Gundam Wing belongs to others, not to me. I'm just playing with them for a while.
Leave Me My Dreams
Maxwell cornered me on the M2 Satellite, after the war ended and Libra was destroyed. He told me that Heero wasn't my knight in shining armour. That Heero wasn't that type of person and I should stop trying to make him into one.
I laughed at him and said I knew Heero better then him.
When Heero came to Sanq as my head of security, I felt vindicated.
Barton found me after his circus show when they came to Sanq. He told me Heero was unhappy, that he didn't like his job and stayed by my side out of training and duty.
I ignored him and walked away, believing in the truth of our love for each other.
When Heero agreed to attend the Peace Ball as my date rather then my bodyguard, I believed I had been proved right.
Winner spoke to me at the ball. He told me Heero didn't love me the way I wanted him to, he told me that if I loved him the way I claimed, then I would let him go either to be happy himself or to find his way back to me when he was ready.
I accused him of using his empathy to confuse Heero and claimed he was jealous that his precious circle of Gundam pilots was breaking apart.
When one of my secretaries overheard Heero and Winner arguing over his power, I felt justified.
Chang called me at my office and told me I was being a delusional little girl. I was showing the weakness of women in my stupid unwillingness to see the truth and that I was hurting the person I claimed to love most in world.
I called him a left over relic of a dead society and hung up, fuming.
When Heero refused to speak to me outside of work for a week, I was furious with both him and Chang.
When Heero quit his job, I was shocked.
I went after him. At twenty I was no more willing to give up on him then I had been at fifteen. I followed him to Spain, to America, to Japan and China. I tracked him across Australia and into Africa. When he left for L4, I followed. When he moved on to L2, I followed there are well. That was where Dorothy found me and convinced me to return to Earth. She had hired a private investigator, she told me, and I needed to see the result.
Po called us at the shuttle port and asked us to come into Preventers. She had the information ready there. She didn't tell me anything else.
Instead she showed me CCTV footage of a young woman trying to seduce first one of the pilots, then another. They showed no interest in her, having eyes only for each other.
She showed me the video feed from the Preventers Gym from the day after I spoke to Chang. He was on the sparing mats with Heero. First they trained and then they kissed.
She showed me footage from the cameras outside the hall from the Peace Ball. Heero and Winner argued. Then they made up, blonde hair mixing with darkest brown.
She showed me the recording from Barton and his circus arriving on Earth. Heero was waiting for him and he greeted him with a kiss and an embrace he had never offered me.
She showed me the feed from the M2 Satellite and I watched as a young Maxwell sat between Heero and Winner's beds holding both their hands in his, reached over to gently kiss them one after the other.
Dorothy said nothing, but the disappointment was in her eyes. Even worse was the sympathy in Po's. In their reflected pity, I saw the truths I had ignored: the exhausted anguish I remember from Maxwell on M2; he had known I would never believe him and the annoyed confusion from Barton at my home as I refused to see what was obvious to everyone else, the furious desperation of Chang when he tried to make me see reason and I threw the worst insult I could think of back in his face and the disappointed pity I remember from Winner at the Ball when he told me the simple truth of what was in both Heero's and my own heart. Only the truth of the hopeless pain I had ignored from Heero himself for four long years cut me more.
Po said nothing as I left. Neither did Dorothy.
I left alone.
And alone was how I realised I was. Dorlian Enterprises was on the verge of bankruptcy. The Peacecraft Legacy was mostly tied up in the infrastructure of my abdicated kingdom, untouchable now. To my political allies I was a joke. The little princess who played at being a queen until a boy caught her attention. To my financial backers, I was a high risk investment that had failed to return. To my commercial contemporaries, I was unreliable, excitable and untrustworthy. My wealth was wasted on flights and hotels, on bribes and informants. My reputation was in ruins and all I had left were the bitter truths and the bittersweet lies that shaped my fairy-tale world.
Heero came to Sanq because I told him I was scared of retaliation over my role with Romefeller.
Heero came to the ball because I told him I'd been too busy to organise a date and it would be unseemly to go alone.
Heero and Winner argued over whether he should have used his power on me without permission or my knowledge.
Heero refused to speak to me after I said something unforgivable to someone he held closer then a brother.
Heero quit when he realised I would never let him go myself.
The dreams are the only comfort I have felt, twisted memories that say what I wish them to, the myth of my fairytale world.
A man dressed in a blue suit opened the door of my room and entered, "Good morning, Highness. How are you feeling today?"
"Fine."
He wrote something on the ever present chart he carried on his rounds, "You don't happen to know the date do you?"
"August the 15th."
"Thank you. And your full name please?"
"Relena Madeline Yuy."
"I thought it was Peacecraft?"
"It was. I married."
"Not Dorlian either then?"
"As I said, I married."
"I see."
Leave me my dreams.