Title: She Only Smokes When She Drinks
Author: Brittany
Status: 1/1
Summary: Arizona only smokes when she drinks; she only drinks now and then.
Spoilers: Everything prior to 6X19
Rated: PG-13
Pairing: Arizona/Callie, Arizona/Alex
Author's Note: This is one of my favorite one shots because it focuses mostly on Arizona and includes interactions with Arizona/Joe and Arizona/Alex. It starts off a little angsty, but I promise, fluff will come. :D
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings and events thereof, are properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual
"She only smokes when she drinks
She only drinks now and then
Now and then when she's tired
Of being let down by men
You can give her a light
But it's not what you think
Everybody knows
She only drinks alone
And she only smokes when she drinks"
She Only Smokes When She Drinks- Joe Nichols
A smokey bar blasting the hits from the 80's and 90's is where Arizona Robbins can be found tonight, nursing her forth glass of alcohol, trying to make sense of her life. Maybe she should be trying to communicate with her girlfriend, maybe she should be trying to explain to her why she is so afraid, why she is so against having children, maybe she should be wrapping her in her arms and promising to love her no matter what life should bring their way. Maybe she should be trying to make things right between her and the best thing that has ever happened to her, to prove to Calliope that she is nothing like George O'Malley or Erica Hahn. But like an hourglass glued to the table, Arizona finds herself immovable and out of time.
It is moments like this, Arizona thinks, as she takes another long swig of the alcohol, that she wishes she was the Tin Man from that silly Judy Garland movie with the imaginary tornado, because he had no heart, he knew no pain. Although, she chuckles quietly to herself, with a couple more glasses of this strong tonic, she won't be feeling any pain either.
She orders another glass from Joe and she pretends like she doesn't see his concerned glare, because she could only focus on one person caring about her right now. When Joe mumbles something about a pretty girl like her being near her limit, she simply shrugs off the statement with her dimple revealing grin. Because she can't be anywhere near her limit yet, because she can still feel, and she doesn't want to feel. She doesn't want to feel Calliope slipping between her fingers because of the most simple of wishes that she can not grant her. She doesn't want to feel the pain of the greatest love she has ever experienced fading away when there is nothing she can do to change it, because she isn't so sure that it is a feeling she can handle.
Staring blankly at her chipped nail polish, she can not get her face out of her mind. The look of excitement written within her dark brown orbs when she told her that she wanted to have children. The happiness, the love, the joy, clearly expressed across the lines on her face. She can not shake the look in her eyes when she pulled her hands away, the way the tears clouded in her russet eyes, the way the silence came crashing around their apartment. She has all the things that would make her a fantastic mother. She has so much wisdom, so much love and kindness and patience to offer her child. And after everything she has been through lately, with Erica and her father, she deserves to get what she wants, Arizona knows this. But maybe, she sighs, maybe this is something that she just can't give.
Kids are messy, scary, unreliable and the biggest risk that a person could ever take. One decision could make a person responsible for another life for the next eighty-plus years, through the good and the bad. And sometimes, it's really bad. Whether it be getting in trouble with the law through their 'I don't give a damn' rebellious stage of their adolescence; or fighting for their lives through some God-awful sickness that she simply can not provide a cure for. Having a kid is a gamble, and while Arizona is a risk taker with her own life, she isn't so sure that she is willing to put Calliope through something like that.
Taking another long swig of the alcohol, she cringes as it burns down her throat. She always wanted kids, it was never something that she didn't think about. Growing up in the military for the better part of her life, Arizona watched as families big and small moved on and off bases. She watched as the relationships between siblings deepened as their mother or father deployed to where they were needed and she watched as the remaining spouse protected their children from the good and the bad. She always wanted a big family, four kids, a dog, chickens, big house and a big yard to play in. But after deciding to make her career in Peds, where children die every day, after losing her brother and watching her family fall apart because of their loss, she simply can't.
No matter how badly Calliope wants a child, no matter if this is the deciding factor in their relationship, no matter what is put on the line, there is something that always in the way, something that Arizona Robbins, no matter how hard she tries, just can not get past. Not for any one. Not even Calliope.
"Give me another one, Joe," Arizona demands, finishing the remainder of the alcohol in her glass. Joe turns to face the Peds surgeon who is bitterly fighting away the tears in her eyes as she taps her slender fingers against the counter top, waiting for her next shot. Looking at her now, he can not help but think this is not the woman that he knew, this is not the perky blond who came in with Dr. Torres. No, this woman, is practically a stranger, nursing a hard day and a heart break.
"I think you've had enough, Dr. Robbins," Joe states, tossing the towel around his shoulder. The gorgeous blond contemplates his answer as she stares blankly at the empty glass in front of her, her lips pursed together in deep thought. She takes a moment to simply breathe, as the thoughts of Calliope fills her mind, and when her heart pangs in guilt, she knows that she is nowhere near the state that she wants to be.
"I'm paying you for these drinks, so, it shouldn't really matter. Could you just please get me another one?" Arizona asks, allowing the most fake of smiles to form upon her lips. The man stares at her for a moment in a huff, before he takes her glass in his hands, refilling it with the brown liquid.
"Just so you know, I'm calling you a cab when you leave. I don't want your bad-ass girlfriend storming in here, threatening to kill me because I let you drive home like this and you got in an accident," Joe replies, sliding the glass toward the young woman. Arizona nods her head in a quiet giggle, curling her fingers around the small glass before her blue eyes meet with Joe's and that is when he sees it. The pain. The confusion. The distance. All the things that should never be enstilled in her aqua blue orbs.
"I don't think she would really care," Arizona chuckles, tossing back a large drink of the alcohol.
"What? Of course she would care. You guys are like MFEO," Joe jokes with a tender smile and when a look of confusion is all he gets in response, he can not stop the laughter from escaping from his lips, "made for each other?" Arizona forces a half smile with a swift nod of her head before she begins to create small circles upon the glass of alcohol in her hands, the tears brimming within her eyes yet again.
"Yeah? Well maybe we're not. Maybe every one is just wrong about us. Maybe I was wrong," Arizona mumbles in a hushed whimper, but it does not miss Joe's ears. Instead, he places his hand upon Arizona's, catching her attention, as his loving eyes stare into hers.
"Trust me, you guys are made for each other. Look, I...I see a lot of people come in my bar. A lot of people looking for someone to help them get over their heart break, someone looking for a hook up or just an escape. A..after what happened with her and the Cardio blond, Torres was in here a lot. Sure, she got hit on. She's a gorgeous lady. But she was never interested. And then you...I don't know what's going on between the two of you, but I do know that she cares about you and you care about her. No matter what is happening, at the end of the day, that has to mean something," explains Joe. Arizona's eyes trail from his face to the ladies restroom door and she simply shrugs.
"I hope so," she sighs, her mind venturing back to that infamous night.
"Hey," She states, entering the bathroom door. She finds the gorgeous woman standing there, wiping the rivers of mascara from her eyes and she can not help but nearly lose her breath. She has seen her before, at the hospital, at Joe's, always so downtrodden with remorse and sadness, could she not see how beautiful she is?
"Hey," Callie replies, slightly startled, glancing back at her through the mirror.
"Ortho, right?" Arizona asks, swallowing the fear in her throat, as she takes a step toward the clearly broken woman. Gnawing on her bottom lip, she watches as she tries to wipe the smudges from under her eyes as she flashes her a smile through the mirror.
"Yeah. Right. Hi," It sounds so forced as it leaves Calliope's lips and Arizona shifts in the awkwardness of the moment.
"I'm Arizona Robbins. Peds Surgery. I've seen you at the hospital," Arizona begins but she trails off with a quaint smirk. She has seen her at the hospital, with Dr. Sloan and Dr. Bailey, but more importantly, she has been distracted by her. By her beauty and elegance. When the raven haired beauty before her forces a laugh at the introduction, she can't help but wonder how any one could ever let her go, "are you okay?" she asks in concern.
"You know, I'm fine. I-I'm fine," Callie replies, turning to face the perky new stranger.
"People talk. Where we work. They talk....a lot. So, for the sake of being honest, I think I should tell you that I know things about you. Because people talk," Arizona exclaims, in her dimple revealing smile and Callie nearly loses her breath at the sight in front of her.
"Oh. You mean?" She begins, her voice trailing off when she finds herself unable to mention the truth about her sexuality, about her relationship with Erica, but when the blond simply nods, it is like another knife twisting in her heart, "terrific."
"It is, actually. The talk. People really like you over there. They respect you, they are concerned and interested. They really like you. Some of them really like you. You just...you look upset. And I just thought you should know, the talk is good. And when you're not upset, when you're over being upset. There will be people lining up for you," Arizona admits in a bashful smile and Callie simply laughs.
"You...uh...you want to give some names?" laughs Callie and Arizona simply smirks, cupping her face in her hands. She takes a moment to gaze within her dark russet brown orbs before she presses her lips tightly against hers, breathing her in. She pulls away with a large smile and a giggle, gnawing on her bottom lip as she watches the smile curl upon her face.
"I think you'll know," smiles Arizona.
She takes the last swig of the alcohol from her glass as she pulls the cigarettes from her purse. Shaking the pack in the palm of her hand, one falls from it's plastic holding and she allows a breath of relief to escape from her lips. Digging in the bottom of her black purse, she drags the red lighter from behind her Blackberry curve and plays with it between her fingers. Glancing around at the nearly empty bar, she places the cigarette between her pursed lips and tries desperately to light it. Flicking the lighter between her index and her thumb, she finds herself to be out of gas and slams her fist hard against the counter.
"Damn it!" She curses loudly in frustration. Suddenly, the cigarette between her lips becomes lit and she glances beside of her to find Alex Karev sitting on the stool, a lighter in his hands. She smiles at him softly and he returns the favor with a swift nod of his head, cradling the beer bottle between his hands.
"You know, I never pegged you for the smoking type," Alex smiles at her. She smirks, taking a long draw from the cigarette between her lips as she exhales a circle of smoke. Flicking the ashes into the empty tray in front of her, she turns in her seat just slightly, as she stares at the broken mess of a man that is sitting beside of her, the man who she has the utmost amount of respect for.
"I'm usually not. I only smoke when I'm upset or when I'm drinking," Arizona replies, fiddling with the cigarette between her fingers. Alex nods his head in understanding, taking a long swig of the beer in his bottle before a faint chuckle fills the air.
"You got one of those you would like to share?" He asks with a simple arch of his eyebrow and his all too familiar smirk. She smiles at him in a laugh, taking the pack from her purse as she offers him one. He takes one with a soft thank you, placing it between his lips as he lights it. Sitting there, cigarette between her fingers, she watches him as he tries to mend the broken heart that Izzie left him with, the heart that will never completely be whole. She knows what that is like, she sighs, to love someone so completely fearless like that but still be unable to give them what they need.
"I'm sorry about Izzie," Arizona exclaims and he glances over his shoulder at the Peds surgeon beside of him with a faint smile. She only stares back at him, trying to figure out how she could fix this for him, how she could make him the same cocky Alex Karev that he had been when she first arrived at Seattle Grace, "I'm sorry about what happened with her. And I'm sorry about your brother." It's strange as it leaves her lips, because it cuts through the air and creates the utmost understanding between the two completely opposite people.
"Yeah, well, life's a bitch like that. It likes to kick you while you're down," Alex replies in a hard grumble. Arizona stares at him for a moment with a wrinkled brow with his head in his hands, taking a draw from his cigarette as he taps his knuckles against the counter.
"Hey Joe. Won't you get Karev another drink, huh? Put it on my tab, will you?" Arizona calls out to the bartender and Joe nods his head, placing another bottle in front of the resident. Alex laughs with a smile, flicking his cigarette ashes into the ashtray, turning his attention to the Peds Surgeon.
"So, why are you here? You and Torres fighting or something?" Alex asks and Arizona places the cigarette between her lips, taking a long draw before she lets out a sigh and a swift nod of her head.
"She...she wants kids. And I'm just...I'm not sure that's what I want," Arizona explains in a hard sigh and Alex, at a loss for words, simply nods his head. She takes a long puff of her cigarette, breathing the smoke in an oval from her lips, closing her eyes as she keeps the tears from falling down her face.
"I watch parents fall apart because of their kids every day, Karev. We fight like hell to save them and we...we just can't. Every day, I see kids being brought in by parents who are divorced, who just...hate each other. And I don't...I don't want to put my kid...put Calliope through something like...I just can't, you know?" Arizona sighs. Alex smiles sadly at her, taking a swig from the alcohol that sits in front of him before he places the cigarette between his lips, taking another long and relaxing draw before he speaks.
"You know, I don't talk about my life much. Partly because I just find it easier. B-but my parents...they weren't all there, if you know what I mean. Me, my brother and my sister, we bounced around from foster home to foster home. I...I know what it's like to not have stability, to not have parents and for what it's worth? That wouldn't be you and Torres. You guys...would make the most perfect parents. You care too much...you love to much to not... You will stay together, you guys are like Grey and Shepard, it's just...right, you know? But I get that you are scared and being scared is good because it means that you still have something to lose," Alex replies and Arizona fights away the tears in her eyes.
"You think we would be good parents?" She chokes back the cry and he turns to her with a smile.
"The best," He smiles with a nod of his head. She smiles at him, putting out the cigarette in the ashtray as she slowly stands, taking the coat from the back of the seat. She takes a moment as his eyes gaze into hers and she knows that love is going to come along and save Alex Karev, the same way it saved her.
"I have to go and see Calliope. But...thank you, Karev. Really. I'm sorry about what happened with Izzie. But trust me when I say it's her loss," Arizona smiles her dimple revealing grin at him and he smiles, slowly standing as he helps her slip into her coat.
"Yeah, well, if you let Torres get away over something like this, then that is your loss. Do you...uh...do you want me to drive you home?" He offers in a smile and she turns to him with a quiet laugh.
"No, I'm going to take a cab. Thanks though," She replies, placing a chaste kiss upon his head as she wraps her scarf around her neck. She turns to leave, but before she does, she glances over her shoulder and sends a warm smile in the direction of Joe, who only watches her with the exact same expression.
Rounding the corner to the apartment, Arizona can not stop the smile from forming upon her lips. Maybe it is from the glasses of alcohol, from the cigarette, from the talk with Alex or Joe, but suddenly she just feels like everything is going to be okay. She feels like she has been running scared her entire life, running blind from the truth that Calliope wants her to see, the future that she has been wanting to embrace since she was younger. Now, everything just seems less scary, the worries that once filled her mind are now replaced with simple thoughts of their sons and daughters, the fear is washed away by the utmost amount of happiness and hope. She squeals in a giggle, skipping a little as another infamous memory plagues through her mind.
She watches, suppressing the giggle in the back of her throat, as her girlfriend blows desperately upon the party favor. The infamous blush curls within her all too flawless cheeks as a wide smile curls upon her lips and it nearly takes her breath. After losing Wallas and her patience, after watching his parents look into her eyes with so much appreciation and respect, after coming home to find Calliope waiting for her with a smile and love, it's all just too perfect for her.
"I love you," The three words escape from her in a smile. She watches as Callie stiffens, the smile fading from her lips as she stares at the distraught mess of a blond that stands before her. The tears appear within her eyes as a whoosh of air escapes from her pursed lips.
"You do?" She asks, her voice shaking and Arizona simply nods.
"I do," Arizona smiles and Callie smiles breathlessly.
"I love you, too," whispers Callie.
Banging on the door with her fist, Arizona impatiently waits for Cristina to open the door. She shifts her weight from one foot to the other as she tucks her blond curls behind her ear. When the moment passes longer than she is patient for, she bangs on the door harder this time. Quickly, the door rips open as a gush of air brushes against her face and she giggles when she finds a newly awakened Cristina standing there.
"You live here, Blondie. Don't you have a key by now?" Cristina asks. Arizona nods her head as she pushes herself into the apartment, slipping from her coat as she drops it onto the sofa and leaves her purse scattered somewhere upon the mess of a floor.
"I forgot it. Where's Calliope?" Arizona intrigues and Cristina stares at her for a moment with a hard roll of her eyes before she heads back to her room.
"Sleeping. And please be quiet this time, nobody should have to hear you and Torres going at it like some type of caged animal. Especially if that person is me. Or I swear I'll take your wheelie and shove it in a very unperky place," Cristina grumbles, slamming the door hard behind her. Arizona sticks her tongue out in the direction of her grumbling bitter roommate before she comes to a stand still in front of Callie's bedroom door. Shaking the nerves from her body, she knocks upon the door, gnawing upon her bottom lip. The door opens and Calliope suddenly stands before her, her hair twisted in a tight pony tail, dried tears written upon her face as a gasp escapes from her lips.
"Arizona?" Callie whispers and Arizona smirks, her bright dimple revealing grin finding it's way onto her all too flawless lips.
"Okay," Arizona states, walking into the bedroom as she shuts the door behind her. Callie turns to face her girlfriend, her brow drawn together in confusion, watching as the Peds surgeon paces nervously back and forth in front of their large, empty, bed.
"Okay...okay what?" Callie asks and Arizona smiles with a laugh.
"You said that you wanted kids someday, well...okay," Arizona laughs in excitement. It does not take long before a wide, yet beautiful, smile forms upon Callie's innocently pink lips. Her eyes light up in excitement and anxiousness and Arizona can not help but think exactly how truly beautiful her girlfriend is. Quickly, she walks over to her, wrapping her arms around her as she pulls her into a tight hug with a squeal and giggle. Pulling away, she wraps her arms around Callie's neck, swaying their bodies close together as their hips gently brush against one another.
"Okay?" Callie asks in disbelief. Arizona says nothing, instead she presses her lips tightly against hers. Quickly, her lips devour her's, passionately and lovingly, as Callie's fingers slip through her blond curls, pulling her close, her teeth tugging upon her bottom lip. Arizona pulls away, laboring for a breath as she presses her forehead against hers, staring into her perfect russet eyes.
"I mean, I'm totally still freaking out inside but...okay," Arizona replies breathlessly. Callie smiles her spastic wide grin as she picks the perky Peds surgeon in her arms, twirling her around the bedroom in circles before they collapse onto the bed. Innocently, she slips between her legs as their fingers intertwine around one another and she pins her arms above her head, placing their foreheads against one another. Staring into her beautiful azul eyes, she nearly loses her breath as she giggles, placing a kiss upon the bridge of her nose.
"Okay," Callie repeats in a smile before their lips find their way together. They become perfectly intertwined as their passionate love pulses through their veins, leaving them breathless and ready to take on the world, kids and all. Together.
Review please.