Blinded By A Dream
A/N: Order: If I Love You, Then Why…?
You Still Love Him
You Are Here: Blinded By A Dream - Make sure to have read the other stories first!
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Summary: Maybe I was wrong to ever say I love you, to you. But I thought you loved me. I thought you needed me.
Blinded By A Dream
I never thought I'd see the day, when I wolf and a flower mixed. When you could see the beauty underneath me. When you could love me, Lily Evans. Maybe I was wrong to ever say I love you, to you. But I thought you loved me. I thought you needed me.
Maybe it was only wishful thinking. To think that you, a beautiful and free-spirited girl, could stay in my arms for long. That you and I would last until all ended for us, until life sucked out my last breath.
You were always so beautiful to me, smiling and blushing. You had a laugh that could lighten the room, and you were always running around and waiting for me to follow. And even when I didn't, you'd always come back. Well… not always.
There were moments between us, that I will never forget. I will never forget any of the times I have ever held you close to me, my Sweet Flower. I will never forget you playing with my hair. I'll never forget any of your silly questions.
In the common room, we had our couch. I remember how you used to pull away and I'd pull you back. You would smile at me, and tell me you were coming back. You always promised you'd come back to me. That you'd only leave for a moment.
I was foolish to ever believe you and your childish promise.
Every morning you came up to me and ran your fingers through my hair, before wrapping your arms around me fully. You would always giggle, "Guess who!" and I would say, "Lily!" You would pretend to frown and ask how I knew. I told you it'd always be you, coming up behind me to play with my hair.
But it won't always be you.
I'll never forget how you used to come to me and ask me what I thought about certain things. You redid your hairstyle, and you were so shy before coming out and letting me see it. You didn't want me to hate it; you didn't want me to think you ugly.
And I never did. I always loved you, right down to every strand of hair that was sticking up, out of place. I remember how you wore something a little less dressy, on our one month anniversary. You thought I'd hate you forever because of it. I didn't.
Maybe I should have.
It would have caused me less despair. Less heart ache, the day you left me. On the train ride home, when you pulled away from me. When you pulled to him. I never hated you for that either.
I wish I could have.
You left me for my best mate. You left the wolf for the star. You left me, and I should have seen it. You loved him. You used to have a crush on him. You told me so, a week and one day, exactly (I remember) before I asked you to be mine. You assured me it was over. I believed you.
I believed that your heart rested the same place you rested. I believed that when you wrapped your arms around me, that your heart was binding with mine. I believed that when you played with my hair, you were loving me more with every strand that you touched.
I was blinded by my old dreams. You left me fro your old dream. You married him, you're about to have a kid with him. I still believe you love me, somewhere deep inside of you. And I still have that damned hope, even when I know you've loved him enough to make life with him. Enough to go through childbirth, the most painful and wonderful thing of all time.
I still think you will one day, wake up and leave James. Believe me, I feel like I'm the worst person in the world for wanting you to leave the man you love. But I wonder how James felt, three years ago when we were still in school. When you broke up with me… and then three months later, you told him you loved him. I wonder how much it ripped him apart, knowing he took the thing I love most.
Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe it was child's love. That it wasn't real and that I was blinded by something else. Maybe I was blinded by the hope that surrounded the world then, as I held you safely in my arms back in our sixth year.
James is pacing now, outside the delivery room… you're giving birth and he's called in.
Lily Evans Potter, I will always wish you could have been Lily Evans Lupin. That this could be our child born, and that I could be the one at your side right now. But it is only a hope, lost in the reality of the world. I can only be brought back into reality, or I can remain blinded by a dream.