Me: Hey Josef… I wanna play…
Josef: What do you mean you wanna play?
Me: I dunno… I wanna have some fun with you. {wink}
Josef: {skeptical} Really?
Me: Yeah… I dunno what I wanna do with you though… {bounces around the room}
Josef: are you hyper?
Me: Maaaaayyybeeee…
Josef: {sniffs the air} you smell like you've had a lot of sugar…
Me: Maaaaayyybeeee… Maaaaaayyybeeeee NOT!
Josef: What did you eat?
Me: Chocolate Mousse Crème Pie… with a solid piece of dark chocolate as garnish… and now I'm drinking Mt. Dew… and I'm letting my ADD run wild… {giggles manically}
Josef: talk about a sugar rush… and then caffeine on top of that all… geez… And you're ADD? Talk about a deadly combo…
Me: I did it so I could write something funny… I was in the mood to write a crack fic or some such about you… but I wasn't loaded up on enough sugar or caffeine to really write something good enough… and I still need an idea… well I have one… I got it from my friend, Short-elfgirl… I just don't know what will happen before to get there…
Josef: What's your idea?
Me: I can't tell you or it would ruin the story for my readers! Duh!
Josef: I'm scared…
Me: You should be! {bounces off the walls, laughing manically}
Josef woke up, got out of his freezer, and put on a pair of silk pajama pants. He meandered out to his human bedroom and unplugged his Blackberry, then opened his schedule for the day. Josef saw that he had several meetings later in the afternoon and several conference calls to his European offices, but before all that, he had a hair appointment. Being a vampire meant that his hair didn't need to be cut but to keep up with fashion and trends, he did have his hair styled and sometimes dyed or highlighted. Josef plugged his Blackberry back into the charger then went into the master bathroom. He stripped out of the pajama pants, turned on the cold water and hopped into the shower. He quickly washed his hair and body, and then got out after turning off the water. Josef wrapped a towel around his body then went into his human bedroom.
Josef looked through his closet and settled on a navy blue pinstriped, single breasted, two-buttoned tailored Armani suit and a dark purple satin Italian designer dress shirt with matching satin tie and pocket square. Josef put on his selected clothes then put on a pair of charcoal argyle dress socks and black oxford shoes by Armani. He put on a black belt, also by Armani, then straightened his tie and smoothed his jacket. Josef grabbed his blackberry, his cell phone, his Bluetooth headset, his leather wallet and sunglasses. He put the blackberry in his inside jacket pocket, his cell phone in his front pants pocket, his wallet in his back pants pocket and the Bluetooth headset in his pocket with his phone and hooked his sunglasses on his front breast pocket. Josef headed downstairs and saw most of his freshies were awake and meandering around the spacious living room or out tanning by the infinity pool.
"Miranda, darling." Josef called to his freshie. She immediately got up from her seat on the couch and approached Josef as he vamped out. Miranda smiled sweetly, knowing it was her turn to feed the vampire, and offered her wrist. Josef held her arm gently, lifting her wrist to his mouth. He slowly sniffed her arm, elbow to wrist, before gently sinking his fangs into the tender skin of the inside of her wrist. Josef drank his fill then helped the freshie back to the couch. Once she was seated, Josef went to his garage, putting the Bluetooth headset on his left ear, and then grabbed the keys to his Ferrari F430 after slipping on his sunglasses. Josef grabbed his jacket off the hook hanging on the back of the door leading into the house, and draped it over his arm.
He got in the driver's seat, tossed his coat on the passenger seat, put the roof up, pushed the button to open the garage door then pulled out. Josef drove to the Ken Paves hair salon, located in Beverly Hills, with 10 minutes to spare before his appointment.
"Hello. I have an appointment at 2:30 with Ken Paves." Josef told the receptionist, as he took off his sunglasses.
"Mr. Paves isn't here today. But we have his assistant and apprentice lined up to take your appointment." The receptionist informed him.
"That's fine." Josef agreed, slightly annoyed.
"Jacque, your client is here." the receptionist said into the PA microphone, "Jacque will be up here shortly." she told Josef with a smile.
A few minutes later, a flamboyantly dressed man came up to the front counter, with a young man, dressed all in black, following behind.
"Ello, My name iz Jacque and zis iz Marc, Mr. Paves' apprentice." Jacque said in a thick French accent, "Follow me, Monsieur Kostan." Josef quirked one eyebrow up at the man's flamboyant clothes and thick accent, but followed him just the same to the back wash.
"If you could have a seat zere." Jacque said, pointing to a chair in front of one of the wash sinks, "You're here for a wash, color and style, oui?" he asked, after sending Marc to get a towel and plastic cape.
"Yes… Highlights, really." Josef corrected as he took a seat, "Oh and just so you are aware, if you get my suit wet or stained with hair dye, I will be charging you with the dry cleaning bill." He threatened as Marc returned.
"I understand, Monsieur Kostan."
Jacque fixed the cape around Josef's neck then wrapped the towel around his shoulders and neck. "If you could lean back for me, Monsieur Kostan." Jacque instructed. Josef leaned back until his neck rested comfortably against the sink. "How do you like ze temperature of ze water?" he asked, turning the water on.
"More on the cold side of lukewarm."
Jacque fixed the temperature of the water to lukewarm, then began to wet down Josef's hair. "Is ze temperature alright, Monsieur Kostan?"
"Yes, that's fine." Josef said, closing his eyes.
"Marc will be washing your hair." Jacque said, turning the sink over to Marc.
"That's fine, but same goes for you Marc. You get my suit wet and you will be getting my dry cleaning bill. This is a custom Armani suit, very expensive." Josef said, giving the same warning to Marc as he made sure Josef's hair was thoroughly wet. He worked the shampoo into Josef's hair, and then rinsed the shampoo out. Marc, then, worked the conditioner into Josef's hair and rinsed it out. Marc lightly towel dried Josef's hair so it wouldn't drip down onto his suit.
"If you could follow me now, Monsieur Kostan." Jacque said, leading out to his station. Josef sat down in the chair, making sure the cape was draped over the back of the chair.
"Now Monsieur Kostan, what would you like us to do with your hair?" Jacque asked.
"All I want is a light brown all over color and light and medium blond highlights throughout."
"We can certainly do zat." Jacque smiled, "Marc, I want you to go mix ze light brown in a semi-permanent. I'd say use a 20 volume developer." Marc nodded his understanding then went into a backroom, put on a pair of gloves, and began to mix the color. A few minutes later, Marc came back with the bowl of mixed hair dye.
"Marc, since this iz for ze allover color, I want you to apply it to Monsieur Kostan's hair while I go mix ze highlight colors." Jacque instructed, "Give it about 20-30 minutes and it should be ready to wash out."
"Yes, Sir." Marc nodded, and then began to work the hair dye into Josef's hair. Josef noticed the color of the hair dye was a bright orangey pink color, which made him slightly concerned.
"Is it supposed to be that color?" He asked skeptically.
"Yes, Mr. Kostan. I assure you, your hair will be a light brown when this is all done." Marc assured.
Thirty minutes later, Marc took Josef into the back wash again. Marc set the temperature to a lukewarm, and then began to wash the hair dye out of Josef's hair. Josef had his eyes closed so he failed to notice the worried expression on Marc's face as more of the hair dye was washed away. As the hair dye was washed out of Josef's hair, it became obvious to Marc he made a severe mistake when mixing the dye and was becoming increasingly more worried as more of the dye was washed out. Soon Jacque returned to check on Marc's progress and saw Josef's hair.
"Sacrebleu! What have you done?" Jacque exclaimed. Josef's eyes snapped open when he heard the exclamation.
"What has he done?" Josef asked, biting back a growl.
"Mon Dieu… Je suis si désolé, Monsieur Kostan." Jacque apologized in French, "Excusez-Moi, It seems as zough Marc has made a horrible mistake with ze hair color."
"How horrible?"
"Eh… L'imbécile a teint votre cheveux rose au néon, monsieur."
"Neon pink?!" Josef exclaimed.
"Unfortunately… Oui, monsieur." Jacque cringed, "It is a bright hot néon pink, monsieur."
"How long will it take to fix it?" Josef seethed.
"I do not know, monsieur… it depends on your hair. We will have to bleach it out and zen bring it back to a light to medium brown." Jacque explained, "It really depends on how many times we must bleach your hair until ze pink iz gone. If I had to guess, to bleach it and zen bring it back to brown and if you still want, add in ze blonde highlights… eh… probably most of ze day. For ze bleach… I would guess a good 3-4 hours and another… probably 2-3 hours to bring it back to light or medium brown and another hour or two for ze highlights… so zat would be any where from six to ten hours."
"Six to ten hours?!"
"Oui… al'zough, with ze amount of bleaching we must do, it would probably be healthier for your hair to have at least a 12-24 hour wait period between ze bleaching and bringing it back to ze brown. Bleach iz very shocking to ze hair, and to suddenly dye it darker… I fear it may ruin your hair if we do it all in ze same day."
"I don't have time for this! I have to be into work by four this afternoon! I have extremely important meeting to attend and conference calls to make to my associates overseas!" Josef seethed, taking out his Blackberry and opening his schedule, "When will Ken Paves be back in the salon?" he demanded.
"Monsieur Paves will return tomorrow morning. He will be here when ze salon opens."
"I want the first appointment with him tomorrow morning. And I expect that I will not be charged for this atrocity, nor will I be charged to fix it."
"Of course not, Monsieur. All charges will be waived."
Josef sighed heavily. "Marc! Since this is your fault, I want you to go to the nearest boutique and purchase me a black ivy cap. Do you know that is?"
"Yes, Sir." Marc said, taking the fifty dollar bill Jacque held out for him.
Marc ran a few doors down to a boutique he knew sold men's hats. He searched among the selection until he found a black ivy cap for $48, after tax. He ran back to the salon and handed the cap to Josef and gave the change back to Jacque.
"I want to see my hair." Josef demanded. Marc handed him a mirror. Josef looked at his reflection, horrified at what he saw. "Jacque, I want you to dry and style my hair and make the appointment with Ken Paves for tomorrow. I want to be his first client of the day. I don't care if somebody scheduled a year in advance or more, I want you to clear his schedule so that he can fix my hair!"
"Of course, Monsieur Kostan." Jacque complied, leading Josef back to his station on the main floor. Jacque made quick work of blow drying Josef's hair. "How do you want your hair styled, Monsieur Kostan?"
"Just… spike it." Josef said, disgusted by his reflection.
"Oui, Monsieur." Jacque said. He squirted some extra strength gel in the palm of his hand, rubbed his palms together then began work on spiking Josef's hair. Jacque wiped his hands clean on a towel then used the blow dryer with a diffuser to dry the hair gel in place. "There you are, Monsieur Kostan. As good as it will be today, unfortunately."
"Thank-you Jacque. I'd like you to know that I in no way hold you responsible. I completely blame the incompetence of Marc for this debacle."
"Zat iz good to know, Monsieur Kostan." Jacque said feeling relieved that he will not be blamed, at least by Josef. Josef put the ivy cap on his head, hiding most of his hair, although the sides and most of the back of his hair was still visible and clearly pink.
"If you follow me, Monsieur Kostan, I will lead you to ze receptionist and make sure zat you are Monsieur Paves' first client tomorrow morning." Josef followed Jacque to the front of the salon, to the receptionist's desk.
"Maria, I need you to clear Monsieur Paves' entire schedule tomorrow. Monsieur Kostan needs the first appointment tomorrow with Monsieur Paves. It iz an emergency and it will most likely take all of Monsieur Paves' day to fix Marc's mistake."
"What happened?"
"Marc accidentally colored Monsieur Kostan's hair néon pink. It will take most, if not all, of tomorrow to fix Monsieur Kostan's hair." Jacque whispered to Maria.
"Oh my! I am terribly sorry Mr. Kostan! I will make you Mr. Paves' first appointment at 9am. I will start clearing his schedule immediately." Maria said, horrified by the mistake.
"Thank-you Maria. I appreciate that." Josef smirked.
"And of course, you will not be charged for today or for fixing your hair tomorrow."
"Thank-you. But I need to get to work. I'll be here tomorrow at 8am then. Good day." Josef said, pulling his cap down a little tighter on his head, and slipping on his sunglasses before walking outside to his car. Josef slammed the door closed, started the car and drove off to his office building in downtown LA. Josef parked in the parking garage then took the elevator up to the top floor to his office. Once the elevator doors opened, he strode out of the elevator down the hall to his office, pausing at his receptionist's desk.
"Michelle, be a doll and get me a Scotch. I've had a rough afternoon." Josef requested, taking off his sunglasses.
"Mixed, Mr. Kostan?" Michelle asked.
"Yes, please… with AB neg."
"Straight up or on the rocks?"
"Straight up."
"Right away, Sir."
"Thank-you." Josef said before walking into his office and plopping down in his office chair. Soon Michelle came in with a glass of Scotch, setting it down on Josef's desk. As soon as she set the glass down, Josef picked it up and drank half in one swallow. At that moment Michelle noticed Josef's pink hair peeking from the sides of his had.
"Um… Mr. Kostan… um… is your hair… pink?"
"Yes." Josef seethed, "I don't want to talk about it. But you'll have to clear my schedule tomorrow. I have an appointment to get it fixed tomorrow."
"Well… I think you manage to wear it well, Mr. Kostan. I will clear your schedule for tomorrow."
"You're too kind Michelle." Josef smirked; "I look like a freakin' pansy… or at least like some punk rocker emo freak." he scoffed, taking another drink of his Scotch.
Michelle giggled, "Poor Josef… I take it Ken Paves wasn't in today?"
"No… his assistant Jacque and apprentice Marc were there… it is Marc's fault my hair looks this way. He was the one that mixed the dye and assured me that it would be light brown… not neon pink! I thought the color of that dye was wrong…"
"Well… you know what they say… real men wear pink!" Michelle giggled, again. Josef glared at her playfully before lightly swatting her on the ass.
"Get back to work, you little minx."
"Of course, Mr. Kostan." Michelle giggled as she left his office and went back to her desk.
Josef settled into his office then went to the first of several meetings, still keeping the hat firmly in place on his head. Technically, Josef had a 'no hat' policy but he was the CEO, so technically he could do whatever the hell he wanted. Josef walked into the conference room and sat down at the head of the table, waiting for his Board Members to enter. Soon, all of his Board Members were seated around the conference table, waiting for Josef to start the meeting.
"Alright, Gentlemen…" Josef began, "And Lady," he added nodding to his only female Board Member, "Let's begin shall we?"
"Of course, but ah… your… cap, Mr. Kostan." The head of the board indicated.
"It's staying on my head." Josef said through clenched teeth.
"But Sir, you have a no hat policy… it doesn't exactly set a good precedent if our own CEO doesn't adhere to the policy."
"That's right. I am the CEO, which means if I want to wear a hat, I can! So drop it!" Josef glared.
"If you could just remove the hat, we can continue with the meeting, Mr. Kostan, or do I need to make a motion?"
"It's a damn hat… just get on with the meeting." Josef seethed, glaring daggers at the man.
"Fine. I make a motion that Mr. Kostan must remove his hat before the meeting continues. Does anybody second my motion?"
"I'll second the motion." one of the board members agreed.
"All in favor say aye." the head of the board said.
"Aye." everybody, except Josef said.
"Anybody against?"
"Yeah, me." Josef said.
"Well there you are, the ayes have it. Mr. Kostan, your hat."
"I'm not exactly having a good hair day today, and I would rather keep it on. It's MY name on the outside of this building."
"We're aware of that Mr. Kostan but we will sit here until you remove the hat. Do we need to have security remove you from the meeting Mr. Kostan? I don't want to have to do that… but if you're going to get upset over something as trivial as a hat…"
"Fine! But I do not want to hear a word, a giggle, a snort, a chuckle, a single sound, about my hair. Is that clear?" Josef seethed, glaring at all his board members, before removing his hat and, semi self-consciously, ran his hands through his hair to at least alleviate any hat hair. Josef saw all of his board members become wide-eyed. "Now. Get. On. With. The. Meeting." Josef seethed. The meeting went on, nobody daring to say a word about Josef's pink hair.
The rest of the day passed, although not quite quickly enough for Josef. He garnished many wide-eyed stares and could tell many were suppressing giggles or snide comments about his hair. Luckily for him, the conference calls were not visual so his associates in Europe did not have to see his pink hair. It was near the end of his day, when his receptionist buzzed the phone on his desk.
"Mr. Kostan, Mick St. John is here to see you." the woman's voice came through the intercom. Josef sighed and before he could buzz her back, Mick came through his office doors.
"Josef… I…" Mick started, but trailed off when he saw his friend's hair, "What the hell happened to you?" Mick chuckled, his shoulders visibly shaking.
"I don't want to talk about it." Josef insisted, "What are you doing here?"
"I came to talk to you, Brother." Mick said between chuckles, "But you gotta tell me what the hell happened!"
"An incompetent imbecile mixed the hair dye incorrectly and instead of the light brown I asked for, I got this instead." Josef seethed.
"Will I be hearing about any missing hairdressers on the 5 o'clock news tomorrow morning?"
"I haven't decided yet."
"You haven't decided if you're going to kill him, or you haven't decided how you'll kill him?" Mick asked, knowing his friend.
"Depends on if he gets fired or not." Josef answered honestly, "If Ken fired the imbecile, then I'll let him live, but if Ken doesn't fire him, then I'll kill him. It also depends on how long my hair is like this. They're going to have to bleach it first, and then dye it back to brown and then add in the highlights. I was told all in all, it could take 6 to 10 hours in total, but really they'd prefer to wait 12 to 24 hours between the bleaching and dying it brown again. Apparently the amount of bleaching they will have to do to my hair is shocking to the hair and they're worried about the health of my hair if they do it all in one day."
"You know… what I was going to talk to you about… it can wait until you're not… uh… having such a bad hair day." Mick smirked, trying not to laugh but failing, "I'll come see you in a few days, Brother." He added, and then using his vampire speed, he took out his iphone and snapped a picture of Josef. "This is so going on my facebook page!" Mick said before running out of the office to the stairwell before Josef could register what Mick had done. Mick ran down the stairs and out to his car. He hopped over the door, into the driver's seat and drove off to his apartment.
Josef ran after Mick, but was forced to run at human speed through his office, so by the time he reached the garage, Mick was long gone. Josef went back to his office, gathered up his things, putting the hat back firmly on his head.
"Well, Michelle. Let's call it a day. I'll walk you to your car." Josef smiled, putting on his coat, flipping up the collar to help hide his hair.
"Thank-you, Mr. Kostan, but my car is in the shop today. I took the bus to work."
"Then allow me to give you a ride home." Josef smiled, linking arms with his receptionist, "There can be some unsavory characters on the bus at night." Josef led the way down to his car and drove his receptionist home. As soon as he saw her get inside, he drove home himself.
Josef parked his Ferrari in the garage got out and hung his coat on the hook on the back of the door along with the hat. Josef unbuttoned his suit jacket, loosened his tie, and unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt as he walked inside to his den. He plopped down on a plush oversized leather chair and sighed. A few of Josef's freshies heard the Ferrari pull into the garage and headed to the den.
"Hello Josef." one of the girls said as she walked into the den, not yet noticing his hair.
"Hello ladies." Josef said, with a hint of his irritation from the day, "It's been a long day…"
As the girls got closer, they noticed Josef's hair. "Oh my God! Josef, what happened? You poor thing!" one of the girls exclaimed, pouting a little, and sat down on the left arm of the chair, curling up against Josef's side.
"I had an incompetent fool dye my hair today. I'm getting it fixed tomorrow." Josef said simply as the other girl sat down on the right arm of the chair, curling up against his other side, "And to top it off, Mick came to see me, not knowing about my hair, to talk to me about something and then he managed to snap a picture of me with his iphone and run out before I could catch him but not before gloating that it was going up on his facebook page."
"Ohhh! You poor thing. Are you hungry?" the girl on his left asked.
"Yes. I am." Josef said, vamping out. He brought the girl's arm to his mouth and bit the inside of her wrist, retracting his fangs as soon as they pierced the sensitive skin, then drank deep from the freshie's wrist. When he sensed he had taken enough from her, he licked the puncture marks to help seal them. The girl passed out, sleeping peacefully against Josef.
Josef sent the other freshie off to bed and carried the sleeping freshie to her room, tucking her in under the blankets. He closed her door on his way out and went to his own human room. Josef stripped out of his clothes, throwing them in the hamper. He slipped on a pair of silk lounge pants then went into his freezer room, locking the door behind him. Josef took off the lounge pants, opened the lid to his freezer then slipped into subzero oblivion.
A/N: I'd like to thank Short-elfgirl for coming up with the pink haired Josef idea. She and I were chatting on MSN, complaining about her Josef-Muse not playing nice with her when she came up with the idea of threatening Josef with dying his hair pink if he didn't start behaving… it sort of got mentioned, off-handedly, in her story, Holding on to Hope, but I was in the mood to write a humor story for Moonlight and this is what happened as a result of Chocolate Mousse Crème Pie, copious amounts of Mt. Dew and big Fudge Bars… hehehe... and today, I made a picture of Josef with Pink Hair.... I posted the link to it on my profile page, along with links to Josef's outfit... cuz his outfit is smexy!
As Always… Take What Ye Can… Give Nothin' Back!
VAMPIRE SOLIDARITY, RAH RAH RAH! (And all that!)
Mrs. Capt. Jack Sparrows