," he finishes and the look on his face now is one Will recognises all too easily. He looks sad, broken in a way he's only seen once before and Will's heart pounds frantically in his chest.
He rubs his thumb back and forth across Sonny's knee and Sonny looks at it for a minute before finally turning his head.
"I know there's something you're not telling me," he says. Will stares at him, willing himself to say something but the words are all tangled up inside his head and he's afraid that if he opens his mouth he's just going to make it worse. He can feel himself going red but doesn't bother to try to hide the blush, Sonny knows him too well for that.
"And you know there's something I'm not telling you…..can't tell you about Gabi." Sonny goes on slowly, as if he's picking his words carefully.
Will nods his head and Sonny closes his eyes, taking a deep breath.
"Whatever it is, I know you have your reasons for not telling me. Like I have my reasons for not telling you. And I do trust you."
"But?" Will says slowly and Sonny's face softens at the question.
"I'm just so tired of all the secrets. I just…..I….I feel like there's this distance between us because of them and sometimes I'm scared that we're not going to be able to find our way back. I don't want you to shut me out." Sonny frowns and Will reaches out his finger to smooth away the crease that appears between his eyebrows.
"I'm not trying to shut you out," Will tells him softly, "but you're right, I do have my reasons for not telling you. I just need you to be patient with me for a little bit longer and then all this will be over and we can get on with our lives."
Sonny looks at him, biting his lip, and Will can see all the questions he wants to ask swimming right there in his eyes. Will silently pleads with him not to push it and after a long minute Sonny nods once and then turns his head again to look out at the garden. Will stares for a minute longer, wanting to say something else, wanting to hear Sonny say that they're going to be okay, they're going to get through all of this without hurting each other but he knows that those aren't promises they can make. For the moment it has to be enough to know that they're here with each other.
Will rests his head back on Sonny's shoulder and he closes his eyes, listening to the soft sound of Sonny's breathing.
"You know I love you right?" Will says quietly after a minute and he hears the hitch in Sonny's breath.
Sonny intertwines his fingers with the hand Will has resting on his knee so they're holding hands and turns his head to press a brief kiss to Will's hair.
"I know," he whispers.
He leans his head against Will's and they stay like that for a long while, listening to the sounds of the world coming to life around them but hearing only each other, breathing slow and steady in the still morning.